immaa^ 


GRIDIRONM 
NIGHTS      I 


ARTHUR  WALLACE  DUNN 


r — ' — 

I     LIBRARY 

I        UNIVERSITY  OF 
I  CALIFORNIA 

!       SAN  DIEGO       : 


1 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


GRIDIRON  NIGHTS 


HUMOROUS  AND  SATIRICAL  VIEWS  OF 

POLITICS  AND  STATESMEN  AS  PRESENTED 

BY   THE  FAMOUS  DINING  CLUB 


BY 

ARTHUR  WALLACE  DUNN 

WITH  ONE  HUNDRED  AND   TWENTY-FIVE  ILLUSTRATIONS 


NEW  YORK 

FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 


Copyright,  1915,  by 
Abthtjb  Wallace  Dunn 


All  rights  reserved 


October,  1915 


THIS  BOOK  IS 

DEDICATED 

TO   THOSE    ASSOCIATES   WHOSE   FERTILE   MINDS   ORIO- 

INATP:D    THE    INGENIOUS   IDEAS,    AND    WHOSE 

EFFORTS  EVOLVED  THE  MANY  HUMOROUS 

SITUATIONS,    HERE    DESCRIBED: 

WASHINGTON    CORRESPONDENTS 

WHO   HAVE   FOR 

THIRTY    YEARS 

CONTRIBUTED    THEIR   SHARE   OF   THE   WIT   AND    WISDOM 
TO   AN   ORGANIZATION    WHICH   IN    ITS   OWN 
WAY   RECORDS   THE   HISTORY   OF 
THE   TIMES 


FOREWORD 

LET  us  not  take  ourselves  too  seriously,"  might  be  the 
motto  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  for  it  inculcates  that  idea 
at  its  dinners  where  the  most  notable  men  of  the  world 
are  guests.  The  Club  has  no  fixed  purpose  save  to  entertain 
the  friends  of  its  members  in  a  unique  manner  and  to  banish 
the  boresome  features  of  dining.  In  doing  so  it  has  written  into 
the  records  of  the  years  something  of  satire,  something  of  senti- 
ment, all  with  the  view  of  showing  that  it  is  a  pretty  good  old 
world  in  which  we  live.  It  is  the  purpose  of  this  volume  to  tell 
how  a  number  of  men  of  the  same  profession  became  associated 
in  an  organization  to  promote  good  fellowship,  and  how  there 
developed  the  most  famous  dining  organization  in  the  world. 
Men  of  prominence  and  events  of  importance  figure  in  Gridiron 
history.  And  while  neither  have  been  spared  if  suitable  for 
ridicule  or  burlesque,  the  Club  has  never  laid  a  hand  upon  a 
patriotic  impulse  or  wounded  the  sensibilities  of  those  in  dis- 
tress. There  has  been  so  much  in  official  life  that  could  be 
burlesqued,  so  many  men  in  high  station  whose  acts  could  be 
ridiculed,  that  the  Club  has  never  wanted  for  material.  There 
is  an  amusing  side  to  national  life.  Men  are  never  so  great 
that  they  do  not  make  mistakes,  and  in  politics  there  is  often 
humbug  and  pretense.  All  that  is  adaptable  has  been  used  by 
the  Gridiron  Club,  and  in  its  own  way  it  has  interpreted  the 
acts  of  public  men  and  depicted  events  which  made  the  history 
of  the  time. 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  I 

ORIGIN  AND  EARLY  DAYS 

The  GniDraoN  Club  the  Most  Famous  Dining  Organization  in  the 
World  —  Unique  Entertainments  Attended  by  the  Most  Promi- 
nent Men  in  This  Country  and  Visitors  from  Abroad  —  Old 
Newspaper  Row  and  Differences  with  Congress  —  Clean  and 
Wholesome  Humor,  Satirizing  Statesmen  and  Burlesquing  Events 
—  Writing  History  in  Its  Own  Way      1 

CHAPTER  II 

FUTURE  PRESIDENTS  AS  GUESTS 

First  Appearance  of  Theodore  Roosevelt  and  William  H.  Taft  — 
UNKNO^VN  AS  Presidential  Possibilities  —  Development  of  Club 
Talent  —  Contest  for  the  Speakership  in  the  Fifty-second 
Congress  —  Gorman's  Fight  against  the  Force  Bill 10 

CHAPTER  III 

PRESIDENT  HARRISON  SURPRISES  THE  CLUB 

Chief  Executive  Delights  Members  by  a  Witty  Speech  —  Calls  News- 
paper Men  Inventors  and  Discusses  Reports  of  Cabinet  Proceed- 
jNGs  — The  Country  Band  the  First  Costume  Skit  —  Getting  a 
Presidential  Smile  — Can  Sauce  Back  at  Gridiron  Dinners   .    .       18 

CHAPTER  IV 

CARTOONS  AND  COMMENTS 

Caricatures  of  Members  and  Guests  —  President  Hatton's  Intro- 
ductions AND  Rejoinders  —  Capitol  More  Interesting  Than  the 
White  House  —  Menu  a  Tariff  Bill  —  Getting  Even  with  Sena- 
tor Chandler  —  Speech  in  Kanaka  Recalls  Similar  Efforts  in 

OK 

Chinese  and  French     

ix 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  V 

CLEVELAND  AND  THE  GRIDIRON  CLUB 

Only  President  Who  Did  Not  Attend  the  Dinners  —  Strained  Re- 
lations WITH  Newspaper  Men  —  Resented  Burlesques  of 
Presidential  Actions  —  Members  of  the  Cabinet  at  a  Dinner 

—  Received    Instructions  —  The    First    Ambassador  —  Restora- 
tion OF  Queen  Liliuokalani  a  Memorable  Gridiron  Skit  ...       30 

CHAPTER  VI 
THE  TENTH  ANNIVERSARY 

Ghost  Dance  of  Statesmen  Defeated  in  the  Election  of  1894  —  Gor- 
man Presented  with  the  White  House  and  Reed  Gets  a  Revolver 

—  The    Cleveland-Hill    Reconciliation    Burlesqued  —  Attend- 
ance OF  THE  Papal  Delegate  Creates  a  Flurry 41 

CHAPTER  VII 

UPHOLDING  THE  MONROE  DOCTRINE 

Schomburgk  Line  Furnishes  Third  Burlesque  on  the  Cleveland 
Administration  —  Presidential  Possibilities  of  1896  —  First 
Memorial  —  Ladies'  Leap-Year  Dinner  —  Cuba  Libre  in  a  Pro- 
phetic Speech  —  Honoring  a  Charter  Member  of  the  Club   ...       47 

CHAPTER  VIII 

CHANGE  OF  ADMINISTRATIONS 

Last  of  Cleveland  and  Beginning  of  McKinley  —  Royal  Flush  of 
Clubs  Picturing  Events  —  Telephone  Conversation  with  Canton 

—  President   McKinley   a   Guest  —  A   Republican   Elephant  — 
The  "Little  Corporal"  Demands  Prosperity  and  Pie  and  the 

Pie  Appears  —  Hanna  Makes  a  Hit 56 

CHAPTER  IX 

THE  EVENTFUL  YEAR  OF  1898 

President  of  the  Second  Hawaiian  Republic  Helps  a  Skit  —  Minister 
Wu's  Retort  to  Reed  —  Lodge  and  Grosvenor  in  Civil  Service 
Scrap  —  Forecasting  the  War  with  Spain  —  Guests  Commissioned 
Vice-Admirals  —  Hanna  Pleads  for  Peace  and  is  Defied  by  Roose- 
velt            65 


CONTENTS 


XI 


CHAPTER  X 
MOST  NOTABLE  DINNER  EVER  GIVEN 

Distinguished  Array  of  Guests  —  Presidents,  Premiers,  Chancellors, 
Cabinet  Officers,  Diplomats,  Army  and  Navy  Officers  of  the 
Spanish  War,  and  other  Prominent  Persons  —  An  Anglo-Saxon 
Demonstration  —  Gridiron  Commission  Reports  —  An  Interest- 
ing Souvenir 74 

CHAPTER  XI 
PEACE  TREATY  AND  THE  PHILIPPINES 

Ratifying  the  Treaty  with  Spain  —  How  the  Club  Treated  the 
Most  Stirring  Event  of  the  Winter  of  1899  —  Reference  to  the 
Mormon  Controversy  —  The  Philippine  Insurrection  and  Capture 
OF  Aguinaldo 85 

CHAPTER  XII 
THE  CAMPAIGN  YEAR  OF  1900 

Imperialism  a  Live  Subject  —  William  J.  Bryan  Attends  a  Dinner 
FOR  THE  First  Time  —  Civilizing  Ben  Tillman  —  Guests  of  the 
Lotus  Club  and  a  Glimpse  of  Gov.  Roosevelt  —  Holding  a  Na- 
tional Convention  —  Benjamin  Harrison  and  Joe  Jefferson 
Guests  —  Election  Aftermath  —  Reorganizing  the  Democratic 
Party 95 

CHAPTER  XIII 

BEGINNING  OF  THE  NEW  CENTURY 

An  Elaborate  Twentieth  Century  Primer  —  Hazing  Army  Officers 
—  Inaugurating  a  President  —  Scene  in  the  Press  Gallery  — 
Bryan  Becomes  an  Editor  —  Roosevelt  as  Alice  in  Wonderland  — 
A  Strenuous  Cabinet  Meeting 106 

CHAPTER  XIV 

ROOSEVELT  FEELING  HIS  WAY 

Attends  First  Dinner  as  President  —  The  Miles  Incident  —  Yellow 
Yawp  Illustrates  a  Phase  of  Journalism  —  Instructions  to  the 


xii  CONTENTS 


Special  Ambassador  —  Hanna  "the  Man  Who"  — Bears  Seeking 
THE  Bear  Hunter  — The  New  House  Rules  — Seeing  Washing- 
ton    122 

CHAPTER  XV 
BURLESQUING  BIG  BUSINESS 

J.  Pierpont  Morgan  and  Other  Captains  of  Industry  on  the  Gridiron 
—  Recalling  the  Great  Coal  Strike  —  A  New  Columbus  — 
Prominent  Guests  in  Picture  and  Verse  —  Spanish  Minister 
Speaks  —  Uncle  Joe  in  the  Speaker's  Chair  —  Trying  Out  a 
Flying  ISIachine  —  Birth  of  the  New  Republic  of  Panama     .    .    .     134 

CHAPTER  XVI 
GREATEST  GRIDIRON  HOAX 

Diplomats  Shocked  and  Guests  Disturbed  by  Mirza  Ali  Asgar  Kahn, 
Grand  Vizier  of  Persia  —  "Hurrah  for  Hanna,"  and  His  Last 
Appearance  —  Jai  Alai,  the  Havana  Gambling  Game  —  President 
Roosevelt  Startles  Diners;  "We  Will  Build  the  Canal"  — 
National  Conventions  and  Election  of  1904  —  Supreme  Court 
Minstrels  —  After  Twenty  Years 143 

CHAPTER  XVII 
THE  TWENTIETH  ANNIVERSARY 

Playing  at  Roosevelt  and  the  Retorts  of  the  President  —  Bryan 
Charges  that  T.  R.  Stole  His  Platform  —  Reciprocal  Relations 

BETWEEN   the   ClUB   AND    RoOSEVELT  —  IMPEACHMENT   OF   CaNNON  — 

Peace  Conference  —  Taft  and  the  Ohio  Campaign      154 

CHAPTER  XVIII 

GRIDIRON  CLUB  AND  THE  BIG  CANAL 

Make-Believe  Trip  to  Panama,  Showing  the  President  What  Was 
Wrong  —  Santo  Domingo  Troubles  —  Gridiron  Guide  to  Wash- 
ington —  Picked  Taft  as  Roosevelt's  Successor  —  Speaker  Can- 
non's Dinner  and  Danville  Folks  —  Simple  Speller  and  Gridiron 
Dikshunary  —  Taft  the  Administration  Fireman  —  Harriman 
Lectures  Roosevelt  —  The  Brownsville  Incident 163 


CONTENTS 


Xlll 


CHAPTER  XIX 
FAMOUS  ROOSEVELT-FORAKER  INCIDENT 

"Imperialism"  of  the  Administration  Portrayed  and  the  President 
Shows  His  Displeasure  —  Hit  at  Taft's  Uncertain  Frame  of 
Mind  —  Cushman-Bede  Humor  Contest  —  Undesirable  Citizens* 
Association  —  Nature  Faking  —  The  Fairbanks  Cocktail  —  Lec- 
ture FOR  New  Senators  —  Gov.  Johnson  of  Minnesota  Makes  a 
Remarkable  Impression 17g 

CHAPTER  XX 
CAMPAIGN   OF   1908  OVERSHADOWED  BY  ROOSEVELT 

Paragorical  Pinafore  Presented  by  the  Club  as  a  Hit  at  Doctors  in 
Command  of  Ships  —  The  Fleet  Starts  Around  the  World  — 
Campaign  Song  Book  —  Hint  at  Roosevelt's  Candidacy  in  1912  — 
President  and  Vice-President,  President-Elect  and  Vice-Presi- 
dent-elect ALL  AT  A  Dinner  —  What  to  Do  with  an  Ex-President; 
Almost  a  Prophecy  —  In  the  Jungles  of  Africa 194 

CHAPTER  XXI 
GOOD-BY  TO  A  STRENUOUS  PRESIDENT 

Many  Jolts  for  Roosevelt  —  Differences  Between  President  and 
Congress  Furnish  Amusing  Topics  —  Secret  Service  Espionage  — 
T.  R.  Resents  Burlesque  of  His  Homes  Commission  —  H2O  Al- 
manac—  Said  Andrew  Carnegie:    "Aboolish  the  Tariff"     .    .    .     206 

CHAPTER  XXII 

BEGINNING  OF  THE  TAFT  ADMINISTRATION 

Oh,  What  a  Change!  —  The  Club  Senses  the  Difference,  and  Makes 
A  Forecast  —  The  Taft  Georgia  Minstrels  —  First  Appearance 
of  Insurgents  —  Cook  and  Peary  Discover  the  North  Pole  — 
Suffragettes  Appear  —  Simple  Food  in  Alaska  —  The  Dream 
Book  —  Archie  Butt 216 

CHAPTER  XXIII 

DEALS  GENTLY  WITH  THE  ADMINISTRATION 

The  Twenty-Fifth  Anniversary  —  Roosevelt,  Though  Far  Away, 
Furnishes  Topics  —  Back  from  Elba  Club  —  Uncle  Joe's  Cabin, 


xiv  CONTENTS 


OR  Life  Among  the  Insurgents  —  Shirt-Sleeve  Diplomacy  Ridi- 
culed —  Remarkable  Speech  by  Senator  Gordon  of  Mississippi    .     225 

CHAPTER  XXIV 
FIRST  TRIUMPH  OF  DEMOCRACY  IN  SIXTEEN  YEARS 

Election  Results  of  1910  Furnish  Interesting  Features  —  Seeking 
TO  Ride  with  Miss  Democracy  —  First  Mention  of  Woodrow 
Wilson  —  Gridiron  Playhouse  as  Souvenir  —  Display  of  Lame 
Ducks  —  President  Taft  Pokes  Fun  at  Gov.  Harmon  —  Coolness 
Between  Taft  and  Roosevelt      233 

CHAPTER  XXV 
POLITICAL  EVENTS  OF  AN  OFF  YEAR 

Management  of  the  House  Under  New  System  Burlesqued  —  Japa- 
nese War  Scare  Discovered — Imitation  of  Orators  at  the  Dinners 
—  Mother  Goose  in  Gridiron  Rhyme  —  Touching  up  Taft  — 
Peace  Dove  a  Goose  —  Faust  in  Politics  —  Unique  Supreme 
Court  —  Peerless  Leader  Present  by  Proxy 242 

CHAPTER  XXVI 
POLITICAL  FLAVOR  OF  DINNERS  IN   1912 

The  Campaign  and  Its  Results  —  The  String  to  Roosevelt's  Declara- 
tion—  Famous  Democratic  Steeple-chase  —  Dame  Marketing 
Complains  of  High  Prices  —  Penrose  and  Kern  Surprise  Every- 
body—  After  the  Battle  —  Three  National  Chairmen  Sit 
Side  by  Side  —  Rubbish  of  the  Campaign  —  "We've  got  to  Go, 
but  We're  Coming  Back"  —  "Nothing  on  T.  R."  —  Don  Woodrow 
Vanquishes  the  Bull  Moose  —  The  Famous  "Battle  of  Arme- 
geddon"     260 

CHAPTER  XXVII 
TAFT  SUN  SETS  — WILSON  ON  THE  HORIZON 

An  Inauguration  Parade — "Mr.  William"  and  "Mr.  Theodore" 
Attempt  to  Ride  One  Animal  and  Smash  It  —  All-Bryan  Cabinet 
Advises  One  Presidential  Term  —  Democratic  Tourists  in  Statu- 
ary Hall  —  Rush  for  Office  Repulsed  by  Prof.  Higher  Educa- 
tion       271 


CONTENTS  XV 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 
BREAKING  IN  A  NEW  ADMINISTRATION 

President  Wilson  at  His  First  Gridiron  Dinner  —  Jeffersonian 
Democracy  at  the  White  House  —  Interviewing  the  New  Cabinet 

—  Democratic   Light-house  Keeper  and  the  Good  Ship  Platform 

—  Bryan  Bears  the  Brunt  of  Gridiron  Satire  —  Burlesque  op 
Events  in  Song  and  Skits  —  Vice-President  Marshall  Makes 
Good 279 

CHAPTER  XXIX 

AN  EVENTFUL  YEAR  EPITOMIZED 

Happenings  of  1914  Depicted  in  the  Gridiron  Way  —  Valentines  for 
Guests  —  Satire  on  the  Policies  of  Cabinet  Officers  —  Up-to- 
Date  Cabaret  —  Pursuit  of  the  Trusts  —  Apt  Alliteration 
Looks  for  Watchful  Waiting  —  Election  Causes  Conflicting 
Claims  —  Uncle  Sam's  Wards  —  Photographing  the  Senate  — 
Old  Home  Week 289 

CHAPTER  XXX 

THIRTIETH  ANNIVERSARY  OF  THE  CLUB 

XXX  Displayed  in  the  Beautiful  Decorations  an  Emblem  of  Three 
Decades  of  Gridiron  Dining  —  Current  Events  Depicted  in 
Many  Skits  —  Troubles  of  Mother  Democracy  —  Bryan  Re- 
ceives Much  Attention  —  Pirates  of  Politics  a  Merry  Musical 
Band  —  Trial  of  Presidential  Candidates      311 

CHAPTER  XXXI 

THE  GRIDIRON  CLUB  AS  GUESTS 

Entertainments  Aside  from  Its  Real  Function  as  a  Dining  Club  — 
Prominent  Men  Have  Been  Hosts  —  Many  Delightful  Trips  — 
Entertainments  for  Ladies  —  Will  Attempt  Gridiron  Dinners 
Only  When  in  Control ^^^ 


xvi  CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  XXXII 

SUCCESS  AND  SENTIMENT  OF  THE  CLUB 

Gridiron  Entertainments  Depend  Upon  Organization  —  The  Presi- 
dent Has  Absolute  Control  —  Features  Begin  with  the  Dinner 
—  No  Contributions  Are  Accepted  —  An  Association  of  News- 
paper Men  Built  Upon  Goodfellowship  and  Sustained  by  Senti- 
ment     338 

The  Gridiron  Club,  1915 347 

Presidents  of  the  Gridiron  Club 348 

List  of  Members  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  1885-1915      349 

Appendix  —  Prominent  Guests  of  the  Gridiron  Club 357 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


GEIDIRON  NIGHTS 


CHAPTER  I 

ORIGIN  AND  EARLY  DAYS 

The  Gridiron  Club  the  Most  Famous  Dining  Organization 
IN  the  World  —  Unique  Entertainments  Attended  by 
THE  Most  Prominent  Men  in  This  Country  and  Visi- 
tors FROM  Abroad  —  Old  Newspaper  Row  and  Differ- 
ences WITH  Congress  —  Clean  and  Wholesome  Humor, 
Satirizing  Statesmen  and  Burlesquing  Events — Writ- 
ing History  in  Its  Own  Way. 

THIRTY  years   ago    there   originated    in 
Washington  what  was  destined  to  be- 
come the  most  famous   dining   club   in 
the  world  —  the  Gridiron  Club. 

The  coterie  of  Washington  correspondents 
among  whom  the  idea  was  born  gave  it  Httle 
thought  at  the  time;  they  had  no  premonition 
that  they  had  organized  the  greatest  dining 

club  in  history;  that  its 
fame  would  in  time  spread 
beyond  the  limits  of  the 
National  Capital;  beyond 
the  confines  of  the  United 
States  and  into  all  lands 
where  civilization  has  been 
carried.  Like  so  many 
notable  achievements  it 
had  its  inception  in  a 
sudden  impulse  without 
definite  aim  or  consider- 
ation of  the  future. 

Years  ago  there  existed 
in  Washington  what  was 


*> 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


known  as  Newspaper  Row.  It  is  only  a  memory  now.  But  in 
those  "high  and  far-off  times"  when  the  great  newspapers  of  the 
country  were  represented  (had  their  Washington  branches)  in 
a  group  of  shabby  little  buildings  along  Fourteenth  Street,  be- 
tween F  Street  and  Pennsylvania  Avenue,  it  was  the  pleasant 
custom  for  statesmen  to  stop  on  Newspaper  Row  on  their  way 
from  the  Capitol.  Cabinet  officers,  too,  and  men  prominent  in 
all  walks  of  life  used  to  make  it  a  point  to  drop  into  the  little 
cubby-holes  that  were  then  the  offices  of  the  Washington  corres- 
pondents. There  they  discussed  national  affairs  and  exchanged 
views  with  such  well-known  men  in  the  journalistic  w^orld  as  Ben: 
Perley  Poore,  Gen.  H.  V.  Boynton,  Maj.  John  M.  Carson, 
Francis  A.  Richardson,  James  R.  Young,  Fred  Perry 
PoAVERS,  P.  V.  DeGraw,  David  R.  McKee,  O.  O.  Stealey, 
E.  B.  Wight,  E.  G.  Dunnell,  Henry  B.  F.  Macfarland,  Am- 
brose W.  Lyman,  Frank  A.  Dupuy,  Selden  N.  Clark,  Fred 
A.  G.  Handy,  Charles  M.  Ogden,  George  W.  Adams,  Robert 
J.  Wynne,  Perry  S.  Heath,  Charles  T.  Murray,  M.  G. 
Seckendorf,  and  others  of  that  time,  a  few  of  whom  are  still 
here,  though  the  majority  have  crossed  the  Great  Divide. 

Then  came  a  time  when  these  pleasant  relations  were  inter- 
rupted. A  treaty  pending  in  the  Senate  was  printed  and  indignant 
Senators  caused  the  arrest  of  correspondents  whose  papers  had 
published  the  treaty  and  demanded  that  they  tell  from  whom  it 
came.  This  was  refused.  The  newspaper  men  were  sent  to 
jail.  The  whole  body  of  correspondents  attacked  the  Senate 
and  public  opinion  forced  the  release  of  the  two  men.  The 
Credit  Mobilier  expose  by  the  correspondents  made  still  more 
trouble  and  the  breach  widened. 

There  also  came  a  day,  near  the  close  of  the  Forty-seventh 
Congress,  when  there  was  a  struggle  for  the  possession  of  the 
press  gallery  of  the  House  of  Representatives.  It  was  an  excit- 
ing period  in  Congress  and  the  pressure  for  admission  to  all  of 
the  galleries  by  visitors  was  very  great.  Members  of  the  House 
saw  vacant  seats  in  the  press  gallery,  for  all  the  correspondents 
were  not  there  all  the  time,  and  these  members  obtained  cards 


ORIGIN    AND    EARLY    DAYS 


from  Speaker  Keifer  admitting  their  friends  to  that  gallery.  As 
a  result,  a  swarm  of  sightseers  filled  the  press  gallery  shutting 
out  the  newspaper  men  from  their  working  seats. 

Late  at  night  the  visitors  departed  and  Gen.  Boynton  took 
charge  of  the  gallery,  with  all  the  correspondents  behind  him. 
They  were  organized  into  squads  and  stood  guard  at  the  door 
throughout  the  night  and  during  the  forenoon  of  the  day  of  final 
adjournment.  Visitors  with  the  Speaker's  cards  were  turned 
away,  even  when  they  came  with  their  members.  The  author- 
ity of  the  Sergeant-at-Arms  was  defied,  as  the  correspondents 
had  determined  to  make  a  fight  for  their  privileges.  They 
won,  but  the  fight  was  carried  into  the  next  Congress,  and 
charges  were  made  against  Boynton  and  others  which  were 
proved  to  be  without  foundation. 

It  may  seem  strange  that  these  conditions  should  have  led 
to  the  formation  of  a  dining  club  which  has  achieved  such  a  high 
reputation  as  the  Gridiron,  but  such  is  the  fact.  In  the  first 
place,  it  brought  the  newspaper  men  together.  They  talked 
about  a  close  organization;  a  union;  press  club;  in  fact,  any- 
thing which  would  make  them  an  organized  force.  They  met 
at  little  dinners.  Then  a  friend  of  the  correspondents,  Mr.  R.  F. 
Crowell,  gave  them  a  dinner  one  night,  and,  as  good  fellowship 
prevailed,  wit  flashed,  humor  held  sway,  songs  were  sung,  some 
one  asked,  "Why  shouldn't  we  do  this  for  ourselves  occasion- 
ally.^"    And  it  struck  a  responsive  chord. 

That  was  the  beginning.  A  club  was  organized,  not  without 
some  difficulty  —  in  fact,  a  great  deal  of  knocking  —  and  for  a 
time  it  looked  as  if  it  might  peter  out.  The  club  was  not 
designed  to  be  a  union,  nor  a  brotherhood;  it  was  an  associa- 
tion of  kindred  spirits.  Senators,  Representatives,  and  other 
public  men  were  invited  to  the  dinners.  There  were  speeches, 
songs,  stories,  quips,  jests,  and  roasts,  —  hence  the  Gridiron. 
Oh,  those  old  days! 

The  dinners  were  small,  not  the  275-cover  affairs  of  today, 
but  twenty-five,  forty,  and  finally  a  dinner  of  seventy-five  guests 
and  members  reached  high-water  mark.     The  guests  were  men 


GRIDIRON  NIGHTS 


who  could  talk,  although  they  seldom  were  allowed  to  finish  a 
speech.  Interruptions,  questions,  snatches  of  song,  and,  often- 
times, severe  comments,  either  floored  the  speaker,  or  he  proved 
so  good  that  he  was  allowed  to  go  on.  The  Gridiron  Club  in 
those  old  days  patterned  after  the  Clover  Club  of  Philadelphia, 
which  was  three  years  older  and  then  held  the  premier  position 
of  a  fun-making  dining  club. 

But  there  has  been  a  marvelous  change  in  a  quarter  of  a 
century.  From  that  small  beginning  the  Gridiron  has  become 
the  most  famous  dining  club  in  the  world.  Its  entertainments 
are  unique.  It  dines  the  brainiest  men  of  America  and  the 
representatives  of  foreign  countries.  It  entertains  Presidents, 
Cabinet  Members,  Senators,  Representatives,  Ambassadors,  Gen- 
erals, Admirals,  professional  men,  scientists,  business  men, 
financiers,  politicians,  plutocrats,  and  others  who  have  distin- 
guished themselves  in  different  walks  of  life.  Every  President 
has  been  a  guest  at  Gridiron  dinners  since  the  Club  was  organ- 
ized, with  the  exception  of  President  Cleveland. 

With  such  an  array  of  prominent  guests,  the  Gridiron  Club 
has  always  had  plenty  of  material  to  draw  upon.  More  than 
that,  the  National  Capital  is  the  center  of  all  the  political  activi- 
ties of  the  government;  and  world  events,  as  they  affect  the 
American  nation,  have  their  birth  or  fruition  in  Washington. 
Each  important  event  as  it  came  along  has  been  treated  by  the 
Gridiron  in  its  own  peculiar  way.  It  is  the  humorous  side  of 
the  picture  that  is  presented,  and  many  situations  upon  which 
the  thunders  of  eloquence  have  been  exploded,  and  which  have 
been  considered  of  grave  import  by  statesmen,  have  been  shown 
not  to  be  so  serious  after  all.  The  Club  holds  up  the  mirror  to 
those  who  sit  in  the  seats  of  the  mighty  and  shows  them  in  the  reflex, 
with  a  touch  of  humor  and  satire,  that  even  in  the  national  and 
international  complications  which  surround  them  there  is  a  lighter 
side  to  the  picture.  Presidential  policies  and  pronunciamentos, 
legislative  tangles,  and  international  disputes  are  subjects  for 
burlesques,  and  to  the  men  in  charge  of  these  affairs  of  state  and 
legislation  the  Gridiron  presentation  often  shows  a  way  out. 


THE   GRIDIRON    CLUB. 


.vs^. 


Little  Neck  Clams 


POTAGE. 
Consomme  Royal. 


HORS    D  CEUVRES. 
BoucWes  11  la  Reiiii-. 


Triiife.  Sauce  Genevoise. 

SaladL-  de  Coiit'omhivs. 


KELEVE. 
Cotflettt's  (VAguciiu,  Pc-tUs  ViAa. 

ENTKEES. 
I'atP  ill-  J''<.ii-  Gi-as  t-n  Belk-  Viie. 

A.-:i)t-rgt:S  en  BraucliHri. 

Saladc  ill-  Vulaille   Maviinn:iis" 


DESSERT. 

Kraise.s  t-t  Ci-Cint-. 

Vnnillii  et  Water  Ic 

Cafe  Noir. 


Fi'ijiiia^jr 


pinner  ©onxntittvi.'. 

Ch*s.  T    Muhbay,  O.  O.  Stealev, 

Wklkkkk's.  .!/'(//  23,  1««5. 


Geo.  W.  Adams 


First   Menu   Card 


ORIGIN    AND    EARLY    DAYS 


"The  Gridiron  Club  dinners,"  once  remarked  former  Ambas- 
sador James  Bryce  of  Great  Britain,  *'are  to  me  not  only  the 
best  of  entertainments,  but  they  are  instructive  as  to  present 
events  and  forecasts  of  the  future." 

"I  wish  to  heaven  that  the  United  States  Senate  would  take 
a  lesson  from  the  Gridiron  Club,"  said  the  late  Senator  Frye 
of  Maine,  commenting  upon  one  of  the  stunts  that  had  been 
presented  regarding  an  important  treaty  then  pending  in  the 
Senate. 

Under  the  sub-title  "The  Famous  Gridiron  Dinners,"  Presi- 
dent Taft,  writing  on  the  "Personal  Aspects  of  the  Presidency," 
in  the  Saturday  Evening  Post,  says: 

"The  Gridiron  dinners,  at  which  of  late  years  I  was  a  regular 
attendant,  are  worthy  of  mention.  They  furnished  a  great  deal 
of  fun,  some  of  it  bright  and  excruciating,  and  all  of  it  of  a 
popular  flavor,  because  it  was  at  the  expense  of  those  of  the 
guests  who  were  in  the  public  eye.  After  some  training,  both 
as  Secretary  of  War  and  as  President,  I  was  able  to  smile  broadly 
at  a  caustic  joke  at  my  expense  and  seem  to  enjoy  it,  with  the 
consolatory  thought  that  every  other  guest  of  any  prominence 
had  to  suffer  the  same  penalty  for  an  evening's  pleasure.  The 
surprise  and  embarrassment  of  foreign  ambassadors  at  their  first 
Gridiron  dinner,  and  their  subsequent  whole-hearted  appreciation 
of  the  spirit  of  these  occasions,  showed  how  unique  a  feature 
they  were  of  Washington  political  life." 

Far  from  being  anything  like  a  coordinate  branch  of  the 
government,  or  even  sharing  the  power  of  the  Fourth  Estate, 
the  Gridiron  Club  has  had  a  very  important  influence  in  pubhc 
affairs  during  the  past  quarter  of  a  century.  It  has  created  a 
history  of  its  own.  The  measure  of  many  a  man  has  been  taken 
at  a  Gridiron  dinner,  and  his  success  enhanced  or  marred  as  the 
result  of  a  single  speech.  Unknown  men  have  become  prominent 
in  a  night  and  well-known  men  have  been  relegated  to  back 
seats  because  of  mistakes  or  failures.  And  all  this,  notwith- 
standing the  rule  of  the  Club  that  the  speeches  of  its  guests 
shall  not  be  made  public.     The  many  prominent  guests  as  well 


6  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


as  the  members  of  the  Club  size  up  a  man  by  what  he  says  or 
what  he  does  when  subjected  to  the  Gridiron  tests,  and  by  these 
tests  he  rises  or  falls.  It  should  not  be  understood  that  the  Club 
in  any  sense  tries  out  men  for  any  purpose.  It  just  happens  in 
the  day's  work  —  or  more  properly  in  the  night's  work  —  for 
all  men  are  but  incidents  of  a  Gridiron  dinner;  they  are  used 
if  necessary,  but  not  with  any  idea  of  making  or  breaking  repu- 
tations. 

Originally  the  membership  of  the  Club  was  limited  to  forty. 
In  its  formation  men  of  the  highest  standing  as  Washington 
correspondents  and  representing  the  most  important  newspapers 
of  the  country  were  selected.  At  first  there  was  some  difficulty 
in  securing  the  full  quota,  as  several  prominent  correspondents 
regarded  such  an  organization  with  disfavor,  others  thought  it 
trivial,  and  still  others  believed  it  could  not  last. 

But  the  right  kind  of  men  guided  its  destiny.  Soon  it  be- 
came known  that  to  belong  to  the  Gridiron  Club  was  a  distinc- 
tion. In  later  years,  when  a  number  of  members  retired  from 
actual  newspaper  work,  and  the  corps  of  Washington  corres- 
pondents had  become  largely  increased,  the  limit  was  raised  to 
fifty  active  members.  There  is  always  on  the  waiting-list  the 
names  of  several  very  eligible  candidates  for  admission. 

When  the  Gridiron  Club  became  so  very  popular,  a  number 
of  Senators  and  Representatives  who  had  been  guests  many 
times  signified  their  desire  to  become  limited  members,  but  the 
Club  wisely  decided  to  maintain  its  membership  strictly  upon 
the  old  lines,  and  in  these  days  no  suggestion  of  further  exten- 
sion of  the  limited  list  is  made. 

Of  course,  the  limit  makes  membership  more  desirable.  The 
objection  of  two  active  members  can  cause  the  withdrawal  of  a 
name,  and,  besides,  a  candidate  must  receive  a  majority  vote  of 
the  entire  active  membership  to  be  elected. 

Many  years  ago,  as  the  character  of  the  dinners  changed,  it 
was  decided  to  admit  a  few  limited  members,  men  not  engaged 
actively  in  newspaper  work,  but  who  were  especially  desirable 
because  of  talent  which  working  newspaper  men  did  not  possess 


ORIGIN    AND    EARLY    DAYS 


or  had  no  time  to  cultivate.  Ten  such  men  are  now  members, 
among  them  musicians  and  artists  who  contribute  largely  to  the 
Gridiron  program.  There  are  twenty  non-resident  members, 
newspaper  men  who  were  once  active  correspondents  in  the 
National  Capital,  but  who  are  now  scattered  far  and  wide,  not 
only  in  this  country  but  abroad. 

Time  in  its  flight  makes  many  changes.  Of  the  founders  of 
the  Gridiron  Club  in  1885,  only  seven  were  members  on  the 
thirtieth  anniversary. 

Clean,  wholesome  humor  marks  an  entire  Gridiron  perform- 
ance. If  there  are  dull  moments  it  is  the  fault  of  some  speaker 
who  has  failed  to  make  good.  In  its  infancy,  the  Club  made  a 
rule  that  ladies  are  constructively  present,  and  nothing  that 
w^ould  offend  a  woman  is  ever  permitted.  It  was  also  found 
that  the  free  and  easy  speeches  of  guests  were  often  misinter- 
preted when  published,  and  so  the  rule  was  made  that  no  speech 
of  a  guest  should  be  reported.  Consequently,  at  the  beginning 
of  every  dinner,  the  President  announces  that  the  Club  has  two 
rules,  "Ladies  are  always  present,  and  reporters  are  never  pres- 
ent." In  this  day,  the  first  announcement  is  scarcely  necessary, 
but  the  second  is  assurance  to  all  speakers  that  they  may  take 
the  bridle  off  and  say  what  they  please,  without  fear  of  their 
remarks  appearing  in  print. 

Once  in  a  great  while  something  happens  that  no  amount  of 
care  can  suppress.  There  was  the  Roosevelt-Foraker  incident. 
It  caused  so  much  excitement,  and  was  so  very  interesting  and 
dramatic,  that  guests  bubbled  over  with  it  when  they  entered 
the  corridor  of  the  hotel  and  a  considerable  amount  of  what 
transpired  became  public  property.  As  one  man  told  a  friend 
in  the  cafe  in  a  voice  that  could  be  heard  by  dozens  of  people: 

"It  was  the  greatest  thing  you  ever  saw.  You  can't  often 
go  to  a  dinner  and  have  a  joint  debate  between  the  President 
of  the  United  States  and  a  United  States  Senator,  especially  a 
snappy  Rough  Rider  like  Roosevelt  and  a  'Fire  Alarm'  Sena- 
tor like  FORAKER." 

There  was   one  other  publication  which  carried   with  it  an 


8  .  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


amusing  incident,  and  which  was  not  at  all  serious.  Away  back 
in  1895,  Archbishop,  afterward  Cardinal,  Satolli  came  to  this 
country  and  established  the  first  Papal  representation  in  Wash- 
ington. He  was  not  a  minister,  nor  was  he  accredited  as  an 
envoy  to  the  United  States.  His  status  was  somewhat  indefinite. 
He  was  often  asked  to  make  a  statement  as  to  why  he  came  and 
his  purpose,  but  refused.  Soon  after  arriving  in  America  he  was 
invited  to  a  Gridiron  dinner,  and,  after  inquiring  as  to  the  char- 
acter of  the  Club,  he  accepted.  He  was  of  course  a  noted  guest, 
and  had  been  informed  that  he  would  be  called  upon  to  speak. 
He  attended  in  his  clerical  habit  and  was  a  striking  figure. 
When  called  upon  to  speak  he  said  a  few  words,  explaining  that, 
as  his  English  was  imperfect,  his  secretary  would  read  what  he 
had  to  say.  Dr.  Rooker,  afterward  a  Bishop  in  the  Philippines, 
then  read  the  address,  while  the  Archbishop,  with  his  hands 
folded  over  his  stomach,  leaned  back  with  a  satisfied  smile. 

It  sounded  like  a  strange  paper  for  such  an  occasion,  as  it 
explained  definitely  about  the  establishment  of  the  legation  and 
the  purposes  of  the  Church  in  sending  a  representative  to 
America.  The  Archbishop  had  delivered  his  message  to  the 
American  people! 

When  the  address  was  concluded  the  secretary  of  the  Club 
requested  the  copy,  saying,  "not  for  publication,  but  for  the 
Club  records." 

"He  wants  it  published,"  said  Dr.  Rooker.  "We  have 
given  it  to  a  press  association." 

A  hasty  meeting  of  the  executive  committee  was  called  and 
the  address  was  released  so  that  all  papers  might  have  it. 

At  that  time,  the  address  was  news.  How  many  people  now 
know  or  care  what  it  contained?  And  yet  it  contributed  to  the 
history  which  the  Gridiron  Club  was  making. 

On  one  other  occasion  part  of  a  speech  made  at  a  Gridiron 
dinner  was  published.  It  contained  the  pointed  remarks  which 
President  Harrison  delivered  at  a  dinner  when  the  Club  was 
still  young.  What  he  said  was  so  interesting  that  a  member  of 
the  Club  repeated  most  of  it  in  his  oflSce  and  a  correspondent, 


ORIGIN    AND    EARLY    DAYS  9 


not  a  Gridiron  man,  took  it  down  and  telegraphed  it  to  his 
paper.  President  Harrison  was  a  great  surprise  to  the  Grid- 
iron Club  and  its  guests.  During  nearly  all  his  administration 
he  had  been  known  as  a  cold,  austere  man,  but  near  its  close  he 
attended  a  dinner  and  revealed  an  entirely  new  and  unsuspected 
side  of  his  character. 


CHAPTER  II 
FUTURE   PRESIDENTS   AS   GUESTS 

First  Appearance  of  Theodore  Roosevelt  and  William 
H.  Taft  —  Unknown  as  Presidential  Possibilities  — 
Development  of  Club  Talent  —  Contest  for  the 
Speakership  in  the  Fifty-second  Congress  —  Gor- 
man's Fight  against  the  Force  Bill. 

NO  member  of  the  Gridiron  Club  had  any  idea  that  two 
future  Presidents  were  among  their  guests  at  the  dinners 
given  in  the  early  nineties.  So  it  happened  that  Mr. 
Roosevelt  and  Mr.  Taft,  both  of  whom  were  often  star  guests 
in  after  years,  were  treated  as  ordinary  mortals  upon  their  first 
appearance,  subjected  to  the  quips  and  jests  of  the  members, 
and  had  to  struggle  through  their  speeches  with  many  inter- 
ruptions. Mr.  Roosevelt  was  regarded  as  an  erratic  character, 
full  of  emotions  and  ideas,  a  bundle  of  energy  and  determination, 
but  whose  dreams  of  reform  were  far  beyond  practical  politics. 
No  one  could  imagine  then,  even  from  an  intimate  acquaintance 
with  the  man,  that  he  would  be  able  to  combine  the  two  so 
successfully.  Mr.  Taft  was  but  little  known.  He  is  remem- 
bered as  a  good-natured,  lawyer-like  individual,  with  a  merry 
laugh,  able  to  pick  his  way  through  a  Gridiron  fire  of  interrup- 
tions, but  he  was  not  a  man  to  create  sensations  or  fill  space 
in  the  newspapers. 

In  those  days,  however,  began  a  warm  friendship  between 
Mr.  Roosevelt  and  Mr.  Taft.  They  called  each  other  "Will'* 
and  "Theodore,"  a  custom  that  continued  until  sometime  dur- 
ing the  winter  of  1908-9. 

Theodore  Roosevelt  made  his  first  appearance  at  a  Grid- 
iron dinner  in  January,  1890,  when  he  was  Civil  Service 
Commissioner.  He  had  been  appointed  in  1889,  by  President 
Harrison,  and  he  administered  the  ofiice  with  such  vigor,  without 
favor  to  either  Republicans  or  Democrats,  that  he  made  enemies 

10 


FUTURE    PRESIDENTS    AS    GUESTS         ll 


in  both  parties.  He  gave  President  Harrison  many  uncom- 
fortable half-hours  by  attacking  friends  of  the  President  who 
were  trying  to  get  around  the  civil  service  regulations.  Mr. 
Roosevelt  was  a  constant  target  for  Frank  Hatton,  editor 
of  the  Washington  Post,  who  scarcely  let  a  week  pass  without  a 
sarcastic  editorial  berating  all  civil  service  reformers  and  Mr. 
Roosevelt  in  particular,  and  so  the  Commissioner  was  intro- 
duced with  this  little  verse: 

Is  this  Mr,  Roosevelt,  can  any  one  tell? 

Is  this  the  young  man  Mr.  Hatton  loves  well? 
Where  does  he  come  from,  and  what  is  his  mission? 

Is  this  Mr.  Roosevelt  of  the  Civil  Service  Commission? 


In  response  Mr.  Roosevelt  said: 

"After  this  spontaneous  effusion,  I  am  reminded  of  Mr. 
Campbell's  attack  on  me  in  the  New  York  legislature,  when 
I  introduced  a  certain  bill.  He  charged 
that  I  occupied  a  quasi  position,  where- 
upon Colonel  Michael  C.  Murphy 
walked  over  and  touched  him  on  the 
shoulder,  and  said :  '  How  dare  ye  quote 
Latin  on  the  flure  av  this  house,  when 
ye  don't  know  the  Alpha  and  Omega 
of  the  language.'" 

In  February,  1891,  William  H. 
Taft  was  a  guest  for  the  first  time. 
He  was  then  Solicitor  General  in  the 
Department  of  Justice.  He  was  called 
upon  to  make  a  speech,  but  he  did 
not  make  any  particular  or  noteworthy 
impression.  The  fact  that  he  was  a 
guest  quite  frequently  afterward 
showed  that  he  was  popular  with 
members  of  the  Club.  In  fact  this  was  attested  often  in  later 
years,  and  as  President  he  was  shown  extraordinary  courtesies 
by  the  Club.     It  is   rather   interesting  to  recall,  in  connection 


Old  Home  of  the  Club 


n  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

with  Mr.  Taft*s  first  appearance  at  a  Gridiron  dinner,  that 
his  host  on  that  occasion  was  Robert  J.  Wynne,  and  that  they 
afterward  sat  together  at  President  Roosevelt's  cabinet  table. 
It  may  add  a  touch  of  grim  humor  also  to  say  that  when  Mr. 
Taft  became  President,  Wynne  was  Consul-General  at  London, 
and  one  of  the  first  oflScial  acts  of  the  new  President  was  to 
appoint  Wynne's  successor. 

During  the  early  part  of  the  Harrison  administration  the 
President  was  very  much  annoyed  by  the  office-seekers.  Most 
of  them  stayed  in  Washington  for  months  and  others  kept  com- 
ing year  after  year.  The  men  who  wanted  federal  positions 
would  buttonhole  every  man  they  met.  They  spent  much  time 
in  the  offices  on  Newspaper  Row  reading  the  home  papers  and 
discussing  their  chances  of  appointment  with  the  Washington 
correspondents.  In  reply  to  a  casual  inquiry  as  to  their  pros- 
pects they  would  reply,  "Well,  I've  got  my  papers  on  file." 
This  oft-repeated  remark  inspired  Robert  M.  Larner  of  the 
Charleston  News  and  Courier,  to  write  a  topical  song  with  that 
line  as  the  refrain,  and  sung  to  the  tune  of  Goodbye,  My  Lover, 
Goodbye.  It  made  a  great  hit  at  a  dinner  when  a  number  of 
these  place  hunters  were  guests. 

From  out  of  Indiana,  the  President's  State,  about  that  time 
came  Hubbard  T.  Smith,  who  had  a  fund  of  wit  and  song.  He 
contributed  to  the  Gridiron  repertoire,  Listen  to  My  Tale  of  Woe, 
and  Swinging  in  the  Grapevine  Swing.  And  they  are  never  heard 
now  that  we  do  not  think  of  Hub  Smith  and  his  winning  ways. 
Harrison  sent  him  abroad  on  a  consular  job,  the  first  Gridiron 
federal  appointment,  of  which  many  followed  in  subsequent 
administrations. 

Came  also  about  that  time  Herndon  Morsell  with  The 
Song  that  Reached  My  Heart,  which  for  many  years  brought  to 
a  close  in  a  sentimental  vein  dinners  that  had  bubbled  and 
sparkled  with  wit  and  eloquence. 

In  those  days  the  Gridiron  quartette  was  developed.  There 
were  members  of  the  Club  who  sang  —  after  a  fashion  —  but 
as  the  dinners  became  more  important  it  was  found  that  better 


FUTURE    PRESIDENTS    AS    GUESTS  13 


music  added  to  the  entertainment.  In  the  later  days  the 
members  of  the  quartette  have  figured  in  various  operatic  fea- 
tures which  have  ridiculed  some  of  the  choice  policies  of  adminis- 
trations. The  first  quartette  consisted  of  Herndon  Morsell, 
Alex.  Mosher,  J.  Henry  Kaiser  and  W.  D.  Hoover.  The 
first  three  with  John  H.  Nolan  constituted  the  quartette  on 
the  thirtieth  anniversary  of  the  Gridiron  Club.  Henry  Xander, 
the  pianist,  became  a  limited  member  in  the  early  days  and  has 
contributed  very  largely  toward  the  success  of  the  musical 
features. 

Then  there  was  and  still  is,  Alfred  J.  Stofer  of  the  Bir- 
mingham News,  who  has  always  been  called  "Major"  because 
he  was  born  and  raised  south  of  the  Potomac  river.  He  brought 
with  him  his  banjo,  a  negro  dialect,  a  fund  of  Southern  stories, 
and,  what  has  contributed  to  the  enjoyment  of  every  dinner,  a 
number  of  "coon  songs,"  including  Roll  on,  Heave  dat  Cotton, 
When  I  Walk  Dat  Levee  'Round,  and,  greatest  of  all,  De  Water- 
million  Hangin'  on  de  Vine.  Those  guests  who  have  heard  the 
song  rendered  in  the  Major's  inimitable  manner,  and  especially 
the  "steadies,"  as  our  friends  are  called  who  never  miss  a  dinner, 
would  almost  go  on  strike  if  they  couldn't  have  Stofer  and  the 
"Watermillion." 

Always  ready  to  entertain  notables,  the  Gridiron  Club  in 
1890  had  as  its  guests  Admiral  Silviera  and  staff  of  the  Bra- 
zilian Navy.  They  appeared  in  their  gorgeous  uniforms,  and  were 
accompanied  by  the  Brazilian  Minister,  Senhor  Valente.  Ad- 
miral Silviera  made  use  of  the  occasion  to  deliver  an  important 
speech  on  the  relations  between  Brazil  and  the  United  States. 

"A  lively  scramble  for  the  gavel,"  was  a  Hue  in  a  topical 
song  sung  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  in  February,  1891,  and  the  names 
of  Mills,  Crisp  and  Springer  were  mentioned  as  Speakership 
possibilities.  This  was  followed  by  a  civil  service  examination 
of  the  different  candidates,  and  men  even  with  remote  chances 
were  included.  The  stunt  was  based  upon  the  preceding  election 
in  1890,  when  the  Republicans  were  swept  from  power  in  the 
House  and  such  well-known  leaders  as  William  McKinley  and 


14  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Joseph  G.  Cannon,  and  a  host  of  others,  prominent  in  pubHc 
Hfe  at  that  time,  went  down  to  defeat,  leaving  Tom  Reed 
stranded  with  about  eighty  party  followers. 

"Tom  Reed  will  not  be  in  the  Speaker's  chair,"  sang  the 
Gridiron  Club,  not  with  glee,  because  he  was  one  of  our  favorites 
and  went  to  all  the  dinners,  but  because  it  was  a  fact. 
"Springer,  Mills  and  Crisp  will  be  there,"  was  another  line 
with  the  further  information  that  there  would  be  "a  lively 
scramble  for  the  gavel." 

And  that  was  indeed  a  correct  forecast,  for  the  fight  for 
Speaker  of  the  Fifty-second  Congress  was  the  most  bitter  contest 
of  the  kind  in  sixty  years.  It  became  to  quite  an  extent  a 
Cleveland  and  anti-Cleveland  fight  wuthin  the  Democratic  party. 
The  Senate  took  a  hand  and  Democrats  of  influence  all  over 
the  United  States  became  involved.  The  caucus  was  unable  to 
settle  the  contest  before  the  day  when  Congress  assembled  and 
there  were  adjournments  of  the  House  while  ballots  were  taken 
and  wires  were  pulled  in  the  Democratic  caucus. 

Crisp  and  Mills  were  the  leading  candidates  and  Springer 
was  an  important  cog  in  the  wheel  because  he  withdrew  at  the 
opportune  time,  making  Crisp  Speaker,  and  himself  landing  as 
Chairman  of  the  Ways  and  Means  Committee.  Incidentally, 
William  J.  Bryan  was  a  member  of  the  House  for  the  first 
time  that  session.  He  voted  for  Springer  to  the  end  of  the 
long-drawn-out  contest.  He  was  made  a  member  of  the  Ways 
and  Means  Committee,  an  honor  seldom  accorded  a  new  member. 

The  dinner  was  held  nearly  a  year  before  the  contest  for 
Speaker  was  determined,  and  yet  the  Gridiron  Club,  with 
prophetic  voice,  sang  the  following  verse,  when  Mr.  Crisp  of 
Georgia  was  called  upon  to  speak: 

I  want  to  be  a  Speaker  and  with  Speakers  stand, 
A  book  of  rules  before  me,  a  gavel  in  my  hand. 

And  when  the  caucus  meets  here,  I  am  going  for  to  try 
To  be  elected  Speaker,  or  know  the  reason  why. 

The  Club  did  not  take  sides  in  the  Speakership  contest,  but 
there  was  a  desire  among  most  of  its  members  to  see  Crisp  win. 


FUTURE    PRESIDENTS    AS    GUESTS         15 


which  was  generally  shared  by  all  the  newspaper  men.  Mills 
was  irascible,  impetuous  generally,  and  oftentimes  brusque  with 
the  correspondents.  Crisp  was  calm,  good-natured,  and  ever 
affable  to  them.  Then  he  had  been  the  leader  in  the  most 
strenuous  fight  that  the  Democrats  had  put  up  against  Reed 
and  we  all  enjoyed  a  good  contest  and  admired  a  good  leader, 
no  matter  which  side  won.  There  was  another  reason.  Mills 
was  backed  by  that  coterie  which  had  constituted  itself  the 
guardian  of  the  Democratic  party  and  was  particularly  the 
Cleveland  wing  of  the  party.  It  consisted  of  Mills  of  Texas, 
the  two  Breckenridges,  of  Kentucky  and  Arkansas,  William 
L.  Wilson  of  West  Virginia,  McMillin  of  Tennessee,  Bynum 
of  Indiana,  and  a  few  others,  who,  when  Carlisle  was  Speaker, 
absolutely  ran  the  House. 

Reed  had  ruled  the  House  with  a  rod  of  iron  and  had  shown 
no  quarter.  Once  in  riotous  times,  William  D.  Bynum  had  gone 
to  the  limit  and  been  censured  by  a  vote  of  the  Republican 
majority.  During  the  Gridiron  Speakership  contest,  Wilson, 
who  in  the  Fifty-third  Congress  succeeded  Springer  as  Chair- 
man of  the  Ways  and  Means  Committee,  and  later  was  Post- 
master-General, said  in  the  course  of  a  very  humorous  speech: 

*'ToM  Reed  has  been  the  worst  we  ever  had,  and  he  has  been 
supported  by  the  Republicans  all  the  time.  Let's  give  'em  the 
meanest  man  we've  got.     Let's  give  'em  Bynum." 

The  Indiana  man  was  present  and  took  his  medicine  like  a 
man. 

And,  oh,  the  whirly-gig  of  politics!  Bynum  bolted  Bryan  in 
1896;  supported  McKinley;  landed  a  good  job;  became  a 
Republican. 

The  Force  Bill,  also  known  as  the  Lodge  Election  Bill,  was 
the  most  important  matter  in  Congress  during  the  closing  days 
of  the  Fifty-first  Congress.  And  in  those  days  what  was  im- 
portant in  Congress  was  an  important  national  affair.  That 
was  before  everything  centered  in  the  White  House. 

The  Republicans  were  making  every  effort  to  pass  the  bill  in 
the  Senate  before  the  4th  of  March,  for  if  it  failed  there  would 


16  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

be  no  further  opportunity  to  enact  such  legislation.  The 
Democrats,  under  the  leadership  of  Senator  Arthur  P.  Gorman 
of  Maryland,  fought  with  such  success  that  they  compelled  the 
bill  to  be  laid  aside,  never  to  be  again  brought  forward. 

The  bill  was  defeated  by  a  filibuster  deliberately  planned 
and  carried  out.  The  Democratic  senators  in  relays  talked  all 
day,  and  all  night  too,  when  the  Republicans  forced  night  ses- 
sions and  endeavored  to  wear  out  their  opponents.  But  Senator 
Gorman,  or  some  other  Democrat  was  constantly  on  guard  and 
insisted  that  the  Republicans  maintain  a  quorum.  Gorman 
often  made  the  point  of  no  quorum.  In  these  days  such  a  con- 
dition would  have  been  made  into  a  Gridiron  stunt,  but  at  that 
time  it  was  treated  in  speeches  and  song.  Edwin  B.  Hay,  ever 
ready  with  a  recitation  or  a  song,  who  was  known  far  and  near 
on  account  of  his  prominence  as  an  Elk  and  in  the  Masonic 
order,  sang  a  few  verses  built  upon  Gilbert  and  Sullivan's 
"Titwillow"  in  the  Mikado,  one  verse  of  which  was: 

Mr.  Gorman,  of  Maryland,  sat  in  his  chair; 

Saying,  "Quorum,  no  quorum,  no  quorum"; 
So  the  roll  of  the  Senate  was  called  then  and  there 

To  make  up  a  quorum,  a  quorum. 
Only  twenty  responded;   "O  where  are  the  rest?" 

"You'll  find  them,"  said  Edmunds,  "at  home  and  undressed"; 
So  the  Sergeant-at-Arms  started  out  in  his  quest 

To  capture  a  quorum,  a  quorum. 

To  maintain  a  quorum  was  almost  impossible,  for  after  a 
few  all-night  sessions  the  Senators  would  steal  away  and  go  to 
bed.  There  was  quite  a  number  of  Republicans  who  really  did 
not  care  about  the  elections  bill,  but  it  was  a  party  measure. 
President  Harrison  was  urging  it  and  the  Republicans  felt 
bound  at  least  to  make  an  effort  to  pass  it.  When  it  was  finally 
abandoned,  everybody  seemed  satisfied. 

But  while  the  contest  lasted,  partisanship  never  was  so  pro- 
nounced, for  the  debates  stirred  up  all  the  animosities  of  the 
Civil  War  and  the  reconstruction  period.  It  is  true  that  Don 
Cameron  and  Gen.   Butler  would  sneak  ofif  and  take  lunch 


FUTURE  PRESIDENTS  AS  GUESTS   17 


together,  and  that  Matt.  Quay  and  George  Vest  would  get 
together  in  a  committee  room,  but  for  the  most  part  the  middle 
aisle  was  a  barrier  between  the  parties.  But  under  the  banner 
of  the  Gridiron,  the  bitterness  of  politics  was  forgotten,  particu- 
larly when  the  Club  showed  that  it  was  not  so  serious  as  it 
seemed,  and  that  even  such  a  weighty  subject  might  be  treated 
in  a  lighter  vein. 


CHAPTER  in 
PRESIDENT   HARRISON   SURPRISES   THE   CLUB 

Chief  Executive  Delights  Members  by  a  Witty  Speech  — 
Calls  Newspapermen  Inventors  and  Discusses  Re- 
ports OF  Cabinet  Proceedings  —  The  Country  Band 
the  First  Costume  Skit  —  Getting  a  Presidential 
Smile  —  Can  Sauce  Back  at  Gridiron  Dinners. 


B 


ENJAMIN  HARRISON  was  the  first  President  of  the 
United  States  to  attend  a  Gridiron  Club  dinner.  The 
Club  was  four  years  old  and  well  established  when 
Harrison  succeeded  Cleveland,  but  it  was  nearly  three  years 
later  before  he  attended  a  dinner  as  President.  And  he  enjoyed 
it  so  well  that  he  would  no  doubt  have  come  again,  for  he,  as 
well  as  several  members  of  his  cabinet,  had  accepted  invitations 
to  be  present  at  the  annual  dinner  in  the  winter  of  1891  when 
the  sudden  death  of  William  Windom,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury, 
caused  the  cancelation  of  all  administration  engagements  of  a 
social  character.  He  was  again  prevented  from  attending  a 
dinner  given  at  the  close  of  his  administration  by  the  death  of 
James  G.  Blaine. 

As  a  Senator  from  Indiana  Mr.  Harrison  had  been  a  guest 
in  the  days  when  the  guests  furnished  entertainment  for  the 
Club  instead  of  the  Club,  as  in  the  later  dispensation,  entertain- 
ing the  guests.  When  President  Harrison  came  to  the  dinner 
in  January,  1892,  the  Club  did  not  indulge  in  any  stunts  built 
around  acts  of  his  administration,  burlesquing  them  and  his 
policies,  as  it  has  done  with  other  Presidents.  On  the  contrary 
President  Harrison  was  treated  rather  ceremoniously  as  a  very 
honored  guest  and  not  a  word  was  said  that  could  be  construed 
into  a  roast.  i 

It  seems  remarkable  now,  since  four  other  Presidents  have 
been  frequent  guests,   to  recall  that  when  President  H.   B.   F. 

18 


HARRISON    SURPRISES    THE    CLUB         19 


Macfarland,  then  of  the  Boston  Herald,  introduced  President 
Harrison  he  thought  it  necessary  to  utter  an  imphed  warning 
that  the  usual  Gridiron  methods  of  that  time  should  be  sus- 
pended and  the  dignity  of  the  high  office  be  respected. 

In  deference  to  this  hint,  when  the  President  spoke  there 
was  no  interruption,  save  the  applause  and  cheers  accorded  one 
of  the  brightest  speeches  ever  heard  at  a  Gridiron  dinner. 

That  week  there  had  been  held  in  Washington  a  convention 
of  patent  men  and  inventors.  President  Harrison  had  made  a 
speech  to  that  gathering  and  so  his  preliminary  remark  as  he 
began  his  speech  at  the  Gridiron  dinner  was  particularly  apt: 

"This  is  the  second  time,"  he  said,  "that  I  have  been  called 
upon  this  week  to  open  a  congress  of  American  inventors." 

It  caught  the  Gridiron  men  and  they  responded  with  hearty 
applause.  Other  things  that  Mr.  Harrison  said  at  the  time 
were  so  pleasing  that  they  were  repeated  after  the  dinner  and 
found  their  way  into  print.  In  a  paper  of  that  date,  I  find 
evidence  that  President  Harrison's  irony  and  humor  in  talking 
of  newspaper  men  were  very  pointed.  "I  have  been  interested 
very  often,"  he  said,  "in  reading  accounts  of  Cabinet  meetings. 
The  accuracy  of  these  reports  —  once  in  a  while  —  is  marvelous. 
At  other  times,  I  read  that  the  Cabinet  has  under  consideration 
a  subject  of  great  importance.  And  yet  that  subject  has  not 
been  mentioned.  I  will  say,  however,  that  if  the  Cabinet  had 
for  the  most  part  confined  its  dehberations  to  the  subjects 
which,  the  newspapers  say  were  considered  instead  of  the  trivial 
matters  that  were  under  consideration,  the  Cabinet  officers  and 
myself  would  have  been  occupied  to  better  purpose." 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  President's  speech,  Frank  Hosford, 
one  of  the  intense  Democrats  among  the  correspondents,  went 
over  to  Perry  S.  Heath  of  the  IndianapoHs  Journal.  Perry  was 
the  confidential  correspondent  of  the  President.  When  Mr. 
Harrison  wanted  anything  published  he  let  it  filter  out  through 
Perry  Heath. 

"Perry,"  said  Frank,  "your  man  Harrison  is  a  wonder. 
I  didn't  think  it  was  in  him." 


20  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"Oh,  he's  all  right  on  his  feet,"  replied  Perry.  "It*s  only 
when  he  sits  down  that  he  falls  down." 

And  that  was  so  true!  Benjamin  Harrison  could  go  across 
the  continent  and  make  a  series  of  speeches  that  would  catch 
the  country.  After  his  first  nomination  for  President,  he  made 
speeches  which  were  the  talk  of  the  campaign.  But  sitting  at 
his  desk  in  the  White  House,  he  could  do  and  say  more  things 
to  make  him  unpopular  than  any  man  that  ever  occupied  that 
exalted  station.  When  he  became  tired  of  a  visitor,  or  did  not 
want  to  continue  a  conversation  further,  he  would  stare  vacantly 
across  the  room  and  drum  with  the  fingers  of  both  hands  on  his 
desk.  Many  a  prominent  man,  accompanied  perhaps  by  a 
friend  upon  whom  he  wanted  to  make  an  impression,  was  ac- 
tually drummed  out  of  Harrison's  presence. 

Eight  years  afterward  Benjamin  Harrison  as  a  private 
citizen  attended  a  Gridiron  dinner  and  his  reminiscent  speech 
was  a  real  treat.  He  told  about  the  Club  when  he  first  attended 
a  dinner  as  a  Senator,  what  it  was  when  he  was  a  guest  as 
President,  and  the  wonderful  changes  that  he  observed. 

There  is  a  rather  interesting  incident  in  connection  with  the 
Harrison  administration  and  the  Gridiron  Club.  Charles 
Foster,  who  was  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  in  Harrison's 
cabinet,  was  quite  frequently  a  guest  of  the  Club,  and  on  one 
occasion  he  talked  about  the  personal  characteristics  of  the 
President,  telling  what  he  knew  from  intimate  association  with 
him.  It  was  the  kind  of  material  that  would  have  made  good 
copy  for  every  newspaper  man  there. 

Several  years  later,  when  Foster  was  Governor  of  Ohio,  he 
attended  another  dinner.  He  recalled  what  he  had  said  on  the 
previous  occasion  and  commented  upon  the  fact  that  although 
he  knew  how  interesting  it  would  have  been  to  readers,  he  had 
never  seen  a  word  of  it  published,  and  complimented  the  Club 
on  its  ability  to  maintain  its  rule  that  reporters  are  never 
present. 

President  Harrison's  reference  to  the  newspaper  accounts  of 
Cabinet  meetings  calls  to  mind  that  in  the  early  days  of  his 


HARRISON    SURPRISES    THE    CLUB  21 

administration  the  Cabinet  sessions  were  reported  fully  and 
accurately.  Uncle  Jere  Rusk,  that  bluff,  hearty,  white- 
whiskered  giant,  was  the  newspaper  "good  thing."  He  would 
ride  over  from  the  Agricultural  Department  after  the  day's 
work,  get  his  dinner,  and  then  take  a  chair  and  sit  cocked  against 
the  railing  of  the  old  Ebbitt  House.  Here  a  few  of  us  who  knew 
him  well  would  stop  for  a  chat.  In  discussing  the  events  of  the 
day  we  would  gradually  lead  up  to  the  Cabinet  meeting  and  get 
the  whole  story.  Down  Newspaper  Row  were  the  correspond- 
ents who  were  to  be  the  beneficiaries  of  this  process.  They 
would  not  intrude  because  they  knew  better  results  were  being 
obtained  when  only  a  few  friends  of  Uncle  Jere  were  with  him. 


But  all  good  things  must  come  to  an  end.  Some  one  told 
Harrison  about  the  leak,  and  an  extinguisher  was  put  on  the 
Agricultural  Secretary. 

It  was  at  the  dinner  attended  by  President  Harrison  that 
the  first  skit  in  costumes  was  attempted.  The  Country  Bandy 
written  by  Hubbard  T.  Smith,  was  presented.  Several  members 
of  the  Club  wearing  various  kinds  of  uniforms,  from  the  gor- 
geousness  of  a  drum  major  to  the  simplicity  of  a  linen  duster, 
and  playing  various  wind  instruments  including  a  trick  minstrel 
trombone,  together  with  drums  and  cymbals,  made  a  very 
picturesque  appearance  and  a  great  deal  more  noise.  Bringing 
up  the  rear  was  a  member  beating  a  bass  drum  and  almost 
eclipsed  under  a  grandfather  hat,  one  of  the  big,  hairy  pieces  of 
headgear  that  had  figured  in  the  cartoons  during  the  political 
campaign  of  1888  when  Harrison  was  elected  President.  Mr. 
Harrison  was  frequently  pictured  as  a  very  small  man  almost 


22  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

buried  under  a  hat  of  the  vintage  when  his  grandfather  was 
elected  President  in  the  Tippecanoe  campaign.  But  the  grand- 
father hat  had  ceased  to  be  a  badge  of  ridicule  at  that  time. 
The  first  verse  and  chorus  of  the  Country  Band  ran: 

In  a  little  town  out  West, 

Where  I  lived  when  but  a  boy, 
They  had  a  silver  cornet  band 

Which  was  my  pride  and  joy; 
And  many  were  the  times 

When  I  played  hookie  all  the  day, 
To  follow  up  some  street  parade 

And  hear  that  old  band  play. 
The  tuba  was  the  butcher's  boy. 

The  cymbals,  Irish  Dan; 
The  alto  was  the  village  swell; 

The  snare  drum  our  hired  man; 
The  baker  beat  the  big  bass  drum; 

And  father  used  to  say. 
The  cornet  was  a  sporting  man 

But,  lordy!  he  could  play! 

Chorus :  — 

Ta-ran  —  ta-rah,  zing !  boom ! 

Ta-ran  —  ta-rah,  zing !  boom ! 
And  we  knew  the  band  was  coming  down  the  street. 

Ta-ran  —  ta-rah,  zing !  boom ! 

Ta-ran  —  ta-rah,  zing!  boom! 
The  martial  music  ringing  out  so  clear  and  sweet. 

See  them  coming  down  the  street. 

In  their  uniforms  so  neat. 

Children  come  with  flying  feet. 
To  hear  the  ran-ta,  ran-ta,  ran-ta-rah,  zing!  boom! 

Oh!  how  the  cymbals  play! 

Hear,  now,  the  tuba's  bray 

And  the  echo  miles  away. 
Take  up  the  ran-ta,  ran-ta-rah,  zing!  boom! 

Is  there  any  person  who  ever  lived  in  a  country  town  who 
cannot  recognize  the  picture.^ 

Ed  Hay,  Dave  Barry,  John  Corwin,  Marshall  Gushing, 
Hub    Smith,    Will   Hoover,    Henry   Xander,    Harry    West, 


HARRISON    SURPRISES    THE    CLUB 


23 


Herndon   Morsell   and   Bob   Earner    were   members   of    the 
band  and  presented  a  most  successful  burlesque. 

"He's  the  coldest  proposition  to  whom  I  ever  talked," 
remarked  John  A.  Corwin  of  the  Chicago  Tribune.  He  was 
speaking  of  President  Harrison.  Corwin  had  just  given  his 
famous  "ballyhoo"  for  the  side  show  at  the  country  circus,  in 
which  he  described  with  illustrations  the  wonders  inside  the 
small  tent,  showing  the  fat  woman,  the  Hving  skeleton,  the 
snake  charmer,  the  wild  man  and  the  Cir- 
cassian beauty.  Imitating  the  side-show 
"barker"  to  perfection  he  looked  directly 
at  the  President,  but  did  not  receive  an 
encouraging  smile  until  he  described  the 
Circassian  lady,  and  said  that,  "she  can 
converse  well  in  the  English  language  and 
will  answer  each  and  every  proper  question 
that  is  propounded." 

"Up  to  that  time,"  said  Corwin,  "the 
President  sat  there  like  a  prehistoric  mummy,  and  I  feared  I 
wasn't  going  to  reach  him."  But  Mr.  Harrison  was  not  un- 
appreciative.  He  told  his  neighbors  that  both  the  Country 
Band  and  the  side-show  barker  carried  him  back  to  early  days 
in  Indiana. 

"Judge,  it's  allowable  here  to  sauce  back."  The  remark  had 
been  made  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  by  Thomas  B.  Reed  of  Maine 
to  William  S.  Holman  of  Indiana.  The  Indiana  statesman  had 
just  been  the  victim  of  a  quip  directed  at  the  methods  he  used 
in  the  House  of  Representatives  to  prevent  what  he  considered 
extravagant  expenditures.  What  Reed  meant  was  that  the 
Gridiron  Club  was  a  give-and-take  organization;  and  no  one 
need  hesitate  to  talk  back  when  hit  by  Gridiron  shafts. 

George  H.  Daniels,  of  the  New  York  Central  Railroad,  at 
this  dinner  took  occasion  to  "sauce  back."  He  was  aided  by 
the  artists  Gillam  and  Hamilton,  who  had  made  cartoons  of 
several  prominent  members  of  the  Club  and  as  they  were  shown 
Daniels  delivered  a  lecture,  commenting  in  a  satirical  vein  upon 


24  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

the  Club,  its  members  and  their  methods.  President  Macfar- 
LAND  was  pictured  at  a  table,  marked  Gridiron  Club,  handing 
out  chestnuts.  Frank  Hatton,  who  was  the  editor  of  a  non- 
partisan paper,  the  Washington  Post^  was  shown  with  his  head 
at  the  top  of  a  post  and  disdained  by  both  Republicans  and 
Democrats.  E.  G.  Dunnell,  of  the  New  York  Times,  was 
pictured  with  his  arms  full  of  political  rainbows.  Dunnell,  a 
short  time  before  on  a  political  tour  of  the  West,  and  predicting 
Democratic  victories,  wrote  the  famous  line,  "Keep  your  eye  on 
Iowa"  —  hence  the  rainbow  cartoon. 

One  guest  at  the  dinner  upon  whom  many  eyes  were  turned 
was  Captain,  afterward  Rear-Admiral,  Winfield  S.  Schley. 
He  had  just  recently  returned  from  Chile,  where  he  had  taken  a 
prominent  part  in  the  incident  which  almost  meant  war,  as  the 
United  States  jfirmly  insisted  that  men  of  the  United  States 
navy  should  be  treated  fairly  in  every  port  where  they  went 
ashore. 

The  dinner  in  January,  1892,  although  given  at  the  beginning 
of  a  presidential  year,  did  not  make  politics  a  feature  of  the 
entertainment.  There  were  many  speeches,  an  exceptional  array 
of  after-dinner  talent  being  present,  but  they  did  not  touch  on 
politics.  There  was  scarcely  an  allusion  to  the  impending 
political  campaign,  the  result  of  which  was  to  place  a  Democrat 
in  the  White  House  and  bring  about  many  important  events  in 
the  history  of  the  country. 


CHAPTER  IV 
CARTOONS  AND   COMMENTS 

Caricatures  of  Members  and  Guests  —  President  Hatton's 
Introductions  and  Rejoinders  —  Capitol  More  In- 
teresting Than  the  White  House  —  Menu  a  Tariff 
Bill  —  Getting  Even  with  Senator  Chandler  — 
Speech  in  Kanaka  Recalls  Similar  Efforts  in  Chinese 
and  French. 

HANGING  in  the  offices  of  a  few  members  of  the  Gridiron 
Club  is  the  framed  first  page  of  the  Washington  Post 
dated,  Feb.  5,  1893.  It  gives  a  brief  account  of  the 
dinner  of  the  Club  the  night  before,  brief  because  the  text  is 
limited  by  illustrations.  Quite  a  large  section  of  the  center  of 
the  page  is  taken  by  a  reproduction  of  the  first  page  of  the 
menu  souvenir,  but  a  large  part  of  the  space  is  occupied  by  a 
border  of  cartoons  of  the  men  who  at  that  time  were  members 
of  the  Gridiron  Club.  They  were  drawn  by  George  Y.  Coffin, 
who  was  a  Gridiron  man  until  death  cut  short  a  promising 
artistic  career.  Every  one  of  the  forty-eight  men  is  given  a 
touch  by  a  friendly  hand  caricaturing  or  exaggerating  some 
characteristic  of  his  personality  or  individuality. 

It  is  like  looking  across  the  Great  Divide  for  a  survivor  of 
that  group  to  gaze  upon  those  faces  at  the  time  this  is  written. 
On  the  thirtieth  anniversary  of  the  organization  of  the  Club, 
in  February,  1915,  there  were  only  twenty-one  survivors  of  the 
group  of  forty-eight  members  whose  pictures  surround  the  page. 

One  of  the  first  to  go  was  the  brilliant  Frank  Hatton  who 
is  pictured  as  President  of  the  Club,  and  who  on  that  evening 
for  the  first  time  presided  at  a  Gridiron  dinner.  He  had  a 
genius  for  such  occasions;  his  short  introductory  speeches  were 
given  with  a  touch  of  humor  and  satire  that  offered  a  good 
speaker  a  cue,  and  left  a  poor  one  floundering  in  a  sea  of  doubt. 
In  those  days  the  entertainment  depended  more  upon  speeches 

25 


CARTOONS    AND    COMMENTS 


27 


Beriah  Wilkins,  of  the  Washington  Post,  and  Walter  E. 
Adams,  of  the  Boston  Herald,  were  the  new  members  initiated. 
Both  were  subjected  to  many  inquiries  as  to  their  newspaper 
standing,  and  reasons  why  they  should  be  admitted  to  the  Club. 
After  administering  a  final  burlesque  oath,  Hatton  produced  a 
copy  of  the  Washington  Evening  Star  and  opening  to  the  fat 
pages  of  "want  ads,"  handed  it  to  Wilkins,  who  was  his  partner 
in  the  Post,  saying,  "You  will  now  kiss  the  small  ad  pages  of 
the  Star.''  Everybody  appreciated  the  hit,  for  Wilkins,  who 
was  the  business  manager  of  the  Post,  had  made  frantic  efforts 
to  get  a  part  of  that  "want  ad"  patronage. 

At  this  same  dinner,  Hatton  introduced  Senator  Allison, 
whom  he  had  known  all  his  life,  as  "the  celebrated  rubber-tired 
statesman  of  Iowa."  And  Allison  responded  in  such  a  speech 
of  cautious  and  qualified  phrases  as  to  make  the  designation 
fitting. 

Associate  Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court,  Henry  B.  Brown, 
was  introduced  to  speak  by  a  Gridiron  crier.  Bob  Larner,  who 
imitated  the  man  that  announces  the  appearance  of  the  august 
tribunal  in  the  Supreme  Court  Chamber  each  day. 

"Oyez,  oyez,  oyez,"  he  cried.  "All  persons  having  business 
with  the  honorable  the  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States  are 
admonished  to  draw  nigh  and  give  attention,  for  the  Court  is 
now  sitting.  God  save  the  United  States  and  this  honorable 
Court." 

And  Justice  Brown  rose  to  the  occasion.  He  made  a  witty 
speech;    a  Gridiron  speech;    which  meant  subsequent  invitations. 

In  the  days  of  free  passes  and  pleasant  trips,  tendered  quite 
freely  to  newspaper  men,  the  Gridiron  Club  was  entertained  on 
the  steamer  Lahn,  belonging  to  the  North  German  Lloyd  Com- 
pany. The  members  went  from  Washington  to  New  York  in  a 
special  car,  had  dinner  on  board  the  steamship  and  remained  over 
night.  There  was  some  mention  about  it  in  the  papers  and 
Senator  William  E.  Chandler,  of  New  Hampshire,  made  it  the 
subject  of  one  of  his  caustic  speeches  in  the  Senate.  He  saw  a 
great   menace   to   American    shipping   interests   because   such   a 


28  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

large    representation    of    newspapers    in    the    country    had    been 
entertained  by  one  of  the  European  steamship  lines. 

The  Gridiron  Club  promptly  invited  Senator  Chandler  to 
be  a  guest  at  the  dinner  and  he  accepted.  Of  course,  he  was 
called  on  for  a  speech  and  he  learned  immediately  what  was 
coming  when  the  members  of  the  Club  greeted  him  with  this 
chant: 

Chandler,  Chandler,  poor  Bill  Chandler; 
We  have  laid  poor  Bill  Chandler  in  his  grave;  — 
No  more  will  we  hear 
Bill  kicking  on  his  beer; 
For  we've  laid  old  Bill  Chandler  in  his  grave. 

From  that  time  on  until  the  Senator  concluded,  different 
members  of  the  Club  said  things  —  in  a  good-natured  way,  of 
course;  but  he  was  given  to  understand  that  the  organization 
was  not  unduly  influenced  by  a  dinner  on  a  steamship. 

Cartoons  figured  at  the  dinner.  They  were  made  by  Coffin 
and  as  they  were  unfolded  to  the  view  of  the  guests,  Fred  D. 
MussEY  delivered  an  entertaining  lecture  upon  them.  Senator 
Gorman  was  shown  in  the  uniform  of  the  old  National  Baseball 
Club  of  which  he  was  a  member  when  a  youngster.  Secretary 
Rusk  was  pictured  as  flying  a  cold  weather  flag  (it  was  just  after 
the  election  in  1892  and  the  Harrison  administration  was  going 
out).  Senator  Brice  of  Ohio  was  depicted  as  the  "Colossus  of 
Roads"  (rail),  with  one  foot  in  Ohio  and  the  other  in  New  York. 
He  was  then  about  to  leave  Ohio  and  make  New  York  his  home. 

One  of  the  interesting  topics  in  1893,  just  before  the  Harrison 
administration  retired,  was  the  dethronement  of  Queen  Liliuo- 
KALANi  and  the  establishment  of  the  Republic  of  Hawaii,  and, 
much  like  the  establishment  of  the  Republic  of  Panama,  there 
was  very  great  assistance  extended  by  the  navy  of  the  United 
States.  The  Hawaiian  Commissioners  were  then  in  Washington 
negotiating  the  treaty  of  annexation  of  Hawaii  to  the  United 
States,  which  was  sent  to  the  Senate  by  President  Harrison; 
but  it  was  soon  withdrawn  when  President  Cleveland  suc- 
ceeded him.     However,  the   Commissioners  were  guests  at  the 


CARTOONS    AND    COMMENTS  29 


dinner  and  one  of  the  features  was  a  large  cartoon  representing 
Uncle  Sam  making  love  to  a  Canadian  girl  on  one  side  and  a 
Hawaiian  maiden  on  the  other.  There  had  been  some  discussion 
then,  as  on  other  occasions,  that  Canada  was  a  much  more 
desirable  acquisition  than  Hawaii.  One  of  the  guests  at  that 
dinner  was  Lorin  A.  Thurston,  a  Hawaiian  Commissioner, 
afterward  Minister  from  Hawaii.  Mr.  Thurston  delivered  a 
speech  in  the  Kanaka  language,  very  impressive,  but  not  under- 
stood. 

And  that  recalls  another  incident:  At  one  of  the  early  din- 
ners, Paul  Blouet  (Max  O'Rell),  the  French  author,  and 
Mr.  Yow  JiAR  Shee,  attache  of  the  Chinese  legation,  were 
guests.  Mr.  Yow  was  not  an  expert  in  English  as  were  Minister 
Wu  and  other  Chinese  statesmen  who  have  been  Gridiron  guests, 
and  it  was  privately  arranged  that  when  called  upon  he  should 
respond  in  his  native  tongue.  He  did  so  and  spoke  with  great 
earnestness  and  frequent  pauses.  The  Gridiron  men,  in  full 
appreciation  of  the  humor  of  the  situation,  punctuated  these 
pauses  with  applause,  and  apparently  with  great  discrimination. 
When  Mr.  Yow  had  concluded,  M.  Blouet  was  called  upon  and 
spoke  in  French,  receiving  similar  recognition  in  the  way  of 
applause.  And  the  real  humor  of  it  developed  when  subse- 
quently Blouet,  in  his  book  about  his  experiences  in  America, 
said  that  the  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  seemed  to  be  as 
familiar  with  Chinese  and  French  as  with  the  English  language! 

Minister  Thurston  had  but  a  short  time  to  serve  the  Re- 
public of  Hawaii,  for  President  Cleveland  upset  all  that  had 
been  done  by  the  Harrison  administration  regarding  those 
islands,  and  startled  the  country  by  one  of  the  most  dramatic 
acts  of  any  President. 


CHAPTER   V 
CLEVELAND   AND   THE   GRIDIRON   CLUB 

Only    President    Who    Did    Not    Attend    the    Dinners  — 

Strained  Relations  with  Newspaper  Men  —  Resented 
Burlesques  of  Presidential  Actions  —  Members  of 
the  Cabinet  at  a  Dinner  —  Received  Instructions 
—  The  First  Ambassador  —  Restoration  of  Queen 
Liliuokalani  a  Memorable  Gridiron  Skit. 

G ROVER  CLEVELAND  was  the  only  President  who 
never  attended  Gridiron  dinners. 
The  Club  was  organized  during  his  first  term  and 
during  those  four  years  it  was  in  its  swaddling-clothes.  The 
dinners  were  brilliant  in  their  way,  but  they  did  not  appeal  to 
Mr.  Cleveland.  He  was  slow,  ponderous,  serious  and  digni- 
fied to  a  degree,  and  the  frivolity  of  the  newspaper  men  during 
a  night  off  did  not  seem  to  conform  with  his  idea  of  dinners 
which  should  be  graced  with  the  presence  of  the  chief  magis- 
trate of  the  nation.  In  fact,  he  was  not  expected  to  attend, 
although  different  members  at  times  invited  him. 

In  those  days  invitations  were  wholly  individual.  Club 
guests  as  distinguished  from  those  receiving  individual  invita- 
tions were  unknown.  In  after  years,  as  the  Club  grew  in  im- 
portance, it  became  a  custom  to  send  special  Club  invitations 
to  distinguished  persons,  signifying  that  they  had  been  singled 
out  to  be  guests  of  all  the  members. 

President  Cleveland  was  on  intimate  terms  with  but  very 
few  members  of  the  Washington  corps  of  correspondents.  He 
went  through  a  remarkably  bitter  and  personal  campaign  in 
1884  and  the  newspapers  opposed  to  him  had  been  filled  with 
everything  that  could  make  a  public  man  feel  aggrieved.  His 
experience  with  newspaper  men,  while  Governor  of  New  York, 
had  not  been  pleasant  nor  intimate.     Dan  Lamont  then,  and 

30 


CLEVELAND    AND    THE    CLUB  31 


after  he  became  President,  was  the  buffer  between  newspaper 
men  and  Mr.  Cleveland,  who  was  slow  of  speech  and  who 
never  cared  to  make  use  of  the  newspapers  for  his  own  advan- 
tage. He  lacked  the  idea  of  publicity  which  has  been  used  by- 
several  of  his  successors  to  good  advantage. 

Although  the  Gridiron  Club  had  come  to  stay,  long  before 
the  end  of  Mr.  Cleveland's  first  term,  the  relations  between  the 
newspaper  men  and  the  President  continued  to  be  strained.  In 
a  measure  this  hostility  contributed  in  no  small  degree  to  the 
failure  of  Mr.  Cleveland  to  be  reelected  in  1888,  and  if  it  had 
been  left  to  a  vote  of  the  correspondents  in  1892,  Mr.  Cleve- 
land would  not  have  been  nominated  nor  elected. 

Several  members  of  Mr.  Cleveland's  first  cabinet  attended 
the  dinners,  some  of  them  more  than  once.  Thomas  F.  Bay- 
ard, Secretary  of  State;  Charles  F.  Fairchild,  Secretary  of 
the  Treasury;  William  C.  Endicott,  Secretary  of  War;  Lucius 
Q.  C.  Lamar,  Secretary  of  the  Interior,  and  afterward  Associate 
Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court;  William  F.  Vilas,  Postmaster- 
General  and  Secretary  of  the  Interior;  Don  Dickinson,  Post- 
master-General; all,  in  fact,  except  the  Secretary  of  the  Navy 
and  the  Attorney-General,  were  guests  at  different  times,  and 
generally  they  were  able  to  hold  their  own  in  those  days  when 
to  make  a  speech  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  meant  that  a  man  must 
have  something  to  say  and  be  able  to  say  it  in  spite  of  the  quips, 
interruptions  and  general  roasting  designed  to  floor  the  speaker. 

On  one  occasion,  when  Secretary  Endicott  was  just  begin- 
ning a  speech  he  paused  to  get  the  words  of  an  interruption  and 
several  remarks  were  made  while  he  stood,  rather  helplessly, 
trying  to  get  his  bearing.  Then  followed  a  momentary  dead 
silence. 

"As  you  were  saying,"  remarked  Fred  Handy,  of  the  Chicago 
Times. 

And  as  he  was  not  "saying"  the  remark  caught  with  both 
guests  and  club  members.  The  War  Secretary  settled  into  his 
seat  and  did  not  try  again. 

During  the  four  years  between  the  presidential  terms  of  Mr. 


32  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Cleveland  the  Gridiron  Club  gradually  abandoned  its  early- 
ideas  and  from  the  merely  convivial  dinners  of  rather  haphaz- 
ard entertainment  evolved  the  more  elaborate  affair  of  definite 
plan.  It  had  begun  to  depict  public  events  with  skits  or  stunts, 
burlesquing  important  events  as  they  came  along,  a  practice 
that  has  made  it  famous  in  later  years. 

I  was  on  two  committees  that  visited  the  White  House  dur- 
ing Mr.  Cleveland's  second  term  and  invited  him  to  attend 
Gridiron  dinners.  He  received  the  committee  both  times  with 
great  courtesy,  but  firmly  declined.  A  plea  of  public  business, 
of  the  fact  that  he  did  not  like  dinners,  anyway,  and  avoided  as 
much  as  possible  all  such  functions,  was  his  excuse.  To  Major 
John  M.  Carson,  of  the  Philadelphia  Public  Ledger^  w^ith  whom 
he  had  closer  relations  than  with  any  other  member  of  the 
Club,  he  privately  confided  the  further  excuse  that  he  "would 
not  fit  in,"  and  was  still  of  the  opinion  that  Presidential  dignity 
would  be  greatly  ruffled  by  submitting  to  the  "fun  you  boys 
would  have  with  me." 

On  one  of  the  occasions,  when  the  executive  committee  de- 
cided to  invite  President  Cleveland,  S.  E.  Johnson  of  the 
Cincinnati  Enquirer,  who  was  then  President  of  the  Club,  grimly 
remarked:  "You  may  go  ahead  and  invite  him  and  if  he  comes 
I'll  treat  him  well,  but  he'll  get  d — d  few  adjectives  from  me." 

Johnson  meant  that  in  introducing  the  President  to  speak 
the  flattering  phrases  which  President  Macfarland  had  bestowed 
upon  former  President  Harrison  would  not  be  forthcoming 
from  him.  Although  a  sterling  Democrat  "Sam"  Johnson  was 
not  a  Cleveland  man. 

Years  afterward,  a  delegation  of  the  Club  called  upon  Mr. 
Cleveland  at  his  home  in  Princeton.  We  had  gone  there  to 
bury  Billy  Annin  in  the  Princeton  cemetery,  and  afterward 
paid  our  respects  to  the  man  who  had  been  twice  President  of 
the  United  States.  We  were  courteously,  yes,  hospitably,  re- 
ceived by  the  ex-President.  He  was  glad  to  see  us  and  talked 
over  the  days  in  Washington.  At  that  period,  time  had  soft- 
ened most  of  the  animosities  that  grew  up  in  the  eight  years 


CLEVELAND    AND    THE    CLUB  33 

Cleveland  had  been  in  the  White  House,  although  there  were 
two  members  of  the  delegation,  both  Democrats,  whose  dislike 
of  the  man  for  whom  they  had  thrice  voted  was  still  intense 
enough  to  keep  them  from  calling  upon  him. 

Soon  after  that  call,  Mr.  Cleveland  met  a  few  members 
of  the  Gridiron  Club  and  told  them  that  one  of  his  regrets,  now 
that  he  could  view  the  years  of  his  Presidency  in  retrospection, 
was  that  he  had  not  made  a  greater  effort  to  be  on  friendly 
terms  with  the  newspaper  men  of  Washington,  and  that  he  had 
not  attended  some  of  the  Gridiron  dinners.  He  believed  that 
the  result  would  have  been  a  better  understanding  and  mu- 
tually beneficial. 

Although  President  Cleveland  did  not  attend  the  dinners, 
the  Gridiron  Club  gave  a  Cabinet  dinner  at  the  beginning  of 
his  second  administration.  Walter  Q.  Gresham,  Secretary  of 
State;  John  G.  Carlisle,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury;  Hoke 
Smith,  Secretary  of  the  Interior;  Hilary  A.  Herbert,  Secre- 
tary of  the  Navy;  J.  Sterling  Morton,  Secretary  of  Agri- 
culture; Wilson  S.  Bissell,  Postmaster-General;  all  except 
the  Secretary  of  War  and  the  Attorney-General  were  present. 
Daniel  Lamont,  neither  when  he  was  Private  Secretary,  nor 
afterward  when  Secretary  of  War,  went  to  a  Gridiron  dinner. 
He  was  on  good  terms  with  several  members  of  the  Club,  but 
he  shared  his  chief's  aversion  to  the  dinners. 

An  interesting  incident  of  the  Cabinet  dinner  was  that  at 
the  right  of  President  Hatton  sat  Secretary  Gresham,  who  had 
been  Postmaster-General  when  Hatton  was  First  Assistant,  and 
whom  Hatton  succeeded  when  Gresham  became  Secretary  of 
the  Treasury.  They  had  both  sat  together  as  members  of  the 
Cabinet  during  the  administration  of  President  Chester  A. 
Arthur. 

With  a  few  brief  introductory  remarks,  Mr.  Hatton  told  the 
new  Cabinet  what  would  be  expected  of  them.  He  warned 
them  not  to  take  themselves  too  seriously;  that  they  would 
learn  by  and  by  what  to  do.  "Why,  I  have  been  there  myself, 
boys,"  he  said;  *'the  old  colored  messenger  will  show  you  where 


34  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


to  sign  your  names  and  the  clerks  will  do  the  rest.  I  recall 
my  first  day  as  a  Cabinet  man,  and  it  is  no  doubt  very  much 
like  your  own  experience.  I  was  following  the  advice  I  am  giv- 
ing you.  I  was  signing  papers  where  the  messenger  indicated, 
but  finally  thought  I  ought  to  assert  myself  when  I  came  to  a 
particularly  imposing  and  bulky  document  with  many  papers 
attached.     Leaning  back  in  my  chair,  I  said: 

"'I  don't  exactly  understand  this.' 

"'Neither  do  I,  boss,'  replied  the  messenger,  'but  yo'  signs 
yo'  name  right  there.' 

"After  that  I  got  along  without  any  difficulty,  as  I  know 
you  will  by  relying  upon  the  clerks  and  the  messengers." 

The  swarm  of  office-seekers  who  were  then  in  Washington 
besieging  the  Cabinet  officers  for  places,  furnished  a  vehicle  for 
the  Club  to  have  considerable  fun  at  the  expense  of  the  mem- 
bers of  the  Cabinet,  and  their  perplexities  were  the  subject  of 
humorous  flings  and  roasts  served  both  in  song  and  story. 

The  menu  was  a  legal  document  which  contained  the  fac- 
simile signatures  of  all  the  members  of  the  Club  and  the  papers 
they  represented,  together  with  the  list  of  guests,  with  this 
statement : 

"The  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  relying  upon  the  verac- 
ity of  the  press  in  representing  the  persons  hereinafter  named 
as  entitled  by  patriotism,  public  spirit,  and  a  high  order  of  per- 
sonal beauty  to  be  regarded  as  exceptionally  qualified  for  good 
fellowship,  cordially  recommend  them  for  places  at  the  dinner 
of  the  Gridiron  Club." 

The  musical  program  that  evening  was  unusually  good,  the 
quartet,  consisting  of  Herndon  Morsell,  Alexander  Mosher, 
J.  Henry  Kaiser,  and  William  D.  Hoover,  giving  several 
numbers  that  were  especially  appreciated.  Mr.  West  contrib- 
uted some  original  verses  entitled  "Me  and  Whitney,  or  the 
ballad  of  the  politician  who  was  on  the  right  side  at  Chicago." 
They  related  to  the  Democratic  national  convention  when 
William  C.  W^hitney  so  successfully  managed  affairs  as  to  se- 
cure the  renomination  of  Mr.  Cleveland. 


CLEVELAND    AND    THE    CLUB 


35 


Late  in  the  evening  a  party  of  diplomats,  who  had  been 
dining  with  the  Korean  minister,  came  to  the  dinner.  Among 
them  was  Sir  Julian  Pauncefote.  It  is  an  interesting  his- 
torical fact  that  the  first  public  appearance  of  the  first  Ambas- 
sador to  the  United  States  was  at  a  Gridiron  dinner.  Sir 
Julian,  in  a  very  appropriate  speech,  made  the  first  public 
reference  to  his  promotion  at  this  dinner. 

Before  Mr.  Cleveland  had  been  a  year  in  ofiice  the  second 
time,  the  Gridiron  Club  burlesqued  an  important  poHcy  of  his 
administration  in  such  a  way  as  to  increase  the  strained  rela- 
tions, and  probably  prevented  him  from  entertaining  any  idea 
of  accepting  an  invitation  to  a  dinner,  even  if  he  had  ever  been 
so  disposed. 

Soon  after  Mr.  Cleveland  became  President  in  1893,  he 
withdrew  from  the  Senate  the  treaty  annexing  the  newborn 
Republic  of  Hawaii  to  the  United  States.  He  followed  this 
action  by  sending  James  H.  Blount  of  Georgia  as  Paramount 
Commissioner  to  the  Hawaiian  Islands.  Acting  under  instruc- 
tions and  using  the  naval  power  stationed  at  Honolulu,  the 
Commissioner  dismantled  the  Republic  and  restored  Queen 
LiLiuoKALANi  to  the  throne  of  her  Kanaka  ancestors. 

It  is  interesting  to  recall,  in  this  connection,  that  the  first 
authentic  information  the  people  of  the  United  States  had  of  the 
most  momentous  event  of  that  time  was  in  a  cable  dispatch 
to  the  Associated  Press  from  Auckland,  New  Zealand.  A  slow 
steamer  from  Hawaii  touched  at  the  far-away  English  colony  and 
gave  the  world  the  news  of  an  act  which  thrilled  the  American 
people.  How  different  now  when  the  cable  carries  much  more 
trivial  intelligence  from  the  Hawaiian  Islands  to  our  shores! 
And  what  a  well-kept  secret  it  was!  I  do  not  know  how  many 
persons  knew  of  Mr.  Cleveland's  intentions,  but  certainly 
enough  to  have  caused  the  news  to  leak  in  ordinary  times.  But 
President  Cleveland  w^as  the  greatest  stickler  of  any  President 
I  have  known  for  maintaining  strict  secrecy  in  all  executive 
matters. 

The  Hawaiian  subject  was  still  ahve  when  the  Gridiron  Club 


36 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


gave  its  annual  dinner  in  January,  1894,  and  the  initiation  of 
Frank  V.  Bennett  was  made  the  vehicle  of  a  screaming  bur- 
lesque. Bennett,  dressed  in  royal  robes,  was  brought  in  on  a 
little  wagon.     He  was  preceded  by  two  members  of  the  Club, 


-r^ 


Robert  J.  Wynne  of  the  New  York  Press,  and  John  S.  Shriver 
of  the  New  York  Mail  and  Express,  made  up  as  hula-hula  girls, 
who  danced  and  pirouetted  in  a  most  fantastic  manner.  Alas! 
Bob  and  Johnny,  with  their  generous  girths,  could  not  repeat 
the  performance  now.  Walter  B.  Stevens,  of  the  St.  Louis 
Globe  Democrat,  was  the  Paramount  Commissioner,  made  up  as 
Uncle  Sam;  George  H.  Apperson,  of  the  Globe  Democrat,  was 
the  "Commander  in  Chief"  of  the  forces;  David  S.  Barry,  of 
the  New  York  Sun,  was  the  "Army";  and  Robert  M.  Larner, 
of  the  Charleston  News  and  Courier,  the  "Navy."  Fred 
HANDY^'was  the  "paramour,"  who  figured  quite  prominently  in 
those  days  in  connection  with  events  in  Hawaii. 

The  "Queen"  was  duly  *' restored  to  her  ancient  throne," 
and  as  "she"  was  about  to  be  "annexed"  President  Hatton 
inquired : 

"Is  there  anything  you  would  like  to  say  before  you  are 
annexed.'^" 

Drawing  a  huge  ax  from  the  folds  of  her  dress,  the  "Queen" 
remarked,  viciously:  "Not  to  the  Gridiron  Club,  but  I  would  like 
to  have  a  few  minutes'  conversation  with  Minister  Thurston." 

Mr.  Thurston  was  a  guest  at  the  dinner,  and  as  Liliuo- 
KALANi  had  declared  in  a  proclamation  issued  in  Honolulu  that 


CLEVELAND    AND    THE    CLUB  37 


Thurston  and  a  few  others  who  had  overthrown  the  monarchy 
must  be  beheaded,  the  effect  of  the  announcement  of  the  Grid- 
iron "Queen"  can  well  be  imagined. 

Several  members  of  Mr.  Cleveland's  administration  were 
guests  at  the  dinner,  among  them  Postmaster-General  Bissell 
and  Secretary  Morton.  They  never  were  able  to  convince  the 
President  that  the  burlesque  of  the  principal  act  of  his  adminis- 
tration was  really  harmless. 

The  menu  was  unique  and  interesting.  It  attempted  to 
give  something  humorous  and  characteristic  of  each  guest.  It 
also  contained  a  bit  of  humor  that  was  not  altogether  appre- 
ciated by  some  of  the  guests.  On  one  page  was  a  list  of  toasts 
such  as  might  appear  at  any  ordinary  banquet.  But  from  a 
gridiron  a  column  of  smoke  curled  and  coiled  about  the  letter 
*'T"  as  if  by  way  of  ornamentation.  When  looked  at  closely 
it  transformed  *' Toasts"  into  "Roasts."  There  was  only  a  bare 
possibility  of  one  or  two  men  on  the  list  being  called  upon  to 
talk  as  a  score  or  more  of  prominent  guests  had  not  been  men- 
tioned. But  at  least  one  man  took  the  matter  seriously.  Amos 
J.  CuMMiNGS,  the  writer,  and  a  member  of  the  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives from  New  York,  was  on  the  list  to  respond  to  "The 
Congress."  Amos  neglected  his  dinner  and,  what  grieved  him 
more,  refrained  from  the  sparkling  beverages,  while  making 
notes  and  arranging  his  ideas  for  a  speech  before  such  an  impor- 
tant assemblage.  He  waited  and  watched,  heard  one  speaker 
after  another,  and  finally  the  dinner  was  closed  with  never  an 
allusion  to  him.  He  was  very  angry,  not  only  because  he  failed 
to  get  an  opportunity  to  talk,  but  also  because  he  had  been 
made  the  subject  of  a  jest.  Several  months  afterward  he  was 
heard  to  make  a  remark  about  "those  intellectual  idiots  calling 
themselves  the  Gridiron  Club." 

The  following  excerpts  from  the  menu  show  how  reference 
was  made  to  different  guests: 

Bissell,  Postmaster-General  Wilson  Shannon,  of  New  York,  a  good  man 

weighing  275  pounds. 
CocKRAN,  Representative  W.  Bourke,  of  New  York,  a  man  who  has  blotted 


38  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Chicago  from  his  memory;    a  big  chief  who  lives  on  our  reservation  and 

speaks  the  language  of  our  tribe. 
Crisp,  Chas.  F.,  of  England,  a  versatile  actor  of  the  old  days;  has  shifted  scenes 

in  military  and  tank  dramas,  court  comedies  and  political  farces;    is  now 

playing  a  twinkling  star  engagement  in  his  first  speaking  part;   is  also  the 

most  artful  dodger  in  Congress;  he  never  votes. 
CuMMiNGs,  Representative  Amos  J.,  of  New  York,  the  unofficial  reporter  of  the 

House. 
Leiter,  L.  Z.,  of  Washington,  the  poor  we  have  always  with  us. 
McKissicK,  E.  P.,  of  Asheville,  N.  C.     This  is  the  chap  in  the  early  morn  who 

filled  the  boys  with  the  juice  of  the  corn,  and  worried  the  girls,  and  walked 

the  cake,  and  showed  us  the  house  that  Vander  built. 
Pettigrew,  Senator  R.  F.,  of  South  Dakota,  famous  for  drawing  a  pair  of  states 

to  a  bob-tailed  territory;    afterwards  invented  the  ninety-day  divorce  law, 

which  has  made  South  Dakota  populous. 
Stevenson,  Vice-President  Adlai  E.,  of  Illinois,  when  not  practicing  law  at 

Funk's  Grove  Township,  sometimes  mines  coal;  is  the  chronic  audience  of 

the  United  States  Senate. 
Thurston,  Hon.  Lorin  A.,  of  Hawaii,  participated  in  a  little  game,  where  he 

discarded  a  queen  and  then  said,  "Dole  the  cards?" 
Washburn,  Senator  William  D.,  of  Minnesota,  the  flour  of  the  Senate. 

At  that  time  everybody  understood  the  allusions,  though 
twenty  years  later  they  need  an  explanation. 

Postmaster-General  Bissell  was  a  very  large  man,  and,  it 
may  also  be  remembered,  that  when  Gen.  Winfield  S.  Han- 
cock was  a  candidate  for  the  Presidency  some  one  sarcastically 
remarked  that  "he  was  a  good  man  weighing  200  pounds." 

Mr.  CocKRAN  had  a  very  unpleasant  experience  in  the 
Chicago  convention  in  1892.  He  had  been  the  earnest  cham- 
pion of  David  B.  Hill  and  after  Mr.  Cleveland  became 
President  he  was  not  welcome  at  the  White  House. 

Mr.  Crisp  was  a  native  of  England  and  had  been  an  actor, 
and  a  soldier  in  the  Confederacy.  He  was  then  Speaker,  and 
that  officer  rarely  votes  in  the  House  unless  it  is  necessary  to 
break  a  tie  or  make  a  quorum. 

Mr.  CuMMiNGS  wrote  a  daily  story  of  the  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives for  the  New  York  Sun. 

Mr.  Leiter  was  the  wealthy  merchant  prince  formerly  of 
Chicago. 


CLEVELAND    AND    THE    CLUB 


39 


Senator  Pettigrew  had  helped  to  have  Dakota  Territory 
divided  and  two  states  admitted  to  the  Union;  also  he  was 
expert  in  the  famous  American  game. 

The  Vice-President  is  one  man  who,  if  he  performs  his  full 
duty,  must  Hsten  to  the  long-winded  Senate  debates. 

Minister  Thurston  took  a  prominent  part  in  the  dethronement 
of  LiLiuoKALANi  and  the  selection  of  Mr.  Dole  as  President  of 
the  new  Republic. 

Senator  Washburn  made  a  fortune  manufacturing  flour. 

Mr.  McKissicK  had  entertained  the  Club  at  Asheville,  and 
a  real  negro  cakewalk  was  one  feature  of  the  entertainment. 
Another  was  a  visit  to  the  famous  Vanderbilt  house  with  its 
hundred  thousand  acres  of  North  Carolina  mountains,  valleys 
and  rivers. 

Mr.  McKissick's  presence  at  the  dinner  furnished  a  situa- 
tion illustrating  the  way  Frank  Hatton  could  turn  a  little 
thing  into  an  amusing  incident.  One  of  McKissick's  best 
friends,  just  to  put  him  on  his  guard,  told  him  that  he  was 
going  to  be  called  upon  to  speak.  Of  course  that  made  him 
nervous  and  he  spent  the  early  part  of  the  dinner  getting  ready. 
It  was  his  plan  to  jump  right  in  with  his  rehearsed  speech,  giving 
the  Club  no  opportunity  to  interject  remarks  and  repartee. 
At  one  stage  of  the  dinner  President  Hatton  made  an  allusion 
to  the  delightful  trip  to  the  "Land  of  the  Sky,"  the  generous 
Southern  hospitality  we  had  met  on  every  hand,  etc.  McKis- 
sicK  was  on  his  feet  before  Hatton  had  concluded.  Hatton 
saw  him  out  of  the  corner  of  his  eye.  Turning  abruptly  toward 
the  Asheville  man,  he  said:  "Young  man,  you  are  altogether 
too  previous,  and  too  anxious.  You  will  have  your  chance 
later,  but  you  must  stand  aside  for  your  elders.  I  now  intro- 
duce Mr.  W.  A.  Turk  of  the  Southern  Railway,  over  which 
line  we  travelled  when  we  took  that  delightful  trip  to  North 
Carolina."  And  McKissick,  looking  fooHsh,  sank  into  his 
chair. 

Vice-President  Stevenson  told  one  of  his  good  stories.  It 
was  about  an  old  dyed-in-the-wool  Democrat  and  the  candidacy 


40  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


of  David  Davis  of  Illinois  for  the  Democratic  nomination  back 
in  the  seventies.  Stevenson  was  making  a  tour  of  Southern 
Illinois  and  met  his  old  friend,  who  asked: 

"Adlai,  who  are  we  going  to  nominate  for  President?" 

"Well,  there  is  quite  a  good  deal  of  talk  about  Davis,"  was 
the  reply. 

"Adlai,"  said  the  old  man,  after  cogitating  a  little  time, 
"that'd  suit  me,  all  right;  but  don't  you  think  it's  a  leetle 
mite  too  soon  after  the  war  to  nominate  old  Jeff.^" 

Cartoons  of  prominent  guests  were  again  a  feature  of  the 
dinner.  Mr.  McKissick  was  pictured  as  a  cook  and  labelled, 
*'the  pride  of  Battery  Park."  He  was  proprietor  of  that  hotel. 
Stephen  D.  White  of  Brooklyn,  N.  Y.,  on  account  of  his  knowl- 
edge of  astronomy,  appeared  as  an  astrologer,  pointing  to  the 
words,  "Read  the  answer  in  the  stars."  Postmaster-General 
BissELL  was  a  letter-carrier  with  Httle  wings  flying  over  the 
Washington  monument.  William  L.  Wilson,  then  chairman 
of  the  Ways  and  Means  Committee,  was  preparing  a  tariff  bill. 
He  was  pictured  as  the  Roman,  Marcus  Curtius,  who  plunged 
into  a  fissure  of  the  earth  to  save  ancient  Rome.  Clothed  in 
the  costume  of  ancient  Rome  and  mounted  on  a  jumping  charger, 
Mr.  Wilson  held  aloft  a  document  labelled  "Wilson  Bill," 
while  the  words  on  the  picture  described  him  as  "the  noblest 
Roman  of  them  all."  While  that  remark  originally  was  applied 
to  Brutus  instead  of  Curtius  the  cartoon  itself  was  prophetic. 
Mr.  Wilson  was  one  of  the  many  who  went  down  to  defeat  in 
the  election  of  1894,  when  the  RepubHcans  won  even  a  greater 
victory  than  the  Democrats  did  in  1890.  That  election  in  1894, 
and  an  interesting  event  at  the  White  House,  furnished  ma- 
terial for  the  Gridiron  Club  at  its  tenth  anniversary  dinner. 


CHAPTER   VI 
THE   TENTH   ANNIVERSARY 

Ghost  Dance  of  Statesmen  Defeated  in  the  Election  of 
1894  —  Gorman  Presented  with  the  White  House  and 
Reed  Gets  a  Revolver  —  The  Cleveland-Hill  Rec- 
onciliation Burlesqued  —  Attendance  of  the  Papal 
Delegate  Creates  a  Flurry. 

THE  tenth  anniversary  of  the  Gridiron  Club  was  celebrated 
at  a  dinner  in  January,  1895.  The  members  took  pride 
in  the  fact  that  the  organization  had  been  kept  in  exist- 
ence despite  adverse  criticism  and  was  then  on  the  highroad  to 
greater  achievements.  The  souvenir  of  the  dinner  was  a  book 
in  which  a  brief  history  of  the  Club  was  given,  together  with 
a  list  of  those  who  had  been  guests  up  to  that  time.  One  of 
the  ceremonies  at  the  dinner  was  the  decoration  of  the  charter 
members  with  a  bronze  medal  on  which  was  inscribed  a  number 
of  Latin  words  which,  translated,  read: 
**He  has  been  ten  years  at  the  feast." 

The  election  of  1894  had  swept  the 
Democrats  out  of  power  in  the  House  of 
Representatives  and  many  men  of  prom- 
inence in  that  party  had  been  defeated. 
This  furnished  an  opportunity  to  intro- 
duce a  ghost  dance  in  imitation  of  the 
Indian  dances  which  were  the  vogue  in 
the  West  at  that  time  and  were  disturb- 
ing the  peace  and  comfort  of  people  on 
the  frontier.  The  ghosts  of  such  prom- 
inent men  as  William  L.  Wilson,  Wil- 
liam M.  Springer,  William  S.  Holman, 

Tom  L.  Johnson,  W.  Bourke   Cockran,  William  D.  Bynum, 
"Buck"  Kilgore,  William  J.  Bryan,  "Silver  Dick"  Bland, 

41 


42 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


and  Jerry  Simpson   appeared,  each  with   a   short  verse  of   ex- 
planation  of    his   defeat.     They  were    all   told  to   move  on  by 

President  Walter  B.  Stevens,  of 
the  St.  Louis  Globe  Democrat,  who 
declared  that  there  were  too  many 
live  ones  left  to  waste  time  with  those 
who  were  politically  dead. 

The  election  had  given  the  Re- 
publicans a  very  large  majority  in 
the  next  House  of  Representatives. 
It  was  known  that  Thomas  B.  Reed 
would  be  the  unanimous  choice  of 
his  party  for  Speaker,  and  the  Grid- 
iron Club  decided  to  equip  Reed  for 
his  future  position.  S.  E.  Johnson,  of  the  Cincinnati  Enquirer, 
on  behalf  of  the  Club,  presented  Reed  with  a  five-chambered 
revolver  in  lieu  of  a  gavel.  "I  suggest,"  said  Sam,  "that  you 
use  one  on  your  colleague  Boutelle;  the  second  on  Pickler 
of  South  Dakota;  and  you  will  have  three  left,  which  will  be 
enough  for  all  Democrats  of  any  account  who  survived  the 
November  cyclone."  Boutelle  was  always  making  trouble 
for  Reed,  and  Pickler  was  even  worse.  Pickler  came  to  Wash- 
ington as  a  farmer's  alliance  man,  an  old  soldier,  a  prohibition- 
ist, and  a  woman  suffragist,  and  he 
worked  at  all  of  them  all  the  time. 
To  a  man  of  Reed's  ultra-conservative 
ideas,  Pickler  was,  to  use  the  Speak- 
er's designation,  "the  wild  ass's  foal." 
Major  John  M.  Carson  made  a 
presentation  to  Senator  Gorman,  say- 
ing: "I  give  you  that  which  you 
most  desire;  which  you  have  long 
cherished;  which  you  have  no  doubt 
enjoyed    in  your   dreams."     And  he 

handed  the  Maryland  Senator  a  large  picture  of  the  White  House. 
"It  is  the  shadow  and  not  the  substance  that  the  Gridiron 


THE    TENTH    ANNIVERSARY  43 


boys  are  always  tendering  me,'*  was  Gorman's  reply,  followed 
by  a  very  amusing  speech  on  politics  and  public  men  in 
general. 

Bill  Nye  was  a  guest  at  the  dinner  and  read  a  bit  of  his 
own  humor.  Nye  had  figured  in  an  entertainment  of  the  Club 
at  Asheville,  North  Carohna,  as  one  of  the  judges  of  a  negro 
Cakewalk. 

George  Wendling,  the  lecturer,  read  a  poem,  in  which  he 
referred  to  the  various  great  nations  of  olden  times  that  had 
ruled  the  world.  "But  they  had  no  Gridiron  Club  and  so  they 
died,"  was  the  conclusion  of  each  stanza. 

One  of  the  most  interesting  stunts  of  the  evening  was  that 
which  pictured  the  reconciliation  of  President  Cleveland  and 
David  B.  Hill  of  New  York. 

The  differences  between  Senator  Hill  and  the  President  had 
been  most  acute.  A  "snap  convention"  in  February,  1892,  gave 
Hill  the  New  York  delegation  to  the  national  convention.  Hill 
fought  for  the  nomination  with  vigor,  and  Bourke  Cockran, 
who  placed  him  in  nomination,  bitterly  assailed  Cleveland  in 
the  old  Chicago  wigwam.  After  Cleveland  was  inaugurated 
Hill  continued  his  opposition.  He  fought  the  Wilson  tariff 
bill  which  was  forced  by  Cleveland  and  succeeded  in  defeating 
the  confirmation  of  two  of  Cleveland's  nominations  for  the 
Supreme  Court. 

And  then  what  a  sensation  it  was  when  Hill  called  at  the 
White  House! 

The  Gridiron  Club  used  the  initiation  of  four  new  members 
to  depict  the  reconciliation  of  Cleveland  and  Hill.  There 
was  Reginald  Schroeder,  of  the  New  York  Staats-Zeitung, 
made  up  as  Cleveland;  Louis  A.  Coolidge  of  the  New  York 
Recorder  as  Daniel  Lamont;  Charles  C.  Randolph  of  the 
New  York  Times  as  Private  Secretary  Thurber;  J.  Henry 
Kaiser,  who  had  been  elected  a  limited  member,  was  Senator 
Hill,  and  was  followed  by  John  Shriver  in  a  tiger  skin,  repre- 
senting Tammany.  Bob  Wynne  was  made  up  as  the  venerable 
Capt.   Bassett,  the  Senate  doorkeeper,  a  very  interesting  and 


44 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


ancient  figure  of  the  time;  he  was  master  of  ceremonies,  and 
announced  the  arrival  of  the  different  personages. 

On  account  of  the  many  threatening  letters  that  cranks  were 
sending  to  the  President  there  had  been  established  around  the 
White  House  a  strict  guard,  and  policemen  were  located  in  little 
box  houses  all  over  the  grounds.  Bob  Larner  was  made  up 
as  a  policeman,  carrying  his  box  with  him,  and  kept  close  to 
"Cleveland"  all  the  time. 

The  two  principals  advanced  slowly  and  finally  shook  hands 
across  a  table,  upon  which  reposed  a  bottle  of  old  rye.    "Hill" 


A  1F«  %r§*££ii  /RffcoMcuXATiott  J^icurornVK.  ^Ttiomow 


held  behind  his  back  a  huge  knife  and  "Cleveland"  a  large  ax. 
The  meeting  was  interspersed  by  a  running  fire  of  comments 
from  different  members  of  the  party,  and  a  quarrel  between 
"Lamont"  and  "Thurber"  as  to  which  had  been  responsible 
for  bringing  about  the  reconciliation.  But  it  was  the  "tiger" 
that  assumed  the  credit  on  the  ground  that  he  was  growing 
hungry  while  the  two  most  famous  Democrats  of  New  York 
were  fighting  each  other. 

The  matter  was  settled  by  declaring  "Cleveland"  Schroe- 
DER,  "Lamont"  Coolidge,  "Thurber"  Randolph,  and  "Hill" 
Kaiser  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  and  the  principals 
retired  with  weapons  still  ready  for  instant  use. 

Mr.  Cleveland  was  greatly  angered  because  he  was  imper- 
sonated in  such  a  public  manner  and  particularly  because  a  pic- 
ture of  the  reconciliation  stunt  was  published  at  the  time.     He 


THE    TENTH    ANNIVERSARY  45 


expressed  himself  in  strong  language,  of  which  he  was  amply 
capable  when  aroused.  As  for  Mr.  Schroeder's  part  in  the 
performance,  Cleveland  made  it  a  personal  matter,  and  during 
the  remainder  of  his  term,  and  even  afterward,  showed  his 
resentment  in  a  manner  which  could  not  be  misunderstood. 

It  was  at  the  dinner  in  January,  1895,  that  Archbishop 
Satolli,  the  Papal  delegate,  delivered  his  address  defining  his 
mission  to  America.  For  a  short  time  following  the  dinner 
there  was  great  ado  among  anti-Catholic  societies  and  the  press 
opposed  to  that  Church.  The  A.P.A.  movement  was  then  at 
its  height  and  papers  representing  that  organization  denounced 
the  Gridiron  Club  in  unmeasured  terms.  It  was  stated  that  the 
Club  had  been  "captured  by  the  Church,"  that  Archbishop 
Satolli  had  *' artfully  contrived  to  have  himself  invited  to  the 
dinner,'*  and  that  the  Club  *' violated  its  rules  to  pubHsh  the 
address  entire,"  also  that  it  was  *' another  means  to  horngozzle 
the  secular  press."  Thomas  B.  Reed  was  severely  arraigned, 
the  statement  being  made  that  Mr.  Reed  "in  allowing  himself 
to  be  cajoled  into  an  acceptance  of  Satolli's  invitation  to  meet 
him  at  the  Gridiron  Club,  cooked  his  presidential  goose  in  one 
act."  Much  more  to  the  same  effect  was  published  at  the  time, 
and  possibly  there  were  people  who  may  have  believed  that  the 
Gridiron  Club  was  "caught  in  a  net  spread  by  Rome,"  or  other 
foolish  statements  which  the  Satolli  incident  brought  forth. 

The  facts  were  that  the  Gridiron  Club  for  ten  years  had 
always  entertained  celebrities,  and  during  the  twenty  years 
since  Archbishop  Satolli  was  a  guest  it  has  continued  to  enter- 
tain men  of  distinction.  The  Archbishop  was  of  great  promi- 
nence and  importance  at  that  time  because  he  was  the  first 
Papal  delegate  to  this  country.  One  member  of  the  Club,  on 
his  own  responsibility,  and  with  the  right  which  every  member 
has  to  choose  his  guests,  went  to  some  pains  to  get  Archbishop 
Satolli  to  attend  the  dinner.  In  addition  to  the  Archbishop 
he  found  it  necessary  to  invite  a  number  of  other  gentlemen  in 
order  to  assure  the  acceptance  of  the  Delegate.  There  was  no 
deep  MachiaveUian  plot;   no  one  was  cajoled;   nor  was  there  any 


46  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


connivance  among  any  of  the  parties  about  the  publication  of 
the  speech.  A  newspaper  man  connected  with  the  Associated 
Press  had  established  friendly  relations  with  the  new  Papal 
representation,  and  when  he  learned  that  the  Archbishop  was 
going  to  attend  the  dinner  persuaded  the  Secretary,  Dr.  Rooker, 
to  let  him  have  a  copy  of  the  address  to  be  released  for  publica- 
tion when  it  was  delivered. 

The  individual  effort  of  one  member  secured  the  attendance 
of  the  Papal  delegate  at  the  dinner.  The  enterprise  of  a  news- 
paper man  secured  the  publication  of  his  address.  There  was 
nothing  more  to  the  tempest  in  a  teapot  which  the  incident 
created,  and  it  was  not  long  before  the  matter  was  forgotten. 

Until  the  tenth  anniversary  it  had  been  the  custom  of  the 
Club  to  give  what  was  called  the  Annual  Dinner  late  in  Janu- 
ary or  February.  Dinners  were  also  given  on  the  last  Saturday 
of  February%  March,  April,  October  and  November.  They  were 
small  affairs,  attended  by  only  a  few  members  of  the  Club,  and 
little  or  no  attention  was  given  to  preparation  of  stunts  and 
skits.  The  guests  were  all  called  upon  to  make  a  speech  or  tell 
a  story,  or  in  some  way  contribute  to  the  entertainment.  Often- 
times these  small  dinners  developed  features  of  rare  excellence, 
while  their  informality  made  them  particularly  enjoyable  affairs. 

But  it  was  realized  that  the  annual  dinners  were  the  impor- 
tant events  and  guests  invited  to  the  smaller  dinners  felt  that 
they  were  given  a  sort  of  second-hand  treat;  and  so  after  the 
tenth  anniversary  the  informal  dinners  were  abandoned  and  the 
plan  was  adopted  which  has  since  been  followed.  Two  or  three 
dinners  are  given  each  year  and  all  are  made  of  equal  importance. 

An  event  of  historic  importance  happened  in  1895.  Before 
the  close  of  his  administration  Mr.  Cleveland,  by  hurling  a 
mighty  defi  in  the  face  of  the  British  Lion,  gave  the  Gridiron 
Club  another  opportunity  to  burlesque  a  big  thing  in  his 
administration. 


CHAPTER   VII 
UPHOLDING  THE   MONROE   DOCTRINE 

SCHOMBURGK      LiNE      FURNISHES      ThIRD      BuRLESQUE      ON      THE 

Cleveland  Administration  —  Presidential  Possibili- 
ties OF  1896  —  First  Memorial  —  Ladies'  Leap-Year 
Dinner  —  Cuba  Libre  in  a  Prophetic  Speech  —  Honor- 
ing A  Charter  Member  of  the  Club. 

HOW  many  people  remember  now  that  there  was  a 
Schomburgk  line?  And  yet  it  was  a  vital  issue  back  in 
1895  and  we  were  on  the  verge  of  war  with  England  on 
account  of  it.  The  real  difficulty  was  our  exercise  of  the  Monroe 
Doctrine  to  its  fullest  extent.  Even  in  the  settlement  of  a 
boundary  dispute  between  Venezuela  and  British  Guiana,  we 
locked  horns  with  the  government  of  Great  Britian,  and  Presi- 
dent Cleveland  went  so  far  as  to  send  a  message  to  Congress 
ringing  with  defiance  to  the  old  mother  country,  with  whom  we 
had  already  engaged  in  two  wars,  and  with  whom  in  1914  we 
so  cheerfully  exchanged  greetings  over  one  hundred  years  of 
peace.     But  as  to  the  Schomburgk  line. 

The  Gridiron  Club  treated  it  in  its  usual  style  at  the  dinner 
in  January,  1896.  William  E.  Annin  of  the  Salt  Lake  Tribune, 
was  President  of  the  Club  at  that  time.  At  one  stage  of  the 
dinner,  Frank  Hosford  made  the  very  interesting  announce- 
ment that  the  Venezuelan  boundary  commission  had  completed 
its  labors  and  was  prepared  to  report.  The  further  sensational 
statement  was  made  that  the  "finding  of  the  commission  was 
the  Schomburgk  fine  itself,  which  had  been  discovered  after 
great  difficulty."  This  line,  the  report  further  stated,  was  found 
to  have  no  fixed  habitation  in  the  jungles  of  Guiana,  but  seemed 
to  have  disported  itself  at  will  all  over  the  map  of  South  America. 
When  it  was  finally  rounded  up  by  the  commission  it  was  found 
undulating  along  the  Spanish  Main  with  one  end  in  the  head- 
waters of  the  Amazon,  and  the  other  in  the  delta  of  the  Orinoco. 

47 


48 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


After  desperate  efforts  on  the  part  of  the  Hne  to  escape  it  had 
been  captured  and  brought  to  Washington. 
"Bring  it  in!"  ordered  President  Annin. 
And  then  entered  Gen.  Henry  V.  Boynton,  and  Mr.  Crosby 
S.  NoYES,  of  the  Washington  Star,  two  of  the  oldest  as  well  as 
two  of  the  most  highly  esteemed  members  of  the  Club,  bearing 
on  their  shoulders  a  large  reel,  covered  with  American  flags  and 

garnished  with  flying 
streamers.  On  this  reel 
was  wound  the  famous 
Schomburgk  line  con- 
sisting of  many  yards 
of  red-white-and-blue 
elastic.  It  was  unrolled 
and  stretched  about  the 
room  from  table  to 
table  with  the  colored 
ribbons  and  flags  danc- 
ing and  fluttering  about 
the  guests. 

The  Schomburgk 
line,  upon  which  Great 


Britain  based  her  contention  for  claiming  a  large  slice  of  Vene- 
zuelan territory,  was  very  vague  and  indefinite  in  the  diplomatic 
negotiations.  The  Gridiron  Club  members  showed  that  the 
Schomburgk  line  was  as  illusive  and  uncertain  as  they  had  de- 
scribed it,  and  could  be  stretched  hither  and  yon,  up  and  down, 
around  and  about,  in  any  direction  that  was  necessary. 

Carrying  out  the  travesty,  Hosford  said  that  the  capture 
of  the  Schomburgk  line  would  mean  immediate  hostilities  and 
that  it  would  be  necessary  for  the  President  to  announce  a 
policy  and  to  get  in  readiness.  President  Annin  called  on  the 
Secretary  of  the  Treasury  for  a  statement  of  the  financial  condi- 
tion of  the  country  in  view  of  the  war-like  appearance.  S.  E. 
Johnson,  speaking  for  that  official,  said  that  the  treasury  was 
in  a  deplorable  condition  as  J.  Pierpont  Morgan  had  snaked 


THE    MONROE    DOCTRINE 


49 


out  $400,000,000  which  had  recently  been  offered  by  Russia,  and 
no  one  else  had  nerve  enough  to  go  and  ask  the  Czar  for  the  other 
$350,000,000  which  were  still  in  the  imperial  coffers  of  Russia. 

Major  Carson  was  ordered  to  take  charge  of  recruiting  forces 
and  prepare  for  action,  and,  by  previous  arrangement,  the 
champagne  bottles  were  all  opened  one  after  another  in  quick 
succession,  making  a  popping  that  was  timely  as  well  as  ludicrous. 

Alleged  telegrams  were  read  which  hit  different  individuals. 
A  dispatch  from  Wall  Street  stated  that  "stocks  are  leaking 
rapidly  and  Chauncey  M.  Depew  says  that  the  country  has 
lost  $18,000,000,000  and  some  cents,  but  that  he  holds  his  job." 
A  dispatch  from  London  said  that  in  response  to  importunate 
appeals  of  Joseph  Pulitzer  to  the  Prince  of  Wales,  the  latter 
had  begged  the  Earl  of  Dunraven,  commanding  the  flying 
squadron  off  Sandy  Hook,  in  the  event  of  a  bombardment  of 
New  York,  to  aim  to  the  right  or  left  so  as  not  to  hit  the  great 
brass  dome  of  the  New  York  World.  Dunraven  at  that  time 
had  just  challenged  for  the  America's  cup. 

The  fun  went  on  for  some  time.  The  captured  line  was 
distributed  in  garter  strips  to  the  guests,  and  Mr.  Hosford 
finally  closed  the  skit  with  a  very  flamboyant  jingo  speech  end- 
ing with  the  declaration  that  "though  New  York  be  in  sack- 
cloth and  Washington  in  ashes,  though  the  Caribbean  become  a 
crimson  sea  of  carnage  and  rivers  of  gore  roll  down  into  oceans 
of  bloodier  blood,  the  Schomburgk  line  shall  remain  safe  and 
forever  in  possession  of  the  United  States,"  capping  the  climax 
with  this  partial  Shakespearian  quotation:  "Lay  on,  Macduff, 
and  d — d  be  he  who  doesn't  stand  by  this  bluff." 

Lord  Salisbury  in  more  diplomatic  language  had  said  that 
the  warlike  message  which  Mr.  Cleveland  sent  to  Congress 
was  a  bluff.  The  repetition  of  that  intimation  by  the  Gridiron 
Club  was  displeasing  to  the  President. 

The  year  1896  was  a  presidential  year  and  furnished  occasion 
for  fun  with  candidates.  At  the  annual  dinner  the  Club  devoted 
itself  largely  to  Democratic  possibihties.  Senator  David  Ben- 
nett Hill  of  New  York,  Senator  Arthur  P.  Gorman  of  Mary- 


50  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

land,  Vice-President  Stevenson  of  Illinois,  and  William  R. 
Morrison  of  the  same  State  were  called  up  and  members  of  the 
Club  made  comments  as  to  their  availability.  On  the  part* 
of  the  Republicans,  Thomas  B.  Reed,  who  had  again  been 
elected  Speaker  of  the  House,  and  was  a  particularly  active 
candidate,  and  Chauncey  M.  Depew  were  brought  forward  and 
described  as  men  who  would  make  good  Presidents,  and  for 
that  reason  they  "will  not  be  nominated." 

The  suggestion  of  Senator  Depew  for  President  brought 
forth  a  story  from  Senator  Thurston  of  Nebraska,  who  told 
of  the  difficulty  of  trying  to  nominate  a  man  like  the  New  York 
Senator.  He  recalled  the  convention  of  1888  at  Chicago  when 
Depew  was  on  hand  with  one  hundred  or  more  delegates.  Soon 
after  the  arrival  of  Senator  Thurston  at  the  head  of  the  Ne- 
braska delegation  he  was  sought  by  Depew,  who  asked: 

"How  many  delegates  have  you,  Thurston.'^" 

"Ten." 

"How  many  are  railroad  lawyers.'^" 

"Ten." 

"Then  that  means  ten  votes  for  me,"  said  Depew  with 
satisfaction. 

"No,  indeed,"  replied  Thurston,  "we  have  all  we  can  do 
to  carry  our  own  load  without  shouldering  the  President  of  the 
New  York  Central." 

Senator  Depew  had  already  spoken  before  Thurston's 
story,  but  he  insisted  upon  another  chance  in  order  to  explain 
what  great  mistakes  the  Republican  party  had  made  in  the 
past,  "but  now,  since  the  people  know  better,  there  is  no  danger 
of  repeating  the  mistake  in  the  future." 

Tom  Reed  repeated  a  remark  made  by  him  to  an  enthu- 
siast, who  had  rushed  up  to  him  in  the  corridor  of  the  House 
and  exclaimed: 

"Mr.  Reed,  you  are  the  man  of  the  hour;  you  are  the  man 
the  Republicans  should  choose;  the  country  needs  a  man  of 
your  ability,  firmness,  and  integrity;  you  should  receive  the 
nomination." 


THE    MONROE    DOCTRINE  51 


Gazing  down  at  his  admirer,  Reed  drawled:  "The  conven- 
tion could  do  worse  —  and  probably  will." 

Senator  Hill,  who  had  been  a  very  active  candidate  in  1892 
against  Cleveland,  who  had  fought  Cleveland  during  his 
entire  administration,  and  who  was  then  actively  engaged  in 
fighting  the  free  silver  element  in  the  Democratic  party  —  at 
outs  with  the  Cleveland  wing  on  one  side  and  the  Bland  wing 
on  the  other  —  was  asked  to  talk  about  his  presidential 
chances. 

Hill,  who  was  a  confirmed  bachelor,  told  a  story  of  his 
experience  with  the  census  taker  when  he  was  Governor  of  New 
York.  Asking  the  questions  on  the  formula  the  census  man 
finally  came  to  this  one: 

"How  many  children.'''* 

"None  to  speak  of,"  replied  Hill. 

"That  answers  the  Gridiron  query,"  said  Hill,  and  went  on 
with  his  speech. 

Senator  Gorman  was  at  that  time  a  looker-on,  so  far  as  his 
candidacy  was  concerned,  and  he  could  treat  his  chances  in  the 
light  vein  which  made  his  speech  very  amusing. 

At  that  dinner  there  was  a  general  in  the  army,  who  was 
also  a  Civil  War  veteran  with  a  splendid  record  and  an  Indian 
fighter  who  had  been  in  all  the  big  engagements  with  the  Red 
Men.  He  was  known  as  one  of  those  men  of  "regular"  habits, 
particularly  with  regard  to  drinking,  and  he  looked  the  part. 
He  was  a  warm  personal  friend  of  the  President  of  the  Club, 
and  Annin  arranged  that  when  he  was  called  up  the  quartette 
should  sing  a  few  lines  of  that  swinging  revival  song: 


I  am  a  soldier;  and  rum  is  my  foe; 
Rum  is  my  foe;  rum  is  my  foe. 


Pretty  raw  of  course,  but  it  was  very,  very  funny.  It  was 
just  one  of  those  little  things  that  were  particularly  pat  and 
set  the  table  in  a  roar. 

It  was  at  the  dinner  in  January,  1896,  that  the  Club  began 
a  practise,  which  has  ever  since  been  followed,  of  pausing  for 


52  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

a  few  moments  to  memorialize  the  members  who  have  passed 
away  during  the  year.  The  lights  were  turned  out  and  Major 
Carson,  one  of  the  founders  of  the  Club,  said:  "The  Gridiron 
Club  was  organized  for  festivity  and  fun;  for  relaxation  and 
recreation;  for  the  promotion  of  good-fellowship  among  men 
engaged  in  the  daily  activities  of  life.  But  we  have  thought 
it  proper  to  turn  aside  for  a  moment  and  pay  a  tribute  to  those 
who  were  so  recently  among  us  and  who  have  passed  to  the 
Great  Beyond." 

Then  appeared  on  a  screen  the  faces  of  two  members  who 
had  died  during  the  year.  Briefly  their  relations  with  the  Club 
were  stated  and  then  as  the  pictures  began  to  fade  among  the 
clouds  the  quartette  sang,  softly: 

Don't  you  hear  them  bells; 
Don't  you  hear  them  bells; 
They  are  ringing  out  the  glory  of  the  day. 

And  then  the  lights  flashed.  Everybody  joined  in  the  song 
and  the  mirth  and  merriment  were  resumed. 

There  was  a  number  of  distinguished  guests  at  the  dinner, 
among  them  ex-Governor  Alexander  Shepherd,  then  a  resident 
of  Batophilas,  Mexico,  but  formerly  the  famous  "Boss  Shepherd" 
of  Washington  City  in  the  days  of  long  ago.  Another  distin- 
guished guest  was  Rear-Admiral  Benham,  who  was  in  command 
of  the  American  squadron  in  the  Brazilian  harbor  when  it  be- 
came necessary  to  fire  a  shot  across  the  bows  of  an  insurgent 
warship  which  was  interfering  with  an  American  merchant 
vessel. 

Gridiron  dinners,  until  a  few  years  ago,  were  always  given 
on  the  last  Saturday  in  the  month.  So  when  it  happened 
that  the  extra  leap-year  day  fell  on  Saturday,  February  29, 
it  was  determined  to  give  a  ladies'  dinner  to  celebrate  the 
unusual  circumstance. 

There  had  long  been  a  demand  by  the  wives  of  members  for 
such  a  dinner.  They  had  been  guests  on  trips  at  different  times, 
excursions,  and  such  like,  "but,"  they  said,  "we  want  to  go  to 


THE    MONROE    DOCTRINE  53 


a  regular  dinner,  such  as  you  men  have  and  see  if  it  really  is 
such  fun  as  you  claim." 

And  so  a  ladies'  Gridiron  dinner  was  given.  Everything  was 
arranged  as  would  have  been  the  case  in  entertaining  any  special 
body  of  guests.  Naturally,  there  were  gentle  touches  and  trib- 
utes to  the  women.  There  was  a  profusion  of  flowers  with 
dainty  bouquets  for  each  guest.  The  souvenir  was  a  bit  of 
parchment  paper  folding  in  the  form  of  a  heart.  Upon  its  face 
were  an  up-to-date  girl  and  several  dancing  cupids  in  gold. 
"Food  for  the  Sweet  Creatures,"  was  the  line  at  the  head  of 
the  menu,  and  this  little  verse  appeared  on  one  page: 

A  modest  set  of  men  are  we. 

Nor  given  much  to  boasting. 
Tonight  we  promise  gallantly 

To  save  the  girls  a  roasting. 

A  number  of  stunts  were  tried,  which  in  preparation,  were 
thought  to  be  amusing.  They  had  no  relation  to  the  presence 
of  the  ladies.  Then  several  features  directed  toward  the  women 
were  given.  Henry  L.  West  made  a  serio-comic  appeal  in 
behalf  of  the  Society  of  Oppressed  Husbands.  S.  E.  Johnson 
delivered  an  address  on  the  New  Woman.  Major  Carson  was 
equally  eloquent  in  behalf  of  the  Old  Woman.  The  ladies 
present  were  then  decorated  with  the  Order  of  the  K-nights  Com- 
manders of  the  Gridiron,  the  emblem  being  a  little  latch  key 
bearing  the  letters  "K.C.G."  Then  an  attempt  was  made  to 
organize  the  Sadiron  Club.  Walter  B.  Stevens  pointed  out 
that  a  Gridiron  dinner  could  not  be  held  again  on  Saturday, 
February  29,  until  the  year  1920,  which  he  said  was  a  "long 
time  between  ladies'  dinners."  He  spoke  of  the  organiza- 
tion of  various  auxiliaries  of  other  societies  composed  of  men, 
and  suggested  that  the  wives  and  daughters  of  the  members  of 
the  Gridiron  Club  should  have  a  Sadiron  Club.  An  election 
becoming  necessary,  with  only  ladies  voting,  there  soon  ensued 
a  travesty  on  woman  suffrage.  There  were  dupHcate  ballots 
and   other   irregularities,   and  when   the  tellers  finally  reported 


54  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

the  result  only  one  vote  had  been  cast  for  each  lady  present, 
which  was  an  intimation  that  each  had  voted  for  herself. 

There  was  a  pause  for  the  laugh  which  never  came. 

"What  is  it  all  about.'^"  inquired  a  lady  of  her  husband. 
"You  know  that  that  was  perfectly  ridiculous." 

And  that  was  the  general  verdict  of  the  women  as  to  the 
other  stunts.  The  interruption  and  quizzing  of  speakers  fell 
flat,  and  the  members  of  the  Club  became  painfully  aware  that 
they  were  not  putting  anjdhing  across. 

"Is  this  what  you  men  call  fun.^" 

"Do  you  men  really  think  you  are  having  a  good  time?" 

"Do  you  think  I'd  have  wasted  a  brand  new  gown  for 
this.?" 

Those  are  samples  of  questions  which  the  members  of  the 
Club   heard  that  night. 

But  never  again!  It  was  the  last  suffragist  movement  in  the 
Gridiron  Club.  The  suggestion  that  the  next  ladies'  dinner  be 
postponed  for  twenty-four  years  met  with  general  approval. 

But  one  bright  gem  remains  in  our  memories.  Cuba  was 
the  foremost  topic  in  the  discussions  of  those  days  and  Frank 
HosFORD  coupled  the  leap-year  occasion  and  Cuba  Libre  in 
one  of  his  usual  oratorical  flights.  This  is  the  way  he  described 
Cuba  as  a  leap-year  lady,  and  predicted  the  birth  of  a  new 
Republic  on  the  Western  hemisphere: 

"As  yet  she  is  but  vaguely  outlined.  But  soon,  thanks  to 
the  Congress  of  the  United  States,  she  will  be  boldly  limned 
against  the  milky  baldric  of  the  skies,  and  set  her  single  star 
of  glory  there!  Her  face  is  wan,  but  it  has  traces  of  opulent 
beauty.  Her  garb  is  humble,  but  it  is  flecked  with  the  patriotic 
blood  of  martyrs.  She  has  for  ornaments  only  her  broken  chains, 
but  on  her  head  she  wears  the  dear  familiar  cap  of  liberty. 
This  is  indeed  a  Leap-Year  for  Cuba.  She  has  leaped  from 
slavery  to  the  very  threshold  of  freedom." 

It  was  decidedly  fitting  after  an  outburst  like  this,  that 
two  years  later  Hosford  should  become  President  of  the  Club, 
and  preside  over  two  dinners,  one  of  which  was  given  when  we 


THE    MONROE    DOCTRINE  55 


were  on  the  verge  of  war  with  Spain,  the  other  when  we  cele- 
brated our  victories  on  land  and  sea. 

After  the  election  of  1896,  the  Gridiron  Club  had  an  oppor- 
tunity to  give  a  dinner  in  honor  of  one  of  its  own  members, 
James  Rankin  Young,  a  veteran  of  the  Civil  War,  one  of  the 
charter  members  of  the  Club.  For  many  years  Mr.  Young 
had  been  an  executive  clerk  in  the  United  States  Senate,  han- 
dhng  all  the  secret  business  of  that  body.  As  is  well  known, 
secrets  of  the  Senate  are  not  kept  inviolable  and  treaties,  de- 
bates, and  even  votes  on  important  matters,  are  published. 
Such  was  the  case  when  Senator  Hill  made  his  fight  against 
the  confirmation  of  William  B.  Hornblower  and  Wheeler 
H.  Peckham,  nominated  by  President  Cleveland  to  be  Asso- 
ciate Justices  of  the  United  States  Supreme  Court.  An  impor- 
tant treaty,  or  one  held  to  be  such  by  the  Foreign  Relations 
Committee,  was  published,  and  the  Senate  went  on  one  of  its 
periodical  hunts  to  find  the  source  of  leaks  of  executive  sessions. 
Finally  it  was  decided  to  sacrifice  Jim  Young.  "What  can  we 
expect,"  asked  one  venerable  Senator,  "when  a  trained  news- 
paper man  sits  in  executive  sessions  and  has  charge  of  the  execu- 
tive records.'^"  And  so  he  was  sacrificed,  although  it  was  known 
that  these  executive  sessions  secrets  are  never  obtained  from 
Senate  employees. 

Mr.  Young  went  to  his  old  home  in  Philadelphia  and  after 
the  election  in  1896  returned  to  Washington  with  one  of  the 
largest  congressional  majorities  ever  known  up  to  that  time. 
The  Gridiron  Club  gave  a  special  dinner  in  order  to  compliment 
him. 

But  the  election  of  1896  did  a  great  deal  more  for  the  Grid- 
iron Club.  It  developed  Mark  Hanna,  who  made  a  big  hit  at 
the  first  dinner  he  attended,  and  was  a  welcome  guest  as  long 
as  he  lived. 


CHAPTER   VIII 
CHANGE   OF  ADMINISTRATIONS 

Last  of  Cleveland  and  Beginning  of  McKinley  —  Royal 
Flush  of  Clubs  Picturing  Events  —  Telephone  Con- 
versation WITH  Canton  —  President  McKinley  a  Guest 

—  A  Republican  Elephant  —  The  "Little   Corporal" 
Demands   Prosperity    and    Pie    and    the   Pie   Appears 

—  Hanna  Makes  a  Hit. 

NATURALLY  the  Gridiron  Club  had  to  take  account  of 
the  change  of  administration  which  occurred  after  the 
election  of  1896.  In  November  of  that  year,  William 
McKinley  had  defeated  William  J.  Bryan,  but  when  the 
annual  dinner  was  held  in  January,  1897,  the  Cleveland  adminis- 
tration was  still  in  office.  The  dinner  partook  of  a  sort  of 
farewell  to  the  retiring  administration,  together  with  a  sugges- 
tion of  the  new  administration  which  would  take  office  in  the 
coming  March. 

The    Gridiron    Club    has    often    inade   a    speciality    of   menu 

souvenirs,  and  these,  in  the  guise  of 
cards,  books,  pamphlets,  papers,  imi- 
tations of  the  Congressional  Record, 
and  various  other  forms,  have  por- 
trayed in  turn  some  interesting  event 
which  was  before  the  public. 

At  the  dinner  in  January,  1897, 
a  royal  flush  of  clubs  was  the  sou- 
venir, designed  by  Francis  E.  Leupp 
of  the  New  York  Evening  Post. 

The  ace  bore  the  picture  of  the 
President  of  the  Club,  S.  E.   John- 
son, of  the  Cincinnati  Enquirer. 
The  court  cards  were  double  heads.     The  king  had  for  one 
face  the  well-known   countenance   of  William  McKinley   with 

56 


CHANGE    OF    ADMINISTRATIONS 


57 


a  gold  dollar  in  one  hand  and  a  tariff  bill  in  the  other,  and  for 
the  corner  spot  the  White  House  with  a  Gridiron  flag  floating 
proudly  over  it.     The  opposite  head   was  that  of  William  J. 
Bryan,   and   in    one    hand 
was  grasped  a  silver  dollar 
while  the   other   wielded  a 
sword    inscribed    *'Free 
Coinage." 

The  queen  had  for  one 
head  a  Cuban  senorita  with 
a  cigarette  between  her  lips, 
for  Cuba  in  those  days  was 
a  very  important  subject  in 
the  Capital  of  the  United 
States.  On  the  other  end, 
was  a  picture  of  ex-Queen 
LiLiuoKALANi,  holding  a 
pair  of  scales  in  her  hand 
and  weighing  her  crown 
against  a  liberal  pension. 
This  was  rather  prophetic 
because  everybody  under- 
stood that  the  coining  ad- 
ministration would  no 
doubt  recognize  the  Ameri- 
can element  in  Hawaii,  and 
that  Queen  "Lil"  would 
not  remain  as  ruler  of  the 
Islands  very  long.     In  after 

years,  the  ex-Queen  became  a  rather  pathetic  figure,  haunting 
the  halls  of  Congress,  seeking  recompense  in  money  or  a  pension 
for  her  lost  prestige. 

The  knave  had  a  picture  of  Sir  Julian  Pauncefote  (that 
was  before  he  was  made  Lord  Pauncefote),  pointing  to  a  map 
of  Venezuela  with  one  hand  and  holding  an  olive  branch  with 
the  other.     This,  too,  represented  an  event  of  the  time,  for  dur- 


58 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


ing  the  period  between  Cleveland's  threatening  message  re- 
garding the  Venezuelan  dispute,  which  was  portrayed  so  vividly 
at  the  Gridiron  dinner  in  1895,  Sir  Julian  and  Secretary  Olney 

with  the  Venezuelan  minis- 
ter, had  negotiated  a  treaty 
which  gave  England  all 
that  she  had  ever  claimed 
in  South  America.  Oppo- 
site Sir  Julian  on  the 
knave  was  a  picture  of 
Abdul  Hamid,  who  was 
calmly  looking  at  the  atro- 
cities perpetrated  by  the 
Turks  upon  the  Armenians. 
Pointing  with  his  left 
thumb,  his  hand  raised 
even  with  his  shoulder,  to 
the  slaughter  of  Armenians 
which  was  then  going  on 
and  pictured  in  the  corner 
of  the  card,  old  Abdul  had 
an  almost  sardonic  grin  on 
his  face  as  if  to  ask:  "What 
are  you  going  to  do  about 
it.?" 

The  ten-spot  was  a 
group  of  Gridiron  clubs 
containing  the  heads  of 
President  Cleveland, 
Vice-President  Stevenson  and  the  eight  members  of  the  Cabinet. 
Inference  was  to  be  drawn  from  this  that  the  members  of  the 
administration  nearing  its  close  must  cease  to  be  court  cards 
and  must  take  their  places  once  more  in  the  body  of  the 
pack. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  Congressman  Boutelle  of  Maine 
was  more  or  less  of  a  thorn  in  the  side  of  Speaker  Reed.     At  the 


CHANGE    OF    ADMINISTRATIONS 


59 


dinner    in    January,    1897,    the    animosity    between    these    two 
Maine  men  was  manifested  in  a  manner  that  proved  to  be  very 
amusing.     Boutelle,  who  had  long  been  chairman  of  the  Com- 
mittee   on    Naval    Affairs, 
was    mentioned    in    the 
papers    quite  frequently  as 
the   possible    Secretary    of 
the  Navy.     It  was  under- 
stood   that    a    man    from 
New   England    was   to    be 
selected  for  that  place. 

At  this  dinner  Boutelle 
was  the  subject  of  a  little 
roast,  when  J.  J.  Noah,  of 
the  Denver  News,  dressed 
as  a  letter-carrier,  arrived 
with  a  big  portfolio  in- 
scribed "Navy"  on  one 
side,  and  walked  over  to 
Mr.  Boutelle  with  it. 
He  held  it  up  for  a  moment, 
but  in  switching  it  around 
he  showed  the  other  side 
with  the  word  "Nit"  in 
large  letters.  Mr.  Bou- 
telle was  given  an  oppor- 
tunity to  say  what  he 
thought,  but  as  he  was  of 
a  serious  turn  of  mind,  it 

was  soon  observed  that  he  had  not  appreciated  the  joke  which 
the  Gridiron  men  had  played  upon  him. 

Mr.  Johnson  had  succeeded  Annin  as  president  of  the  Club. 
At  one  stage  of  the  dinner,  a  telephone  in  a  conspicuous  place 
rang  rather  furiously.  "There  has  always  been  more  or  less 
discussion,"  remarked  President  Johnson,  "as  to  what  the 
United    States    shall    do    with    its    ex-Presidents.     The    Gridiron 


60  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Club  is  not  troubled  with  any  such  difficulty.  Mr.  Annin  will 
answer  the  telephone.'* 

Annin  went  to  the  telephone  and  held  an  imaginary  con- 
versation with  somebody  in  Canton,  Ohio,  the  home  of  the 
President-elect. 

"Yes,  he's  here,"  said  Annin. 

"No,  Mr.  Cleveland  did  not  come." 

"He  don't  like  the  way  we  roasted  his  administration  about 
Queen  'Lil'  and  the  Venezuelan  boundary." 

"Yes,  BouTELLE  is  here." 

"What's  he  doing.^"  (A  pause)  "Just  waiting," 

Of  course  that  raised  a  laugh  at  the  e'xpense  of  Congressman 

BoUTELLE. 

The  telephone  conversation  continued: 

"Yes,  Speaker  Reed  is  here." 

"But  not  waiting,"  drawled  Speaker  Reed  from  the  head  of 
the  table,  during  a  momentary  pause. 

It  was  a  decided  hit,  and  even  if  it  did  get  under  the  skin  of 
BouTELLE,  the  Club  and  its  guests  enjoyed  it. 

It  was  expected  that  one  result  of  the  elections  of  1896  would 
be  the  annexation  of  Haw^aii,  and  there  was  a  skit  on  the  sub- 
ject, only  it  was  "Ireland"  that  was  used  for  the  purpose.  Of 
all  anti-expansionists,  Senator  Hale  of  Maine  was  the  most 
pronounced,  while  Senator  Chandler  of  New  Hampshire  was 
just  the  other  way.  W.  B.  Stevens  represented  Hale  of  Maine, 
and  F.  H.  Hosford  represented  Chandler.  When  the  discus- 
sion w^axed  warm  a  member  of  the  Club  appeared  as  a  White 
House  secretary  bringing  a  message  from  the  President  telling 
the  Senate  to  keep  its  resolution  to  itself  and  not  to  bother  the 
administration  with  such  trivial  affairs.  Mr.  Cleveland  always 
resented  the  interference  of  the  Senate  in  foreign  affairs. 

There  were  many  prominent  guests  at  that  dinner  and  some 
very  clever  speeches  made,  among  them  one  by  the  Rev.  T. 
DeWitt  Talmage,  who  met  the  Club  on  its  own  ground  and 
was  a  genuine  surprise. 

Senator  James  K.  Jones  of  Arkansas,  who  was  chairman  of 


CHANGE    OF    ADMINISTRATIONS 


61 


the  Democratic  national  committee,  and  had  just  concluded  the 
campaign  when  Bryan  went  down  to  defeat  the  first  time,  was 
called  upon  and  merely  remarked  that  there  were  innumerable 
stories  of  men  who  had  "nothing  to  say,"  and  assured  the  Club 
that  they  could  take  any  one  of  them  and  fit  it  to  his  case. 
That  was  all,  but  it  told  a  story  which  everybody  appreciated. 

President  William  McKinley  was  a  guest  of  the  Gridiron 
Club  as  President  for  the  first  time  in  March,   1897.     He  did 
not  stay  very  long,  but  was  at  the  reception  previous  to  the 
dinner  and   met   many   of  the  guests. 
The  health  of  Mrs.   McKinley   then, 
and  during  his  entire   administration, 
often   caused    the   President  to  break 
engagements,  and  he  never  made  any 
arrangement  to   stay   anywhere  for    a 
definite  length  of  time,  on  that  account. 
During   the   short    time    that   he   was 
present  he   enjoyed  the    fun,   but    he 
did  not  stay  long  enough  to  partici- 
pate   in    the    principal    stunt    of    the 
evening.    Most  of  the  members  of  his 

Cabinet  were  there,  including  Lyman  J.  Gage,  Secretary  of  the 
Treasury;  Russell  A.  Alger,  Secretary  of  War;  John  D. 
Long,  Secretary  of  the  Navy;  and  James  McKenna,  Attorney 
General  and  now  Associate  Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court. 
Among  the  other  guests  were  Baron  Thielmann,  the  German 
Ambassador;   and  Senhor  Mendonca,  the  Brazilian  Ambassador. 

The  Republican  elephant  was  the  menu  souvenir.  On  first 
sight  he  appeared  with  a  gridiron  for  a  howdah,  and  on  the  card 
was  the  query,  "Has  the  Gridiron  Club  a  pull.^"  with  the 
answer,  "Well,  we  should  smile!"  Suspended  from  the  elephant 
was  a  ribbon  at  the  end  of  which  was  the  word  "pull."  Nat- 
urally the  ribbon  was  pulled  with  the  interesting  result  that  a 
picture  of  McKinley  in  Napoleonic  hat  appeared  in  the  howdah. 
In  one  hand  he  held  a  pie  and  in  the  other  a  dish  of  plums. 
The  elephant  showed  life  with  the  pulling  of  the  ribbon.     His 


62  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

trunk  came  out  of  hiding  with  a  basket  of  plums  labelled  "news'* 
and  at  the  same  time  appeared  tied  to  the  end  of  his  tail  a  bag 
labelled  "tips,"  for  the  benefit  of  the  Washington  correspondents. 

The  initiation  of  three  new  members,  Raymond  Patterson, 
J.  Harry  Cunningham  and  Alex.  Mosher,  offorded  an  oppor- 
tunity to  ridicule  a  regulation  of  the  Civil  Service  Commission. 
In  addition  to  other  tests  these  candidates  were  required  to  hop 
quite  a  distance  on  one  foot,  that  being  a  physical  test  required 
by  the  Commission  of  applicants  for  places  in  the  government 
service. 

The  Dingley  tariff  bill  had  a  brief  mention.  A  member 
made  up  to  look  like  the  chairman  of  the  Ways  and  Means 
Committee  entered  the  dining-room  with  a  large  bundle  marked 
"Dingley  Bill,"  announcing  that  he  was  taking  his  bill  to  the 
Senate.  As  he  disappeared  there  was  heard  a  crash,  sounds  of 
tearing  paper  and  a  general  commotion  and  disturbance.  The 
member  came  hurrying  back  with  clothes  torn  and  the  bill  in 
tatters.  The  skit  illustrated  the  manner  in  which  the  Senate 
treated  tariff  bills  passed  by  the  House. 

This  was  the  first  appearance  of  Senator  Marcus  A.  Hanna 
at  a  Gridiron  dinner.  Next  to  the  President  of  the  United  States 
he  was  the  most  famous  man  in  the  country.  At  the  beginning 
of  the  campaign  in  1896,  he  was  scarcely  known.  But  making 
a  business  of  politics,  and  conducting  it  along  the  same  lines 
that  he  would  conduct  any  great  business  enterprise,  he  started 
out  to  accomplish  a  purpose  and  won.  He  not  only  carried  the 
Republican  party  in  the  preliminary  campaign  and  nominated 
his  friend,  William  McKinley,  for  President,  but  he  conducted 
one  of  the  hardest  fights  any  man  ever  had,  and  won  a  sub- 
stantial victory  by  the  election  of  McKinley  in  November. 
Very  few  people  stop  to  think  that  it  was  really  a  close  election 
and  that  the  change  of  some  40,000  votes  distributed  among  a 
number  of  States  would  have  resulted  in  the  election  of  Bryan. 

Members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  did  not  discount  Mark 
Hanna's  achievement,  and  they  showed  it  by  inviting  him  to  the 
first  dinner  they  gave  after  he  came  to  Washington.     He  had 


CHANGE    OF    ADMINISTRATIONS 


63 


succeeded  John  Sherman  as  Senator  from  Ohio,  the  latter 
leaving  the  Senate  to  go  into  McKinley's  cabinet  as  Secretary 
of  State.  The  Gridiron  Club  built  a  stunt  around  Hanna  and 
the  President,  on  the  subject  of  patronage  which  was  very- 
interesting  to  many  men  at  that  time. 

At  one  stage  of  the  dinner,  Frank  Hosford  came  in  made  up 
as  Napoleon.  It  is  remembered  that  McKinley,  on  account  of 
his  resemblance  to  the  famous  *' Little  Corporal,"  had  figured  as 
Napoleon  during  the  campaign  in  both  favorable  and  unfavor- 
able cartoons.  Hosford  went  over  to  where  Johnson,  the 
President  of  the  Club,  was  sitting,  and  in  a  loud  voice  said: 
"Grover  Cleveland  Johnson,  get  out  of  here;  haven't  you 
heard  that  there  has  been  an  election  and  that  you  are  no 
longer  *it'.^  I  am  going  to  take  charge  and  see  that  we  get 
what  we  want."  At  that  moment,  several  waiters  came  in, 
bearing  one  of  the  largest  pies  that  it  was  possible  to  make. 
It  was  a  real  mince  pie  and  was  at  least  four  feet  across  and 
deep  accordingly. 

"Pie!"  shouted  Hosford,  "and  prosperity.  That  is  what 
we  want!" 

Immediately  attention  was  directed  to  the  center  of  the  room 
where  the  pie  had  been  carried. 

"Senator  Hanna,  will  you  carve  this  pie?"  said  Hosford, 
and  at  the  same  time  another  member  of  the  Club  handed  the 
Ohio  Senator  a  huge  carving  knife. 

Hanna  was  game  all  right,  and  immediately  started  for  the 
pie  with  the  knife  uplifted.  But  before  he  could  begin  carving 
there  was  a  terrific  commotion  in  the  room  and  members  of  the 
Club  in  separate  bands,  dressed  in  ulsters  and  other  habihments 
of  marching  clubs,  and  with  various  banners  such  as,  "Ohio 
100,000  Strong,"  "Hanna  Howlers,"  "McKinley  Legion,"  and 
"Prosperity's  Phalanx,"  rushed  in  and  grabbed  the  pie  right  out 
from  under  Hanna's  hands.  They  went  to  it  hke  a  hungry 
horde,  and  it  is  rather  an  interesting  fact  that  one  or  two  of 
the  leaders  of  that  "mob"  landed  good  jobs  under  the  McKin- 
ley administration. 


64  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

During  the  distribution  of  the  pie,  Johnson  ordered  Richard 
Lee  Fearn  to  remove  the  Napoleon  intruder,  and  he  was 
hustled  out. 

When  quiet  had  been  restored,  Mr.  Johnson,  in  a  few  well 
chosen  remarks,  introduced  Mark  Hanna  to  a  Gridiron  audi- 
ence for  the  first  time.  Many  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club, 
in  their  capacity  of  correspondents  of  their  different  papers,  had 
been  more  or  less  intimately  associated  with  Senator  Hanna  at 
the  Republican  national  convention  and  through  the  campaign 
following  when  he  maintained  a  headquarters  both  in  New  York 
and  in  Chicago,  but  it  was  the  first  time  that  several  members 
and  most  of  the  guests  had  seen  the  distinguished  political  leader. 

As  a  preliminary  to  his  speech.  Senator  Hanna  remarked: 

*'I  know  many  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club.  I  have  met 
most  of  you  on  the  tented  field  and  in  the  barrooms  of  New 
York  and  Chicago." 

The  burst  of  applause  and  hearty  laughter  which  greeted 
this  sally  showed  that  Senator  Hanna  had  made  good  at  the 
very  beginning,  and  so  far  as  the  rest  of  the  speech  is  concerned 
it  was  equally  pointed  and  interesting.  From  that  time  until 
the  day  of  his  death.  Senator  Hanna  rarely  missed  a  Gridiron 
dinner.  What  is  more,  he  was  always  willing  to  "play  the 
game."  He  would  take,  or  fit  into,  any  part  that  the  Gridiron 
men  asked  him  to  fill,  or  make  a  speech  at  the  end  of  some 
stunt  when  it  would  help  carry  out  a  burlesque. 

Hanna  was  also  represented  in  a  cartoon  in  which  he  ap- 
peared with  a  senatorial  toga  and  a  broad  smile.  This  afforded 
an  opportunity  for  Wm.  Elroy  Curtis  to  deliver  a  lecture  upon 
the  rise  to  fame  of  a  modest  man  of  Mark.  Senator  Hanna 
was  prominent  at  other  dinners  and  particularly  during  1898, 
the  year  of  the  Spanish  war. 


CHAPTER  IX 
THE  EVENTFUL  YEAR  OF  1898 

President  of  the  Second  Hawaiian  Republic  Helps  a  Skit 
—  Minister  Wu's  Retort  to  Reed  —  Lodge  and  Gros- 
VENOR  IN  Civil  Service  Scrap  —  Forecasting  the  War 
WITH  Spain  —  Guests  Commissioned  Vice-Admirals  — 
Hanna  Pleads  for  Peace  and  is  Defied  by  Roosevelt. 

PRESIDENT  DOLE  of  Hawaii  unconsciously  helped  out 
a  skit  at  the  very  beginning  of  a  Gridiron  dinner  in 
January,  1898.  The  whirly-gig  of  politics  in  the  United 
States  had  an  echo  in  Hawaii.  Queen  Liliuokalani  was 
dethroned  a  second  time  and  Sanford  B.  Dole  was  chosen 
President.  He  was  in  Washington  to  confer  with  President 
McKinley,  and  came  to  the  dinner.  He  had  been  requested  to 
make  a  brief  speech,  but  he  extended  his  remarks  and  the  Club 
was  too  courteous  to  call  down  the  tall,  earnest  man,  with  long 
white  whiskers,  who  proceeded  to  tell  about  conditions  in  Ha- 
waii. Meanwhile,  the  soup  was  waiting,  for  his  speech,  in  the  in- 
terest of  saving  time,  had  been  "sandwiched"  in  between  courses. 
When  the  soup  was  finally  served.  Bob  Wynne  made  a  vigor- 
ous protest,  declaring  that  something  was  wrong  with  it,  that  it 
was  cold  and  unfit  for  Gridiron  guests.  Different  members  tried 
to  make  him  desist,  and  President  Frank  H.  Hosford  of  the 
Rocky  Mountain  News  sternly  declared  him  out  of  order  and 
directed  him  to  take  his  seat.  Wynne  persisted  and  with  such 
vehemence  that  Frank  Bennett,  the  manager  of  the  Arlington, 
was  called,  and  after  a  protest  produced  the  soup  kettle.  Wynne 
dived  into  it  and  pulled  out  several  articles,  including  an  arbi- 
tration treaty,  then  dying  in  the  Senate,  the  report  of  the 
Monetary  Commission,  and  a  number  of  other  things  that  were 
declared  old  enough,  and  long  enough  dead  to  give  any  soup  a 
bad  taste. 

65 


66 


GRIDIRON     NIGHTS 


And  the  joke  was  all  the  better  because  Dole's  speech  had 
unintentionally  kept  the  soup  waiting  until  it  was  really  cold. 

This  was  the  thirteenth  annual  dinner  of  the  Club,  and  Dick 
Fearn,   an   inventive   genius,   designed   a   menu   that  put   "Old 

Thirteen"  on  the  Gridiron. 
Everything  possible  was  done 
to  emphasize  the  numeral; 
there  was  a  flag  of  thirteen 
stars  and  thirteen  bars,  each 
bar  bearing  the  date  of  an 
annual  dinner;  the  date  Janu- 
ary 28,  1898,  had  thirteen 
characters;  the  menu  had  thir- 
teen courses,  each  representing 
one  of  the  characters  of  the 
signs  of  the  zodiac,  the  extra 
one  being  added  to  include  the 
terrapin.  The  sheets  of  the 
menu  were  attached  to  a  large 
brass  gridiron,  upon  which  thirteen  was  "done  to  a  turn." 

It  was  at  this  dinner  that  a  long  dispute  between  Senator 
Henry  Cabot  Lodge  and  Gen.  Charles  H.  Grosvenor  was 
settled.  Lodge  had  always  been  the  champion  of  civil  service 
and  Grosvenor  its  implacable  foe.  In  the  House  of  Represen- 
tatives, Grosvenor  led  a  fight  each  year  to  strike  out  of  an 
appropriation  bill  the  money  to  pay  the  salaries  and  expenses 
of  the  Civil  Service  Commission.  He  was  not  successful,  but  it 
established  his  position.  Lodge  never  lost  an  opportunity  in 
the  Senate  to  defend  the  merit  system. 

The  Gridiron  way  was  to  bring  these  two  champions  together 
at  the  dinner  and  let  them  "fight  it  out."  Two  men,  who  were 
almost  in  the  champion  class  in  boxing,  were  made  up  as  Lodge 
and  Grosvenor.  The  disguises  were  excellent.  Members  of 
the  Club  as  "sports,"  assisted  in  a  prize  ring  contest.  "Hank" 
Boynton  and  "Cros"  Noyes  of  the  Washington  Star  seconded 
"Lodge";   while  "Jack"  Carson  of  the  Philadelphia  Ledger  and 


EVENTFUL    YEAR    OF    1898 


67 


"Walt"  Stevens  of  the  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat  performed  a 
like  service  for  "Grosvenor."     "Bob"  Larner  of  the  Charles- 


A  long  P(/LL  a/»d  a. 

Ctrong  PULL  for> 

Cii/il  Sartrtce  /feform. 


ton  News  and  Courier  was  referee  and  *'Hal"  West  of  the 
Washington  Post,  timekeeper.  The  bouts  were  genuine  enough, 
as  the  two  principals  were  real  scrappers  and  the  guests  were 
treated  to  a  fine  boxing  contest.  "Grosvenor"  was  finally 
knocked  out  and  carried  away  on  a  stretcher,  to  an  appropriate 
dirge. 

While  attempts  have  been  made  since  by  various  Congress- 
men hungry  to  abolish  the  civil  service  system,  the  Gridiron 
burlesque  epitomized  at  that  dinner  all  such  efforts  and  the 
usual  results. 

It  has  always  been  the  opinion  of  some  of  the  older  members 
of  the  Club  that  the  speeches  made  at  Gridiron  dinners  in  the 
earlier  days  were  really  an  important  feature  and  certainly  that 
was  the  case  at  the  January  dinner  of  1898,  when  speeches  were 
made  by  President  Dole  of  Hawaii;  Speaker  Reed;  Associate 
Justice  Brewer;  the  German  Ambassador,  Mr.  Von  Holleben; 
the  Chinese  Minister,  Dr.  Wu  Tingfang;  Senator  Hanna, 
Senator  Depew,  Senator  Foraker,  Senator  Gorman,  and 
Senator  Hill. 

Of   all   the   speakers   probably   none   was   more   entertaining 


68  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

than  Minister  Wu.  Dr.  Wu  was  one  of  the  most  interesting 
personahties  that  ever  represented  a  foreign  government  in 
Washington.  Hundreds  of  stories  have  been  told  about  him, 
but  in  view  of  the  fact  that  he  became  a  strict  teetotaler  in  his 
later  years,  I  shall  repeat  this  one:  Dr.  Wu  gave  a  large  recep- 
tion to  prominent  men  in  Washington,  most  of  them  Senators, 
at  which  champagne  flowed  like  water.  The  Senators  conceived 
the  idea  of  getting  their  host  full  and  one  Senator  after  another 
would  get  hold  of  Dr.  Wu  and  propose  a  toast  to  the  health  of 
the  Emperor  of  China.  Without  batting  an  eye.  Dr.  Wu  drank 
every  toast  that  was  offered.  Along  in  the  small  hours  the 
Senators  dropped  out,  disappeared,  and  Dr.  Wu  was  still  holding 
the  fort.  Looking  around  through  his  heavy  glasses,  which  gave 
him  an  owlish  sort  of  appearance,  he  took  a  glass  of  champagne 
in  his  hand  and  blandly  inquired:    "Where  be  these  Senators.^" 

At  the  Gridiron  dinner  Dr.  Wu  sat  between  Speaker  Reed 
and  Chauncey  M.  Depew.  Each  of  them  made  a  reference  to 
his  neighbor  when  he  made  his  speech,  but  it  was  Reed  who 
was  the  most  pointed.  "I  have  been  much  interested,'*  said  the 
Speaker,  "as  I  have  been  sitting  here  beside  the  Chinese  Min- 
ister, to  observe  how  Gridiron  wit  and  humor  struck  the  Oriental 
mind.     It  has  not  been  a  wasted  evening." 

When  Dr.  Wu  was  called  on  to  speak  he  retaliated  upon 
both  Depew  and  Reed,  referring  to  Depew  as  a  man  who  had 
been  a  candidate  for  so  many  offices  that  he  would  be  regarded 
in  China  as  a  back-number,  while  of  Mr.  Reed,  he  said:  "I 
am  told  that  your  great  Speaker  is  a  RepublicaTi.  In  our  coun- 
try he  would  be  a  pronounced  monarchist  and  a  supporter  of 
the  Manchu  dynasty." 

There  never  was  any  discount  on  Dr.  Wu's  ability  to  take 
care  of  himself. 

About  this  time  the  railroad  men  were  in  Washington  trying 
in  every  way  to  secure  the  adoption  of  an  amendment  to  the 
Interstate  Commerce  law  which  would  prevent  passenger  rate 
scalping.  Ticket  scalping  had  been  common  to  travelers  since 
railroading  began,   and   of  course  the  scalpers  were  known  far 


EVENTFUL    YEAR    OF    1898 


69 


and  wide.  Invited  to  the  dinner  was  a  number  of  prominent 
railroad  men  and  at  one  stage  of  the  proceedings  several  members 
of  the  Club,  dressed  as  Indians  in  large  war  bonnets,  Navajo 
blankets  and  the  other  necessary  paraphernalia  to  give  the  real 
Wild  West  appearance,  entered  the  dining-room  with  loud  yelps 
and  near  imitations  of  the  Red  Men,  and  rushing  around  to 
different  railroad  men  proceeded  to  do  the  scalping  act  in  the 
most  approved  fashion.  Among  those  who  were  singled  out  for 
this  skit  were  Geo.  W.  Boyd  and  E.  P.  Postlethwaite  of  the 
Pennyslvania  railroad;  H.  W.  Fuller  of  the  Chesapeake  and 
Ohio  railway;  Geo.  H.  Daniels  of  the  New  York  Central  rail- 
road;   and  W.  A.  Turk  of  the  Southern  railway. 

Pensions  were  a  very  live  topic  because  several  attempts  had 
been  made  to  increase  the  pension  list.  This  was  one  of  the 
features  of  the  initiation  of  Albert  Miller  of  the  Kansas  City 
Star  and  Charles  A.  Boynton  of  the  Associated  Press.  An 
alleged  pension  roll,  which  was  brought  in  covered  with  a  large 
American  flag,  was  examined  and  it  was  found  that  a  number  of 
prominent  men  had  been  granted  pensions.  Thomas  B.  Reed 
was  pensioned  at  the  usual  rate  for  total  blindness  on 
the  minority  side,  disability,  ossification  of  the  backbone. 
Senator  Joseph  B.  Foraker  was  pensioned  with  *'the  pay  and 
perquisites  of  a  senior  Senator  —  disability,  occasional  deafness 
in  his  Columbus  ear,  aphasia,  periodical  disability  to  pronounce 
common  words  such  as  Ohio  —  Senator  —  Mark  —  Hanna." 
It  was  just  at  that  time  that  Mark  Hanna  was  a  candidate  to 
succeed  himself  after  serving  a  short  time.  Hanna  was  then 
engaged  in  the  hardest  struggle  of  his  life  to  secure  reelection 
as  Senator  from  Ohio.  Foraker  and  Hanna  had  disagreed,  and 
were  not- able  to  hit  it  off  very  well,  particularly  in  regard  to  the 
Ohio  patronage  which  Hanna  controlled  under  the  McKinley 
administration.  This  recalls  a  remark  by  Foraker  at  the 
convention  in  1896  at  St.  Louis  when  he  had  been  selected  to 
place  McKinley  in  nomination. 

"I  suppose  you  will  make  this  the  greatest  effort  of  your 
life,"  remarked  a  newspaper  man. 


70  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"Well,"  replied  Foraker,  in  a  manner  that  showed  his 
known  antipathy  to  McKinley,  "what  do  you  think  I  would 
make  for  a  friend?" 

Three  dinners  were  given  by  the  Gridiron  Club  in  1898,  two 
of  which  were  very  remarkable.  One  of  them  occurred  on  the 
evening  of  March  26  and  was  particularly  noteworthy  because 
it  was  a  forecast  of  the  war  with  Spain.  The  Maine  had  been 
blown  up  in  Havana  Harbor  more  than  six  weeks  before,  Febru- 
ary 15.  Capt.  SiGSBEE,  who  commanded  the  ill-fated  ship,  was 
then  on  his  way  to  Washington  and  arrived  twenty-four  hours 
later.  The  report  of  the  commission  which  made  a  careful 
examination  of  the  wreck  had  not  yet  been  made  public.  The 
papers  were  filled  with  rumors  of  war;  and  the  efforts  that 
President  McKinley  was  making  to  prevent  war,  assisted  by 
nearly  every  member  of  his  administration  and  a  large  number 
of  Senators  and  Representatives  of  the  Republican  party,  were 
subjects  of  discussion. 

In  Congress  at  that  time  was  a  number  of  Republican  insur- 
gents who  were  generally  called  reconcentrados  for  the  reason 
that  the  Cuban  people  were  so  termed  by  the  Spanish  soldiers 
when  gathered  in  camps  surrounded  by  barbed-wire  fences. 
These  insurgents  were  led  by  such  men  as  Cushman  K.  Davis, 
Joseph  B.  Foraker,  John  M.  Thurston,  William  E.  Chand- 
ler, and  others  in  the  Senate,  w^hile  James  A.  Tawney,  James 
R.  Mann,  and  William  Alden  Smith  were  among  the  leaders 
of  the  insurgents  in  the  House,  who  helped  to  force  the  war  with 
Spain. 

Thus  it  was  that  a  very  tense  feeling  permeated  the  whole 
country,  and  it  spread  over  the  dining-room  when  President 
Frank  H.  Hosford  rapped  with  his  gavel  and  the  electric 
Gridiron  flashed  upon  a  large  number  of  "  Vice-Admirals,"  for 
such  was  every  member  and  guest  designated  on  the  menu 
souvenir,  which  was  in  the  form  of  a  Commission  signed  by 
President  Hosford  and  attested  by  Richard  Lee  Fearn, 
chairman  of  the  menu  committee.  Before  me  as  I  write  is  one 
of  these   documents   with   the  picture   of  a   warship  flying  the 


EVENTFUL    YEAR    OF    1898 


71 


Gridiron  flag,  and  an  officer  with  a  Gridiron  in  his  hand,  ap- 
proaching the  fort  "To-Morrow-Castle"  upon  which  are  mounted 
champagne  bottles.     The  first  part  of  this  commission  reads: 

"To  All  Who  May  Be  Present,  Greeting:  Know  Ye,  that 
reposing  special  trust  and  confidence  in  the  valor,  capacity  and 
personal  pulchritude  of  Theodore  Roosevelt,  I  have  appointed 
him  Vice-Admiral  of  Volunteers,"  etc.,  etc.  The  presence  of 
Theodore  Roosevelt,  who  was  then  Assistant  Secretary  of  the 
Navy,  developed  a  very  interesting  feature  at  the  dinner.  As 
I  have  said,  the  whole  dinner  hung  upon  the  coming  war  with 
Spain,  which  everybody  realized  was  inevitable,  and  after  differ- 
ent possibilities  of  the  war  had  been  discussed,  and  frequent 
reference  made  to  the  approaching  hostilities,  some  humorous 
and  others  serious,  President  Hosford  indulged  in  one  of  his 
flights  of  oratory  upon  the  greatness  of  the  men  who  had  as- 
sembled about  the  Gridiron  board,  mentioning  the  prominence 
of  Ohio  in  the  impending  crisis,  and,  turning  directly  toward 
the  Senator  from  Ohio,  said: 

**  Senator  Hanna,  can  we  have  this  war.^" 

That  was  an  introduction  for  Senator  Hanna  who  had  made 
good  speeches  at  previous  Gridiron  dinners,  and  it  is  perhaps 
not  discreditable  to  him  to  say  that  he  was  far  from  his  best  at 
this  dinner  because  he  was  out  of  tune  with  the  prevailing  idea 
which  permeated  the  country  at  that  time.  Hanna,  no  more 
than  McKinley,  wanted  war,  and  he  showed  it  in  everything 


72  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

that  he  said,  pointing  out  the  great  loss  of  life,  the  cost  of 
war,  and  the  necessity  for  moving  slowly  in  all  great  under- 
takings. 

And  by  way  of  contrast.  President  Hosford  switched  the 
whole  situation  by  caustically  remarking  at  the  close  of  Senator 
Hanna's  speech: 

"At  least  we  have  one  man  connected  with  this  administra- 
tion who  is  not  afraid  to  fight  —  Theodore  Roosevelt,  Assis- 
tant Secretary  of  the  Navy,  and  tonight  a  Vice-Admiral  by 
commission  of  the  Gridiron  Club." 

"We  will  have  this  war  for  the  freedom  of  Cuba,  Senator 
Hanna,  in  spite  of  the  timidity  of  the  commercial  interests," 
was  one  of  the  sentences  which  were  ground  out  through  the 
white  teeth  of  the  Assistant  Secretary.  It  was  a  very  dramatic 
moment,  and  there  was  no  one  present  at  that  dinner  who  did 
not  thoroughly  understand  that  war  was  inevitable. 

Twenty-four  hours  later,  Capt.  Sigsbee  arrived  in  Washing- 
ton. The  report  on  the  Maine  was  made  public  within  a  few 
days  and  although  the  declaration  of  war  did  not  follow  for  a 
short  time  after,  everybody  knew  that  it  was  coming. 

Features  and  stunts  did  not  figure  at  that  dinner  to  any 
great  extent  although  several  members  of  the  Club  made  efforts 
along  this  line  and  interspersed  a  little  fun  with  the  seriousness 
of  the  occasion.  An  interesting  novelty  introduced  was  when 
Gen.  James  Longstreet,  formerly  of  the  Confederate  army, 
was  called  upon  to  speak,  and  Walter  B.  Stevens,  in  a  Con- 
federate uniform,  stood  behind  him  at  attention.  This  was 
followed  by  a  tribute  to  Gen.  Daniel  Sickles  of  the  Union 
army,  who  was  attended  by  a  member  of  the  Club  in  a  blue 
uniform  when  he  made  a  short  speech. 

One  of  the  guests  was  Senator  George  C.  Perkins  of  Cali- 
fornia, then  a  vigorous  man  who  loved  the  sea  and  who,  upon 
receiving  his  Gridiron  Vice-Admiral  commission,  remarked  that 
it  was  a  proud  honor,  and  that  he.  would  have  been  glad  to  have 
sacrificed  all  the  honors  of  his  life  to  have  been  an  officer  in  the 
Navy  of  the  United  States. 


EVENTFUL    YEAR    OF    1898  73 


James  Hamilton  Lewis,  then  a  member  of  the  House  of 
Representatives  from  Washington,  afterward  a  Senator  from 
Illinois,  was  a  guest.  He  was  one  of  the  most  fluent  talkers  in 
public  life,  but  whether  for  effect  or  because  he  did  not  know 
his  audience,  he  paused  for  a  moment  and  said  he  scarcely  knew 
what  he  should  say. 

"Tell  us  the  story  of  your  life,"  came  in  measured  tones 
from  a  member  of  the  Club  at  a  distant  table,  and  the  suggestion 
caused  a  titter  which  grew  louder  as  Lewis  floundered  in  an 
effort  to  get  started.     He  never  did  make  that  speech. 

Gov.  Lloyd  Lowndes  of  Maryland  was  a  guest,  and  thereby 
hangs  an  interesting  tale:  Mr.  Francis  A.  Richardson  of  the 
Baltimore  Sun,  an  honored  member  of  the  Club,  had  been 
requested  to  invite  Gov.  Lowndes  on  the  theory  that  the  coming 
dinner  was  to  be  a  gathering  of  governors.  Nearly  every  mem- 
ber of  the  Club  had  invited  a  governor,  but  one  after  another 
declined  or  withdrew  his  acceptance  because  some  pressing 
business  made  it  necessary  for  him  to  remain  at  home.  In  fact, 
most  of  them,  expecting  a  war  with  Spain  and  a  call  for  State 
troops,  did  not  dare  leave  their  capitals.  Before  the  guests 
went  in  to  dinner  Mr.  Richardson  wandered  about  with  his 
governor  trying  to  find  other  governors  to  whom  he  might 
introduce  the  chief  magistrate  of  Maryland.  *' Where  are  all 
those  governors.'^"  he  frequently  inquired  of  members  of  the 
Club,  and  each  in  turn  ducked  the  question  by  saying  that  they 
would  soon  arrive.  As  it  turned  out,  Mr.  Richardson  had  the 
only  governor  at  the  dinner,  but  it  was  an  occasion  that  was 
more  interesting  than  any  other  that  Governor  Lowndes  at- 
tended during  his  term  as  Maryland's  chief  executive. 

More  remarkable  than  the  dinner  preceding  the  war  was 
that  which  followed  after  peace  had  been  restored  when  the 
Gridiron  Club  entertained  an  array  of  prominent  guests  such  as 
never  before  were  assembled. 


CHAPTER  X 
MOST   NOTABLE   DINNER  EVER   GIVEN 

Distinguished  Array  of  Guests  —  Presidents,  Premiers, 
Chancellors,  Cabinet  Officers,  Diplomats,  Army  and 
Navy  Officers  of  the  Spanish  War,  and  other  Promi- 
nent Persons  —  An  Anglo-Saxon  Demonstration  — 
Gridiron  Commission  Reports  —  An  Interesting  Sou- 
venir. 

THE  most  notable  dinner  ever  given  by  the  Gridiron  Club 
took  place  after  the  Spanish  war,  in  December,  1898. 
A  combination  of  circumstances  enabled  the  Club  to 
entertain  more  distinguished  guests  than  ever  gathered  around 
any  dining  table  at  one  time  in  this  or  any  other  country.  At 
that  time  the  High  Joint  Commission,  composed  of  distinguished 
men  of  the  British  Empire  and  the  United  States,  was  holding 
a  session  in  Washington.  Men  who  had  taken  a  very  prominent 
part  in  the  Spanish  war,  both  on  land  and  sea,  were  also  in  the 
National  Capital.  The  list  of  those  present  at  the  dinner  given 
as  an  appendix  to  this  chapter  is  sufficient  to  show  that  it  was 
an  assembly  of  unusual  character. 

William  McKinley,  President  of  the  United  States,  and 
Sefior  Don  Rafael  Iglesias,  President  of  Costa  Rica,  were  on 
the  right  and  left  of  the  President  of  the  Gridiron  Club.  At 
all  the  tables  were  men  who  had  made  and  were  making  history. 
Men  of  England  and  Canada  touched  elbows  with  prominent 
Senators  and  Representatives  in  the  Congress  of  the  United 
States.  Army  and  Navy  officers,  most  of  whom  afterward 
reached  a  higher  rank  in  the  service  of  their  country,  discussed 
with  statesmen  and  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  the  events 
of  the  short  war  and  the  possibilities  of  the  future.  Peace  had 
been  restored,  but  the  problems  left  by  the  war  were  still  un- 
solved.    For   years   the   relations   with    Canada   had   been   very 

7i 


A    NOTABLE  DINNER 


75 


unsatisfactory  and  it  was  with  a  view  of  improving  the  condi- 
tions that  the  High  Joint  Commission  was  sitting.  Altogether 
the  time  and  place  and  the  conditions  made  it  possible  for  the 
Gridiron  Club  to  give  a  dinner  which  will  go  down  in  history  as 
notable  on  account  of  the  distinguished  character  of  the  guests. 

With  such  an  array  of  prominent  men  at  the  tables  it  was 
impossible  to  introduce  many  Gridiron  features  because  nearly 
everybody  wanted  to  see,  if  not  to  hear,  the  many  distinguished 
men  present.  Only  one  imposing  feature  was  presented  and 
that  was  a  burlesque  of  the  war  investigation  commission.  A 
few  shots  were  fired  at  the  gentle  McKinley.  That  was  the 
first  time  the  Club  ever  played  directly  at  a  President  of  the 
United  States,  and  consequently  everybody  craned  his  neck  and 
rubbered  to  see  how  he  took  it.  The  shafts  were  very  mild, 
however,  compared  to.  those  hurled  at  his  successors. 

After  the  Spanish  war  the  critics  demanded  victims  and 
forced  an  extended  investigation  of  the  conduct  of  the  war  for 
the  purpose  of  finding  out  who  had  been  at  fault  for  various 
things  that  had  happened  which  ought  not  to  have  happened 
when  a  country  goes  to  war,  but  which  nearly  always  do  happen 
where  the  country  is  not  prepared  for  war.  So  the  Gridiron 
Club  had  an  investigation.  Its  Commission  entered  the  dining- 
room  clothed  in  black  robes  with  a  huge  interrogation-mark  in 
white  running  the  full  length  of  the  front.  The  members  sang 
in  a  low  tone  the  chorus:  "Hush!  Hush!  Hush!  —  Here  Comes 
the  Bogey  Man."  Each  Commissioner  had  an  exhibit  of  what 
had  been  found. 

Various  members  made  reports  hitting  off  some  particular 
thing  that  was  current  at  the  time.  One  of  them  brought  forth 
a  long  tin  sword  and  raising  it  aloft  declared  that  it  was  the 
sword  with  which  Gen.  Corbin  hewed  his  way  to  the  White 
House  and  back  again  to  the  War  Department.  Gen.  Corbin 
was  constantly  going  from  the  War  Department  to  the  White 
House  during  the  war  and  was  credited  with  having  more  influ- 
ence with  President  McKinley  than  almost  any  of  the  men  who 
were  close  to  him. 


76  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Another  exhibit  was  a  collection  of  the  authorized  and  un- 
authorized interviews  with  Gen.  Miles.  This  was  a  shot  at  the 
General,  who  had  been  interviewed  in  Porto  Rico  by  the  corre- 
spondent of  the  Kansas  City  Star  and  had  given  out  at  that 
time  the  correspondence  passing  between  Secretary  Alger  and 
himself,  something  that  very  nearly  resulted  in  court-martial 
proceedings. 

Another  exhibit  produced  was  the  "Battle  Him  of  the  Re- 
pubhc,"  a  member  presenting  a  picture  of  Admiral  Dewey. 

The  report  of  the  Commission  was  brief  and  stated:  *' First 
—  We  find  there  has  been  a  war.  Second  —  We  find  Spain  has 
been  licked.  Third  —  We  find  that  all  Anglo-Saxons  stood 
together." 

As  the  last  sentence  was  uttered  the  American  and  British 
Flags  were  unfurled  and  fell  full  length  on  one  side  of  the 
dining-room,  while  the  band  played  America  and  the  Americans 
sang  My  Country,  'Tis,  and  the  Englishmen  and  Canadians 
sang  God  Save  the  Queen.  With  all  of  the  foreigners  present 
this  produced  a  very  enthusiastic  scene.  President  Hosford 
immediately  introduced  Sir  Wilfrid  Laurier,  who  made  an 
eloquent  and  appropriate  speech  for  the  occasion. 

President  McKinley  did  not  speak,  beyond  expressing  his 
pleasure  at  being  present. 

Speeches  were  made  by  Lord  Herschell,  Sir  Richard 
Cartwright,  Secretary  Hay,  Gen.  Shafter,  Admiral  Schley, 
Gen.  Miles,  Lieutenant-General  Schofield,  Senator  Lodge, 
and  Champ  Clark. 

One  of  the  wittiest  speeches  made  during  the  evening  was 
that  of  S.  E.  Johnson,  a  member  of  the  Club,  who  was  called 
upon  to  report  upon  the  Gridiron  Club's  "High  Jinks  Commis- 
sion," a  take-off  upon  the  High  Joint  Commission  which  was 
then  sitting  in  Washington.  Mr.  Johnson  said  that  in  order  to 
settle  a  great  many  troubles  we  were  willing  to  make  any  kind 
of  a  deal  with  Canada.  She  could  take  all  of  New  England, 
including  Speaker  Reed,  Congressman  Boutelle,  Chairman 
Dingley  —  the    author    of    the    Dingley    Bill  —  and    Senator 


A    NOTABLE    DINNER  77 


Henry  Cabot  Lodge.  "If  we  could  get  rid  of  these,  and  the 
New  England  States,"  he  said,  "there  might  be  some  oppor- 
tunity for  the  rest  of  the  people  of  the  United  States  to  govern 
themselves.  We  want  you  Canadians  to  distinctly  understand 
that  you  cannot  make  any  deal  with  us,  nor  will  we  meet  any 
of  your  demands,  until  you  agree  to  take  New  England  and 
these  men  off  our  hands." 

Capt.  Alfred  Paget,  of  the  Royal  Navy,  an  attache  of  the 
British  Embassy,  had  been  with  the  United  States  forces  during 
the  war  with  Spain.  He  was  called  up  and  made  a  speech.  It 
was  very  English,  so  English  in  fact  that  very  few  people  could 
understand  him,  but  there  was  a  bit  of  wit  now  and  again  which 
gave  people  an  opportunity  to  laugh.  As  Capt.  Paget  sat  down 
and  while  the  room  was  momentarily  quiet,  some  man  blurted 
forth:  "Well,  that  is  the  best  imitation  Englishman  I  ever 
heard!"     He  did  not  know  that  Capt.  Paget  was  the  real  thing. 

While  Gen.  Shafter,  who  had  commanded  the  army  in 
Cuba  was  speaking,  a  member  of  the  Club  clothed  as  an  orderly 
stood  behind  him,  and  another  member  of  the  Club  in  the 
uniform  of  a  sailor  stood  behind  Admiral  Schley  during  his  talk. 

Perhaps  one  of  the  most  striking  features  of  this  remarkable 
dinner  occurred  when  Gen.  Henry  W.  Lawton  was  called  upon. 
Gen.  Lawton  was  then  passing  through  Washington,  on  his  way 
from  Cuba  to  the  Philippines,  This  splendid  soldier,  who  had 
won  honors  in  Cuba,  who  had  an  enviable  Civil  War  record,  and 
a  brilliant  career  as  an  Indian  fighter,  had  not  brought  the 
conventional  evening  clothes  with  him  and  appeared  at  the 
dinner  in  the  blue  service  uniform  which  he  was  wearing  when 
he  left  Cuba.  He  made  no  speech,  but,  standing  erect,  six- 
feet-two,  clothed  in  the  uniform  of  his  country,  the  two  stars 
of  a  Major-General  shining  from  each  shoulder  strap,  he  bowed 
his  acknowledgments  to  the  applause  which  greeted  him  —  a 
splendid  type  of  soldier  and  man,  and  one  of  the  guests  that 
made  that  particular  dinner  a  most  memorable  occasion.  Gen. 
Lawton  was  one  of  the  sacrifices  of  the  Philippine  insurrection 
—  shot  dead  at  the  head  of  his  troops. 


78 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


BOTTLE-riELD 

OF  J)EC.3''-^--I898. 


Plan  or  Attack. 


The  menu  was  the  work  of  Richard  Lee  Fearn,  whose 
fertile  and  inventive  mind  has  contributed  many  features  to  the 
Gridiron  Club.     It  was  a  general  Army  order  in  imitation  of  the 

thousands  of  orders 
that  had  been  issued 
during  the  war,  with 
the  addition  of  a 
*'map  of  the  bottle- 
field  of  Soon  Won 
Hill."  San  Juan  Hill 
was  still  a  topic  in 
the  discussions  of  the 
Spanish  war.  The 
map  drawn  by  J. 
Harry  Cunningham 
did  not  need  a  dia- 
gram to  show  that  it 
was  a  Gridiron  war 
plan.  "Arlingtown'* 
seemed  to  be  the  point 
which  guarded  the 
\      vv\  ^     '■  ^^   ^--^i^^-        y^r  bottle;  then  there  was 

/      .     .  ^^^^^^^^    2R:\  "Champagne   River," 

"Sauterne  Creek," 
*'Apollinaris  Run," 
and  "Coffee  Branch," 
with  cigars  as  gun- 
boats coming  in  from 
sea. 

The  "orders"  were 
issued  in  the  name  of 
President  Hosford 
and  every  guest  was  assigned  to  the  specific  duty  of  "attacking" 
the  dinner  and  holding  himself  in  readiness  for  "volunteer 
service"  in  the  matter  of  making  speeches.  These  orders  were 
filled    with    military    and    near-mihtary    terms,    interchanged    in 


■■■  ftegu/sirs: 
c=i  Volunteers. 
yCOZtme  offtetreat 

j^   Disf/nguis/ted  Spectators 

*   from  Abroad. 


J/fdmiiiyAaM  -a!ef 


A    NOTABLE    DINNER  79 


such  a  way  as  to  show  that  even  such  a  serious  thing  as  war  may 
have  a  humorous  side  when  the  Gridiron  test  is  appHed.  Among 
the  specific  orders  were  the  following: 

*' Brigadier-General  Corbin  is  directed  to  hold  himself  con- 
tinually in  preparation  to  appear  before  the  examining  board  to  de- 
termine his  qualifications  for  promotion  to  the  next  higher  grade." 
(It  was  known  that  Gen.  Corbin  was  ambitious  to  be  made  a 
Major-General,  a  rank  he  afterward  attained.) 

"The  report  of  Hawaiian  Volunteers  Cullom  and  Hitt  is 
ordered  returned  to  them  with  instructions  to  strike  out  all 
reference  to  the  hula-hula."  (Senator  Cullom,  chairman  of  the 
Senate  Committee,  and  Congressman  Hitt  of  the  House  Com- 
mittee, dealing  with  foreign  questions,  had  recently  made  a 
report  on  conditions  in  Hawaii.) 

Every  committee  of  the  Club,  such  as  the  initiation,  recep- 
tion, entertainment,  music,  and  menu,  was  grouped  under  a 
special  order  and  assigned  to  certain  duties.  For  instance.  No. 
5,  relating  to  the  entertainment  committee,  read  as  follows: 

"For  the  purpose  of  providing  a  brilliant  plan  of  operations 
and  affording  proper  opportunities  for  the  rapid  and  safe  fabrica- 
tion of  Heroes,  as  well  as  to  prevent  the  tactical  and  technical 
deficiencies  of  their  superior  oflScers  from  becoming  too  evident 
to  those  who  have  volunteered  to  become  guests,  a  Strategy 
Board  is  designated  to  assemble  at  the  Arlington  Hotel  at  eight 
o'clock  December  3,  1898,  and  directed  to  hold  continuous 
sessions  while  the  enemy  offers  resistance,  or  as  long  as  there  is 
a  scrap  in  sight.  The  Board  will  be  governed  in  its  proceedings 
by  an  utter  disregard  of  precedents  and  its  actions  will  be  marked 
by  an  exhibition  of  such  disingenuous  ingenuity  as  is  common 
to  similar  Strategy  Boards  in  other  services." 

That  order  is  a  fair  sample  of  the  rest  and  is  couched  in  the 
terms  in  which  many  army  orders  were  issued  during  the  stirring 
times  of  the  Spanish  war.  Altogether  it  was  an  interesting 
menu  for  an  interesting  dinner. 

Gen.  H.  V.  Boynton  was  the  only  Gridiron  Spanish  war 
hero.     President  McKinley  had  made  him  a  Brigadier-General 


80  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

of  Volunteers,  more  on  account  of  what  he  had  done  during  the 
Civil  War,  and  the  splendid  standing  he  had  among  the  Wash- 
ington correspondents,  than  because  of  his  probable  activities 
in  the  brush  with  Spain.  We  were  all  proud  of  the  General  and 
he  had  been  presented  with  a  sword  by  his  admiring  friends. 
The  Gridiron  Club  presented  him  with  a  *' horse."  The  horse 
was  a  mule,  as  I  happen  to  know,  because  I  was  the  "orderly** 
who  brought  the  horse  in  and  presented  it  to  the  General.  It 
was  one  of  those  contraptions  that  masqueraders  hang  upon 
their  hips  with  little  toy  legs  and  riding  boots  on  either  side. 
This  "horse"  had  long,  movable  ears  which  proclaimed  it  to  be 
a  mule,  and,  as  its  apparent  rider,  I  manipulated  those  ears 
while  Gen.  Boynton  made  his  speech  of  acceptance.  Although 
a  member  of  the  Club  and  with  full  knowledge  of  our  desire  for 
short  speeches,  the  General  went  off  on  a  long  talk  about  the 
Spanish  war,  and,  incidentally,  battles  that  he  had  participated 
in  thirty  years  before;  and  I  stood  there  with  that  papier- 
mache  horse  sawing  into  my  hips  until  I  thought  it  would  cut 
me  in  two.  The  horse  was  introduced  by  a  clatter  of  hoofs 
such  as  we  hear  on  the  stage  when  some  gallant  horseman  is 
supposed  to  dash  up  and  rescue  the  maiden  from  the  villain  or 
the  treacherous  Redskins.  And  when  Gen.  Boynton  finished 
his  speech  we  clattered  out  to  the  same  accompaniment. 

"Uncle  Sam's  Yellow  Kids"  was  another  skit  of  the  dinner. 
Many  people  will  remember  that  the  "Yellow  Kid"  was  a 
feature  in  journalism  about  that  time  and  the  Gridiron  Club 
made  use  of  it,  coupled  with  the  treaty  which  had  been  nego- 
tiated with  Spain  at  the  close  of  the  year.  That  treaty  was  one 
of  the  important  subjects  of  consideration  then,  especially  as  it 
provided  for  the  acquisition  of  the  Philippines  for  which  $20,000,- 
000  was  to  be  paid  to  Spain.  One  of  the  members  in  the  cos- 
tume of  Uncle  Sam  brought  in  half  a  dozen  colored  boys  of  the 
complexion  that  the  negroes  call  "yaller."  They  were  meant  to 
represent  the  Filipinos  and  were  labeled,  "Billy  Luzon,"  "Little 
Caroline**  (Caroline  Islands),  "Min  Danao,**  and  other  names 
applicable  to  the  Philippine  Islands.     After  they  had  executed  a 


A    NOTABLE    DINNER  81 


dance  Uncle  Sam  was  advised  to  get  rid  of  them  and  get  back 
his  $20,000,000,  and  the  "Yellow  Kids"  were  hustled  through 
the  "open  door."  John  Hay,  Secretary  of  State,  was  using  the 
"Open  Door"  about  that  time  as  a  shibboleth  in  our  foreign 
relations,  especially  as  related  to  China. 

That  treaty  with  Spain  furnished  a  very  interesting  feature 
for  the  next  Gridiron  dinner,  for  the  question  of  its  ratification 
became  an  intense  question  in  the  Senate  and  in  the  whole 
country  very  soon  after  the  events  which  have  just  been  related. 

GUESTS  AT  THE   DINNER,   DEC.   3,   1898 

William  McKinley,  President  of  the  United  States. 

Senor  Don  Rafael  Iglesias,  President  of  Costa  Rica. 

Garrett  A.  Hobart,  Vice-President  of  the  United  States. 

The  Right  Honorable  Lord  Farrer  Herschell,  G.C.B.,  England. 

Sir  Wilfrid  Laurier,  Premier  of  Canada. 

Sir  James  Winter,  Premier  of  Newfoundland. 

Sir  Richard  Cartwright,  Minister  of  Trade  and  Commerce,  Canada. 

Sir  Louis  Davies,  Minister  of  Marine  and  Fisheries,  Canada. 

The  Honorable  John  Charlton,  M.P.,  Canada. 

Senor  Don  Joaquin  Bernardo  Calvo,  Minister  of  Costa  Rica. 

John  Hay,  Secretary  of  State. 

Lyman  J.  Gage,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

John  W.  Griggs,  Attorney-General. 

Charles  Emory  Smith,  Postmaster-General. 

John  D.  Long,  Secretary  of  the  Navy. 

James  Wilson,  Secretary  of  Agriculture. 

Lieutenant-General  John  M.  Scofield,  U.S.  Army,  retired. 

Major-General  Nelson  A.  Miles,  Commanding  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Lieutenant- 
General. 

Rear-Admiral  Winfield  S.  Schley,  U.S.  Navy. 

Major-General  William  R.  Shafter,  U.S.  Army. 

Major-General  Henry  W.  Lawton,  U.S.  Army. 

Major-General  D.  T.  Mertvago,  Russian  Embassy. 

Major-General  Calixto  Garcia,  Cuban  Army  of  Liberation. 

Rear-Admiral  A.  W.  Weaver,  U.S.  Navy,  retired. 

Brigadier-General  Joseph  C.  Breckinridge,  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Major- 
General. 

Brigadier-General  Thaddeus  H.  Stanton,  U.S.  Army. 


82  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Brigadier-General  Henry  C.  Corbin,  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Lieutenant-General. 

Brigadier-General  M.  I.  Ludington,  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Major-General. 

Brigadier-General  Charles  P.  Eagan,  U.S.  Army. 

Captain  Alfred  Paget,  R.N.,  British  Embassy. 

Captain  Charles  D.  Sigsbee,  U.S.  Navy,  afterward  Rear-Admiral. 

Captain  Royal  B.  Bradford,  U.S.  Navy,  afterward  Rear-Admiral. 

Colonel  Charles  Heywood,  U.S.  Marine  Corps,  afterward  Major-General. 

Colonel  William  H.  Carter,  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Major-General. 

Gen.  George  H.  Harries,  U.S.  Volunteers. 

Major  James  M.  Bell,  U.S.  Army,  afterward  Brigadier-General. 

Major  G.  Creighton  Webb,  U.S.  Volunteers. 

Lieutenant  John  J.  Knapp,  U.S.  Navy,  afterward  Captain. 

Captain  Henry  H.  Whitney,  U.S.  Army. 

First  Lieutenant  Ervin  Wardman,  U.S.  Volunteers. 

General  Felix  Agnus,  Baltimore  American. 

Champ  Clark,  Representative  from  Missouri,  afterward  SpeaJcer  of  the  House. 

T.  Jefferson  Coolidge,  Massachusetts. 

Shelby  M.  Cullom,  Senator  from  Illinois. 

Charles  G.  Dawes,  Comptroller  of  the  Currency. 

Nelson  Dingley,  Representative  from  Maine. 

General  Grenville  M.  Dodge,  Iowa. 

Charles  H.  Duell,  Commissioner  of  Patents. 

H.  Clay  Evans,  Commissioner  of  Pensions. 

Charles  Denby,  Indiana. 

Charles  W.  Fairbanks,  Senator  fron  Indiana,  afterward  Vice-President  of  the 

United  States. 
Charles  J.  Faulkner,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 
John  W.  Foster,  former  Secretary  of  State. 

David  J.  Hill,  Assistant  Secretary  of  State,  afterward  Ambassador  to  Germany. 
R.  R.  HiTT,  Representative  from  Illinois. 
Henry  Cabot  Lodge,  Senator  from  3Iassachusetts. 
George  D.  Meiklejohn,  Assistant  Secretary  of  War. 
L,  A.  Pradt,  Assistant  Attorney-General. 
John  Addison  Porter,  Secretary  to  the  President. 
Henry  S.  Pritchett,  U.S.  Coast  Survey. 
George  L.  Shoup,  Senator  from  Idaho. 
John  B.  Wight,  Commissioner  District  of  Columbia. 
Dr.  Walter  Wyman,  Surgeon-General,  U.S.M.H.S. 
3.  D.  Yeomans,  Interstate  Commerce  Commissioner. 
John  Russell  Young,  Librarian  of  Congress. 
Robert  C.  Alexander,  New  York. 
George  M.  Allen,  Indiana. 


A    NOTABLE    DINNER 


83 


C.  K.  Berbyman,  Washington  Star. 

Scott  C.  Bone,  Washington  Post. 

Charles  H,  Boynton,  Washington,  D.  C. 

J.  Henry  Carson,  New  York. 

S.  Harden  Church,  Pennsylvania. 

William  H.  Coolidge,  Massachusetts. 

George  B.  Cortelyou,  New  York,  afterward  held  three  Cabinet  positions. 

Charles  H.  Cramp,  Philadelphia. 

John  B.  Dahlgren,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Edward  M.  Dingley,  Michigan. 

Edward  D.  Easton,  New  York. 

Henry  M.  Fuller,  Washington,  D.  C. 

John  H.  Garthe,  Maryland. 

B.  Howell  Griswold,  Maryland. 

Walter  D.  Harrison,  Washington  B.C. 

T.  H.  Hepburne,  England. 

Beale  R.  Howard,  Washington,  B.C. 

Frank  Johnson,  Washington,  B.C. 

T.  W.  Johnston,  Jr.,  Missouri. 

Rudolph  Kauffmann,  Washington  Star. 

Joseph  Leiter,  Illinois. 

Dr.  Thomas  L.  Macdonald,  Washington,  B.C. 

T.  H.  Macdonald,  Connecticut. 

A.  W.  Machen,  Ohio. 

J.  H.  Maddy,  B.  &  0.  Railroad. 

H.  L.  Merrick,  Washington,  B.C. 

W.  R.  Nelson,  Kansas  City  Star. 

John  H.  Nolan,  Washington  B.C. 

Frank  B.  Noyes,  President  of  the  Associated  Press. 

Gonzales  de  Quesada,  head  of  the  Cuban  Junta  and  afterward  Minister  from 

Cuba  to  the  United  States. 
W.  H.  Rapley,  Washington,  B.C. 
A.  C.  Raymond,  Betroit,  Michigan. 
Leander  Richardson,  New  York. 
T.  E.  RoEssLE,  Washington,  B.C. 
Edward  Rosewater,  Omaha  Bee. 
IsADORE  Saks,  Washington,  B.C. 
E.  W.  Simeral,  Nebraska. 
J.  Henry  Small,  Washington,  B.C. 
Edward  K.  Somborn,  Washington,  B.C. 
Henry  Somers,  Pennsylvania. 
Fred.  Sterry,  Virginia. 


84  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


J.  Knox  Taylor,  Supervising  Architect  of  the  Treasury. 

R.  H.  Thayer,  Washington,  B.C. 

O.  H.  TiTTMAN,  Director  U.S.  Coast  and  Geodetic  Survey. 

W.  A.  Turk,  Southern  Railway. 

Frank  W.  Vaughn,  Jr.,  Washington,  B.C. 

Arnold  R.  Weber,  New  York. 

John  F.  Wilkins,  Washington,  B.C. 

Simon  Wolf,  Washington,  B.C. 


CHAPTER  XI 
PEACE  TREATY  AND  THE  PHILIPPINES 

Ratifying  the  Treaty  with  Spain  —  How  the  Club  Treated 
THE  Most  Stirring  Event  of  the  Winter  of  1899  — 
Reference  to  the  Mormon  Controversy  —  The  Philip- 
pine Insurrection  and  Capture  of  Aguinaldo. 

THE  Gridiron  Club  beat  the  United  States  to  it  in  the 
matter  of  the  ratification  of  the  treaty  with  Spain.  When 
the  annual  dinner  of  the  Club  was  held  in  the  latter  part 
of  January,  1899,  the  most  important  topic  in  the  public  mind 
was  whether  or  not  the  treaty  with  Spain  which  ceded  the 
Philippine  Islands  and  Porto  Rico,  and  ended  the  sovereignty 
of  Spain  over  Cuba,  would  be  ratified  by  the  United  States 
Senate.  Had  a  vote  been  taken  in  the  Senate  at  the  time  the 
dinner  was  given,  the  treaty  would  have  been  rejected,  but  the 
Gridiron  Club  with  its  prophetic  eye  knew  that  the  treaty  was 
to  be  ratified  in  time. 

A  vote  in  the  Senate  was  delayed  until  the  persuasive  powers 
of  President  McKinley,  and  the  manipulation  of  Mark  Hanna, 
and  the  power  that  was  exerted  by  the  churches,  by  big  business 
which  wanted  peace,  and  many  other  interests,  could  bring 
enough  Senators  into  line  to  secure  a  two-thirds  vote  to  ratify 
a  treaty  which  gave  us  possession  of  foreign  lands  on  the  other 
side  of  the  world  and  made  the  United  States  in  fact  as  well  as 
in  contemplation,  a  world  power.  And,  by  the  way,  it  was 
during  that  time  that  William  Jennings  Bryan  visited  Wash- 
ington and  lent  his  great  influence  toward  the  ratification  of  the 
treaty. 

Of  course,  the  Gridiron  Club  could  not  treat  the  situation 
with  great  seriousness;  that  was  not  the  way  it  handled  a  sub- 
ject. And  yet  the  debate  proceeded  upon  apparently  serious 
lines.     Various  individuals  prominent  at  the  time  were  imper- 

85 


86  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

sonated,  principally  Senators  of  the  United  States.  At  the  very 
beginning  of  the  discussion  a  motion  was  made  to  print  500,000 
copies  of  the  constitution  of  the  United  States  for  the  use  of 
Senators  Hoar  and  Vest.  This  was  passed  and  then  an  enor- 
mous petition  was  presented  signed  by  Andrew  Carnegie, 
William  Jennings  Bryan,  and  one  other,  asking  for  the  im- 
mediate ratification  of  the  treaty. 

The  member  of  the  Club  impersonating  Senator  Hoar  of 
Massachusetts  made  a  very  strong  address  against  ratifying  the 
treaty  on  the  ground  that  if  the  people  of  the  United  States 
ate  Spanish  mackerel  the  codfish  industry  of  New  England  would 
languish.  On  the  other  hand,  "Senator  Lodge,"  also  of  Massa- 
chusetts, took  the  grounds  that  the  treaty  should  be  immediately 
ratified.  The  member  of  the  Club  impersonating  Senator 
Cushman  K.  Davis  of  Minnesota  cut  off  the  debate,  declaring 
that  having  heard  the  senior  Senator  from  Massachusetts  and 
the  junior  Senator  from  Massachusetts,  the  Senate  knew  all 
there  was  to  be  known  on  the  subject.  He  demanded  a  vote 
and  forthwith  the  roll  of  the  Senate  was  called. 

This  roll-call  itself  was  a  laugh-producing  feature  because 
William  E.  Annin,  who  read  the  roll  of  Senators,  mimicked  in 
the  very  best  style  the  clerk  of  the  Senate  who  usually  called 
the  roll  and  who  had  one  of  those  sharp,  incisive,  penetrating 
voices.  In  spite  of  protests  of  various  members  of  the  Club  who 
were  acting  as  "Senators"  it  was  declared  that  the  treaty  had 
been  passed  unanimously. 

Gen.  H.  V.  Boynton,  who  had  been  chosen  President  of  the 
Club,  on  account  of  the  high  regard  in  which  he  was  held  by 
the  newspaper  profession,  in  announcing  the  ratification  of  the 
treaty  dwelt  with  especial  emphasis  upon  the  necessity  for  keep- 
ing the  proceedings  secret,  warning  everybody  not  to  say  any- 
thing about  the  action  which  had  been  taken,  and  urging  that 
the  executive  sessions  should  not  be  the  subject  of  newspaper 
comment  as  heretofore.  He  had  hardly  concluded  this  warning 
when  from  two  doors  of  the  dining-room  came  cries  of  "Extra 
Paper!"  "Extra  Post!"  "Extra  Star!" 


PHILIPPINE    PEACE    TREATY 


87 


Everybody  looked  around  and  in  one  door  they  saw  Crosby 
S.  Notes,  the  venerable  editor  of  the  Washington  Evening  Star, 
dressed  as  a  newsboy  and  with  an  armful  of  papers,  rushing  into 
the  dining-room  handing  out  extra  papers  to  everybody.  At 
the  other  end  of  the  dining-room  was  Beriah  Wilkins,  the 
proprietor  of  the  Washington  Post,  also  dressed  as  a  newsboy 
and  carrying  an  armful  of  Posts.  He  was  no  less  vigorous  than 
his  evening  contemporary  in  disposing  of  "extras."  These 
extra  papers  contained  a  full  and  complete  account  of  the  pro- 
ceedings of  the  "secret"  session,  giving  the  vote  in  detail  upon 
the  ratification  of  the  treaty,  together  with  the  speeches  of  the 
different  "Senators"  in  full,  and  otherwise  making  a  burlesque 
of  the  executive  sessions  of  the  United  States  Senate. 

It  was  very  amusing,  especially  as  there  is  constant  friction 
between  the  Senate  and  the  newspaper  men  about  the  publica- 
tion of  what  transpires  in  executive  sessions,  and  there  is  gener- 
ally an  investigation  pending,  an  investigation  just  concluding, 
or  an  investigation  about  to  begin,  concerning  these  leaks,  while 
executive  session  secrets  continue  to  appear  in  the  newspapers 
the  day  after  they  happen.  It  is  generally  understood  among 
newspaper  men  that  the  Senators  are  never  really  serious  in 
their  efforts  to  find  out  about  the  leaks  of  their  secret  sessions 
or  of  other  secret  conferences  that  take  place  in  Washington. 

There  was  at  least  one  Senator  present  who  appreciated  the 
action  of  the  Gridiron  Club  and  he  expressed  the  opinion  that 
he  would  like  to  have  the  United  States  exhibit  the  sense  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  for  a  few  minutes  until  the  treaty  could  be  rati- 
fied. That  was  Senator  Frye,  of  Maine,  who  was  a  member  of 
the  Peace  Commission  and  differed  so  radically  with  his  colleague. 
Senator  Hale. 

About  the  time  of  the  first  dinner  of  1899,  a  very  interesting 
condition  arose  in  the  House  of  Representatives  regarding 
Brigham  H.  Roberts.  Roberts  had  been  elected  a  member  of 
the  House  from  Utah.  The  people  of  Utah  had  promised  that 
polygamy  should  be  abandoned  when  statehood  was  granted, 
yet  Roberts  went  to  Washington  boldly  defying  public  senti- 


88 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


ment  and  not  denying  the  statement  that  he  had  three  wives. 
In  fact,  this  Utah  man  was  rather  proud  of  his  position. 

The  Gridiron  Club  took  up  the  idea  in  initiating  a  new 
member,  Henry  Hall  of  the  Pittsburgh  Chronicle-Telegraph, 
He  was  introduced  as  "Henry  Hall  Brigham  Young  Roberts," 
and  came  in  leading  four  members  of  the  Club  dressed  in 
women's  clothes.  There  was  quite  a  controversy  over  the 
subject  of  the  admission  of  Hall  —  who  by  the  way  was,  and 
still  is,  a  bachelor  —  especially  as  long  as  he  had  the  Mormon 
attachments.  Finally  a  member  of  the  Club,  as  a  Chicago 
lawyer,  came  forward.  He  found  a  method  of  separating  the 
Mormon   family   from   the   new   member.     In   settling   the   con- 


troversy as  to  what  should  be  done  with  the  four  ladies  a  lottery 
was  held  which  resulted  in  placing  "Mrs.  Big  Amy  Hall," 
"Mrs.  Polly  Gamy  Hall,"  "Mrs.  Philopino  Hall,"  and  "Mrs. 
Honey  Lulu  Hall"  under  the  protecting  care  of  Senator  Gorman, 
Richard  Croker,  Senator  Hanna,  and  the  Chinese  Minister, 
Dr.  Wu.  All  of  these  gentlemen  were  guests  of  the  evening, 
and  of  course  the  suggestion  caused  a  good  deal  of  fun. 

The  Gridiron  Club  always  made  use  of  Chauncey  M. 
Depew  for  any  purpose  whatsoever.  On  this  occasion  Gen. 
Boynton  made  a  short  talk  in  which  he  referred  to  Senator 
Depew,  indicating  that  he  was  to  be  called  upon  for  a  speech, 
but  just  before  introducing  him  and  when  everybody  expected 
to  hear  from  the  New  York  Senator,  there  stalked  into  the  room 


PHILIPPINE    PEACE    TREATY 


89 


St-^^^^i^^^e,,,, 


a  very  large-sized  book  labeled  "Depew's  Jokes."  On  the  other 
side  was  a  picture  of  Senator  Depew  laughing  vociferously. 
After  this  book  had  paraded  up  and  down  the  room  no  more 
was  heard  from  Depew  for  a  time. 

After  a  little  while  Gen.  Boynton  made  another  and  similar 
speech  and  had  practically  introduced  De"pew  when  a  phono- 
graph down  in  one  corner  of  the  room 
began  grinding  out  some  of  Depew's  old 
stories,  at  which  members  would  applaud 
vigoroulsly  and  laugh  uproariously.  A 
little  later  in  the  evening,  however,  the 
New  York  Senator  was  given  an  oppor- 
tunity to  speak,  and  came  back  at  the 
Club  in  a  very  interesting  manner. 

It  was  at  this  dinner  that  President 
Boynton  introduced  the  custom  of  drink- 
ing a  toast  to  the  President  of  the 
United  States  which  has  since  been  fol- 
lowed.    In  stating  the  purpose  he  spoke 

of  the  Anglo-Saxon  nation  across  the  sea  which  had  created  the 
custom  and  made  it  honored  wherever  its  jflag  was  known.  He 
spoke  also  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  nation  on  this  side  of  the  Atlantic 
ocean.  "Let  Anglo-Saxon  forms  follow  our  drum-beats  around 
the  world,"  he  said.  There  was  much  sentiment  in  the  sugges- 
tion; for  many  of  our  people,  especially  those  close  to  the 
government,  felt  very  friendly  toward  Great  Britain  on  account 
of  the  course  that  nation  pursued  during  the  Spanish  war.  But 
Gen.  Boynton  did  not  escape  the  criticisms  of  the  Celt,  the 
Teuton,  as  well  as  others,  who  refuse  to  have  this  nation  known 
as  Anglo-Saxon,  and  the  Gridiron  Club  was  warned  that  it  could 
not  Anglicize  America  with  its  amalgamated  races  of  the  world  by 
adopting  British  customs  and  miscalling  the  people  Anglo-Saxons. 

Richard  Croker,  the  Tammany  Chief,  was  a  guest  at  the 
dinner.  He  was  invited  by  John  A.  Corwin,  but  would  not 
accept  until  he  was  assured  that  he  would  not  be  called  upon 
for  a  speech. 


90 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"I'm  nothing  on  the  gab,"  he  said,  "and  I'd  be  a  mark  for 
guys." 

Mr,  Croker's  presence  caused  an  amusing  incident  just  be- 
fore the  dinner.  For  many  years  the  Gridiron  Club  has  main- 
tained the  custom  of  obtaining  the  autographs  of  all  prominent 
guests.     A  book  for  the  purpose  is  placed  in  the  reception  room 

and   the    guests    are   asked   to    sign 
their  names. 

When  Croker  reached  the  place 
where  the  book  was  kept  Mark 
Hanna  had  just  written  his  name 
and  rose  from  the  table.  The  two 
political  leaders  had  never  met. 
Each  looked  at  the  other  for  an 
instant.     Croker  first  spoke. 

"Your  face  seems  very  familiar," 
and    there    was    just    the  shade  of 
a  twinkle  in  his  eye. 
"I  ought  to  know  you  from  your  pictures,"  replied  Hanna, 
who  was  smiling  blandly. 

CoRWiN  introduced  them  and  they  at  once  became  friends. 
A  little  later  they  found  themselves  seated  opposite  each  other 
and  had  a  good  time  together. 

"I  knew  your  face,"  remarked  Croker,  "but  I  missed  that 
suit  with  the  dollar  marks." 

"I'd  have  been  sure  it  was  you  if  you'd  have  worn  that 
striped  suit,"  retorted  Hanna. 

Then  they  both  laughed,  for  Hanna  had  been  made  familiar 
throughout  the  country  by  being  cartooned  in  a  suit  covered 
with  dollar  marks,  while  Croker  had  for  years  been  pictured  in 
a  striped  suit  that  might  be  that  of  a  convict  or  the  Tammany 
Tiger. 

"How  did  you  like  it.  Chief. '^"  asked  Corwin,  when  the 
dinner  was  over. 

"Fine,"  he  replied.  "Say,  do  you  know  who  made  the  best 
speech?" 


PHILIPPINE    PEACE    TREATY  91 


"No;    who  do  you  say?" 

"The  Chink,"  answered  Croker.  "The  Chink  was  better'n 
all  of  'em." 

He  referred  to  his  excellency,  the  Honorable  Wu  Tingfang, 
minister  plenipotentiary  and  envoy  extraordinary  from  the 
Emperor  of  China  to  the  United  States. 

Aguinaldo  was  a  chief  figure  in  the  year  1899,  for  he  started 
an  insurrection  immediately  after  the  peace  treaty  with  Spain 
had  been  ratified.  All  through  the  summer  and  fall  the  generals 
and  troops  had  been  fighting  insurrectos.  In  that  year  was 
born  the  song  that  made  a  certain  Carabao  dinner  of  recent 
times  famous.  Gen.  Otis  was  in  command  in  the  Philippines 
and  had  brought  upon  himself  a  storm  of  criticism  because  of 
censorship  of  press  dispatches.  At  the  dinner  in  December, 
1899,  the  events  in  the  Philippines  were  burlesqued  in  a  skit 
which  utilized  the  capture  of  Aguinaldo  to  initiate  a  new  mem- 
ber, Rudolph  Kauffmann,  Managing  Editor  of  the  Washington 
Star. 

At  one  stage  of  the  dinner  there  was  a  fusillade  of  shots  and 
much  shouting  and  then  there  burst  through  one  of  the  doors  a  very 
dark  colored  nan  with  hair  erect  and  clothed 
in  a  South  Sea  costume  of  grass  and  leaves. 

"Save  me!  Save  me!"  he  shouted.  "Where 
is  Billy  Mason.^  Where  is  Edward  Atkinson.?  " 
(Mason  in  the  Senate  was  the  chief  defender 
of  Aguinaldo,  and  Atkinson  was  filling  many 
columns  denouncing  the  imperahsm  of  the 
United  States.) 

Our  Aguinaldo  had  scarcely  time  to  hide  himself  behind  an 
improvised  jungle  when  he  was  followed  by  a  number  of  mem- 
bers as  "generals"  in  hot  pursuit  —  Gens.  Wheaton,  Mac- 
Arthur,  and  Lawton  being  represented  as  well  as  others. 
With  drawn  swords  and  much  clamor  they  searched  the  jungle 
and  brought  forth  the  trembling  Aguinaldo. 

At  this  point  Gen.  Otis  stalked  in  wearing  a  spick  and  span 
dress  uniform  in  marked  contrast  to  the  service  clothes  of  the 


92  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

other  generals.  He  carried  an  enormous  blue  pencil,  the  emblem 
of  the  censorship  he  had  established  in  the  Philippines.  As  he 
walked  along  he  threw  away  dozens  of  censored  telegrams. 
Each  of  the  generals  presented  a  report  claiming  to  have  cap- 
tured Aguinaldo  at  different  places.  Otis  blue-penciled  the  re- 
ports and  then  threw  them  away,  and  dictated  a  dispatch  to 
Washington,  paraphrasing  one  which  Admiral  Sampson  had 
sent  after  the  sea  fight  at  Santiago  in  July,  1898.  It  read: 
"The  army  under  my  command  has  the  honor  to  present  to  the 
nation  Aguinaldo,  the  insurgent  chief,  as  a  Christmas  present.'* 

At  this  point  a  member  of  the  Club  representing  himself  as 
one  of  the  Philippine  Commissioners,  protested  against  this 
incursion  of  the  military  into  the  important  affairs  of  the  islands. 
This  was  an  allusion  to  the  differences  which  had  developed 
between  the  civil  and  military  authorities  in  the  Philippines 
and  which  continued  for  many  years.  The  Commissioner  as- 
sumed control  of  Aguinaldo  and  paroled  him  on  condition  that 
he  would  become  a  member  of  the  Gridiron  Club.  Removing 
a  part  of  his  disguise  Mr.  Kauffmann  announced  that  that 
was  his  highest  ambition  and  he  was  declared  duly  initiated. 

It  was  a  clever  skit,  sensational,  and  full  of  action,  but  it 
brought  about  severe  criticism  from  anti-imperialists,  who  said 
the  Club  was  making  light  of  a  very  serious  matter. 

It  is  interesting  to  note  that  the  real  captor  of  Aguinaldo, 
Frederick  Funston,  won  a  brigadier-general's  commission  by 
his  exploit,  and  has  since  distinguished  himself  in  the  army, 
finally  securing  the  coveted  two  stars  of  a  major-general. 

There  was  another  event  in  the  Philippines  which  gave  the 
Gridiron  Club  an  opportunity  for  ridicule.  In  pursuing  Agui- 
naldo the  army  made  a  capture  which  caused  a  loud  guffaw  all 
over  the  United  States.  The  general  at  the  front  reported  that 
he  had  Mrs.  Aguinaldo's  wardrobe  in  a  barrel.  As  a  burlesque 
on  this,  the  Gridiron  Club  made  its  menu  souvenir  a  part  of 
"Mrs.  Aguinaldo's  wardrobe,"  which  was  enclosed  in  a  barrel 
and  proved  to  be  a  silken  skirt  upon  which  was  printed  the  menu 
of  the  dinner. 


PHILIPPINE    PEACE    TREATY  93 


In  spite  of  the  fact  that  the  government  of  the  United 
States  seemed  to  sympathize  with  Great  Britain  in  its  fight  to 
conquer  the  Boers  of  South  Africa,  there  was  a  very  strong 
sentiment  in  this  country  in  favor  of  the  Boers.  About  that 
time  the  Boers  were  getting  very  much  the  best  of  the  various 
battles  that  were  fought  in  South  Africa.  The  Gridiron  Club 
took  cognizance  of  it  at  the  December  dinner  in  1899,  first  by 
reading  a  dispatch  from  *'Ladysmith,  via  Harrysmith,  via 
Charlesemorysmith  via  Hokesmith,  via  Williamaldensmith," 
and  signed  by  Rudyard  Kipling,  which  told  of  another  sad 
but  glorious  day  in  which  there  was  a  great  British  victory, 
although  three  regiments  which  had  gone  to  the  front  had  failed 
to  return.  Immediately  following  there  burst  into  one  of  the 
doors  a  number  of  men  dressed  in  the  brilliant  red  coats  of 
British  oflScers,  who  hurried  across  the  dining-room  crying, 
"Don't  shoot!  Don't  shoot!"  while  right  behind  them  was  Bob 
Wynne  of  the  New  York  Press,  dressed  to  look  like  Oom  Paul 
Kruger  with  a  Dutch  stein  in  one  hand  and  a  big  whip  in  the 
other.  He  snapped  the  whip  from  time  to  time  as  he  drove 
the  British  officers  across  the  dining-room  and  out  through 
the  opposite  door. 

It  was  at  this  dinner  that  Senator  Beveridge  was  first 
gridironed.  Albert  J.  Beveridge  came  to  Washington  with 
a  great  reputation.  He  was  the  *'Boy  Orator  of  the  Wabash" 
and  was  noted  as  the  "Young  Man  Eloquent."  He  had  been 
elected  to  the  Senate  by  the  Indiana  legislature  some  time  in 
the  winter  of  1899  and  had  bounded  off  to  the  Philippines,  re- 
turning with  a  speech  which  told  all  about  the  Islands,  and 
which  he  unloaded  on  the  Senate  at  the  very  first  opportunity. 
When  Senator  Beveridge  was  called  upon  at  the  dinner  he  was 
escorted  to  the  area  in  front  of  the  President,  given  a  brief 
lecture,  and  told  how  to  deport  himself  as  a  United  States  Sena- 
tor. First,  his  youth  was  criticized  and  he  was  told  to  overcome 
this  defect  by  wearing  whiskers,  and  a  disguise  of  whiskers  was 
put  over  his  face.  Then  he  was  informed  that  one  trouble  in 
the  Senate  was  due  to  an  incHnation  to  talk  too  long  and  he 


94  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

was  given  an  alarm-clock  and  told  that  when  the  alarm  sounded 
it  was  time  to  quit.  Having  received  these  instructions  he  was 
allowed  to  proceed.  Holding  the  alarm-clock  in  one  hand  and 
waving  the  other  with  oratorical  gestures,  the  young  Senator 
began  to  speak,  but  he  had  not  been  going  more  than  three 
minutes  when  the  alarm,  which  had  been  previously  set  for  the 
occasion,  went  off,  and  as  it  rang  loud  and  long  everybody 
shouted  and  laughed  and  Beveridge  had  to  wait  for  another 
occasion  before  he  was  able  to  make  a  speech  to  the  Gridiron 
Club. 

At  that  dinner  Prince  David  Kawananakoa  of  Hawaii,  dis- 
tinguished mainly  on  account  of  his  name,  was  a  guest,  and  also 
Major-General  Leonard  Wood,  commanding  in  Cuba.  From 
the  House  of  Representatives  were  two  members,  rivals  as  to 
which  was  the  homeliest  man  in  Congress,  Frank  M.  Eddy 
of  Minnesota  and  Francis  W.  Cushman  of  Washington.  In 
the  "beauty  contest"  between  these  two,  Cushman  won.  He 
had  recently  succeeded  James  Hamilton  Lewis,  and  Gen. 
Boynton,  in  introducing  him,  said  that  Washington  seemed 
determined  to  keep  a  freak  in  Congress  and  we  would  hear  from 
the  last  to  arrive. 

And  what  a  surprise  was  Cushman!  Long,  lean,  lank, 
angular,  with  solemn  visage,  and,  seemingly,  without  any  appre- 
ciation of  his  great  gift  of  humor,  he  poured  out  story,  epigram 
and  witty  comments  on  passing  events  and  men  around  the 
table  until  everybody  was  choking  with  laughter.  Old  Frank 
Cushman!  Many  times  afterward  he  enlivened  Gridiron  din- 
ners. It  all  seemed  spontaneous,  as  if  he  had  just  thought  of 
it.  And  yet  he  never  made  a  Gridiron  speech  that  I  had  not 
heard  him  rehearse  previous  to  its  delivery  at  a  dinner. 


^    f  I)c  f  tiening  $hf. 


i^  JL^^p^^!  ^IM-i.- 


The  Philippine  Treaty  Extras 


^of-  Transferab/e. 


Va5HIN6T0N,DX. 

(o^PKiL  28,  I^O(L^|t:^. 


President  of  Conyerrf/on. 


Gridiron  Convention  Ticket 


CHAPTER  XII 
THE   CAMPAIGN  YEAR  OF   1900 

Imperialism  a  Live  Subject  —  William  J.  Bryan  Attends 
A  Dinner  for  the  First  Time  —  Civilizing  Ben  Till- 
man —  Guests  of  the  Lotus  Club  and  a  Glimpse  of 
Gov.  Roosevelt  —  Holding  a  National  Convention 
—  Benjamin  Harrison  and  Joe  Jefferson  Guests  — 
Election  Aftermath  —  Reorganizing  the  Democratic 
Party. 

IMPERIALISM  was  a  live  subject  in  the  United  States  in 
1900  and  it  figured  at  the  first  dinner  the  Gridiron  Club 
gave  that  year  as  well  as  in  the  national  election.  The 
initiation  of  Robert  Lincoln  O'Brien  of  the  Boston  Tran- 
script,  and  L.  White  Busbey  of  the  Chicago  Inter-Ocean,  was 
made  the  groundwork  of  a  burlesque  upon  the  manner  in  which 
the  LTnited  States  government  was  likely  to  treat  its  new  depen- 
dencies. The  President  of  the  Club,  Henry  L.  West,  of  the 
Washington  Post,  was  crowned  as  the  emperor,  an  imperial  robe 
thrown  over  his  shoulders,  and  a  jeweled  scepter  placed  in  his 
hands.  Then  various  governors  of  islands,  the  Sultan  of  Sulu, 
and  others  were  brought  in  and  the ,  two  new  members  of  the 
Club  came  in  as  reporters.  So  well  did  they  recount  what  was 
taking  place  in  the  distant  islands,  it  was  decided  to  annex  them 
to  the  Gridiron  Club.  In  the  midst  of  things  Uncle  Sam  sud- 
denly appeared,  stripped  the  emperor  of  his  tinsel  trappings, 
and  drove  the  Sultan,  satraps,  governors,  and  other  imperialist 
appendages  from  the  room  while  the  band  played  Yankee  Doodle. 
William  J.  Bryan  did  not  become  a  guest  of  the  Gridiron 
Club  until  the  winter  of  1900,  just  previous  to  his  second  nomi- 
nation and  then  he  was  greeted  with  this  song,  which  was  called 
an  authorized  interview  with  a  Presidential  candidate: 

95 


96  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Oh,  where  have  you  been,  Billy  Boy,  Billy  Boy? 

Oh,  where  have  you  been,  Silver  Billy? 
I  have  been  after  delegates,  and  I  have  got  most  all  the  States; 

Bet  your  life  Silver  Billy  is  a  winner. 

This  song  was  introduced  as  one  of  the  features  of  an  old- 
time  minstrel  show,  when  a  dozen  members  of  the  Club  entered 
the  room  and  arranged  themselves  in  a  semi-circle  in  front  of 
the  President.  They  all  wore  white  hats  bound  with  silver, 
except  one,  which  was  conspicuously  gold.  As  they  took  their 
seats,  President  West  asked  who  they  were. 

"We're  the  16-to-l  minstrels,"  was  the  response  of  Henry 
Hall,  who  was  the  center  of  the  group  and  wore  the  gold  hat. 

"But,"  said  the  President,  "there  is  no  16-to-l  there." 

"There  is  no  16-to-l  anywhere,"  came  the  response  from 
Hall,  which  was  enjoyed  by  everybody  including  Mr.  Bryan. 

Mr.  Bryan  came  right  back  at  the  Gridiron  Club  when  he 
was  called  upon  to  speak,  something  that  he  always  has  been 
able  to  do  whenever  he  has  been  a  guest  at  the  dinners.  Gen- 
erally there  was  a  number  of  railroad  men  as  guests:  Presidents 
of  roads.  General  Passenger  Agents,  and  others.  At  this  dinner 
there  was  more  than  the  ordinary  number  of  railroad  men  and 
Mr.  Bryan,  who  had  been  fought  tooth  and  nail  by  the  rail- 
roads in  the  campaign  of  1896,  remarked  that  it  might  be  simply 
a  coincidence,  but  that  he  saw  more  railroad  Presidents  and 
General  Passenger  Agents  sitting  at  the  Gridiron  board  than 
he  had  seen  in  all  the  time  since  the  campaign  of  1896.  He 
added  that  he  supposed  it  "just  happened"  that  these  railroad 
men  were  guests  of  the  Gridiron  Club  composed  wholly  of 
newspaper  men. 

Almost  historic  was  the  annexation  of  Ben  Tillman  to  the 
Gridiron  Club.  After  having  been  presented  with  a  black  flag 
and  declaring  that  he  was  "partially  civilized"  the  Club  voted 
to  annex  him  and  he  was  allowed  to  speak.  I  wonder  how 
many  people  recollect  the  striking  figure  which  Tillman  made 
as  he  stood  there  in  all  the  strength  and  vigor  of  those  days 
waving  that  black  flag  back  and  forth  and  saying  that  it  would 


THE    CAMPAIGN    YEAR    OF    1900  97 


*'wave  over  my  grave  before  it  would  find  me  in  the  same  camp 
with  Arthur  Pue  Gorman."  In  later  years  when  Tillman 
became  one  of  the  conservative  Senators  on  the  Democratic 
side,  this  remark  could  hardly  have  been  made,  for  I  fancy 
that  he  and  Gorman  would  not  have  been  very  far  apart. 

Farther  along  in  what  we  called  the  "  Civilization  of  Tillman," 
a  member  of  the  Club  made  reference  to  Tillman's  pitchfork 
record,  and  said  that  Tillman  had  abandoned  dispensary 
whisky  for  champagne;  hog  meat  for  terrapin;  and  the  old  frock 
coat  for  the  claw-hammer.  In  response  to  these  sallies.  Senator 
Tillman  retorted  that  he  had  worn  a  claw-hammer,  or  swallow- 
tail as  they  had  called  it  in  the  South,  at  least  four  or  five  times 
and  he  believed  that  he  would  grow  to  like  it.  He  also  said 
that  he  would  not  retaliate  upon  the  Gridiron  boys  by  telling 
what  he  knew  of  their  experiences  in  South  Carolina,  the  real 
dispensary  State. 

This  was  an  allusion  to  a  trip  that  the  Gridiron  Club  had 
made  to  Charleston.  The  Club  spent  a  part  of  the  holidays  as 
the  guests  of  the  citizens  of  Charleston,  due  largely  to  the 
efforts  of  Major  J.  C.  Hemphill,  then  editor  of  the  News  and 
Courier.  On  that  occasion  the  Club  took  "spellbinders"  along, 
as  the  members  termed  Senators  Tillman  and  Depew  and 
Champ  Clark. 

Senator  Gorman,  who  was  not  in  the  Senate  at  the  time, 
was  inclined  to  philosophize,  but  not  in  a  very  satiric  vein. 
Replying  to  Tillman's  remark  he  said  there  were  occasions 
when  men  had  to  change  their  locations  and  he  rather  suspected 
that  such  would  be  the  case  if  Tillman  came  into  his  camp. 
He  also  remarked  that  he  understood  that  Depew  and  Wolcott, 
then  known  as  the  best  orators  in  the  Senate,  had  been  prac- 
ticising  oratory  on  the  White  Lot  so  as  to  catch  up  with  Senator 
Beveridge. 

There  was  a  resumption  of  talk  about  the  "open  door" 
which  was  also  one  of  our  pet  foreign  policies  in  those  days. 
Minister  Wu  Tingfang  during  the  course  of  his  remarks  said 
that  he  was  going  to  make  a  request  of  Mr.  Bryan,  which  was 


98  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

that  when  the  Nebraska  gentleman  became  President  he  would 
open  the  door  to  the  Chinese.  Dr.  Wu  always  wielded  a  double- 
edged  sword. 

It  was  at  this  *'sixteen-to-one"  dinner  that  Mr.  Bryan  and 
Mr.  Hanna  met  for  the  first  time.  Just  at  the  close  of  the 
dinner  Mr.  Bryan,  who  occupied  a  seat  next  to  President  West, 
remarked  to  the  latter  that  he  had  never  met  Mr.  Hanna.  Mr. 
West,  inwardly  regretting  that  the  statement  had  not  been 
made  to  him  earlier  in  the  evening,  so  that  the  formal  intro- 
duction of  the  two  men  could  have  been  made  a  feature  of  the 
dinner,  called  to  Senator  Hanna  with  the  request  that  the  latter 
wait  for  him  at  the  exit  from  the  banquet  hall.  Escorting  Mr. 
Bryan,  Mr.  West  led  him  to  Mr.  Hanna  and  introduced  them 
with  mock  formality.  The  remarks  which  were  interchanged 
were  as  commonplace  as  when  Stanley  met  Livingstone  in 
the  wilds  of  Africa.  "I  have  frequently  heard  of  you,  Mr. 
Bryan,"  said  Mr.  Hanna.  "And  your  name  is  not  altogether 
unfamiliar  to  me,"  was  Mr.  Bryan's  laughing  reply.  Then  the 
two  began  talking  about  the  campaign  in  which  they  had  been 
prominent  figures  and  finally  parted  company  as  if  they  had 
been  warm  friends  for  years. 

The  Lotus  Club  of  New  York  entertained  the  Gridiron  Club 
in  March,  and  it  was  one  grand  occasion.  While  some  of  the 
features  of  the  previous  dinner  were  repeated,  several  others 
were  modified,  and  many  new  stunts  were  introduced  for  the 
entertainment  of  the  Lotus  Club  members.  Some  of  the  latter 
insisted  that  we  were  not  newspaper  men,  but  had  palmed  off 
a  lot  of  "ringers"  on  them.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  the  only 
"ringers"  that  we  took  over  were  a  quartette  of  negroes  w^ho 
yapped  at  the  Lotus  eaters  those  once  familiar  lines:  "We 
left  our  happy  homes  for  you."  These  negroes  gave  us  a  lot 
of  trouble,  too.  They  did  not  show  up  at  the  train  when  we 
left  for  home  the  next  day,  but  went  back  to  the  Lotus  Club, 
and  the  funny  men  of  that  organization  wired  us  while  we  were 
en  route  asking  what  we  wanted  to  do  with  four  coons  which 
we  had  evidently  abandoned  to  the  vicissitudes  of  a  great  city. 


THE    CAMPAIGN    YEAR    OF    1900  99 


It  has  always  been  said  that  Senator  Depew  franked  them  home, 
but  the  truth  is  we  used  Depew's  unHmited  telegraph  frank, 
and  J.  H.  Maddy  of  the  B.  &  O.  road  gave  instructions  which 
insured  their  return  to  Washington. 

Some  time  late  in  the  evening  at  the  Lotus  Club  dinner  the 
Governor  and  Lieutenant-Governor  of  New  York  came  in.  It 
was  not  long  before  Theodore  Roosevelt  was  shaking  hands 
with  all  the  Gridiron  men,  and  a  little  later  in  making  his  speech 
he  said:  "Up  at  Albany  recently  a  man  appeared  before  one 
of  the  committees  of  the  legislature  and  after  pleading  for  some 
time  he  closed  by  saying,  'And  now,  gentlemen  of  the  com- 
mittee, whatever  you  do,  don't  make  a  lobster  of  me.'  I  would 
make  that  appeal  to  you  if  I  did  not  know  you  so  well  that  I 
know  you  would  disregard  it." 

None  of  us  suspected  that  the  then  Governor  of  New  York 
would  be  the  vice-presidential  candidate  in  less  than  four  months. 

Senator  Depew,  as  a  member  of  the  Lotus  Club,  severely 
roasted  the  Gridiron  Club;  then  declaring  himself  a  Gridiron 
man  because  he  went  over  on  the  train  with  us  and  was  going 
back  with  us,  he  turned  in  and  roasted  the  Lotus  Club.  Sena- 
tor Platt  read  a  poem  that  he  had  written  many,  many  years 
ago.  It  was  an  amusing  production  and  nobody  had  suspected 
Thomas  C.  Platt  of  having  any  such  gift  of  humor,  or  any 
incHnation  to  contribute  his  mite  to  an  entertainment  of  the 
kind  that  was  given  by  the  Lotus  Club  that  night. 

The  approaching  national  conventions  in  1900,  when  it  was 
a  foregone  conclusion  that  President  McKinley  w.ould  be  re- 
nominated, and  that  William  J.  Bryan  would  receive  a  unani- 
mous nomination  at  the  Democratic  convention,  afforded  an 
opportunity  for  the  Gridiron  Club  to  hold  a  national  convention 
of  its  own.  This  dinner  was  held  in  April,  just  about  the  time 
the  delegates  were  being  elected  in  various  States.  As  usual, 
there  was  a  large  representation  of  prominent  men,  and  the 
"convention"  was  conducted  in  most  informal  manner.  There 
were  the  usual  signs  hung  about  the  banquet  room,  transformed 
for  the  occasion  into  a  convention  hall,  among  them  the  famiUar 


100  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"No  Smoking"  that  is  so  conspicuous  in  every  national 
convention.  Other  signs  were,  "The  Gallery  is  Free;  Walk 
Up";  "Admiral  Dewey's  Headquarters,  Floor  1313";  "Hanna- 
QuAY  and  Reform";  "Vote  for  Evans  and  Get  a  Pension" 
(H.  Clay  Evans  was  at  that  time  Commissioner  of  Pensions); 
"Vote  for  Joe  Cannon,  the  Smooth  Bore." 

That  was  a  convention,  all  right,  and  conducted  in  a  way 
to  remind  those  who  had  ever  been  at  one  of  the  national 
gatherings  of  the  incidents  they  had  seen.  Even  the  waiters 
at  the  hotel  came  in  with  a  banner  announcing  that  they  were 
"Lily  Whites,"  for  there  never  was  a  Republican  convention 
without  a  struggle  between  the  *'Lily  Whites"  and  "Black  and 
Tans." 

A  shot  was  fired  for  the  benefit  of  Senator  Mark  Hanna, 
chairman  of  the  Republican  National  Committee,  who  it  was 
known  would  control  the  coming  convention  at  Philadelphia: 

"What  kind  of  a  convention  is  this.^^" 

"A  convention  on  the  Philadelphia  plan;  the  delegates  have 
nothing  to  do  but  furnish  the  enthusiasm." 

At  one  stage  of  the  proceedings,  a  Gridiron  marching  club 
entered  bearing  a  large  McKinley  banner  and  carrying  the 
colored  umbrellas  and  other  familiar  paraphernalia  of  the  duly 
qualified  marching  club  at  conventions.  They  shouted  lustily 
for  McKinley  and  then  marched  out  of  the  hall.  They  imme- 
diately returned  with  a  Bryan  banner  and  shouted  just  as 
loudly  for  Bryan. 

For  some  reason  unknown  to  the  Gridiron  Club,  Admiral 
Dewey  has  never  attended  a  dinner.  After  his  triumph  in 
Manila  Bay  in  1898  the  Club  would  have  liked  to  join  the  rest 
of  the  world  in  honoring  the  hero  of  the  Spanish  war,  but  he 
would  not  consent.  The  Admiral  had  been  presented  with  a 
number  of  testimonials,  including  a  house,  and  for  a  brief  time  in 
1900  was  a  presidential  candidate.  That  was  good  enough  ma- 
terial for  the  Gridiron  Club  to  use  as  a  skit  at  its  "convention." 

Dewey's  possible  presidential  chances  were  utilized  in  the 
initiation  of  a  new  member,  Henry  G.  Kemp,  of  the  Baltimore 


THE    CAMPAIGN    YEAR    OF    1900  101 


Sun.  A  ladder  was  stationed  in  a  conspicuous  place  in  the 
dining-room  and  Kemp,  dressed  in  an  admiral's  uniform,  was 
escorted  up  a  few  steps  of  the  ladder  and  then  handed  a  docu- 
ment or  other  "testimonial."  As  he  advanced  a  step  something 
else  was  handed  him,  and  when  he  reached  the  top  and  sat  down 
the  final  presentation  was  a  picture  of  a  house.  He  was  told 
to  look  directly  in  front  of  him  and  he  would  see  the  President 
of  the  Club  and  that  he  might  well  aspire  to  that  position.  At 
that  moment  a  spring  was  touched  and  the  steps  turned  and 
precipitated  Kemp  in  a  tobaggan  slide  to  the  floor.  As  he 
gathered  himself  up  and  was  escorted  out,  the  singers  of  the 
Club  boomed  forth  "There's  a  Hole  in  the  Bottom  of  the 
Sea." 

It  has  been  said  that  Admiral  Dewey  rather  resented  the 
taking  of  such  liberties  with  his  name,  but  the  probabilities 
are  that  the  Gridiron  Club  would  have  played  the  same  game  if 
he  had  been  present. 

In  the  course  of  the  evening,  nearly  every  one  of  the  promi- 
nent men  present  was  alluded  to  in  one  way  or  another  as 
presidential  candidates  and  their  qualities  discussed  in  a  free 
and  easy  manner. 

Quite  the  most  interesting  feature  of  the  occasion  was  the 
calling  of  the  roll  of  States  for  the  nomination  of  candidates. 
Secretary  Fearn  included  in  that  list  Cuba,  Guam,  Hawaii, 
Luzon  and  all  other  new  possessions.  After  a  number  of  States 
had  been  called,  a  member  of  the  Club  announced  that  Dela- 
ware yielded  its  place  to  New  York,  and  immediately  Senator 
Depew  arose  and  made  a  very  vigorous  nominating  speech, 
placing  himself  before  the  "convention"  as  one  who  should  re- 
ceive the  votes  of  every  delegate,  saying  that  he  was  absolutely 
sure  of  election  if  nominated  in  the  Gridiron  Club.  The  roll  of 
States  was  continued,  and  when  Montana  was  reached  Senator 
Thomas  H.  Carter  arose  and  pitched  into  Depew  with  great 
vigor,  denouncing  the  attempt  to  nominate  a  "Wall  Street 
man"  and  insisting  that  it  was  time  that  the  "wild  and  woolly 
west"   should   be   recognized.     Speaking  for   the   intermountain 


102  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

region,  and  of  the  man  best  fitted  for  the  head  of  the  ticket, 
Senator  Carter  closed  by  saying,  *'I  place  in  nomination  the 
Senator  from  Montana." 

Both  of  these  speeches  caused  a  great  deal  of  merriment, 
and  they  showed  how  public  men  are  willing  to  play  the  Grid- 
iron game  and  help  pull  off  a  clever  stunt. 

The  menu  cards  were  the  regular  convention  ticket  slips  and 
were  distributed  by  two  *' Southern  delegates,"  but  not  until 
there  had  been  the  usual  row  over  the  sale  of  tickets  by  these 
delegates,  which  is  known  to  be  an  interesting  feature  of  national 
conventions  when  the  "colored  brother"  disposes  of  his  tickets 
to  the  best  advantage. 

About  the  time  that  the  dinner  concluded,  it  was  announced 
that  no  nomination  had  been  made,  and  a  motion  was  imme- 
diately carried  to  refer  the  selection  of  a  ticket  to  a  committee 
consisting  of  Senator  Hanna,  chairman  of  the  Republican 
National  Committee;  Senator  Jones,  chairman  of  the  Demo- 
cratic National  Committee;  Senator  Thomas  C.  Platt;  and 
Senator  Arthur  P.  Gorman;  with  instructions  to  report  at  the 
next  Gridiron  dinner. 

When  the  next  Gridiron  dinner  occurred  the  nation  had  been 
through  a  campaign  in  which  imperialism  had  been  the  para- 
mount issue,  and  which  afforded  the  Club  an  opportunity  to 
introduce  a  number  of  skits  suggested  by  the  election. 

The  first  of  the  political  stunts  was  the  creation  of  a  museum 
in  which  were  deposited  the  useless  rubbish  of  the  campaign. 
This  was  started  by  Henry  Hall  who  read  an  item  from  a 
newspaper  relating  that  Mr.  Bryan,  after  the  election,  had  given 
his  old  slouch  hat  to  one  man,  his  old  alpaca  coat  to  another, 
and  various  articles  to  others.  The  newspaper  correspondents 
who  had  accompanied  Mr.  Bryan  for  two  campaigns  were  the 
recipients  of  these  favors.  Mr.  Hall  thought  these  articles 
should  be  placed  in  the  Gridiron  museum.  This  called  for  a 
report  as  to  what  the  Gridiron  museum  contained,  and  Secre- 
tary Fearn  reported  from  the  catalogue: 


THE    CAMPAIGN    YEAR    OF    1900  103 


One  Arkansas  Owl,  named  Jimmie  Jones. 

One  South  Dakota  Coyote,  slightly  crippled  in  the  left  hind  leg,  named 
Mark  Hanna,  presented  by  Senator  Pettigrew. 

One  stuffed  elephant,  marched  to  death  in  a  sound  money  parade. 

One  16-to-l  jackass,  species  almost  extinct,  name  of  contributor  withheld 
by  request. 

Fossilized  jokes  of  John  M.  Allen  of  Tupelo,  Miss. 

Photograph  of  Thomas  B.  Reed. 

One  Texas  alligator  with  a  copy  of  the  constitution  in  its  stomach  bearing 
the  name  of  Senator  Bailey. 

"It  is  evident,"  said  President  West,  "that  the  campaign 
wardrobe  of  Mr.  Bryan  will  not  be  out  of  place  in  that  collection." 

"Why  should  we  limit  these  contributions  to  the  relics  hal- 
lowed by  the  memory  of  William  J.  Bryan?"  asked  Frank 
HosFORD.  "We  should  include  the  rough-rider  hat  which 
traveled  17,000  miles  in  the  late  campaign." 

"The  rules  of  the  Gridiron  museum,"  replied  Louis  Coo- 
LiDGE,  "provide  only  for  such  articles  as  can  never  be  of  the  least 
practical  service  again.  The  suggestion  of  the  rough-rider  hat 
is  out  of  order." 

This  point  was  sustained  and  then  different  members  came 
forward  and  dropped  into  a  hamper  various  articles,  with  ex- 
planations. 

"This,"  said  Hall,  "is  the  hat  through  which  Mr.  Bryan 
talked  for  64  days." 

"I  offer  the  shoe,"  said  Louis  Garthe,  "with  which  Mr. 
Bryan  kicked  the  Octopus." 

"These  are  Mr.  Bryan's  favorite  socks,"  said  Bob  Larner. 

"I  contribute  the  platform,"  said  White  Busbey,  "written 
by  Charles  Emory  Smith,  and  which  was  never  used." 

"Here,"  said  George  W.  Rouzer,  "is  a  pair  of  trousers 
worn  by  Mr.  Bryan  when  he  straddled  the  16-to-l  issue." 

"The  collection  will  not  be  complete,"  said  Gen.  Boynton, 
"without  the  crown  of  thorns  and  cross  of  gold." 

"This  closes  an  epoch  in  American  history,"  declared  Presi- 
dent West;    and  the  dinner  proceeded. 

The  reorganization  of  the  Democratic  party  was  one  of  the 


104 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


interesting  stunts.  Such  eminent  Democrats  and  near-Demo- 
crats as  Chairman  Jones  of  the  National  Committee,  Senators 
Gorman  of  Maryland,  Hill  of  New  York,  Wellington  of 
Maryland,  Pettigrew  of  South  Dakota,  Tillman  of  South 
Carolina,  Stone  of  Missouri,  Don  Dickinson  of  Michigan,  Carl 
ScHURZ  and  John  R.  McLean  were  impersonated. 

After  considerable  discussion,  Richard  Croker  appeared 
and  Jones  told  Hill  to  get  up  and  give  Croker  his  seat,  and 
Hill  left.  Jones  politely  asked  Croker  for  his  opinion,  and 
the  Tammany  boss  replied: 

"We  don't  want  any  more  jay  candidates  for  the  presidency; 
nor  any  more  hayseed  platforms;  nor  any  more  lobsters  like  you 
and  Stone  to  run  the  campaign.  You  can't  harness  the  Tam- 
many tiger  to  a  wild  ass  of  the  prairies."  (Jones  and  Stone 
retired.)  "We  don't  want  any  cheap  skate  politicians  who  left 
the  Republican  party  because  of  cold  feet."  (Pettigrew  and 
Wellington  retired.)  "We've  no  use  for  civil  service  reformers" 
(disposing  of  Schurz).  "Nor  Democrats  who  voted  for  Mc- 
KiNLEY."     (Dickinson  retired.)     "Nor  bosses  that  don't  boss." 

(Gorman  and  McLean  retired.) 
"And  we've  had  enough  of  the  solid 
South,  for  it  makes  a  solid  North 
three  to  one."  (Tillman  went  out.) 
"The  Democratic  party  seems 
pretty  well  organized,"  remarked 
President  West. 

"I'm  all  there  is  of  it,"  was 
Croker's  reply,  stalking  out  to  the 
tune  of  Tlie  Bowery. 

The  "full  dinner-pail"  was  a  Re- 
publican slogan  during  the  campaign 
and  a  miniature  workingman's  dinner- 
pail  was  used  as  a  souvenir.     It  con- 
tained the  menu  of  the  dinner. 

Benjamin  Harrison,  former  President  of  the  United  States, 
was  the  most  prominent  guest  at  the  dinner  in  December,  1900. 


THE    CAMPAIGN    YEAR    OF    1900  105 


He  made  a  notable  speech,  recalling  his  experiences  with  the 
Club  as  a  Senator  and  also  as  President.  Altogether  compli- 
mentary in  his  remarks,  with  a  vein  of  humor  touching  upon 
the  weak  points  of  Washington  journalism,  the  ex-President 
was  a  very  much  appreciated  speaker. 

Another  guest  and  speaker,  who  recounted  theatrical  experi- 
ences to  an  intensely  interested  audience  was  Joseph  Jefferson, 
whose  Rip  Van  Winkle,  and,  in  a  lesser  degree.  Bob  Acres  are 
an  immortal  memory  to  two  generations.  Joe  Jefferson  was 
one  of  the  intimate  friends  of  Grover  Cleveland  and  his  rela- 
tions with  the  ex-President  were  pleasingly  mentioned  in  con- 
nection with  the  presence  of  the  other  ex-President,  Mr.  Har- 
rison. 

It  was  the  last  dinner  of  the  19th  Century.  The  Gridiron 
Club  opened  the  20th  Century  in  a  manner  befitting  a  new 
cycle  and  introduced  a  number  of  novelties  in  depicting  public 
events  of  the  times. 


CHAPTER  XIII 
BEGINNING   OF  THE   NEW   CENTURY 

An  Elaborate  XXth  Century  Primer  —  Hazing  Army 
Officers  —  Inaugurating  a  President  —  Scene  in  the 
Press  Gallery  —  Bryan  Becomes  an  Editor  —  Roose- 
velt AS  Alice  in  Wonderland  —  A  Strenuous  Cabinet 
Meeting. 

THE  Gridiron  Club  started  the  new  century  with  a  Twentieth 
Century  Primer,  and  it  was  a  stunning  production.  It 
was  the  menu  souvenir  and  many  of  the  current  events 
were  touched  upon  in  the  Httle  volume.  It  was  based  on  one 
of  the  old-style  publications,  and  was  the  work  of  Francis  E. 
Leupp,  Richard  Lee  Fearn,  H.  Conquest  Clarke,  M.  G. 
Seckendorff,  and  J.  Harry  Cunningham.  Each  page  was 
occupied  by  an  old-fashioned  cut  and  a  verse  beginning  with  a 
large  capital  letter  in  red  ink,  of  which  an  English  journalist, 
who  was  a  guest  at  the  dinner,  said:  "The  poetry  of  the  author 
may  not  be  classic,  but  his  diction  is  less  involved  than  that  of 
Browning  and  his  original  purpose  is  to  get  to  the  point  as 
fast  as  four  lines  will  permit  him." 

This  pointed  comment  was  enjoyed  by  the  authors,  for  it 
epitomized  their  intentions  when  the  lines  were  written.  But  they 
had  the  further  gratification  of  seeing  their  work  appreciated  in 
copious  extracts  which  were  published  in  many  papers  all  over  the 
country.  So  many  topics  of  the  time  were  pictured  and  disposed 
of  in  four  lines  that  the  newspapers  considered  portions  worthy  of 
reproduction.  Besides,  imitation  is  the  sincerest  form  of  flattery, 
and  the  committee  had  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  their  ideas  used 
as  well  as  the  style  copied  by  different  organizations  seeking  some- 
thing unique  and  interesting  in  the  way  of  souvenirs.  So  the 
Gridiron  Primer  may  be  considered  a  standard  if  not  a  classic. 

The  title-page  covered  nearly  everything  that  could  be  said 
about  its  contents  and  is  herewith  reproduced: 

106 


THE    NEW    CENTURY 


107 


XXTH   CENTURY 

GRIDIRON   PRIMER, 

WHEREIN 

Are  laid  down,  in  Easy  Characters,  adapted  to  the 

most  senile  Understanding,  the 

PRINCIPLES   OF  PATRIOTIC  POLITICS 

Specially  arranged  for  Bosses   (easy  and  otherwise). 

Henchmen,   Heelers,  Trimmers,  Floppers, 

Grafters,  Watchers,  Workers,  Mixers, 

Handlers,  Satellites  and  Satraps. 

COPIOUSLY    EMBELLISHED 


Elegant  and  Stimulating  Cuts,  designed  to  amuse  and 

instruct,  no  less  than  elevate  and  adorn,  the  Minds 

of  Public  Men ;  rendering  easy  the  Problem  of 

separating  Vice  from  Virtue,  or  discovering 

the  differential  Value  of  Push  and  Pull; 

TO  WHICH  IS  ADDED  AN  ELEMENTARY 

TABLE  OF  GASTRONOMY 

FOR  ADVANCED  BEGINNERS, 

Compiled  with   conscientious   Care   and  constructed 

upon  a  Novel  and  Improved  Recipe  by  a 

Gentleman  living  upon  the  Business, 

From  which  Table  both  Wise  and  Foolish  may  choose 

with  Discretion  or  Defy 

The  Dictates  of  PoUteness  and  Prudence; 

the  Whole  followed  by  a 

SOCIAL   AND    POLITICAL    CATECHISM 

in  which  are  set  forth  the  Rudiments  of  Good 

Manners  as  well  as  Good  Politics,  enabling 

the  Dihgent  Student  thereof  to  become 

by  the  End  of  the  XXth  Century 

{but  no  sooner) 

THE  PERFECT  FLOWER  OF  MAN. 

Issued  for  the  improvement  of  the  Pupils  of  the 

GRIDIRON    ACADEMY 

And  entered  according  to  an  Act  of  the  G.  C.  in  the 

office  of  the  Librarian  A.  D.  1901. 


108 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Each  letter  of  the  alphabet  had  a  verse  and  an  illustration. 
One  of  the  illustrations  was  appropriate  to  the  conditions  which 
the  anti-imperalists  claimed  existed  in  the  Philippine  Islands 
when  the  policy  of  "benevolent  assimilation,"  —  the  words  of 
President  McKinley,  —  was  supposed  to  be  in  operation. 
Under  this  picture  were  the  lines: 


A    stands  for  Army, 
The  Organization 
We  use  for  benevolent 
Assimilation. 


Mr.  Bryan  was  still  considered  the  leader  of  his  party  ac- 
cording to  the  following: 


T>  is  for  Bryan, 
•^  Democracy's  Boss, 
Worshiped  with  Incense 
Like  Chinaman's  Joss. 


THE    NEW    CENTURY 


109 


Uncle  Sam  was  pictured  with  the  Island  of  Cuba  in  his  arms 
and  the  verse  under  it  stated: 


f~^  is  for  Cuba, 

An  Isle  of  the  Sea 
Which  we're  holding  a  mighty 

Long  While  as  Trustee. 


There  are  many  persons  who  will  appreciate  this  prophetic 
allusion  to  the  new  colonial  policy  which  had  been  adopted: 


T^  is  for  Expansion, 
"^  Experience,  too. 
Which  we'll  have  in  Abundance 
Before  we  get  Through. 


110 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


It  was  about  that  time  that  a  great  outcry  was  made  against 
hazing  which  had  taken  place  at  the  West  Point  Military  Acad- 
emy, and  under  the  picture  of  a  large-sized  first-classman  knock- 
ing out  a  small  plebe  were  the  lines: 


TJT  is  Hazing,  by  which 

Educational  Aid 
Men  and  Gentlemen  quickly 

At  West  Point  are  made. 


Another  page  related  to  the  Isthmian  Canal  and  the  verse 
stated : 


T  is  the  Isthmus, 

We'll  soon  cut  in  two. 
For  the  Interoceanic 

Canal  to  go  through. 


THE    NEW    CENTURY 


111 


A  page  for  the  letter  R  bore  a  picture  showing  a  rough- 
rider  hat,  a  great  deal  of  teeth,  and  cavalry  boots,  and  a  verse 
stating : 


"D  is  Roosevelt  first. 

And  the  rest  way  behind. 
In  His  Wisdom  the  Lord 

Made  but  one  of  this  kind. 


Here  is  the  verse  on  subsidy.  The  picture  looks  suspiciously 
like  Senator  Hanna,  who  was  at  that  time  pushing  the  subsidy 
bill  with  great  earnestness: 


-»    .  >    .    t   .    1. tU.S.TREASUF 

PI 

R^jjjjwffll  1     «.. 

w 

-L 
X 
X 

z 

T 

\J 

^^K--rfflHS 

-.  '-'L 1 

C"  stands  for  Subsidy,  — 
'^  Otherwise  Pelf; 
Meaning  One  for  My  Country 
And  Two  for  Myself. 


112 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


For  the  letter  U  there  was  a  picture  of  Uncle  Sam  on  a 
bicycle  coasting  downhill,  bidding  good-by  to  1900,  and  the 
verse   was : 


T  T  may  start  Uncle  Sam 
^^    On  a  Century  Run. 
But  the  Lord  only  knows. 

Where  he'll  be  when  it's  done. 


The  primer  contained  a  political  and  social  catechism  which 
was  decidedly  interesting.  Here  are  some  of  the  questions  and 
answers : 

Q.   What  is  political  government? 

A.   Standing  in  with  the  bosses  and  shaking  the  plum-trees. 

Q.   What  is  the  government  of  the  United  States? 

A.   It  is  called  Republican. 

Q.   In  whom  is  the  sovereign  power  invested? 

A.   Mark  Hanna. 

Q.   What  constitutes  the  United  States? 

A.  Thirteen  originally  rebellious  States;  thirty-two  other  States,  chiefly 
acquired  without  the  consent  of  the  governed;  the  Territories  of  Arizona,  New 
Mexico,  Oklahoma,  Alaska,  Guam,  Hawaii,  Porto  Rico,  Luzon,  Mindanao, 
Palawan,  Samar,  Panay,  Negros,  Bohol,  Leyte,  Masbate,  Marinduque,  Basilan, 
Polillo,  Catanduames,  the  Empire  of  Sulu,  Tutuilla,  the  District  of  Columbia, 
and  several  others. 

Q.   Into  how  many  branches  is  the  general  government  divided? 

A.   Three:  the  Legislative,  the  Executive,  and  the  Judicial. 

Q.   What  is  the  Legislative  power? 

A.   To  pass  the  River  and  Harbor  Bill  and  partake  of  the  "liver  and  lights." 

Q.   What  is  the  Executive  power? 

A.   To  appoint  friends  to  public  offices  and  make  enemies. 

Q.    What  is  the  Judicial  power? 

A.   The  right  to  change  its  mind. 


THE    NEW    CENTURY 


113 


Q.  By  whom  are  the  President  and  Vice-President  appointed? 

A.  By  boss-ridden  national  conventions. 

Q.  What  is  the  distinction  between  national  and  state  governments? 

A.  None  when  the  old  flag  and  an  appropriation  are  involved. 

A  real  inauguration  of  a  President  of  the  Club,  the  first  of 
the  kind,  was  introduced  at  the  annual  dinner  in  January,  1901, 
and  was  based  to  a  great  extent  upon  the  coming  inauguration 
of  President  McKinley  for  the  second  time.  Louis  Garthe 
of  the  Baltimore  American  was  chairman  of  the  Inauguration 
Committee,  and  after  the  dinner  had  been  in  progress  a  short 
time  he  interrupted  the  proceedings  by  complaining  that  the 
President  had  not  been  properly  inaugurated,  and  in  order  to 


validate  proceedings  the  inauguration  should  take  place.  I  was 
President  that  year  and,  gracefully  yielding  to  the  demand  of 
Mr.  Garthe,  I  called  my  predecessor,  Henry  L.  West,  to  the 
chair  and  went  through  with  the  inauguration  ceremony. 

The  inauguration  carriage  was  a  little  express-wagon  drawn 
by  four  small  negroes,  labeled  Philippines,  Porto  Rico,  Hawaii, 
and  Guam.  Marching  beside  the  President  of  the  Club  was  a 
member  made  up  to  look  like  Mark  Hanna  with  a  long  whip  in 
his  hand,  while  immediately  following  were  a  few  members  of 
the  Club  in  Army  and  Navy  uniforms.  The  Vice-President, 
Robert  J.  Wynne,  dressed  in  a  hunter's  costume  and  made 
up  to  look  like  Col.  Roosevelt,  then  Vice-President-elect, 
followed  the   inauguration   ''carriage"   and  immediately  behind 


114  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

him  was  another  member  carrying  a  mountain  lion.  Col. 
Roosevelt  was  at  that  time  in  Colorado  shooting  mountain 
lions.  There  was  some  contention  as  to  whether  the  Vice- 
President  should  share  the  honors  of  the  President,  but  the 
acting  Roosevelt  declared  that  he  was  going  to  have  all  that 
was  coming  to  him  and  insisted  upon  having  a  place  in  the 
procession  and  the  proceedings. 

Hazing  at  West  Point  was  an  interesting  topic  at  that  time. 
Legislation  of  a  very  drastic  nature  had  been  proposed  and  it 
seemed  fitting  in  the  opinion  of  the  Gridiron  Club  that  a  haz- 
ing stunt  should  be  staged.  Outside  the  dining-room  a  chorus 
of  male  voices  was  heard  singing  Benny  Havens  0,  a  song  of  such 
ancient  days  that  few  can  now  tell  who  Benny  Havens  was, 
or  why  he  should  be  celebrated  in  West  Point  song.  Still  sing- 
ing, a  number  of  members  of  the  Club  entered  the  dining-room. 
They  were  dressed  as  cadets  and  had  various  articles,  such  as 
boxing-gloves,  bottles  of  liquid,  one  of  them  labeled  "tabasco 
sauce,"  and  other  things  supposed  to  be  used  for  hazing 
purposes. 

The  cadets  rushed  to  the  several  army  officers  who  were 
guests,  and  grabbing  them,  shouted:  "Come  on,  you  plebes; 
show  us  what  you  can  do!" 

The  officers  who  were  thus  brought  to  the  center  of  the  room 
were  Gen.  H.  C.  Corbin,  Gen.  John  M.  Wilson,  Col.  Lansing 
H.  Beach,  Col.  John  M.  Carson,  Jr.,  and  Col.  Richard  L. 
HoxiE.  They  were  put  through  a  course  of  "bracing,"  made  to 
do  the  "spread  eagle,"  and  dosed  with  various  draughts,  all  of 
which  it  was  alleged  took  place  at  the  military  academy.  Each 
was  told  of  some  fault  or  delinquency  and  warned  not  to  repeat 
the  offense. 

It  may  be  remarked  in  passing  that  the  actual  hazing  was 
never  quite  so  bad  as  stated,  but  the  publicity  given  to  the  sub- 
ject caused  the  enactment  of  a  law  which  has  reduced  hazing  to 
a  minimum  at  both  the  West  Point  and  Annapolis  academies. 

Another  skit  represented  the  lobby  of  the  Senate  Press  Gal- 
lery  when  the  Senate   was  in  executive  session.     As  two  bells 


THE    NEW    CENTURY  115 


were  heard,  the  signal  for  an  executive  session,  members  of  the 
Club  came  out  of  a  supposed  Press  Gallery.  There  followed  a 
running  fire  of  comment  upon  statesmen  in  the  free  and  easy- 
manner  that  prevails  in  this  room  and  many  prominent  Sena- 
tors and  members  of  the  House  and  other  public  men  who  were 
guests  at  the  dinner  heard  what  the  newspaper  men  had  to  say 
about  them  when  these  writers  were  supposed  to  be  in  executive 
session  themselves.  During  this  skit  one  of  the  members  was  called 
upon  to  sing  a  song,  and,  to  the  tune  of  Bahy  Mine,  the  following 
was  given  as  the  most  recent  effusion  of  Uncle  Joe  Cannon: 

From  the  Land  of  Suckers  many, 

Illinois,  Illinois; 
But  of  Statesmen  few,  if  any, 

Illinois,  Illinois; 
For  two  years  there'll  be  a  pause, 
Then  we'll  have  young  Charlie  Dawes; 

And  won't  that  be  a  corker 
Upon  us  poor  old  boys. 

The  song  was  an  allusion  to  a  recent  Senatorial  contest  in 
Illinois.  Uncle  Joe  had  often  been  a  candidate  for  the  Senate 
and  had  been  beaten  by  first  one  man  and  then  another.  Billy 
Mason  was  elected  one  time  and  Shelby  M.  Cullon  could 
never  be  defeated,  while  on  this  particular  occasion  Albert  J. 
Hopkins  had  beaten  Uncle  Joe  in  the  Senatorial  race. 

It  happened  at  that  dinner  that  there  was  a  large  number 
of  newspaper  men  present  who  were  not  members  of  the  Club. 
At  one  stage  of  the  proceedings  the  roll  was  called  and  every 
newspaper  man  was  requested  to  stand  up.  There  was  a  dis- 
pute as  to  whether  Melville  E.  Stone,  the  general  manager 
of  the  Associated  Press  was  a  newspaper  man.  Walter  B. 
Stevens  of  the  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat,  made  the  point  that 
**Mr.  Stone  was  not  a  newspaper  man  but  a  manufacturer.'* 
I  was  in  the  chair  and  at  that  time  connected  with  the  Asso- 
ciated Press,  and  remarked  that  while  I  would  like  to  rule  in 
accordance  with  the  general  opinion  of  those  present  I  would 
hold  that   Mr.    Stone   was  in   reality   a  newspaper   man.     The 


116  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

roll-call  continued  until  all  of  the  newspaper  men  were  on  their 
feet,  when  Mr.  Stevexs  expressed  the  hope  that  no  discrimina- 
tion was  intended  and  said  that  the  Secretary  had  omitted  to 
call  the  name  of  a  distinguished  journalist,  an  editor. 

''Who's  missing?"  I  asked. 

"The  Commoner,**  said  Stevens.  At  that  moment  Major 
Alfred  J.  Stofer.  made  up  to  look  almost  exactly  like  William 
J.  Bryax,  entered  and  took  his  seat  at  a  table  in  front  of  the 
President  of  the  Club.  He  was  followed  by  a  number  of  mem- 
bers of  the  Club  with  banners  bearing  the  words:  ''Nomina- 
tion 1904,"  "Nomination  1908.*'  "Nomination  191'2."  Stofer 
arose  and  looked  at  the  banners  and  waved  them  aside,  saying: 
"Your  candidate  I  cannot  be.  I  would  rather  write  than  be 
President."  Frank  H.  Hosford  came  in,  made  up  as  Grover 
Cleveland,  and  seized  all  of  the  banners,  saying:  "I  will  accept 
this  nomination,  and  the  next  nomination,  and  the  next  one. 
Fellow-Democrats,  follow  me.'*  And  then  the  crowd  marched 
out  singing  the  familiar  verse  which  had  been  a  feature  of  the 
convention  in  Chicago  in  189^: 

Grover,  Grover, 
Four  more  years  of  Grover; 
Out  they  go:   in  we  go; 
Then  we'll  be  in  clover. 

The  speeches  were  unusually  good  that  evening.  William 
E.  Chandler  had  just  been  retired  as  Senator  from  New  Hamp- 
shire and  John  M.  Allen,  the  wit  of  Tupelo.  Mississippi,  was 
closing  his  career  as  a  member  of  the  House  of  Representatives. 
Both  of  them  expressed  the  idea  that  they  were  really  glad  to 
retire  from  public  life  and  had  no  regrets,  and  were  perfectly 
willing  and  content  to  enter  upon  a  free  and  easy  existence, 
although  Allen  did  remark  that  the  salary  of  a  Congressman, 
in  spite  of  the  fact  that  many  said  they  could  not  Hve  on  it,  was 
"powerful  regular." 

Senator  Thomas  H.  Carter,  of  Montana,  who  also  had  been 
retired,  took  an  entirelv  different  tack  and  made  one  of  the  most 


THE    NEW    CENTURY  117 


amusing  speeches  that  had  been  heard  in  many  years.  He  took 
the  ground  that  he  was  really  sorry  to  retire  and  that  the  coun- 
try would  suffer  a  great  deal  on  account  of  his  enforced  entrance 
into  private  life.  He  expressed  the  hope  that  the  Gridiron  Club 
would  not  forget  him,  and  said  that  in  the  years  to  come  when 
the  members  of  the  Club,  sitting  in  their  seats  in  the  Press 
Gallery,  saw^  a  thin  figure  passing  through  the  Senate  they  would 
say:  '"Why,  if  there  isn't  old  Bill  Chandler!'  and,  per- 
chance," he  went  on,  referring  to  himself,  "in  years  to  come  when 
the  man  who  is  soon  to  wear  the  prefix  ex  before  his  name,  passes 
along  at  the  rear  of  the  seats  of  the  Senate  some  member  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  in  the  gallery  will  remark:  'Why,  if  there  isn't 
Old  Whiskers!  Wasn't  he  a  Senator  along  about  the  time  of  the 
Spanish  war?'"  To  cap  the  climax  Senator  Carter  told  a 
story  which  he  had  already  given  in  the  cloak-rooms  of  some- 
thing that  happened  after  the  campaign  of  1890,  when  such 
men  as  William  McKinley,  Uncle  Joe  Cannon,  and  himself, 
as  well  as  many  others  of  the  Republican  party,  had  been  de- 
feated in  the  great  landslide  of  that  year. 

The  three  men,  McKinley,  Cannon  and  Carter,  met  at 
the  old  Grand  Pacific  Hotel  in  Chicago  after  the  election.  The 
greetings  over,  Carter  briefly  explained  his  defeat  and  said  that 
he  did  not  want  to  be  a  candidate  anyway,  and  was  really  glad 
to  get  out  of  Congress.  McKinley  followed  with  the  statement 
that  he  had  been  placed  in  a  gerrymandered  district  and  yet 
with  a  larger  Democratic  vote  than  ever  before  he  had  come 
within  200  votes  of  being  elected,  and,  "upon  the  whole  he  was 
really  glad  that  it  happened  that  way." 

"That  is  what  I  am  saying  to  every  one,"  said  Uncle  Joe 
Cannon,  "but,  boys,  don't  let's  lie  to  one  another." 

Douglas  Story,  the  Enghsh  journaHst  to  whom  reference 
has  been  made,  wrote  a  very  interesting  account  of  an  English- 
man's view  of  a  Gridiron  dinner.  He  described  the  various 
stunts  and  marveled  at  the  manner  in  which  the  members  of 
the  Club  poked  fun  at  prominent  guests;  he  was  really  amazed 
that  men  of  such  high  station  would  enter  into  the  spirit  of  the 


118 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


occasion  and  take  part  in  the  skits  which  ridiculed  them.     "In 
quick    succession,"    Mr.    Story    said,    "Senators,    Ambassadors, 

and  Cabinet  Officers  were  set 
a-broihng  over  the  fire  of 
Gridiron  wit,  but  everything 
was  done  in  good  humor,  and 
I  did  not  once  detect  a  breach 
of  good  taste." 

The  December  dinner  in 
1901  occurred  after  a  very 
important  change  had  taken 
place  in  the  national  adminis- 
tration. An  assassin's  bullet 
had  cut  down  William 
McKiNLEY,  and  Theodore 
Roosevelt  was  President  of 
the  United  States.  Departing 
from  the  usual  custom,  at  one  stage  of  the  dinner  an  allusion  was 
made  to  the  sad  event,  and  Charles  Emory  Smith,  Postmaster- 
General,  paid  a  touching 
tribute  to  his  former  chief. 
The  dinner,  however,  took  up 
events  as  they  were,  without 
regard  to  the  tragedy  that 
had  occurred. 

The  menu  souvenir  was 
particularly  fitting  for  that 
occasion.  It  was  A  New  Alice 
in  Wonderland,  and  pictured 
Mr.  Roosevelt  in  different 
phases  of  his  life.  One  pic- 
ture showed  him  as  Civil 
Service  Commissioner  in  a 
fight  with  the  "jabberwock," 

which  was  the  spoils  system.     Another  illustration  depicted  him 
as  Police  Commissioner  of  New  York  City  in  the  guise  of  the 


THE    NEW    CENTURY 


119 


Cheshire  cat  which  had  a  way  of  appearing  and  disappearing, 

and  was  entitled  "Catching  the  lazy  cops  at  night."     Another 

was   the   conquest   of   Kettle 

Hill    which    showed    Mr. 

Roosevelt    mounted    on    a 

white  horse,  and  the  following 

quotation  underneath: 

"It  was  a  glorious  victory, 
wasn't  it,"  said  the  white  knight  as 
he  came  up  panting. 

"I  don't  know,"  Alice  said 
doubtfully. 

The  last  picture  referred 
to  an  incident  then  rife,  as 
President  Roosevelt  had 
only  a  short  time  before  in- 
vited Booker  T.  Washing- 
ton, the  colored  educator,  to  dinner  at  the  White  House.  The 
picture   needed   no    other   elucidation  than  "The  king  of  hearts 

dines  with  the  ace  of  spades." 
The  Booker  Washington 
incident  bobbed  up  very  soon 
after  the  dinner  began  when 
a  commotion  at  the  door  was 
explained  by  the  manager  of 
the  hotel  who  said  there  was 
a  man  outside  who  stated  he 
had  been  invited,  but  there 
was  no  place  for  him. 

"What's  his  name?"  the 
President  of  the  Club  de- 
manded. 

"Booker    T.    Washing- 
ton," was  the  response. 
A    protest    was    made    by    Mr.     Francis    A.    Richardson 
against   the    admission  of  the  person;    Mr.    Richardson  being 


120  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

particularly  Southern  in  his  views  on  the  subject  of  race 
equality. 

I  cut  the  protest  short  with  the  announcement,  "Admit 
him.     He  has  been  invited  by  the  President." 

And  then  Major  Stofer  came  in  and  sang  one  of  his  inimi- 
table coon  songs  which  quite  relieved  the  tense  situation.  It 
was  expected  that  whoever  appeared  would  be  blacked  up, 
but  Stofer's  face  was  snow-white,  which  made  the  skit  more 
amusing. 

A  "Cabinet  meeting"  under  the  new  regime,  enacted  by 
members  of  the  club,  made  a  lot  of  fun.  There  were  L.  White 
BusBEY  in  a  padded  costume  as  Secretary  of  Football;  Henry 
L.  West  in  red  coat  and  with  a  caddy  bag  as  Secretary  of  Golf; 
Geo.  W.  Row^zer  in  an  appropriate  costume  and  carrying  a 
rifle  as  the  Mountain  Lion  General;  L.  A.  Coolidge  in  a  khaki 
uniform  as  the  Rough  Rider  General;  and  Rudolph  Kauff- 
MANN  in  a  bathrobe  and  huge  boxing-gloves  as  the  Prize  Fighter 
General.  Maj.  Carson,  in  a  silk  hat,  frock-coat  and  whiskers, 
represented  Secretary  Wilson  of  the  Agricultural  Department, 
and  was  the  only  member  of  the  "Cabinet"  who  was  not  in  a 
costume  touching  upon  some  characteristic  of  the  vigorous 
President.  These  were  introduced  by  Reginald  Schroeder 
who  impersonated  Captain  Leofler,  the  veteran  doorkeeper  of 
the  White  House.  It  was  a  very  strenuous  "Cabinet  meeting" 
and  one  which  would  have  tickled  Mr.  Roosevelt  had  he  been 
present,  for  he  always  appreciated  the  Gridiron  incidents  or 
skits  that  burlesqued  something  concerning  himself  or  his  ad- 
ministration. Different  members  discussed  legislation  which 
they  desired.  Busbey  suggested  that  the  White  Lot  in  front 
of  the  White  House  be  turned  into  a  football  field.  West 
wanted  every  day  in  the  year  made  a  holiday  for  the  golf 
players.  He  did  not  know  at  that  time  that  tennis  instead  of 
golf  was  to  be  the  presidential  amusement,  and  that  Mr.  Roose- 
velt termed  the  favorite  game  of  his  two  successors  as  "an  old 
woman's  game."  Rouzer  insisted  that  large  appropriations 
should   be   made  for   increasing  the   number   of   mountain   lions. 


THE    NEW    CENTURY  121 


CoOLiDGE  wanted  a  part  of  Rock  Creek  Park  set  apart  for 
bronco  busting.  Kauffmann  said  that  an  addition  should  be 
made  to  the  White  House  in  order  to  have  a  large  room  for 
manly  sports. 

Henry  Hall  as  a  photographer  came  in  and  asked  to  photo- 
graph the  President  and  Cabinet,  but  this  so  offended  the 
modesty  of  all  of  them  that  they  drove  him  from  the  room, 
breaking  up  the  meeting. 

Minister  Wu,  who  had  often  been  a  guest  at  Gridiron  din- 
ners, was  about  to  depart  for  China.  The  Club  presented  him 
one  of  the  large  brass  gridirons  that  are  given  to  regular  guests 
when  they  are  going  away  for  a  long  time.  On  Dr.  Wu's  grid- 
iron was  the  Chinese  dragon,  and  Mr.  Coolidge,  in  making  the 
presentation  speech,  assured  the  Minister  that  out  of  deference 
to  him  and  his  country  the  Club  had  added  a  gold  dragon  to  the 
Gridiron. 

In  response  Dr.  W^u  said  that  he  was  somewhat  skeptical  of 
Gridiron  presents,  having  seen  a  number,  but  he  accepted  the 
emblem  as  a  memento  of  many  happy  evenings,  and  intended 
to  use  it  as  the  beginning  of  a  Gridiron  Club  in  China  where 
he  hoped  to  entertain  the  real  Gridiron  men  when  they  visited 
the  Far  East. 

An  event  which  was  to  take  place  in  England,  the  coronation 
of  King  Edward  VII,  had  started  a  discussion  as  to  who 
should  represent  the  United  States  on  that  occasion.  Nomina- 
tions for  the  honor  were  invited  by  the  President  of  the  Club, 
and  from  time  to  time  a  member  would  arise  and  propose  one 
of  the  prominent  guests  as  the  special  ambassador.  A  pointed 
objection,  usually  involving  a  personal  allusion  or  a  reference 
to  his  public  incapacity,  always  bowled  over  the  nominee.  As 
this  occurred  time  after  time  it  grew  more  and  more  amusing. 
And  when  the  names  of  the  men  rejected  by  the  Gridiron  Club 
were  reported  to  President  Roosevelt  it  gave  him  a  great  deal 
of  information  as  to  whom  he  should  not  appoint.  At  the  next 
dinner  the  actually  appointed  special  ambassador  was  a  guest 
and  the  Club  instructed  him  in  his  duties. 


CHAPTER  XIV 
ROOSEVELT  FEELING  HIS  WAY 

Attends  First  Dinner  as  President  —  The  Miles  Inci- 
dent —  Yellow  Yawp  Illustrates  a  Phase  of  Jour- 
nalism —  Instructions  to  the  Special  Ambassador  — 
Hanna  *'the  Man  Who"  —  Bears  Seeking  the  Bear 
Hunter  —  The  New  House  Rules  —  Seeing  Washing- 
ton. 

THEODORE  ROOSEVELT  had  been  a  guest  of  the  Grid- 
iron Club  when  Civil  Service  Commissioner,  and  Assis- 
tant Secretary  of  the  Navy,  but  it  was  in  January,  1902, 
that  he  first  attended  as  President  of  the  United  States.  He  sat 
at  the  right  of  President  Robert  J.  Wynne,  who  a  few  years 
later  was  a  member  of  his  Cabinet.  At  that  time  he  did  not 
pursue  the  course  which  afterward  became  a  custom  with  him, 
that  of  making  Gridiron  dinners  an  occasion  for  delivering  a 
serious  speech  and  perhaps  outlining  a  new  policy,  as  well  as 
replying  to  the  shafts  of  wit  which  had  been  sent  his  way  during 
the  dinner. 

The  President  was  touched  very  lightly  at  the  first  dinner. 
About  that  time  Lt.  Gen.  Nelson  A.  Miles,  the  hero  of  several 
wars  and  many  battles,  had  received  a  dressing  down  in  the 
White  House  which  was  Rooseveltian  in  every  respect.  Refer- 
ence was  made  to  the  interesting  episode  in  a  district  school 
skit.  Louis  A.  Coolidge  conducted  the  "school"  and  at  one 
stage  made  inquiries  for  Henry  V.  Boynton,  who  was  absent. 
After  a  while  General  Boynton  appeared,  limping,  his  arm  in 
a  sling,  patches  on  his  face,  a  bandage  over  his  head;  in  fact, 
he  appeared  badly  injured. 

*'Why,  General,  where  have  you  been.'^"  asked  Teacher 
Coolidge. 

"I  have  been  to  call  on  the  President — " 

122 


ROOSEVELT  FEELING  HIS  WAY 


123 


Whatever  else  may  have  been  in  the  reply  was  never  heard 
for  there  was  a  shriek  and  a  roar  at  the  head  of  the  table  show- 
ing that  Mr.  Roosevelt  thoroughly  enjoyed  the  allusion.  The 
same  could  not  be  said  of  Gen.  Miles  who  also  was  a  guest. 

Here  are  other  hits  from  the  district  school: 

Q.   Subtract  the  Philippines  from  Spain  and  what  is  left? 

A.   The  United  States  is  left. 

Q.   What  is  the  Panama  canal? 

A.   A  hole  in  the  bottom  of  the  sea. 

Dunce  —  Dave  Francis  told  my  Pap  he  was  trying  to  work  Congress 
for  another  World's  Fair  Appropriation. 

Mr.  Francis  was  President  of  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  and 
a  guest  at  the  dinner.     He  was  trying  to  get  an  appropriation. 

The  Gridiron  Club  frequently  prints  a  book  or  publishes  a 
paper  as  a  dinner  souvenir,  in  which  topics  of  the  times  are 
treated  in  a  free  and 
open  manner.  The  Yel- 
low Yawp,  as  a  parody 
on  yellow  journalism, 
made  its  appearance  at 
the  January  dinner  of 
this  year.  It  was  all 
that  its  name  implied, 
both  in  color  and  in  the 
matter  it  contained, 
and  also  the  illustra- 
tions. There  was  a 
weather    map    with 

Roosevelt's   picture  covering  Washington  and  the  region  was 
marked  "area  of  high  pressure." 

The  Club  took  occasion  in  the  Yawp  to  rub  the  railroads. 
One  illustration  showed  the  Capitol  being  used  as  a  railroad 
station  with  the  rotunda  as  a  round-house.  As  to  the  New 
York  Central,  the  advertisement  stated  it  was  "shady  all  the 
way;  the  only  direct  route  to  Bob  Lake,  Owl's  Head,  Potsdam, 
Angola,    Weehawken   and   East   Aurora."     Paraphrasing   a   Hne 


124 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


of  the  B.  &  O.  advertising  it  stated  that  "all  trains  go  through 
Washington  and  all  conductors  go  through  passengers."  The 
tunnel  under  the  Hudson  had  not  then  been  built  and  the 
Pennsylvania  Railroad  was  advertised  as   *'the  great  all  water 


route  between  Jersey  City  and  New  York."  Of  another  rail- 
road it  w^as  said  that  the  trains  ran  on  a  hop-skip-and-jump. 

In  glaring  red  headlines  the  words  "AWFUL  CRIME" 
proclaimed  a  Panama  Canal  accident^  though  the  small  type 
modified  it  to  an  "Awful  disaster  which  might  have  been  a 
crime."  The  text  also  failed  to  bear  out  the  headlines,  and  after 
a  word  picture  of  possibilities,  the  correspondent  in  a  note  to 
the  editor  said:  "Nothing  much  to  it;  canal  boat  sunk  in  the 
canal  and  a  couple  of  mules  drowned;  use  Associated  Press  for 
facts  if  you  want  to  spoil  a  good  story." 

Under  the  heading  "Poems  of  Passion"  —  in  red  ink  —  was 
one  entitled,  "The  Man  with  the  Hoe,"  which  read: 

Oh,  Maw, 

Where  is  Shaw? 
In  the  Cabinet 

Haw!  Haw!  Haw! 

Another  with  the  title,  "Die  Wacht  am  Marconi,"  apropos 
of  the  then  coming  visit  of  Prince  Henry  of  Germany  to  this 
country,  read: 


ROOSEVELT  FEELING  HIS  WAY 


125 


If  I  were  but  a  Prince, 

And  Henry  were  my  name, 

I'd  try  the  winter's  cable 
And  get  here  just  the  same. 

Still  another  entitled   "Ace  High"   was: 

One  rider  rough  made  Cuba  free, 

One  sword  shook  off  the  Spaniard's  thrall. 

But  that  don't  mean  free  trade,  for  we 
Do  not  give  bread  with  one  fish  ball. 


King 


Ed. 


COMES  DOWN 

Off  His  Perch. 

PIERPONT  MORGAN  DID  IT. 

Thus  stated  the  Yawp  in  glaring  headlines  followed  by  a 
London  dispatch  signed  by  Ambassador  Choate  which  told 
how  PiERPONT  Morgan  had  forced  the  King  to  yield  by  buying 
all  the  railroads  in  England  and  refusing  to  run  any  trains  until 
seats  for  the  coronation  were  granted  all  Americans. 

A  Soft  Job  for  Bev. 


He  Astounds  Empress  Dowager  and  Kwang-Su, 

In  red  letters  these  headlines  appeared  over  a  Pekin  dis- 
patch, signed  by  Minister  Conger  relating  that  the  Empress 
Dowager  and  the  Emperor  Kwang-Su  had  determined  at  all 
costs  to  secure  Senator  Beveridge  as  confidential  advisor.  The 
dispatch  quoted  the  Empress  as  saying,  "If  this  man  can  know 
so  much  about  China  in  two  weeks'  stay,  of  how  much  value 
will  he  be  to  us  in  a  year!"  ^ 

There  was  quite  a  serious  controversy  with  Germany  about 
that  time  over  the  admission  of  American  meats  to  that  country. 
A  dispatch  from  Berlin,  purporting  to  be  from  Ambassador 
White,  touched  on  this  subject,  also  noticing  the  prominence  of 
Iowa   statesmen   in   public   oflSce.     The   headlines   were: 


126  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

The    Iowa:    Ho^  The  dispatch,  among  other  things 

BRINGS  GERMANY  TO  IT'S  KNEES,     said:  "The  lowa  Hog  is  fast  becom- 

AMERICAN  PORK  FREE.  .  _  .  '  i         r\ 

THE  KAiSERli^ERViEWED.         ^^g    an    International     Quantity. 

Henderson's  Hams  are  at  the  top 
of  the  market,  Shaw's  Shoulders  and  Wilson's  Wursts  are  quoted 
at  Cabinet  prices,  Allison's  Lard  sells  well  on  Dolliver's  Dough- 
nuts.    Conger's  Bacon  in  demand  in  Chinese  markets." 

Shaw  and  Wilson  were  in  the  Cabinet,  Allison  and  Dolli- 
ver  in  the  Senate,  Henderson  Speaker  of  the  House,  and 
Conger  Minister  to  China.  Iowa  was  further  remembered  in 
the  Yawp  by  a  Cabinet  composed  wholly  of  men  from  that 
State. 

Showing  absolute  impartiality,  the  Yawp  took  a  shot  at 
one  of  the  Gridiron  members.  William  E.  Curtis  was  then 
abroad  writing  a  series  of  foreign  letters  for  the  Chicago  Record- 
Herald.  A  dispatch  from  Rome  signed  by  Ambassador  Meyer 
had  these  headlines: 

The  dispatch  said  that  Mr.  Curtis 

W.  b.  Curtis  jjad   granted  a  short  interview  to   the 

Interviewed.       Pope  and  King  that  day.     "The  Pope," 

HE  WILL  MENTION  THE  KING,     j^    Continued,    "tells    me    that    I    may 

inform  the  United  States  through  the 
Yawp  that  Mr.  Curtis  is  pleased  with  Italy.  The  King  is 
delighted  thereat  and  writes  me  confidentially  that  Mr.  Curtis 
will  mention  him  in  his  daily  letter." 

Gen.  James  H.  Wilson  had  been  named  as  one  of  the  special 
ambassadors  to  attend  the  coronation  of  King  Edward  VII. 
As  a  guest  at  the  dinner  the  General  received  instructions  and 
a  costume.  There  was  much  discussion  at  the  time  as  to  the 
costume  which  the  American  envoy  should  wear.  The  instruc- 
tions were  given  by  Frank  Hosford.  Gen.  Wilson  was  directed 
to  be  careful  not  to  mention  that  anything  had  ever  happened 
in  1776,  or  on  the  sea  in  1812,  nor  to  mention  any  recent  hap- 
penings in  South  Africa.  He  was  then  presented  with  a  coro- 
nation costume  consisting  of  a  chapeau  adorned  with  the  British 
flag,   a  lurid   red   sash,   and   a   still   more  inflammatory  pair  of 


ROOSEVELT  FEELING  HIS  WAY 


127 


tights,    large    and    conspicuous    garters    and    shoe    buckles.     He 

was  told  that  as  a  further  token  of  amity  he  was  to  present  to 

the  King  a  large  corkscrew, 

which   was    handed    to  him. 

Gen.      Wilson    carried    all 

these     home    with    him    as 

souvenirs   of  the  dinner. 

By  what  he  called  a  new 
system  of  wireless  telegraphy 
Francis  E.  Leupp  produced 
a  number  of  pictures  of 
prominent  guests  and  related 
incidents  concerning  them. 
The  last  of  these  was  a  pict- 
ure of  Capt.  Clark,  who, 
as  commander  of  the  Oregon, 

had  made  a  sensational  trip  around  South  America  during  the 
Spanish  war.  It  was  the  trip  of  Capt.  Clark  with  the  Oregon 
that  did  more  than  any  one  thing  to  cause  the  construction  of 
the  interoceanic  waterway. 

When  President  Roosevelt  was  introduced  by  President 
Robert  J.  Wynne,  he  made  one  of  those  stock  speeches  that 
public  men  hand  to  newspaper  men,  in  which  the  "power  of 
the  press,"  "moulders  of  public  opinion,"  "never  betrayed  my 
confidence,"  "reckon  them  among  my  best  friends,"  and  other 
phrases  abounded.  Mr.  Roosevelt  at  that  time  was  still  feel- 
ing his  way  in  the  Presidency. 

A  few  months  later  Senator  Mark  Hanna  of  Ohio  gave  the 
Gridiron  Club  a  dinner.  He  had  rarely  missed  a  dinner  from 
the  time  he  became  the  big  figure  in  politics  and  he  desired 
to  return  the  compliment.  Although  the  Club  was  a  guest, 
the  members  did  not  refrain  from  having  fun  with  their  host. 
He  was  presented  with  a  "barrel"  in  token  of  his  campaign 
work,  and  also  a  "subsidized  ship"  in  appreciation  of  his  sup- 
port of  the  ship  subsidy  bill.  Henry  Hall  made  the  presenta- 
tion speech  and  declared  in  the  words  of  the  convention  orator 


128 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


that  Senator  Hanna  was  "the  man  who — "  That  from  the 
time  his  name  became  known  he  had  been,  and  until  he  was 
no  more,  he  would  be  "the  man  who — " 

An  incident  of  the  dinner  given  by  Senator  Hanna  shows 
the  force  of  suggestion.  Postmaster-General  Payne  was  a  guest 
and  sitting  beside  him  was  Senator  Platt  of  Connecticut. 
Payne  told  Platt  about  the  diflficulty  he  had  in  finding  a  man 
for  First  Assistant  Postmaster-General. 

■"Why  not  take  one  of  these  men.''"  asked  the  Senator. 
"Why  not  the  man  sitting  beside  Hanna?" 

A  few  weeks  later  Mr.  Wynne,  to  whom  Senator  Platt 
referred,  was  appointed  to  the  place  by  President  Roosevelt. 

Aerial  navigation  figured  prominently  in  the  dinner  given  in 
April,  1902,  the  Gridiron  Club  forecasting  what  has  since  come 

to  pass.  Cartoons  by  J.  Harry 
Cunningham  showed  several 
presidential  aspirants  with 
machines  of  different  kinds. 
There  w^as  the  "hand-made, 
double-pointed,  peripatetic  gas- 
bag Bryan,"  the  "  balloon- 
shaped  derelict  Cleveland," 
the  "skyscraper  Fairbanks," 
the  "broken-down  bubble 
Hill,"  the  "genuine  traveling 
machine  Gorman,"  the  "aero- 
plane Hanna,"  the  "rapid-rattler  Roosevelt." 

"Here,  that  is  out  of  order!"  declared  President  Wynne,  a 
recent  Presidential  appointee. 

"The  Roosevelt  rattler  is  never  out  of  order,"  declared  a 
member. 

"President  Wynne  evidently  means  that  it  is  out  of  order  to 
mention  the  President  in  that  way,"  suggested  another  member. 
"Great  Scott,"  was  the  response,   "has  he  been  fixed  by  a 
federal  office!" 

Administration  of  the  water  cure  to  William  Alden  Smith 


ROOSEVELT    FEELING    HIS    WAY  129 


because  he  refused  to  talk  to  newspaper  men,  was  another 
feature  of  the  dinner.  The  water  cure  as  an  incident  of  the 
administration  of  the  Philippines  was  then  a  very  live  subject 
in  many  newspapers  of  the  country. 

The  souvenir  was  a  reproduction  of  the  Congressional  Record 
as  the  Gridiron  men  read  it,  showing  everything  in  the  House 
controlled  and  operated  by  Speaker  Henderson  and  the  com- 
mittee on  rules.  The  House  was  at  that  time  considered  the 
dominant  body,  even  overshadowing  the  Senate. 

The  Gridiron  dinner  of  December,  1902,  has  gone  down  in 
history  as  the  *'bear  dinner."  President  Roosevelt  was  in 
Mississippi  hunting  bears.  At  the  dinner  two  bears  came 
hunting  Roosevelt.  It  happened  that  one  was  a  real  bear 
performing  at  one  of  the  vaudeville  houses.  The  other  was 
Rudolph  Kauffmann  of  the  Washington  Evening  Star  encased 
in  a  bear-skin.  Both  bears  looked  the  same  size  and  when  they 
came  into  the  dining-room  with  the  keeper  between  them  it 
was  hard  to  say  whether  both  were  real,  both  imitation,  or 
which  was  which.  Arriving  in  the  center  of  the  room  both 
bears  took  seats  at  the  table.  Pint  bottles  of  champagne  were 
brought  and  both  bears  stood  on  their  hind  legs  and  inserting  the 
neck  of  the  bottle  in  their  mouths  began  to  drink,  but  the  real 
bear  beat  the  imitation  at  that  game  and  soon  emptied  his  bottle. 

"What  are  you  doing  here.^^"  asked  President  Wynne. 

"The  President  seems  to  be  having  a  hard  time  finding  bears 
in  Mississippi  and  we  thought  we  would  come  here  and  look  for 
him,"  replied  Kauffmann.  That  raised  a  laugh,  for  the  Presi- 
dent had  not  been  able  to  find  many  bears;  in  fact,  it  was  the 
most  unsuccessful  big  game  hunt  of  his  career.  There  were 
several  other  quips  exchanged  and  the  bears  retired.  The  real 
bear  was  given  more  champagne,  of  which  he  was  very  fond. 
Many  guests  went  out  to  the  ante-room  to  assure  themselves 
that  it  was  a  real  bear. 

Before  the  skit  was  produced  the  keeper  of  the  show  bear 
asked  Kauffmann  what  kind  of  bear-skin  he  was  going  to  use. 

"What  difference  does  that  make  to  you?" 


130 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"It  doesn't  make  a  bit  of  difference  to  me,"  replied  the 
keeper;  "but  it  may  make  some  difference  to  the  bear.  He 
doesn't  like  some  kinds  of  bears." 

Rudolph  accepted  the  hunch  and  not  caring  to  have  a 
"bear  fight"  decided  to  introduce  the  real  bear  to  the  bear-skin 
before  encasing  himself  in  it. 

The  souvenir  illustrated  conditions  in  Congress,  which  were 
interesting   at   that   time,    as   Joseph   G.    Cannon,   after   many 


Cannon  in  the  Spbiaker's  Chaib 


years,  was  about  coming  into  his  own.  Popular  advertising 
was  used  to  picture  the  different  candidates  who  had  been  con- 
sidered during  the  short  contest.  Uncle  Joe  was  building  a 
substantial  fence;  "He  works  while  others  sleep,"  the  legend 
ran.  Sereno  E.  Payne  was  designated  as  "One  of  the  57 
varieties."  John  Dalzell  had  returned  to  his  old-time  pursuit 
of  roasting  Matt  Quay;   James  S.  Sherman  was  "Sunny  Jim"; 


ROOSEVELT    FEELING    HIS    WAY  131 

while  Theodore  Burton,  with  a  dark  lantern  looking  into  an 
empty  safe,  was  labeled  "Ask  the  Man."     The  House  rules  were 


He  Works  While  Othees  Sleep 


"revised"  to  meet  the  characteristics  of  the  coming  Speaker. 
One  declared  that  "the  Speaker  shall  have  power:  to  alter  any 
of  these  rules;   to  suspend  the  writ  of  habeas  corpus;   to  declare 


132 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


martial  law;   to  overrule  the  Supreme  Court;   to  declare  war;   to 
raise  the  ante." 

A   "Seeing   Washington"   stunt   by   means   of   drop   pictures 
made    by    Cunningham    and    a    lecture    by    Robert    Lincoln 


'Sunny  Jim" 


O'Brien  of  the  Boston  Transcript,  touched  on  the  topics  of  the 
time.  Only  a  few  may  be  mentioned.  In  showing  the  goddess 
of  liberty  on  the  dome  of  the  capitol  the  lecturer  remarked  that, 


ROOSEVELT    FEELING    HIS    WAY  133 


as  Senator  George  F.  Hoar  says,  "liberty  comes  high."  The 
treasury  was  shown  as  being  transformed,  with  green  Winds  and 
other  things  to  make  it  look  like  a  building  in  Dennison,  Iowa, 
the  home  of  Secretary  Shaw.  When  the  White  House  was 
shown  there  was  the  picture  of  a  head  obscuring  part  of  it. 

"What  is  that  big  head  in  the  f oreground .'^ "  asked  one  of  the 
tourists. 

"That  is  Senator  Beveridge  hurrying  to  tell  the  President 
what  he  ought  to  do,"  was  the  reply. 

Thomas  B.  Reed  had  been  a  guest  at  most  of  the  dinners 
and  was  one  of  the  Club's  most  valued  friends,  and,  when  it 
was  rumored  about  the  dining-room  about  twelve  o'clock  that 
Tom  Reed  had  just  died  in  the  hotel,  there  was  a  cessation  of 
festivities,  and  the  dinner  was  abruptly  terminated. 


CHAPTER  XV 
BURLESQUING   BIG   BUSINESS 

PiERPONT  Morgan  and  Other  Captains  of  Industry  on 
THE  Gridiron  —  Recalling  the  Great  Coal  Strike  — 
A  New  Columbus  —  Prominent  Guests  in  Picture  and 
Verse  —  Spanish  Minister  Speaks  —  Uncle  Joe  in  the 
Speaker's  Chair  —  Trying  Out  a  Flying  Machine  — 
Birth  of  the  New  Republic  of  Panama. 


B 


IG  business  was  entertained  by  the  Gridiron  Club  at  the 
dinner  of  January,  1903.  *'The  Gridiron  pohce,"  said 
President  William  Elroy  Curtis,  of  the  Chicago  Record- 
Herald,  at  one  stage  of  the  proceedings,  "have  rounded  up  and 
brought  here  money  kings,  captains  of  industry,  monopoHsts, 
corporation  cormorants,  and  malefactors  of  great  wealth.  It  is 
customary  for  the  court,  when  persons  are  brought  before  it 
without  means  of  employing  counsel  to  assign  some  young  and 
briefless  attorney  to  conduct  the  defense.  I  will  thereupon 
appoint  Chauncey  M.  Depew  as  counsel  for  the  defendants 
during  these  proceedings." 

Among  the  "defendants"  to  whom  allusion  was  thus  made 
were  the  late  J.  Pierpont  Morgan,  Robert  Bacon,  George  F. 
Baker,  Alexander  J.  Cassatt,  Edward  Ellsworth,  Clement 
A.  Griscom,  Melville  E.  Ingalls,  and  Samuel  Spencer. 
There  were  other  notables  present  who  saw  the  financiers  grilled, 
and  some  of  the  foreigners  were  amazed.  Among  the  latter 
were  Sir  Michael  Herbert,  the  British  Ambassador;  Lord 
Charles  Beresford;  Count  Cassini,  the  Russian  Ambassador; 
Senor  Ojeda,  the  Spanish  Minister;  as  well  as  cabinet  officers, 
senators,  generals,  admirals,  and  the  usual  array  of  distinguished 
men. 

A  Wall  street  office  depicted  in  Gridiron  fashion  bore  the 
sign: 

P.  J.  Morgan  &  Co.,  Busters  and  Boosters. 
134 


BURLESQUING    BIG    BUSINESS  135 


Various  representatives  and  attaches  of  Morgan  came  and 
departed;  their  conversation  reflecting  what  was  supposed  to  be 
taking  place  in  the  Morgan  mind.  It  was  just  before  the 
campaign  of  1904,  when  there  was  much  discussion  of  presi- 
dential politics  and  the  following  dialogue  shows  what  was 
supposed  to  be  the  New  York  idea: 

*'The  thing  that  worries  the  old  man  is  what  we  had  better 
do  about  a  President." 

"President  of  what.^^     President  of  the  board  of  aldermen?" 
"No,  President  of  the  United  States." 
"Oh,  I  thought  it  was  something  important." 
"Well,  it  is  important  if  the  old  man  is  anxious  about  it." 
The  coal    strike  in  the    fall    of    1902   and   its   settlement,   in 
which  Mr.  Morgan  had  played  an  important  part,  was  the  sub- 
ject of  a  short  skit.     Into  the  room  stalked  what  appeared  to  be 
a  large  lump  of  coal.     This  commodity  had  been  very  valuable 
and    was   then    at   a   high    figure.     The   lump    was   immediately 
surrounded  by  a  delegation  consisting  of  the  music  committee, 
who  sang: 

PiERPONT  Morgan  played  the  organ, 
John  Mitchell  played  the  drum; 
The  railroads  played  the  same  old  game 
And  the  price  was  twelve  per  ton. 

Mr.  Morgan  besides  having  his  picture  and  a  verse  in  the 
souvenir  was  remembered  with  another  song.  James  S.  Henry, 
of  the  Philadelphia  Press,  to  the  tune  of  Mr.  Dooley,  contributed 
several  verses  which  seemed  to  be  thoroughly  enjoyed  by  the 
financial  king.     One  of  the  verses  and  chorus  follow: 

Now  Mr.  Morgan  turned  a  trick,  'twas  hardly  on  the  square; 

He  cornered  Roosevelt's  favorite  game,  including  "coons"  and  "bear," 

"The  President  may  bust  my  trust,  I'll  have  to  bow  to  fate, 

But  when  it  comes  to  hunting,  he'll  have  to  arbitrate  — " 

Chorus : 

With  Mr.  Morgan,  with  Mr.  Morgan; 

The  greatest  man  the  country  ever  knew, 
Quite  diplomatic  and  democratic. 

Is  Mr.  Morgan  —  organ  —  organ  —  oo. 


136 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


The  morning  after,  Mr.  Morgan  met  Senator  Mark  Hanna 
in  the  lobby  of  the  hotel  and  remarked: 

"Say,  Hanna,  I  had  the  time  of  my  life  last  night." 

He  was  a  guest  at  several  subsequent  dinners  and  seemed  to 
enjoy  himself  to  the  limit. 

The  prominent  part  which  Mr.  Curtis  had  taken  in  the 
Columbian  Exposition  was  used  in  inaugurating  him  President 
of  the  Club  with  a  pretentious  spectacular  stunt  of  1492,  in- 
troducing the  characters  who  made  history  at  that  period.  A 
new  Columbus  made  new  discoveries,  overlooked  by  the  original, 
among  them  that  "a  trust  was  a  bunch  of  money  entirely  sur- 
rounded by  water,"  and  that  "arbitration  was  something  that 
kept  coal  at  $20  a  ton."  This  was  while  Roosevelt's  arbitra- 
tion board  was  working  on  the  famous  anthracite  coal  strike 
which  had  threatened  dire  calamities  in  the  winter  of  1902-3. 
Finally  "Columbus"  discovered  Mr.  Curtis  and  he  was  re- 
warded for  all  he  had  done  for  Pan-America,  by  being  inaugu- 
rated as  President  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  and  decorated 
with  the  order  of  the  Pan  — • 
a  stew-pan. 


SUN     KOH  TUE  WEO  THU  FBI  SAT 

I   S  8  4   5   6  7 

e   O  lO  11  12  13  14 

IS  16  17  le  19  ZO  21 

»:S   eS  Si4  35  26  27  QS 


ThO'  KiMGS  and  Na50B3  ^AUAA^1, 
OVR  KmS  IS  AS  CLOSE    AS  A    )^CLAM 
TwtY  MAY  OFFER  THEIR  CROWNS/ 

Their  smiles  or  their  frowns. 
But  morgan,  he  does'nt  care 


The  menu  was  an 
picture  of  a  prominent 
cal  as  seemed  fitting. 


A  burlesque   on  Southern 
politics,     including     "Black- 
and-Tan,"    "Lily-Whites," 
and  "Red-Shirts,"   with   a 
lynching,    was   introduced    in 
initiating  two  Southern  news- 
paper men  as   members    of 
the  Club.    Joseph  K.  Ohl  of 
the  Atlanta  Constitution  and 
John  P.  Miller  of  the  Balti- 
more Sun  performed  the  star 
parts, 
illustrated  calendar,  each  month  having  a 
guest  with  a  verse  complimentary  or  satiri- 
The  above  was  for  Mr.  Morgan. 


BURLESQUING    BIG    BUSINESS 


137 


President  Cassatt  of  the 
Pennsylvania  Railroad  was 
shown  holding  on  his  knees 
the  Union  Station,  from 
which  trains  were  coming 
and  going.     His  verse  read: 


A.i>ctix>~iooa 

wn  Tuc  w«  Twu  m  VkT 
-€«-€  t  o  a  « 
A  V  m  o  lo  11 
s  i-A  lo  la  IT  IS 
ao  ai  aa  sa  a^  as 
ar  as  ao  so 


WAS  A  SOOD  MAN  CALLED  CA35ATT, 
EVER  KNEW  WHERE  HE  WA3  AT, 

P90MIJW  A  STATIOM  TO  BEAT  All 

creatipn; 
And taen «e  remarked"! Stani Pat* 


J  U  r*  E— 1003. 

•UN     MON      TUC     WEO      THU      FM       Ut 

•^  1  a  3  -4.  o  o 
V  8  o  lO  11  ta  13 
14  le  la  17  18  lo  so 
•1  ao  as  194  as  ae  ar 
aa  ao  so         "" 


Mark  Hanna,  with 
whip  in  hand,  was  lead- 
ing a  white  elephant  upon 
which  was  seated  President 
Roosevelt;  with  these 
significant  words: 


The  slickest  mah  in  all  "mi  jwjw^ 
MARCUS  A.HANNA  stamds: 

HeSAYS  no  WOBD;  ME  HAS.fOU  KMOVH 
An  EJXPMAMT  ON  KO  MAtlO 


138 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


provEMBER—iooa. 

•un  Mon  TUE  WED  tmu  fri  mt 
1  8  3  4  O  e  7 
S       O      lO     1  1     la     13    14 

IS  le   I'T   18   lo  20  ai 

83  23    S4    HB    SO    27    2*4 

»o  30   m)     ip    DjD    m)    m) 

Here's  to  you,  good  SIR  MICHAEL, 
A  Briton  sound  amd  true: 

Our  greetings  to  King  Edward, 
And  welcome  warm  to  you. 


Sir  Michael  Herbert, 
the  British  Ambassador,  ap- 
pears as  warmly  welcomed 
by  Uncle  Sam,  while  the 
British  Lion  and  the  Ameri- 
can Eagle  are  fraternizing: 


Lord  Charles  Beres- 
FORD  of  the  British  Navy 
appeared  in  full  uniform 
in  the  bow  of  a  boat  fly- 
ing the  British  flag,  and 
this  verse,  though  halting 
somewhat,  meant  well: 


OCXOB  ER— 1003 

mm     MOH     TUC     WED     THU       fMI       (AT 

•"^  -^     -^  I  a  a 
4  s  e  r  9  o  lo 

II  12  13  14  10  le  17 

IS  le  2o  21  ae  23  S4 
s0  jsa  27  28  se  30  3 1 

When  a  brave  gallant  sailor  from  out 
or  THE  East, 
'With  lord  BERESFORO'S name  and  fame; 
i  as  our  guest  to  a  6ri0ir0n  feast, 
We  give  him  our  best  and 

(rou^-AttJwow  the  res^ 
Our  cou««n*^no  aunts  poTHisAfte. 


One  of  the  interesting  features  of  the  dinner  was  the  speech 
of  Senor  Ojeda,  the  Spanish  Minister.  Tactfully  he  alluded  to  the 
recent  Spanish  war,  paying  a  tribute  to  the  valor  and  magnanimity 
of   the  Americans  while  eulogizing  the  honor  and  chivalry  of  the 


BURLESQUING    BIG    BUSINESS  139 


Spaniards.  It  was  such  a  speech  as  helps  to  unite  nations  after 
war  has  raged  between  them.  It  was  particularly  appropriate,  as 
Mr.  Curtis,  the  President  of  the  Club,  had  written  much  about 
Spain  and  had  been  identified  with  the  Spanish  speaking  Republics 
in  America.  He  did  not  preside  again,  as  he  was  abroad  when  the 
next  dinner  was  given  and  Vice-President  L.  A.  Coolidge  occupied 
the  seat  of  honor. 

The  birth  of  the  new  Republic  of  Panama  was  the  topic  of 
historical  interest  at  the  December  dinner  of  1903.  The  first 
allusion  to  that  event  was  made  during  the  initiation  of  three 
new  members.  They  were  Samuel  G.  Blythe  of  the  New  York 
Worldy  Edgar  C.  Snyder  of  the  Omaha  Bee,  and  Henry  S. 
Brown  of  the  New  York  Herald.  While  undergoing  an  exami- 
nation as  to  their  qualifications  the  question  was  asked: 

"If  you  were  looking  for  a  tip  as  to  when  a  revolution  would 
break  out  in  Colombia  what  would  you  do.'^"  ^ 

"I  would  camp  out  on  the  White  House  steps,"  was  the 
reply. 

The  three  new  members,  according  to  the  skit,  had  gone 
into  a  newspaper  office  seeking  jobs  as  Washington  correspon- 
dents and  they  were  asked  many  questions,  which  touched 
off  newspaper  work  in  Washington  and  current  events  of  the 
time.  The  choice  feature  of  this  stunt,  however,  was  the  in- 
structions delivered  to  the  new  men  by  Henry  Hall  of  the 
Pittsburgh  Chronicle-Telegraph,  who,  in  the  guise  of  the  office 
boy,  assumed  the  air  of  one  who  knows. 

"Do  not  imagine,"  said  Hall,  "that  because  you  have  been 
accredited  as  Washington  correspondents  you  are  at  the 
pinnacle  of  your  careers.  You  have  much  to  learn.  Your 
principal  duty  will  be  to  write  stories  of  the  secret  sessions 
of  the  Senate,  secret  cabinet  meetings,  and  the  innermost 
thoughts  of  the  President.  Of  these  secret  meetings  you  will 
make  bold  statements  of  fact  on  what  ought  to  have  occurred. 
The  Senators  and  cabinet  oflScers  will  be  so  pleased  to  see  them- 
selves credited  with  intelHgent  and  timely  observations  that 
they  will  never  deny  the  reports. 


140  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

*'When  you  get  a  dispatch  from  the  managing  editor  telHng 
you  to  interview  President  Roosevelt  and  write  a  story,  do  not 
go  to  the  White  House;  don't  even  call  up  Loeb.  Sit  down  at 
your  typewriter  and,  after  outlining  and  elaborating  the  subject 
of  the  query,  say:  'The  President  refused  to  be  quoted,  but  it 
can  be  stated,'  etc.,  etc.,  and  follow  with  what  the  President 
ought  to  think  on  the  subject. 

"Do  not  neglect  'the  highest  authority,'  that  cyclone  cellar 
of  all  newspaper  men  and  journalists.  They  always  use  the 
'highest  authority,'  'Special  Commissioners'  use  the  pronoun 
'I'  instead.  You  always  can  meet  any  situation  by  sitting  in 
the  oflBce  and  writing  on  any  grave  subject,  national  or  inter- 
national, that,  'it  can  be  stated  on  the  highest  authority,'  etc., 
etc.  I  have  been  in  Washington  many  years  and  I  know  men 
like  John  Carson,  Jim  Young,  and  Frank  Richardson,  who 
have  been  here  since  the  Civil  War,  but  I  never  have  learned 
and  none  of  them  has  been  able  to  tell  me  who  'the  highest 
authority'  is,  so  you  always  can  put  anything  on  him  that  you 
want  to  print." 

Closing  the  lecture.  Hall  said:  "Your  salaries  will  be  large, 
but  not  unwieldy,"  a  remark  that  made  a  hit  with  the  many 
salaried  men  present. 

The  failure  of  Prof.  Langley's  aerodrome  to  fly  on  account 
of  a  trivial  accident  was  used  as  the  basis  of  a  skit  when  a 
flying  machine  was  brought  in  to  be  tested.  Various  men  were 
suggested  as  possible  aviators  and  rejected  for  one  cause  or 
another.  One  was  Speaker  Cannon  with  the  statement  that  he 
might  try  a  flight  from  the  Capitol  to  the  White  House.  As 
Uncle  Joe  stepped  forward  he  was  asked: 

"How  long  have  you  been  in  Congress.'^" 

"Thirty  years,"  he  replied. 

"How  long  have  you  been  speaker .f'" 

"Four  weeks." 

"Well,  if  it  has  taken  you  thirty  years  to  become  Speaker, 
you  will  not  live  long  enough  for  this  machine  to  carry  you  to 
the  White  House." 


BURLESQUING    BIG    BUSINESS  141 


Finally  it  was  decided  that  two  rivals  from  Duluth,  Minne- 
sota, former  Senator  Charles  A.  Towne  and  Congressman  J. 
Adam  Bede,  should  be  allowed  to  make  a  trip  together.  But 
as  soon  as  they  took  their  seats  the  machine  collapsed,  due, 
said  the  man  in  charge,  to  too  much  "hot  air"  pressure. 

George  B.  McClellan  had  just  been  elected  Mayor  of 
New  York,  and  he,  with  Charles  F.  Murphy,  the  Tammany 
Chief,  were  guests  at  the  dinner.  Soon  after  they  were  seated 
a  member  with  a  red  light  came  in  and  after  searching  all  over 
the  dining-room  finally  hung  the  light  over  the  seats  occupied 
by  McClellan  and  Murphy.  And  here  is  the  song  the  music 
committee  sang  for  the  New  York  Mayor: 

Georgie  goes  from  Congress  to  a  brand  new  place; 

Georgie  is  the  Mayor  of  New  York; 
Georgie  was  the  winner  in  a  hot  old  race; 

Georgie  has  a  barrel  full  of  pork. 

Herndon  Morsell  sang  a  song  to  Speaker  Cannon,  one 
verse  of  which  said: 

Though  I  am  up  in  the  Speaker's  chair,  I'm  lonely; 
I  like  the  boys  so  well,  I  love  them  only; 

They  were  always  good  to  me, 

They  helped  me  on  to  victory, 

I  wish  they  could  all  rule  with  me 
Way  up  in  the  Speaker's  chair. 

"Lonely!  Great  God!"  said  Uncle  Joe,  feehngly. 

He  was  at  that  time  beset  by  members  seeking  committee 
places,  by  lobbyists  with  bills,  by  members  seeking  recognition, 
and  by  everybody  else  who  wanted  anything,  because  at  that 
time  the  Speaker  was  the  second  man  of  power  in  the  govern- 
ment. 

In  a  short,  sharp,  and  pointed  way  the  Gridiron  Club  showed 
how  new  Republics  were  created  in  South  America. 

A  number  of  members  representing  different  characters 
appeared  in  the  center  of  the  room,  followed  by  a  large  box  on 
wheels   with   interrogation   points   on   each   side.     Then   a   gong 


142 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


was  sounded,  the  lid  of  the  box  flew  open  and  Edgar  C.  Snyder 
with  a  huge  Panama  hat  bounded  up,  like  a  jack-in-the-box. 

"I  am  the  Republic  of  Panama," 
he  announced. 

"Great  Graft!  this  is  sudden!" 
shouted  the  man  representing  the 
Democratic  donkey. 

"I  am  the  suddenest  thing  that 

ever  happened,"  announced  Panama. 

"Brother,    do    you    need    help.^" 

asked   the   member   disguised   as  the 

Republican  elephant. 

"All  the  kinds  I  can  get,"  was 
the  reply. 

"Dead  easy  to  show  goods,"  replied  the  elephant.  "Navy!" 
he  called  and  the  "navy"  appeared.  "Army!"  and  likewise  the 
"army"  w^as  on  hand,  one  member  representing  the  army  and 
another  the  navy. 

"Panama,  you  are  recognized,"  was  the  next  announcement. 
The  "treasury"  brought  forth  $10,000,000,  handed  it  over,  the 
treaty  was  signed,  and  Panama  was  told,  "that's  all  we  want  of 

you." 

Panama  was  soon  to  figure  at  another  Gridiron  dinner,  at 
which  President  Roosevelt  flung  his  defi  in  the  faces  of  those 
who  were  supposed  to  be  opposing  the  construction  of  the  canal. 


CHAPTER  XVI 
GREATEST   GRIDIRON   HOAX 

Diplomats  Shocked  and  Guests  Disturbed  by  Mirza  Ali 
AsGAR  Kahn,  Grand  Vizier  of  Persia  —  "Hurrah 
FOR  Hanna,"  and  His  Last  Appearance  —  Jai  Alai, 
THE  Havana  Gambling  Game  —  President  Roosevelt 
Startles  Diners;  "We  Will  Build  the  Canal"  — 
National  Conventions  and  Election  of  1904  —  Su- 
preme Court  Minstrels  —  After  Twenty  Years. 

GUESTS  of  the  Gridiron  Club  often  have  been  startled  as 
well  as  entertained.  That  happened  in  January,  1904, 
when  several  foreign  diplomats  became  alarmed,  guests 
were  shocked  and  members  of  the  Club,  who  were  not  in  the 
secret,  became  very  uneasy,  fearing  that  a  real  contretemps  had 
occurred. 

It  was  all  on  account  of  the  attendance  at  the  dinner  of 
Mirza  Ali  Asgar  Kahn,  former  Grand  Vizier  of  Persia. 
Present  also  were  President  Roosevelt  and  members  of  his 
cabinet,  the  Ambassador  from  Germany  and  other  diplomats, 
with  the  usual  company  of  distinguished  men  in  public  and 
business  life. 

The  Grand  Vizier  had  been  making  a  trip  around  the  world, 
returning  eastward,  via  Vancouver,  and  across  the  continent, 
sailing  to  Europe  from  New  York.  It  was  announced  in  a 
number  of  papers  that  he  would  attend  the  dinner  of  the  Grid- 
iron Club  and  contribute  Oriental  splendor  to  the  occasion. 

He  came  in  late,  after  the  dinner  had  been  in  progress  for  a 
time,  and  was  accompanied  by  Scott  C.  Bone  of  the  Washing- 
ton Post,  his  personal  host  of  the  evening.  Before  taking  his 
seat,  directly  in  front  of  the  President  of  the  United  States,  he 
bowed  low  to  that  oflScial,  and  then  made  a  sweeping  salaam  to 
the    assembled    company.     Senator   Beveridge   was   introduced 

143 


144  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

and  shook  hands.  William  H.  Taft,  then  Governor-General 
of  the  PhiHppines,  who  had  crossed  the  Pacific  Ocean  on  the 
same  ship  with  the  Grand  Vizier,  walked  across  the  dining-room 
and  shook  hands,  expressing  his  pleasure  at  seeing  him  again. 
Senators  Aldrich,  Gorman  and  Hanna,  and  Speaker  Cannon 
sitting  near  by  were  introduced. 

After  the  dinner  had  progressed  for  a  time  President  Louis 
A.  CooLiDGE  introduced  the  Oriental  guest  as  one  who  had 
journeyed  far  and  who  came  that  night  with  views  he  had 
gathered  in  his  travels.  Mirza  Ali  Asgar  Kahn,  with  more 
profound  bows,  said  that  his  message  to  the  Gridiron  Club  and 
its  guests  had  been  written  as  he  was  somewhat  imperfect  in 
our  language,  and  then  he  began  to  read  from  large  sheets  of 
paper. 

His  remarks,  in  view  of  what  took  place  in  1914,  might  be 
termed  prophetic. 

"The  people  of  the  United  States,"  he  began,  "are  watching 
every  day  to  see  whether  there  is  to  be  a  war  in  the  Old  World. 
In  the  East  we  watch  also  for  that  war.  It  is  to  observe  prepa- 
rations for  that  war  that  I  travel. 

"I  was  in  Japan  before  I  came  to  this  country.  In  Persia 
we  take  great  interest  in  Japan,  because  the  next  war  will  be 
the  great  struggle  between  the  civilizations  of  the  East  and  the 
West.  We  believe  that  the  Eastern  civilization  will  overcome 
the  Western  civilization. 

"This  will  mark  the  downfall  of  Russia,  that  treacherous 
power  that  has  plotted  against  the  peace  of  mankind  from  the 
days  of  Peter  the  Great,  and  has  been  the  hypocrite,  the  false 
friend  of  every  weaker  power  it  has  aimed  to  destroy." 

He  was  interrupted  by  a  member  of  the  Club  who  suggested 
that  as  the  Russian  Ambassador  was  often  our  guest  no  such 
discussion  should  be  permitted. 

Mirza  Ali  looked  puzzled  and  continued:  "The  barbarous 
rule  of  Germany  will  be  brought  to  an  end  and  a  higher  morality 
will  supplant  the  vicious  rule  of  the  Vandals  who  have  kept  the 
intelligence  of  Europe  under  a  reign  of  terror — " 


GREATEST    GRIDIRON    HOAX  145 


Again  he  was  interrupted  and  attention  called  to  the  presence 
of  the  German  Ambassador.  The  situation  was  explained  to 
the  Grand  Vizier  and  he  turned  over  two  or  three  pages  of  his 
manuscript  and  continued: 

"And  then  Great  Britain,  the  traditional  enemy  of  the  free 
American  people  —  perfidious  Albion,  as  she  is  called  by  one  of 
your  poets.  She  has  been  the  trader  of  the  world  —  buyer  and 
seller  of  men  —  pretending  to  love  liberty,  but  hypocritically 
sheltering  slavery  when  it  could  be  to  her  interest — " 

President  Coolidge  stopped  him  by  sharp  raps  of  the  gavel. 
The  faces  of  the  diplomats  were  drawn  into  frowns  of  disap- 
proval. Guests  and  members  were  aghast,  while  President 
Roosevelt  looked  as  if  he  thought  it  was  the  makings  of  a 
"bully  row." 

"We  are  very  much  obliged,"  said  Mr.  Coolidge,  "to  his 
excellency,  the  Grand  Vizier,  but  as  some  members  of  the 
British  Embassy  are  with  us — " 

"You  will  not  let  me  speak,"  said  the  Vizier,  angrily;  "then 
I  bid  you  good-night!  You  invite  me  here  —  you  ask  me  to 
speak  —  I  prepare  my  speech  —  you  are  as  bad  as  the  rest. 
You  have  no  free  press  —  you  have  no  free  speech!     I  go!" 

And  as  he  was  making  sweeping  gestures  he  tore  away  his 
fez,  wig  and  beard  and  there  stood  Francis  E.  Leupp  of  the 
New  York  Evening  Post.  He  had  put  over  the  greatest  hoax 
ever  perpetrated  by  the  Gridiron  Club.  The  real  Mirza  Ali 
AsGAR  Kahn  had  sailed  for  Europe  that  very  day. 

The  "world's  greatest  ventriloquist"  —  so  described  by 
Samuel  G.  Blythe,  and  modestly  acknowledged  to  be,  indeed, 
himself  —  presented  his  "wonderful  mechanical  manikins,  which 
when  touched  by  the  wizard  wand  of  their  master  perform 
marvelous  feats,  talk  with  scintillating  wit  and  repartee,"  etc. 
Drawing  aside  a  curtain,  he  displayed  several  members  of  the 
Club  labeled  with  the  names  of  distinguished  guests.  Attorney 
General  Knox,  Senators  Hanna,  Scott  and  Gorman,  Governor 
Taft  and  J.  Pierpont  Morgan  were  represented  and  all 
answered  questions  of  the  ventriloquist. 


146 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Some  of  the  questions  and  answers  are  given : 

Q.  J.  PiERPONT  Morgan,  what  do  you  consider  the  most  alarming  ten- 
dency of  the  times? 

A.   The  way  John  D.  Rockefeller  is  getting  all  the  money, 

Q.   Senator  Gorman,  how  do  you  like  your  new  job  as  Democratic  leader? 

A.   I'd  enjoy  it  more  if  some  of  the  Democrats  would  follow  me. 

Q.  Gov.  Taft,  what  is  your  chief  concern  about  your  new  job  as  Secretary 
of  War? 

A.   I'm  afraid  I'll  catch  cold  sitting  in  the  room  where  Secretary  Root  has  been. 

Hanna.  If  Taft  gets  cold  he  can  go  over  to  the  White  House  and  stand 
around  when  the  President  tells  me  how  glad  he  is  to  see  me.  That's  warm 
enough  —  until  after  the  convention. 

Q.  Senator  Gorman,  is  it  true  that  William  J.  Bryan  is  coming  out  for 
you  for  President? 

A.   No,  sir;  Bryan  is  a  friend  of  mine. 


But  the  greatest  hit  of  the  show  was  Edgar  C.  Snyder  as 
Senator  Scott,  who  time  after  time  bounced  up,  looking  like  a 
real  dummy,  and  shouting: 

"Hurrah  for  Hanna!" 

Scott  was  the  one  insistent  and  outspoken  advocate  of 
Mark  Hanna  for  President. 

Strangely  enough  it  was  the  last  dinner  Mark  Hanna  ever 
attended.     He  was  a  sick  man  at  the  time;    in  fact,  against  the 


GREATEST    GRIDIRON     HOAX  147 

advice  of  his  doctor,  he  left  his  bed  to  attend  the  dinner,  because 
he  so  enjoyed  the  occasions  that  he  could  not  keep  away.  He 
grew  worse  and  died  two  weeks  afterward. 

William  Randolph  Hearst  had  accepted  an  invitation  to 
the  dinner  but  could  not  be  present.  His  seat,  between  Senators 
Aldrich  and  Gorman  was  filled  with  a  monstrous  "yellow  kid," 
a  figure  that  had  been  popularized  in  the  Hearst  newspapers. 

It  was  about  that  time  that  a  bitter  fight  was  instituted 
against  the  confirmation  of  Gen.  Leonard  Wood  who  had  been 
named  for  major-general  in  the  army.  One  of  the  charges 
against  him  was  that  he  had  permitted  the  Jai  Alai,  the  Spanish 
gambling  game,  to  operate  in  Havana.  It  was  asserted  that  the 
staid  United  States  Senate,  while  considering  Wood's  nomination 
in  secret  executive  session,  hurled  the  Jai  Alai  ball  from  the 
curved  racquets  used  for  that  purpose  to  illustrate  how  the 
game  was  played. 

Naturally  the  Gridiron  Club  introduced  the  Jai  Alai,  assert- 
ing that  it  had  the  approval  of  the  United  States  government. 
Gen.  H.  V.  Boynton  and  [John  P.  Miller,  members  of  the 
Club  dressed  as  "sports"  in  Cuban  costumes,  conducted  the 
affair.  The  wheel  of  fortune  did  not  return  money  but  prizes 
to  different  guests.  Uncle  Joe  Cannon  drew  a  senatorship  — 
"the  only  kind  he'll  ever  get,"  remarked  one  of  the  operators. 
William  J.  Bryan  drew  a  sheet  of  music,  but  before  it  was 
handed  over  the  quartette  sang  it  for  him.  It  was  the  song 
"Forsaken,"  remodeled  to  suit  the  occasion. 

Tom  Reed  had  once  skinned  the  Gridiron  Club  for  falling 
into  the  habit  of  handing  out  sugar  instead  of  pepper,  kind 
words  instead  of  roasts.  Tom  Carter,  who  had  gained  fame  in 
many  ways,  but  whom  everybody  seems  to  remember  because 
he  once  talked  a  river  and  harbor  bill  to  death,  started  a  sort 
of  Reed  roast,  remarking  particularly  about  the  number  of 
Gridiron  men  who  were  holding  office  and  how  the  Club  handled 
men  in  high  places  with  gloves. 

"This  is  not  a  river  and  harbor  bill,"  shouted  L.  White 
Busbey,  and  Carter  never  got  further  with  that  speech. 


148  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

The  dinner  was  not  to  close  without  another  startling  feature. 
President  Roosevelt  had  been  touched  but  mildly  during  the 
dinner  so  he  did  not  tarry  long  in  a  humorous  vein,  but  soon 
plunged  into  the  subject  which  interested  him  most,  the  Panama 
canal.  He  defended  his  course  in  connection  with  Colombia  and 
declared  that  as  long  as  he  was  President  all  obstacles  to  the 
construction  of  the  canal  would  be  removed. 

"The  canal  is  going  to  be  built.  I  will  say  here  as  I  have 
said  elsewhere  that  all  obstacles  placed  in  the  way  will  be 
removed." 

He  was  leaning  over  the  table  as  he  spoke,  glaring  at  Senator 
Gorman  who  was  then  said  to  be  working  to  defeat  the  canal, 
and  who  was  supposed  to  have  the  quiet  assistance  of  Senators 
Aldrich  and  Hanna  who  were  sitting  near  him. 

At  all  events  the  impression  was  made  that  the  President 
was  "talking  at"  the  Senators,  and  for  a  second  time  during 
the  evening  there  passed  down  the  spines  of  those  around  the 
tables  that  tingle  of  excitement  which  one  feels  when  something 
seems  about  to  happen  which  you  hope  will  not  happen,  but 
which  you  would  not  miss  for  the  world  if  it  should  happen. 
A  few  years  later  the  Roosevelt-Foraker  affair  was  just  such 
an  event. 

The  national  conventions  of  1904  were  mentioned  at  the 
dinner  of  the  Gridiron  Club  held  in  April,  but  as  it  seemed  a 
foregone  conclusion  that  Roosevelt  would  be  nominated  at 
Chicago  and  Parker  at  St.  Louis  these  political  events  did  not 
figure  much  in  the  entertainment. 

Bulletins  were  brought  in  and  read  from  time  to  time  touch- 
ing on  politics.  One  related  to  the  silence  of  Judge  Parker; 
another  under  the  heading  "Determined  to  Die  Poor,"  said 
Andrew  Carnegie  was  not  only  to  support  Roosevelt,  but 
would  take  the  chairmanship  of  the  national  committee.  Under 
a  Chicago  date  line  was  a  paragraph  saying:  "William  Jen- 
nings Bryan  hired  a  hall  tonight  to  tell  New  York  Democrats 
what  he  thinks  of  them."  Immediately  following,  with  a  New 
York  date  line,  was  this  one:    "The  New  York  Democrats  will 


GREATEST    GRIDIRON    HOAX 


149 


hire  six  halls  to  tell  what  they  think  of  Bryan."  Those  who 
attended  the  Baltimore  convention  know  that  there  was  the 
same  reciprocal  feeling  between  Bryan  and  New  York  in  1912 
as  suggested  by  the  Gridiron  Club  in  1904. 

The  ''Supreme  Court  of  the  Gridiron  Club"  consisted  of 
nine  members  in  black  robes  who  were  to  all  intents  and  purposes 
minstrels,  for  they  had  their  interlocutor,  bones,  and  tambo, 
jokes  and  songs.  And  no  one  enjoyed  the  burlesques  more  than 
Associate  Justices  Harlan  and  Brewer,  who  were  guests  on 
that  occasion. 

One  of  the  quips  was  directed  at  Senator  Allison  of  Iowa, 
who  under  no  circumstances  would  commit  himself.  One  time 
Allison  called  a  newspaper  man  into  his  committee  room  and 
read  him  a  long  letter  addressed  to  a  constituent  at  home,  and 
asked  the  correspondent  what  he  thought  of  it. 

"Well,  Senator,"  replied  the  correspondent,  with  some  hesi- 
tation, "I  don't  think  he  will  be  able  to  make  anything  out  of  it." 

"That  was  the  intention,"  replied  Allison,  fairly  beaming. 

A  Gridiron  minstrel  started  to  tell  the  Allison  sheep  story. 

"Oh,  we  have  all  heard  about  that,"  said  the  interlocutor, 
"the  sheep  were  going  by  and  some  one  remarked  they  had  been 
sheared,  and  Allison  replied,  'It  would  appear  that  they  are 
sheared  —  on  this  side  — '  we've  all  heard  that." 

"That  isn't  it,"  replied  the  minstrel;  "what  Allison  said 
was:  'Well,  as  respects  that  matter,  no  one  has  demonstrated 
to  me  that  they  are  sheep.'" 

The  Supreme  Court  had  just  decided  the  merger  case,  in  a 
decision  which  seemed  to  be  somewhat  clouded.  One  of  the 
minstrels  remarked  that  it  was  a  great  victory. 

"Great  victory  for  the  government.'^"  asked  the  interlocutor. 

"You  bet  it  was,"  replied  the  minstrel.  "The  government 
won  by  a  vote  of  four  and  five-eighths  out  of  a  possible  nine." 

Justices  Harlan  and  Brewer  shouted  with  laughter,  for  they 
had  both  favored  a  more  vigorous  and  far-reaching  decision. 
Justice  Brewer  afterward  said  that  the  Gridiron  minstrel 
accurately  stated  the  vote  on  that  important  case. 


150  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"I  suppose  you  are  going  to  the  convention  at  Chicago," 
remarked  the  interlocutor. 

"No,"    replied     an     endman;     "the    candidates    have    been 
selected;    the  officers  of  the  convention  chosen;    the  platform  is 
drafted,  and  it  won't  be  worth  while." 
"Is  nothing  left  for  the  delegates .^^ " 

"Oh,  yes;  they  will  have  the  privilege  of  paying  ten  dollars 
a  day  and  sleeping  fifteen  in  a  room." 

Then  there  was  a  shot  at  William  R.  Hearst.  A  question 
was  asked  about  his  boom  and  an  endman  replied: 

"It  reminds  me  of  the  fellow  who  woke  up  in  the  night  and 
found  a  pink  elephant  in  the  room." 
"How  did  he  get  rid  of  it?" 

"Oh,  it  backed  slowly  out  through  the  keyhole." 
Senator  Allison  of  Iowa,  who  had  been  a  frequent  guest  of 
the  Gridiron  Club  in  its  youth,  was  at  the  April  dinner  and  the 
music   committee   handed   him   a   song   of   which   this   was   the 
chorus : 

Ain't  you  a  wise  old  owl? 
Really  you  make  us  howl. 
You  are  a  wonder, 
And  make  no  blunder, 
You  solemn-looking,  wise  old  owl. 

A  beauty  contest  among  statesmen,  with  a  tie  vote  between 
Sam  Powders  of  Massachusetts  and  Frank  Cushman  of  Wash- 
ington, afforded  an  opportunity  for  both  of  these  very  homely, 
but  very  witty  men  to  make  clever  speeches.  Besides  there 
were  jabs  at  other  statesmen  while  the  contest  was  in  progress. 

There  was  a  great  deal  said  in  the  papers  at  that  time  con- 
cerning "white-wash"  investigations  and  the  Gridiron  Club 
took  a  hand.  A  delegation  of  members  held  a  meeting  and  as 
charges  were  presented  they  were  set  aside  in  the  general  "white- 
wash" movement.  Pictures  of  different  statesmen  by  Cunning- 
ham were  produced  and  as  each  was  acquitted  it  was  covered 
with  white-wash.  Cannon,  Knox,  Bristow,  Bede  and  others, 
went  through  the  process,   Bede  being  unanimously  acquitted 


GREATEST    GRIDIRON    HOAX  m 


of  being  a  humorist.  Senator  Fairbanks  was  one  of  the  last 
and  the  charge  against  him  was  that  he  was  too  unconventional, 
too  radical,  etc. 

"But  what  are  his  views  on  the  vice-presidency.?^"  asked  a 
member.     "That  is  the  crux  of  the  whole  matter." 

"He  thinks  the  vice-presidency,"  was  the  reply,  "is  a  high 
and  honorable  office,  and  that  he  will  not  refuse  the  office  unless 
he  finds  that  he  cannot  get  it."  And  that  very  nearly  stated 
the  Fairbanks  position  when  the  convention  was  held. 

John  H.  Nolan,  whose  deep  bass  voice  has  charmed  many 
Gridiron  diners,  was  initiated  at  that  April  dinner  and  sang  a 
number  of  songs  from  Pinafore  with  the  words  changed  to  touch 
up  various  statesmen  who  were  guests.  He  was  voted  eligible 
when  to  the  tune  "He's  an  Englishman,"  he  mentioned  other 
clubs  of  Washington  in  the  following: 

For  I  might  have  been  a  Tantalus,  a 

Fat  Man  or  a  Cosmos,  or  a  Metropolitan, 
I  don't  need  an  invitation  to  attend  this  initiation, 

For  I  am  a  Gridiron  man. 

There  were  many  distinguished  guests  at  the  dinner,  among 
them  Prince  Pu  Tun  Tsee,  belonging  to  the  Manchu  dynasty, 
who  was  accompanied  by  Sir  Chentung  Liang  Cheng,  the 
Chinese  minister. 

During  the  summer  the  Gridiron  Club  was  entertained  at 
Squantum,  R.  L,  by  Senator  Nelson  W.  Aldrich  and  Mr.  R. 
S.  HowLAND  of  the  Providence  Journal.  It  was  one  of  the  many 
occasions  the  Club  has  enjoyed  away  from  home.  A  dinner 
was  given  at  the  Squantum  Club,  which  turned  out  to  be  a 
Gridiron  affair.  Maj.  John  M.  Carson  in  a  reminiscent  mood 
told  about  a  former  trip  to  Squantum  fifteen  years  before. 
Henry  Hall  made  a  very  striking  speech,  referring  to  the  size 
of  Rhode  Island  and  then  paying  a  tribute  to  the  fame  and 
character  of  the  men  the  State  had  given  the  nation.  Samuel 
G.  Blythe  grilled  the  Rhode  Islanders.  He  spoke  of  the  thrift 
of  New  England  as  exemplified  by  Senator  Aldrich,  who,  on  a 


152  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

salary  of  $5,000  a  year,  had  been  able  to  create  such  a  magnifi- 
cent estate  as  they  had  that  day  visited.  As  to  the  other 
members  of  the  Rhode  Island  delegation  in  Congress,  he  said 
that  the  Washington  correspondents  had  met  them  for  the  first 
time  that  day,  but  had  never  heard  of  them  in  the  National 
Capital. 

The  Squantum  trip  in  some  respects  was  in  the  nature  of  a 
compliment  to  David  S.  Barry,  who  had  just  been  transferred 
to  the  managing  editorship  of  the  Providence  Journal.  He 
shared  in  the  praise  and  roasts  of  the  occasion. 

The  December  dinner  of  1904  was  utilized  to  "clean  up"  the 
incidents  of  the  campaign  which  had  just  closed.  One  of  the 
features  was  a  fortune  teller  who  was  surrounded  by  members 
of  the  Club  representing  different  characters.  "Miss  Demo- 
cracy" was  told:  "You  have  recently  met  with  a  great  disap- 
pointment. A  strenuous  man  wearing  eyeglasses  and  showing 
his  teeth  has  crossed  your  path.  You  are  in  great  danger. 
There  is  a  talkative  man  out  in  Nebraska  who  is  trying  to 
abduct  you." 

Then  the  member  representing  Henry  Gassaway  Davis 
came  forward  and  was  told:  "Your  fortune  is  just  the  same  as 
it  was  before  you  were  nominated  for  Vice-President."  This 
was  not  the  only  allusion  to  the  supposition  that  the  venerable 
West  Virginia  Democrat  had  been  nominated  because  of  his 
very  large  financial  resources,  and  the  further  fact  that  his 
contributions  fell  short  of  expectations.  In  a  "dead-letter"  skit 
was  found  a  letter  from  the  Democratic  National  Committee, 
acknowledging  receipt  of  $7.39  from  Davis.  Mr.  Davis  enjoyed 
it  as  well  as  anybody  could. 

Senator  Davis  and  his  son-in-law,  Stephen  B.  Elkins, 
figured  in  a  harmony  performance,  when  both  were  brought  out 
and  the  statement  made  that  politics  should  not  divide  families 
after  the  campaign  was  over.  They  were  advised  to  shake  hands 
and  be  friends.  This  they  did  amidst  the  plaudits  of  the  com- 
pany, Davis  remarking  that  he  could  stand  for  anything. 

Senator  Fairbanks  had  been  elected  Vice-President  and  the 


GREATEST    GRIDIRON    HOAX 


153 


Senatorial  vacancy  left  a  disturbed  political  condition  in  Indiana. 
This  found  expression  in  an  alleged  telephone  message  from 
Harry  New  who  said  that  the  only  way  to  preserve  harmony 
was  to  elect  Beveridge  to  both  seats  in  the  Senate. 

The  telephone  also  brought  the  offer  of  a  story  to  one  of  the 
correspondents.  It  was  a  statement  by  Senator  Fairbanks  in 
which  he  really  expressed  an  opinion.  *'The  Senator  declares," 
so  it  read,  "that  in  his  opinion  the  greatest  piece  of  English 
composition  in  existence  was  Mr.  Roosevelt's  announcement  on 
the  night  of  the  election  that  under  no  circumstances  would  he 
again  be  a  candidate  for  President." 

J.  PiERPONT  Morgan  was  again  a  guest  of  the  Gridiron  Club 
and  his  name  was  mentioned  in  the  telephone  conversation  when 
the  man  on  the  other  end  of  the  line,  said  to  be  Andrew  Car- 
negie, wanted  to  know  if  Mr.  Morgan  was  on  any  of  Cassie 
Chadwick's  paper. 

The  Gridiron  Club  was  nearly  twenty  years  old  and  several 
allusions  to  the  past  were  made,  but  there  was  nothing  more 
humorous  than  a  song  by 
the  original  quartette,  con- 
sisting of  Gen.  H.  V.  Boyn- 
TON,  Crosby  S.  Noyes, 
William  E.  Curtis,  and 
Robert  M.  Larner. 
Twenty  years  before  the 
same  song  was  heard  at 
the  first  Gridiron  dinner. 
It  was  the  last  dinner  in 
the  old  Arlington  Hotel 
which  had   been   the   Gridiron   home  for  the   past  fifteen  years. 

However,  this  was  only  a  farewell  to  twenty  years  of  success- 
ful dinner  giving.  The  next  event  was  the  twentieth  anniversary 
dinner  of  the  Club  and  was  celebrated  in  a  fitting  manner. 


CHAPTER  XVII 
THE   TWENTIETH   ANNIVERSARY 

Playing  at  Roosevelt  and  the  Retorts  of  the  President  — 
Bryan  Charges  that  T.  R.  Stole  His  Platform  — 
Reciprocal  Relations  between  the  Club  and  Roose- 
velt —  Impeachment  of  Cannon  —  Peace  Conference 
—  Taft  and  the  Ohio  Campaign. 

MAJOR  JOHN  M.  CARSON,  of  the  New  York  Times 
and  the  Philadelphia  Public  Ledger,  was  one  of  the 
originators  and  founders  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  and  had 
been  President  in  the  early  days.  As  a  compliment  and  a 
recognition  of  his  efforts  when  it  was  a  struggling  organization 
the  Major  was  elected  President  for  the  20th  anniversary  year. 
The  dinner  in  January,  1905,  was  the  first  given  at  the  New 
Willard  hotel,  the  new  home  of  the  Club.  In  welcoming  the 
guests  on  that  occasion  President  Carson  referred  to  the  past, 
saying  that  of  the  thousands  of  guests  whom  the  Club  had 
entertained  there  had  been  among  them  Presidents  of  the  United 
States,  sovereign  heads  of  other  republics,  distinguished  men  in 
the  diplomatic  and  military  service  of  all  lands,  and  men  promi- 
nent in  the  great  industrial  and  scientific  development  of  the 
world. 

To  such  an  extent  as  could  be  permitted  there  was  a  revival 
of  some  of  the  features  that  had  been  given  at  former  dinners 
when  adaptable  to  new  situations. 

At  this  20th  anniversary  dinner  the  souvenir  was  quite  an 
elaborate  book,  containing  a  brief  history  of  the  Club.  It  had 
been  prepared  under  the  direction  of  Richard  Lee  Fearn, 
chairman  of  the  committee,  and  was  a  review  of  the  dinners, 
trips,  and  incidents  which  had  taken  place  during  the  two  de- 
cades of  the  Club's  existence. 

President  Roosevelt  was  a  guest  and  the  Club  began  to 
play  at  him  from  the  beginning.     We  had  learned  that  he  Hked 

154 


THE    TWENTIETH    ANNIVERSARY        155 


nothing  better  and,  further,  that  he  felt  quite  competent  to  come 
right  back  and  reply  to  the  humorous  and  pointed  shafts  thrown 
at  him.  At  the  very  outset  the  inauguration  of  the  President 
introduced  a  noisy  cavalcade  of  Rough  Riders  who  came  in 
singing,  "There'll  Be  a  Hot  Time  in  the  Old  Town  Tonight." 
With  the  khaki  clad  crew  came  a  delegation  of  nondescripts  in 
various  costumes  who  proved  to  be  candidates  for  the  cabinet 
jobs  and  whose  quahfications  were  based  upon  the  various 
activities  of  the  President  of  the  United  States.  There  was  the 
Secretary  of  the  Whipping  Post,  a  Roosevelt  suggestion  for 
wife-beaters;  the  Secretary  of  Agriculture  and  Fertility,  who 
said  he  was  the  father  of  five  pairs  of  twins;  a  college  football 
coach;  a  member  claiming  skill  in  jiu-jitsu;  the  author  of  a 
book,  "The  Giants  I  have  Made";  one  claimed  recognition 
because  he  had  written  a  "Life  of  the  President";  another  held 
the  world's  record  for  roping  steers  and  had  killed  six  cattle 
rustlers;  then  there  was  the  Secretary  of  the  Strenuous  Life, 
also  the  Keeper  of  the  "Big  Stick." 

At  one  stage  of  the  dinner  a  member  of  the  Club  announced 
that  there  was  an  inventor  downstairs  who  wanted  to  show  a 
device  he  had  just  perfected.  Asked  what  it  was  the  member 
replied : 

"It's  a  safety  net  he  wants  to  sell  the  Republican  leaders  to 
keep  the  Democrats  from  stealing  the  President." 

This  was  an  allusion  to  the  frequent  assertions  at  that  time 
that  Roosevelt  was  stealing  all  the  planks  of  the  Democratic 
party,  and  the  Democrats  were  thinking  of  adopting  him.  The 
idea  was  further  elaborated  when  a  suggestion  was  made  that 
as  both  President  Roosevelt  and  William  J.  Bryan  were 
present  there  should  be  a  joint  debate  between  them. 

"What's  the  use?"  was  the  retort.  "They  are  both  on  the 
same  side." 

The  idea  was  emphasized  when  Mr.  Bryan  told  how  he  had 
seen  Mr.  Roosevelt  take  plank  after  plank  of  his  platform  until 
he  found  very  little  left.  He  rather  expected  to  see  the  remain- 
ing  planks    appropriated    before   long.     When    we   consider   the 


156  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

recall  and  the  initiative  and  referendum  espoused  by  Roosevelt 
in  recent  years  Mr.  Bryan  was  somewhat  prophetic. 

The  Roosevelt  retort  that  the  good  things  in  the  Democratic 
platform  were  absolutely  useless  in  Mr.  Bryan's  possession  be- 
cause he  never  would  be  in  a  position  to  put  them  in  operation 
raised  a  great  laugh  at  the  expense  of  the  Nebraskan. 

President  Roosevelt  was  introduced  after  the  recital  of  a 
succession  of  verses  by  different  members  of  the  Club,  claiming 
for  several  men  the  distinction  of  being  the  "original  Roosevelt 
man."  Secretary  Hay,  Senators  Lodge,  Beveridge,  Foraker, 
and  Scott  were  all  named,  while  Francis  E.  Leupp,  a  member 
of  the  Club  and  then  Commissioner  of  Indian  Affairs,  claimed 
for  himself  that  honor.  President  Carson  remarked  that  no 
doubt  the  guests  had  been  edified  by  the  poetic  recitals,  but  he 
had  the  pleasure  of  introducing  to  the  company  (and  he  turned 
and  bowed  to  the  President)  "the  original  Roosevelt  man." 

I  do  not  think  any  man  before  or  since  ever  received  such 
an  ovation  at  a  Gridiron  dinner.  Mr.  Roosevelt  was  at  the 
height  of  his  popularity.  But  what  made  him  particularly 
appreciated  by  the  Gridiron  Club  was  the  fact  that  he  stood  the 
gaff  and  enjoyed  the  fun  at  his  own  expense.  There  was  scarcely 
a  pointed  allusion  in  the  skits  that  did  not  receive  attention 
from  the  President  in  his  reply,  for  the  first  part  of  his  speech 
was  devoted  to  retort  and  in  elaborating  some  of  the  points  he 
was  very  humorous. 

But,  as  at  all  subsequent  dinners,  the  President  had  a 
message  to  deliver.  I  have  always  thought  that  it  was  part  of 
a  carefully  prepared  plan.  He  knew  that  the  speeches  at  the 
Gridiron  dinners  never  were  published,  but  they  were  heard  by 
men  in  all  walks  of  life,  cabinet  oflScers,  senators,  representatives, 
ambassadors,  military  and  naval  officers,  and,  what  was  more 
important  in  Mr.  Roosevelt's  opinion,  newspaper  men  who 
were  his  friends.  When  such  speeches  were  delivered  he  ob- 
tained the  benefit  of  opinions  as  to  the  policies  outlined.  There 
were  discussions  in  the  press  and  periodicals,  and  advice  and 
counsel   freely   offered   by   public   men.     The   President   learned 


THE    TWENTIETH    ANNIVERSARY        157 


how  the  new  ideas  were  accepted  and  found  out  whether  modi- 
fications were  necessary. 

We  always  looked  upon  President  Roosevelt  as  a  distinct 
asset  and  valued  his  presence  at  the  dinners.  He  was  constantly 
doing  things  as  President  that  attracted  attention  and  these 
acts  were  capable  of  interpretation  in  a  Gridiron  way;  besides, 
he  was  not  squeamish  and  always  stood  for  anything  that  the 
Club  introduced,  accepting  it  in  the  spirit  of  fun  in  which  it 
was  intended.  But  if  the  President  was  useful  to  the  Gridiron 
Club,  it  was  a  reciprocal  arrangement.  Aside  from  the  enjoy- 
ment he  had,  there  was  that  other  feature,  the  promulgation  of 
a  new  doctrine,  the  utterance  of  words  which  would  not  be 
quoted,  but  were  none  the  less  a  message  sent  forth  in  the 
nature  of  a  feeler,  or  to  prepare  the  public  mind  for  something 
which  he  intended  to  submit  to  Congress  or  the  country. 

On  one  occasion  he  delivered  the  celebrated  muck-rake 
speech,  which  was  repeated  in  a  public  address  not  long  after- 
ward. At  another  time  the  railroad  rate  regulation  was  out- 
lined, most  of  the  speech  afterward  appearing  in  a  message  to 
Congress.  Suggestions  of  an  inheritance  and  income  tax  were 
first  made  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  and  were  later  reported  with 
more  elaboration  at  the  laying  of  a  cornerstone  of  a  public 
building.  Oftentimes  Congress  had  a  hint  of  what  was  coming 
from  the  White  House  in  a  message  by  a  speech  of  the  President 
at  a  Gridiron  dinner.  At  times  also  senators  and  representatives 
were  told  what  they  would  have  to  do,  also  what  they  could  not 
do,  in  the  matter  of  legislation. 

These  presidential  speeches  took  time,  and  were  not  in  the 
line  of  wit  and  humor  which  is  the  aim  of  the  Gridiron  Club. 
The  members  rather  dreaded  them,  especially  when  they  took  on 
the  character  of  moral  lectures  and  academic  discussion,  but  the 
President  of  the  United  States  could  not  be  interrupted  or  cut 
off,  even  by  the  Gridiron  Club.  Besides,  as  I  have  said.  Presi- 
dent Roosevelt  was  a  valued  asset.  The  guests  always  enjoyed 
a  dinner  much  more  when  he  was  there  than  in  his  absence, 
and  so  we  took  the  lectures  and  the  discussion  of  moral  legisla- 


158  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

tion  and   other  issues  in   good  part,   realizing  the  mutuality  of 
the  situation  and  perfectly  willing  to  give  a  quid  pro  quo. 

A  special  song  had  been  prepared  for  President  Roosevelt 
that  evening.     One  of  the  verses  and  the  chorus  follow: 

Now  let  the  men  who  are  beating  their  wives 

Beware  of  the  slugging  they'll  get, 
And  warn  all  the  railroads  with  curious  rates 

To  hustle  in  out  of  the  wet. 
Let  England,  and  Germany,  and  Russia,  and  all. 

Know  that  they  can't  monkey  with  us; 
We'll  have  a  strong  navy,  to  fight  with,  by  gravy. 

If  we  ever  get  into  a  fuss. 

Roosevelt,  Roosevelt,  you  are  the  man  we  praise; 
Roosevelt,  Roosevelt,  strenuous  all  your  days; 
Roosevelt,  Roosevelt,  now  let  the  eagle  soar! 
Over  the  land  with  big  stick  in  hand, 
You  are  President  four  years  more. 

Mr.  Bryan  also  was  remembered  with  a  song: 

Bryan  came  to  town,  just  to  look  around  — 

Politics  and  fortune  had  been  shy; 
Campaigns  had  been  lost,  at  a  fearful  cost 

Still  the  Presidential  goose  hung  high. 
Parker  butted  in  —  he  was  licked  like  sin  — 

Then  a  cry  went  over  the  land: 
Bring  back  Billy  Bryan,  he's  the  only  man 

Who  can  lead  the  Democratic  van. 

Whitelaw  Reid  of  the  New  York  Tribune  was  one  of  many 
prominent  newspaper  men  from  different  parts  of  the  country 
present  at  the  dinner.  In  introducing  him  President  Carson 
said: 

*' Forty  years  ago  there  came  to  Washington  a  young  man 
fresh  from  Gen.  Sherman's  army  in  the  Southwest,  with  which 
he  distinguished  himself  as  a  war  correspondent.  After  several 
years'  service  on  Newspaper  Row  he  was  called  to  New  York 
and  became  the  principal  associate  of  the  greatest  editor  of  his 


THE    TWENTIETH    ANNIVERSARY        159 


day  and  generation,  succeeding  to  the  management  of  the  paper 
on  the  death  of  his  chief.  He  has  earned  distinction  in  his 
chosen  field  of  effort,  and  has  frequently  been  honored  by  his 
government  which  he  served  with  efiiciency  and  credit  as  minister 
to  foreign  countries.  If  current  report  be  correct  he  is  to  be 
again  honored  shortly  by  being  made  Ambassador  to  the  Court 
of  St.  James." 

"That  is  correct,"  interjected  President  Roosevelt. 

"Washington  correspondents,"  continued  Maj.  Carson, 
"have  reason  to  be  proud  of  Whitelaw  Reid.  The  Gridiron 
Club  is  especially  gratified  to  have  him  among  its  guests  to- 
night." 

It  is  to  be  regretted  that  the  reminiscences  of  Mr.  Reid  con- 
cerning early  days  of  Newspaper  Row  cannot  be  reproduced. 

As  if  to  show  no  partiality  Mr.  Reid  was  remembered  in  a 
skit  in  which  Samuel  G.  Blythe  appeared  as  a  hypnotist  and 
with  two  members  of  the  Club  produced  interesting  results. 
After  a  few  passes,  this  followed: 

Blythe  —  Mr.  Coolidge,  you  are  Hon.  Whitelaw  Reid.  You  will  make 
an  after-dinner  speech  at  a  London  banquet. 

Coolidge  —  Blood  is  thicker  than  water.  Oh,  how  we  love  the  English ! 
Hands  across  the  sea.  The  supremacy  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  race.  Three  cheers 
for  the  King! 

Blythe  —  Mr.  Bennett,  you  are  Speaker  Cannon,  and  will  show  us  how 
you  bowed  to  the  great  popular  demand  for  tariff  revision. 

Bennett  —  The  House  will  be  in  order.  I  want  to  announce  to  you  tariff 
revisionists  here  and  now  that  any  freckle-faced,  knock-kneed,  splay-footed 
Republican  who  doesn't  stand  pat  won't  get  no  more  committee  places  next 
session  than  a  rabbit. 

Perhaps  it  was  because  of  the  fact  that  he  could  not  break 
into  the  Senate  that  Speaker  Cannon  antagonized  that  body  so 
vigorously.  At  all  events  the  Gridiron  Club  introduced  an  im- 
peachment skit.  Uncle  Joe  being  impeached,  while  the  court 
consisted  of  Vice-President  Fairbanks,  Senators  Gorman,  Stone, 
Depew,  Scott,  and  half  a  dozen  more  senators,  all  of  whom  were 
brought  to  the  center  of  the  room  while  members  of  the  Club 


160  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

assisted   in   the   trial.     Among   the    "counts'*   in   the    "arraign- 
ment" was  this: 

Article  VIII  —  That  the  said  Joseph  G.  Cannon  rejected  with  scorn  and 
much  profanity  the  offer  of  the  Presidency  of  the  Senate,  thus  thrusting  upon 
the  people  Chables  Warren  Fairbanks. 

Cannon  was  pronounced  guilty  and  sentenced  to  dismissal  — 
almost  prophetic,  in  view  of  the  election  in  1912. 

"Frenzied  Finance"  was  one  of  the  skits,  introduced  to  show 
how  Wall  street  was  taking  "easy  money"  from  the  people,  and 
also  how  Cassie  Chadwick  took  that  same  money  from  Wall 
street. 

J.  H.  Maddy  had  always  been  a  friend  of  the  Club  and  was 
just  leaving  the  Baltimore  &  Ohio  Railroad  to  go  with  the 
Erie.  So  the  Gridiron  Club  gave  him  a  loving  cup  and  when 
it  was  presented  the  inscription  was  read : 

"From  bad  to  worse." 

During  the  summer  of  1905,  the  peace  conference  was  held 
at  Portsmouth,  N.  H.,  which  brought  to  an  end  the  war  between 
Russia  and  Japan.  The  Gridiron  peace  conference  was  a  feature 
of  the  December  dinner  of  that  year.  At  the  first  suggestion 
of  such  a  conference  Ernest  G.  Walker,  one  of  the  members 
of  the  Club,  opposed  the  idea.  "War  makes  news,"  he  said; 
"let's  have  war."  N.  O.  Messenger,  another  member  replied 
that  on  the  contrary,  peace  conferences  would  result  in  two 
wars  where  before  there  was  one,  whereupon  the  delegates  were 
selected  and  came  together. 

These  Gridiron  delegates  discussed  with  the  utmost  frankness 
the  differences  existing  between  Vice-President  Fairbanks  and 
Senator  Beveridge  in  Indiana,  between  Senator  Gorman  and 
Senator  Rayner  in  Maryland,  between  Senator  Spooner  and 
Senator  La  Follette  in  Wisconsin,  and  between  Senator 
FoRAKER  and  Secretary  Taft  in  Ohio.  The  man  representing 
Taft  stated  that  he  was  a  cabinet  oflBcer  and  feared  that  news- 
paper correspondents  might  be  present,  so  he  tied  a  handkerchief 


THE    TWENTIETH    ANNIVERSARY        161 

over  his  mouth.  This  was  a  reference  to  the  vigorous  statement 
that  President  Roosevelt  had  made  only  a  short  time  before 
about  cabinet  officers  talking  too  much  for  publication. 

Secretary  Taft  figured  conspicuously  in  the  campaign  of  that 
year,  going  into  Ohio  and  denouncing  Boss  Cox  and  his  nominee 
for  Governor,  Myron  T.  Herrick.  The  latter  was  defeated. 
Among  the  alleged  wireless  dispatches,  received  and  read  from 
time  to  time  during  the  evening,  was  one  from  Cox,  which  said: 

Dear  Bill:  It  was  all  right  to  dissemble,  hut  why  did  you  kick 
me  downstairs? 

The  dispatch  from  Herrick  was  to  Senator  Charles  Dick 
and  read: 

Please  get  President  Roosevelt  to  duplicate  to  me  Harrison^s 
message  to  Warner  Miller  about  falling  outside  the  breastworks. 

Time  makes  many  changes.  Four  years  later  Taft  sent 
Herrick  as  Ambassador  to  France. 

There  was  another  reference  to  the  Ohio  campaign  in  the 
initiation  of  Richard  V.  Oulahan  of  the  New  York  Sun, 
Ernest  G.  Walker  of  the  Boston  Herald  and  J.  Henry  Small. 
They  were  subjected  to  a  grand  inquisition  while  seated  on 
Gridirons  over  what  appeared  to  be  a  red  hot  fire.  One  of  the 
inquisitors,  impersonating  Mr.  Taft,  prodded  a  candidate  saying: 
*'This  is  a  George  B.  Cox  RepubHcan.  Had  I  not  been  away 
on  a  trip  I  would  have  gone  home  and  voted  against  him.  I 
would  swap  my  Presidential  chances  or  a  seat  on  the  Supreme 
Bench  before  I  would  admit  him  to  the  Club." 

Even  at  that  time  there  was  a  hint  that  Taft  was  to  be 
Roosevelt's  successor. 

Secretary  Root  was  impersonated  by  another  member  who 
jabbed  Oulahan  with  the  remark:  "This  man  dared  to  ask  me 
if  I  had  attended  a  Cabinet  meeting.  He  printed  in  his  paper 
an  intimation  that  our  head  devil  owns  stock  in  the  government 
printing  office.'* 

The  Grand  Inquisitor  was  evidently  a  thinly  disguised 
Roosevelt,  and  Secretary  Loeb  was  the  head  devil,  upon  whom 
all  the  blame  was  laid  for  mistakes  the  inquisitors  acknowledged 


162  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


had  been  made  about  the  candidates,  who  were  declared  eligible 
Gridiron  men  when  the  explanations  were  made. 

J.  PiERPONT  Morgan  had  acquired  the  Grdiron  habit  and 
was  again  a  guest  of  the  Club.  Reference  was  made  to  him  in 
one  of  the  wireless  messages  purporting  to  come  from  George 
W.  Perkins,  then  with  the  Morgan  interests,  to  Robert  Bacon, 
who  had  left  the  Morgan  firm  and  was  Roosevelt's  Assistant 
Secretary  of  State.  Arent  you  glad  to  get  out  of  it?  the  message 
read.     Big  Business  had  begun  to  feel  the  Rooseveltian  hand. 

Henry  M.  AYhitney  had  been  put  in  the  Ananias  Club  by 
President  Roosevelt  in  a  characteristic  utterance  and  this 
message  from  him  was  addressed  to  Senator  Lodge: 

I  would  like  to  go  South.  Do  you  think  it  safe  for  me  to  go 
through  Washington. 

"Everybody  works  but  Fairbanks"  was  sung  by  Ed.  Hay  for 
the  benefit  of  the  Vice-President,  with  this  chorus: 

Everybody  works  but  Fairbanks; 

He  sits  there  all  day. 
Listening  to  the  speeches 

Made  in  the  same  old  way. 
Allison,  Lodge  and  Gorman, 

All  are  in  the  ranks  — 
Everybody  works  in  the  Senate 

But  Mister  Fairbanks. 

There  was  a  surprise  from  Baron  Rosen,  the  Russian  Am- 
bassador, who  had  figured  so  prominently  at  the  peace  con- 
ference. It  was  the  first  dinner  he  had  ever  attended  and  he 
delighted  the  company  by  making  a  real  Gridiron  talk. 

Theodore  P.  Shonts,  chairman  of  the  Isthmian  Canal  Com- 
mission, was  a  guest  at  the  dinner.  The  canal  was  moving  along 
rather  slowly.  At  the  next  dinner  the  Gridiron  Club  made  the 
canal  a  feature  and  put  an  idea  into  the  head  of  President 
Roosevelt  that  caused  a  speeding  up  of  work  on  the  big  ditch. 


CHAPTER  XVIII 
GRIDIRON   CLUB   AND   THE   BIG   CANAL 

Make-Believe  Trip  to  Panama,  Showing  the  President 
What  Was  Wrong  —  Santo  Domingo  Troubles  — 
Gridiron  Guide  to  Washington  —  Picked  Taft  as 
Roosevelt's  Successor  —  Speaker  Cannon's  Dinner 
AND   Danville   Folks  —  Simple   Speller  and   Gridiron 

DiKSHUNARY  TaFT       THE      ADMINISTRATION      FlREMAN  

Harriman    Lectures    Roosevelt  —  The    Brownsville 
Incident. 

IN  January,  1906,  under  the  guidance  of  President  Richard 
Lee  Fearn,  of  the  New  York  Tribune,  the  Gridiron  Club 
went  to  Panama,  taking  its  guests  along,  and  opened  the 
eyes  of  the  President  of  the  United  States  and  other  officials  to 
the  necessity  of  a  change  of  methods  if  the  canal  was  to  be 
constructed.  To  that  extent  the  Gridiron  Club  helped  along 
the  building  of  the  waterway  connecting  the  two  oceans. 

It  was  only  a  make-believe  trip,  but  the  setting  helped  the 
illusion.  The  guests  entered  the  dining-room  through  a  wind- 
ing route  of  waving  palms  and  other  tropical  vegetation,  while 
to  the  tune  of  When  Johnny  Comes  Marching  Home  the  music 
committee  sang  a  song  of  which  the  following  is  a  part: 

We're  going  to  dig  the  big  canal, 

Hurrah!  Hurrah! 
We're  going  to  dig  the  big  canal 

In  Pan-a-ma. 
In  Panama  we  work  tonight. 
We'll  do  some  digging  before  its  light 
And  there'll  be  no  more  shenanigan  when 
The  dirt  begins  to  fly. 

When  all  were  assembled  about  the  tables  the  hghts  went 
out  and  President  Fearn  announced  that  they  were  in  Panama, 
having  made  a  remarkably  quick  trip.  While  the  lights  were 
down  screens  had  been  removed,   which  had  concealed  a  view 

163 


164  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

representing  the  plaza  at  Panama.  This  greeted  the  guests 
when  the  room  was  again  hghted,  and  on  the  plaza  the  mem- 
bers of  the  Club  performed  their  stunts.  One  of  these  was 
rather  extended,  but  it  was  worth  the  time  in  the  lesson  it  con- 
veyed. It  showed  that  the  canal  had  too  many  chiefs,  too  many 
typewriters,  too  many  press  agents,  and  was  altogether  top- 
heavy.  *' Good-morning,  Chief,"  was  the  salutation  heard  on 
every  hand,  while  there  were  "chiefs"  here  and  "chiefs"  there, 
and  no  one  doing  the  work.  Every  faker  and  expert  with  any 
crazy  idea  of  canal  construction  was  given  a  hearing  by  the 
"chiefs."  The  climax  was  reached  when  one  expert  offered 
this  proposition: 

"I  propose  to  build  47  airships,  each  a  mile  long.  Then  I 
propose  to  build  a  nice  commodious  canal  and  hitch  it  to  the 
airships.     That  will  obviate  any  cuts." 

"How  do  you  get  your  ships  there?"  asked  one  of  the  chiefs. 

"Sir,"  was  the  reply,  "I  am  talking  now  as  a  canal  expert. 
If  you  want  my  views  as  a  marine  expert,  I  must  have  another 
retainer." 

James  S.  Henry  of  the  Philadelphia  Press,  made  up  to  look 
very  much  like  President  Roosevelt,  entered  at  this  point  and 
scattered  the  chiefs,  press  agents,  fakers,  etc.,  and  declared  in 
measured  tones: 

"I'll — dig — it — myself,"  and  then  gave  a  song  which  was  a 
parody  on  Drill,  Ye  Tarriers,  Drill,  substituting  the  words, 
"Dig,  Ye  Tarriers,  Dig."  One  verse  and  chorus  of  this  new 
version  follow: 

Every  morning  at  half-past  nine, 

The  President  gets  Mr.  Shonts  in  line; 

"For  Congress,"  says  he,  "I  don't  give  a  fig; 

There's  a  canal  to  be  dug  and  I  want  ye  to  dig." 

Then  it's  dig,  ye  tarriers,  dig; 

And  it's  work  all  day, 

In  the  good  old  way; 

With  a  pick  and  a  shovel, 

And  a  horse  and  a  dray; 
Then  it's  dig,  ye  tarriers,  dig. 


THE    BIG    CANAL  165 


While  the  Club  and  its  guests  were  supposed  to  be  at  Pan- 
ama there  was  a  conversation  on  the  plaza  by  Blythe,  Bennett 
and  CooLiDGE,  in  which  shots  were  taken  at  different  guests; 
also  in  which  there  were  comments  upon  a  number  of  magazine 
muck-rakers,  and  other  critics  of  the  canal  work,  who  had  very 
recently  visited  the  isthmus.  Some  of  the  lines  of  this  skit 
follow : 

Queer  old  place,  isn't  it?  They  tell  me  it  used  to  be  headquarters  for  the 
pirates. 

Used  to  be?     I  guess  they  haven't  all  moved  away  yet. 

Have  they  erected  a  monument  where  Taft  landed? 

No;  they  turned  in  the  water  and  made  an  artificial  lake. 

What's  this  I  hear  about  the  President  going  to  India  to  hunt  big  game? 

Don 't  you  believe  it.  He  has  good  big  game  hunting  in  the  United  States 
for  several  years  yet. 

That  was  the  first  intimation  that  President  Roosevelt 
intended  to  go  on  a  big  game  hunting  expedition. 

An  interesting  incident  of  the  canal  feature  of  the  dinner 
was  the  introduction  of  M.  Jusserand,  the  French  Ambassador. 
"But  for  the  enterprise  of  a  great  people  we  would  have  been  in 
Nicaragua  tonight  instead  of  Panama,"  said  President  Fearn 
in  calling  upon  the  popular  diplomat  for  a  speech. 

The  last  of  the  Panama  stunt  was  a  large  picture  of  the 
completed  canal  thrown  on  a  screen.  It  showed  a  battleship 
being  towed  through  the  waterway  by  two  mules,  the  latter 
driven  by  Mr.  Roosevelt. 

During  the  performance  of  the  canal  act  the  guests  of  the 
Club  divided  their  attention  between  the  plaza  and  the  head  of 
the  table,  for  the  President's  face  was  a  study.  It  was  clear 
that  the  administration  of  the  canal  was  being  severely  criti- 
cized and  Roosevelt  never  took  kindly  to  criticism.  Later  in 
the  evening  when  he  spoke  he  showed  that  the  canal  act  had 
reached  home.  After  saying  that  he  could  appreciate  the  im- 
patience of  the  Gridiron  Club  over  the  delay  at  Panama  he 
asserted  that  whatever  might  be  the  facts,  or  whether  the  picture 
was  exaggerated  or  true  to  life,   hereafter,   as  long  as  he  was 


166  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

President,  the  "dirt  would  fly"  on  the  canal  zone.  Subsequent 
reorganization  of  the  canal  force  followed  with  gratifying 
results. 

Santo  Domingo,  so  often  the  subject  of  worry  on  the  part 
of  the  United  States,  was  in  one  of  its  chronic  revolutionary 
stages  at  that  time,  and  furnished  the  basis  of  an  act  to  initiate 
W.  W.  Jermane  of  the  Minneapolis  Journal,  and  Arthur  J. 
Dodge  of  the  Milwaukee  Sentinel. 

"Fortunately  a  new  ruler  has  sprung  up  in  Santo  Domingo," 
wrote  President  Roosevelt  in  a  message  to  Congress.  He 
referred  to  Morales  who  was  a  ruler  for  a  few  days  and  was 
at  the  time  of  the  dinner  on  a  hop-skip-and-jump  in  the  jungle. 
The  newspaper  correspondents  and  this  "nigger-in-the-woodpile," 
were  mixed  up  for  a  time,  but  finally  they  were  declared  Club 
members.  As  a  part  of  the  ceremony  they  asserted  their  belief 
in  the  infallibility  of  the  national  administration;  promised  to 
refer  to  the  Speaker  of  the  House  as  the  tribune  of  the  people; 
and  to  denounce  the  Senate  as  a  cabal  of  corporation  hirelings. 
As  each  affirmative  response  was  made  there  was  a  cuckoo 
echo.  In  those  days  many  men  were  charged  with  being  mere 
cuckoos  of  the  Roosevelt  administration. 

"The  Gridiron  Guide  to  Washington"  was  the  souvenir,  a 
book  which  is  still  interesting  on  account  of  the  satire  which 
is  applicable  to  many  features  of  National  Capital  life.  The 
"Guide"  was  profusely  illustrated  and  it  did  not  spare  men  or 
things  in  its  description  and  comments.  A  chapter  on  "pre- 
cedence" in  Washington  gave  the  following  as  the  recognized 
order : 

The  President  of  the  United  States;  the  Vice-President  of  the  United  States 
(when  Ambassadors  do  not  object);  Ambassadors  (when  the  Supreme  Court 
does  not  object);  the  Cabinet  (when  Senators  do  not  object);  Chief  Justice  of 
the  Supreme  Court  (when  he  is  wiUing);  the  Speaker  of  the  House  (when  the 
Associate  Justices  do  not  object);  Associate  Justices  of  the  Supreme  Court 
(when  Senators  do  not  object);  bailiffs  of  the  local  courts;  Senators,  Repre- 
sentatives (who  never  object);  Army  and  Navy  officers  (Marine  Corps  not 
recognized);   the  Public  (which  is  helpless). 


THE    BIG    CANAL  167 


The  reference  to  the  Marine  Corps  was  on  account  of  the 
order  of  the  President  (afterward  overruled  by  Congress)  taking 
marines  off  the  ships. 

The  Rules  of  Etiquette  as  laid  down  by  the  Guide,  were  as 
follows: 

The  President  ranks  as  King.  The  Vice-President,  however,  is  not  Heir 
Apparent.  Invitations  from  the  President  are  Commands.  His  Criticisms  of 
all  Matters,  Public  and  Private,  must  be  Respected.  Newspaper  Correspond- 
ents Study  His  Wishes  and  are  Guided  by  them. 

The  Lower  Classes  make  the  first  Call  upon  Those  Above  them.  This  Rule 
is  Rigidly  Enforced.  The  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  for  Example  is  Expected 
to  call  upon  Mr.  J.  Pierpont  Morgan. 

Full  Dress  is  Required  at  Dinners.  Steel-pen  Coats  and  Decollette  Gowns 
may  be  Hired  at  Low  Rates.     See  our  Advertising  Pages. 

Congressmen  with  families  will  Refrain  from  Taking  Cake  and  Fruit  Home 
to  the  Children. 

Wines  should  be  Judiciously  Used.  At  the  Better  Class  Tables  Each  Guest 
is  Allowed  no  More  than  a  Magnum  of  Champagne.  It  is  Bad  Form  to  Request 
the  Waiter  to  Leave  the  Bottle  at  your  Plate. 

Spoons  for  Soup,  Forks  for  Fish,  and  Knives  for  Cutting  Only  are  now  de 
rigeur. 

Picking  One's  Teeth  with  a  Fork  at  the  Table  Without  Shielding  the  Mouth 
with  the  Hand  or  the  Napkin  Should  be  Avoided  if  Possible. 

Visitors  Accustomed  to  Tying  Napkins  about  their  Necks  while  at  Dinner 
Should  Use  the  Modern  Detachable  Elastic  Invented  for  that  Purpose.  See 
our  Advertising  Columns. 

Napkins  or  Spoons  are  not  to  be  taken  from  the  Table.  They  may  have 
been  Hired  for  the  Occasion. 

Hunting  is  Prohibited  in  the  Zoological  Gardens  (Our  Bears  must  be  Pro- 
tected). 

Loaded  revolvers  strapped  to  the  Hip  are  Permitted  only  to  Private  Secre- 
taries. 

Members  of  the  Cabinet  are  on  View  every  Tuesday  and  Friday.  They 
must  not  be  Spoken  to  Without  Written  Permission. 

The  Guide  began  with  the  Capitol,  of  which  it  was  stated: 

This  Building,  the  Mecca  of  Rural  Statesmen,  is  Mainly  Noted  for  its  Lob- 
bies, which  are  of  Generous  Proportions.  When  Originally  Constructed,  it  was 
Expected  to  occupy  a  Prominent  Place  in  Public  Affairs.  Of  late  years,  it  has 
been  dwarfed  by  Comparison  with  the  White  House.     Somewhere  within  the 


168 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Classic  Outlines  of  the  Majestic  Marble  Building  is  a  deliberate  Body,  which 
Imagines  it  is  Entrusted  with  the  Awful  Duty  of  Making  Laws  to  Govern  the 
People  of  the  United  States.  You  will  find  it  at  the  Butt  End  of  Uncle  Joe 
Cannon's  Cigar. 

The  Senate  Chamber  is  The  Assembly  Room  of  the  Finest  Club  on  Earth. 

The  Deliberations  of  the  Senate  are  Public, 
Except  when  the  Doors  are  Closed  for 
Executive  Session.    Then  they  are  Published. 


The  White  House  was  illustrated 
as  a  gymnasium,  and  concerning  the 
home  of  the  President  the  Guide  said: 

This  is  a  School  for  the  Education  of 
Senators    and    Representatives    as    to    their 
Duty  to  their  Country.     The  Head-Master 
is  Prof.  T.  Roosevelt,  A.B.,  A.M.,  LL.D., 
There  is  a  Gymnasium  Connected  with  the  Institu- 


Litt.  D.  (Harvard,  1880). 
tion.     The  Motto  is  — 


'Hit  First  and  Frequent." 


The  following  was  for  the  benefit  of  men  in  the  Treasury 
Department  who  have  presidential  ambitions: 

The  Treasury  is  a  Kindergarten  for  Bank  Presidents,  but  not  for  Presidents 
of  the  United  States.  Many  a  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  has  Tried  it,  but  None 
ever  Got  There! 

The  War  Department  showed  a  back  view  of  Secretary  Taft 
"sitting  on  the  lid."  With  the  residence  of  ex-Senator  William 
E.  Chandler,  was  a  warning,  "Watch  out!     He  throws  bricks." 

And  bricks 
were  seen  com- 
ing from  doors 
and  windows. 
The  navy  de- 
partment was 
said  to  be  a 
building  with 
a  French  roof 
and   a  French 


THE    BIG    CANAL 


169 


Secretary,  and  the  headquarters  of  the  civil  service  reform  move- 
ment. Charles  J.  Bonaparte,  an  ardent  reformer,  was  then 
Secretary  of  the  Navy.  "Passing  rapidly  through  Postmaster- 
General  CoRTELYOu's  autcroom  we  come  to  the  headquarters 
of  the  Republican  National  Commit- 
tee,'* was  the  statement  about  the 
Postoffice  Department. 

"Advertisements"  also  figured  in 
the  production;  a  page  being  given 
to  the  "Senate  Vaudeville,"  in  which 
shots  were  taken  at  men  who  were 
then  prominent  in  that  body. 

Mark  Twain  was  a  guest  of  the 
Club  and  appeared  in  his  white 
clothes  cut  in  the  conventional  even- 
ing dress  style.  Mark  told  me  that 
his  white  clothes  denoted  purity  and 

said  the  average  gathering  of  men  at  a  dinner  party  reminded 
him  of  a  flock  of  crows. 

A  unique  method  was  adopted  in  introducing  the  distin- 
guished author.  N.  O.  Messenger  of  the  Washington  Star 
from  a  place  behind  a  bunch  of  palms  swung  a  line  into  the 
area,  as  a  man  does  who  takes  the  soundings  on  a  river  steamer, 
at  the  same  time  quoting  from  Mr.  Clemens'  Old  Times  on  the 
Mississippi  the  words  which  the  leadsman  drawls  out  when 
heaving    the    lead: 

"Eight-and-one-half!  mark  three!  quarter-less  three!  half  twain!  quarter 
twain!  mark  twain!" 

It  was  from  this  river  sounding  measurement  that  Clemens 
took  his  nom  de  plume.  Mark  gave  reminiscences  of  the  time 
when  he  was  a  Washington  correspondent  and  pointed  out 
Jim  Young,  one  of  the  charter  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club, 
as  one  man  he  remembered  in  those  far-off  days. 

Near  the  end  of  the  evening  a  song  to  Roosevelt  was  sung 
by  Herndon  Morsell.     The  most  taking  verse  was: 


170  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Our  fathers  bold  in  days  of  old 

For  freedom  fought; 
And  with  their  swords,  history  records; 

Great  wonders  wrought; 
It  took  them  years  to  hit  the  peers 

Below  the  belt; 
The  job,  I  swan,  were  quicker  done 

With  Roosevelt. 

In  March,  1906,  Speaker  Cannon  gave  a  dinner  to  the 
Gridiron  Club,  with  a  notable  array  of  distinguished  guests. 
There  were  present  the  President,  the  Vice-President,  ambas- 
sadors. Cabinet  members.  Supreme  Court  justices,  senators, 
representatives,  prominent  newspaper  men,  and  men  whose 
names  were  well  known  in  business,  and  other  walks  of 
life. 

It  was  not  a  Gridiron  dinner,  although  the  Club  introduced 
several  stunts  and  musical  numbers.  One  of  these  the  host 
knew  nothing  about.  A  bunch  of  country  folk  came  wandering 
in,  looking  about  much  as  such  visitors  do  who  go  to  the  Capitol 
for  the  first  time.  They  were  met  by  Henry  Hall  as  a  Capitol 
guide,  who  affably  asked: 

"Strangers  in  the  city?" 

*'Yes,  we  are  from  Danville,"  was  the  reply. 

*' Danville,  Virginia,"  said  the  guide.  *'You  come  from  a 
great  State  —  the  mother  of  presidents." 

"Danville,   Illinois,"   crisply  interjected  one  of  the  tourists. 

"I  have  heard  your  city  well  spoken  of,"  said  the  guide. 
Then  he  introduced  himself  and  was  engaged  to  show  them 
around. 

"First  of  all,  I  suppose  you  want  to  see  your  Congressman. 
Who  is  your  member?" 

There  was  a  great  roar  of  laughter  from  the  company  at 
Uncle  Joe's  expense. 

Then  the  guide  began  to  point  out  various  prominent  men, 
replying  to  questions  in  Gridiron  style. 

"There  is  Mr.  Harriman  and  Mr.  Fish,"  said  the  guide. 


THE    BIG    CANAL  171 


"Are  they  railroad  presidents?"  asked  one  of  the  Danville 
folks. 

"They  are  —  with  insurance  leanings,"  was  the  reply. 

Asked  if  there  were  any  House  leaders  present,  Sereno  E. 
Payne  and  John  Dalzell  were  pointed  out. 

"Whenever  Uncle  Joe  taps  the  bell  and  hollers  'front,'  they 
are  Johnny-on-the-spot,"  said  one  of  the  party. 

A  preacher-looking  man  remarked  about  the  number  of 
glasses  on  the  table. 

"They  contain  nothing  but  grape  juice,"  promptly  asserted 
the  guide.  Which  shows  that  the  Gridiron  Club  anticipated 
by  a  number  of  years  a  beverage  that  became  popular  in  a  later 
administration. 

After  a  number  of  speeches  had  been  made  Speaker  Cannon 
arose  and  pounding  with  his  gavel  as  in  the  House  declared: 

"There'll  not  be  another  thing  done;  no  speeches;  no  eat- 
ing —  not  even  drinking  —  until  we  have  Stofer  with  his 
watermelon."  And  the  Major  gave  them  the  Watermillion 
Hangin    on  de  Vine  with  a  right  good  will. 

President  Roosevelt  occupied  the  center  of  the  stage  at  the 
dinner  of  the  Gridiron  Club  in  December,  1906.  As  the  big 
electric  gridiron  filled  the  room  with  light  the  guests  saw  on 
the  table  before  them  the  "Simple  Speller  and  Gridiron  Dik- 
shunary,"  and  a  most  wonderful  volume  it  proved  to  be.  It 
was  prepared  by  a  committee  of  which  L.  A.  Coolidge  was 
chairman  and  was  profusely  illustrated  by  C.  K.  Berryman. 
The  President  had  adopted  Andrew  Carnegie's  speUing  ideas 
and  ordered  the  government  departments  to  use  the  new  method. 
Congress  sometimes  refused  to  obey  the  President  —  in  little 
things  —  and  took  steps  to  preserve  the  familiar  method  of 
spelling,  by  legislative  enactment. 

The  Gridiron  "Dikshunary"  went  the  Hmit.  It  wiped  out 
the  letter  C,  stating  that  it  had  been  obliterated  by  Andru 
Karnagie.  The  definitions  were  as  interesting  as  the  spelling, 
touching  on  the  conditions  in  the  government,  and  were  per- 
sonal as  well  as  political.     Here  are  a  few  samples: 


172  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Administrashun.  (n.)  1.   A  nebulus  thing  kwoted  by  the  newspaper  korrespondent 
when  he  thinkz  he  thinkz  what  the  President  thinkz. 
2.   The  akt  of  administering  —  medisun,  punishment,  advise.     See  Rosa- 

VELT. 

Damifino.  (n.  v.  a.  adj.  adv.  pron.  part.)     A  kustomary  response  in  Washing- 
ton.    Q.    "  What  is  going  to  happen  next  at  the  White  House? 
A.    "Damifino." 

Exekutive.  (n.)  An  oflBshul  who  lukz  after  legislashun  in  Kongress  and  instruktz 
the  kortz. 

Exploshun.  (n.)  One  of  the  adjunktz  of  a  Kabinet  meeting. 

Graft,  (n.)  1.   Australian  kollokwializm  meaning  to  work  hard. 

2.   The  reward  which  a  man  gets  for  doing  awl  he  kan. 

Insur-gent.  (n.)     A  gent  who  thinkz  he  iz  a  majority.     See  Speaker. 

Jale.  (n.)  The  last  home  uv  kareless  statezmen. 

Kabinet.  (n.)  A  net  that  statezmen  want  to  be  kawt  in. 

Kanalized.  (part.)  Reorganized. 

Karnagie.  (n.)  Modern  or  simplified  form  of  the  wurd  formerly  ritten  "car- 
nage." 

Klub.  (n.)  A  weppun.     Obsoleet  sintz  the  appearance  uv  the  Big  Stik. 

Magazeen.  (n.)  A  publikashun  wherein  earnest  young  mukrakers  annountz  in 
deffenin  detonashunz  elementary  faktz  in  sivil  guvernment. 

Pass,  Raleroad.  (n.)  Obsoleet.     That  which  waz,  but  iz  not. 

Peace,  (n.)  A  dezirable  ideal  which  some  people  think  should  be  reached  by 
disbanding  our  army  and  navy.  Otherz  think  it  kan  be  attained  by  abol- 
ishing our  foreign  mishunz. 

Resiprosity.  (n.)  Getting  sumthing  for  nuthing. 

Stand  Pat.  (n.)  A  turm  which  sometimez  meenz  to  get  a  pat  on  the  bak,  and  at 
otherz  a  jolt  in  the  nek. 

Tafter.  (n.)  One  who  bekomes  engaged  to  marry.  See  Longworth,  Sherley 
and  KoKRAN. 

The  last  was  in  reference  to  the  engagements  of  three  Con- 
gressmen, Nicholas  Longworth,  Sw^ager  Sherley  and  Bourke 
Cochran,  all  of  whom  accompanied  Secretary  Taft  on  a  trip 
to  the  Philippines. 

Among  a  large  number  of  "wise  sayings  "  contained  in  the 
book  were  the  following: 


THE    BIG    CANAL  173 

Oh,  immunity,  what  fines  are  remitted  in  thy  name! 
A  vote  deferred  bringeth  the  Big  Stick. 
Two  good  terms  deserve  another. 
The  Big  Stick  never  strikes  twice  in 
the  same  place.    It  doesn't  have  to. 
One  touch  of  Carnegie  makes  the 

whole  world  grin. 
A  Roosevelt  by  any  other  name 
would  spell  as  neat. 

Cuba  was  then  giving  this  government  a  great  deal  of 
trouble,  and  a  skit  upon  that  subject  began  when  a  member 
impersonating  Secretary  Taft  came  in  with  a  stove  that  looked 
very  hot  and  announced  that  it  was  the  Cuban  situation  which 
he  intended  to  leave  on  the  steps  of  the  White  House.  When 
"Taft"  left,  there  was  a  controversy  as  to  what  should  be 
done  with  the  "situation,"  and  finally  it  was  decided  that 
Judge  Charles  E.  Magoon  should  be  detailed  to  sit  on  the  hd. 
A  member  personating  Magoon  was  placed  on  the  stove  and 
while  occupying  that  uncomfortable  position  was  beset  by 
Cubans  demanding  liberty,  offices,  money,  etc.  Various  "lame 
ducks,"  who  had  been  defeated  in  the  congressional  elections, 
were  brought  in  and  suggested  as  substitutes  for  Magoon  and 
rejected.  It  ended  finally  in  an  explosion  of  fire-crackers  in 
the  stove,  the  running  away  of  "Magoon,"  the  reappearance  of 
"Taft"  as  a  fireman,  who  put  out  the  fire,  and  restored  the 
confidence  of  "Magoon."  Then  the  real  Taft  was  brought 
forward  and  a  placard  hung  on  him  bearing  the  words 
"Administration  Fireman."  Secretary  Taft  then  made  his 
speech. 

President  Roosevelt  had  been  making  many  shifts  in  his 
Cabinet  and  this  was  the  theme  of  a  series  of  White  House 
bulletins  during  the  dinner.  They  would  announce  a  number 
of  shifts  and  changes,  new  appointments,  and  restoration  of 
men  who  had  gone  to  other  places.  Each  bulletin  concluded 
with  the  words  so  often  emanating  from  the  White  House, 
"The    President    states    that    no    further    Cabinet    changes    are 


174  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

contemplated."     Then  the  music  committee  would  sing,  to  the 
tune  of  He^s  a  Jolly  Good  Fellow: 

No  more  cabinet  changes, 
No  more  cabinet  changes. 
No  more  cabinet  changes. 

Till  Roosevelt  changes  his  mind. 

That  the  Panama  canal  dinner  had  brought  about  results 
was  shown  by  a  few  references  in  the  dinner  nine  months  later. 
President  Roosevelt  had  visited  the  canal,  as  these  lines  from 
one  of  the  songs  indicate: 

Our  President  to  Panama  sailed  in  a  warship  big, 

To  see  what  progress  had  been  made,  and  watch  the  workmen  dig. 

Shonts,  Stevens  and  the  rest  of  them  all  got  a  hustle  on. 

But  they  dropped  their  shovels,  spades  and  picks,  the  moment  he  was  gone. 

He  sailed  right  in  and  turned  around,  then  sailed  right  home  again. 

His  trip  across  the  isthmus  strip,  took  him  only  hours  ten. 

He  asked  his  questions  on  the  fly,  and  scarcely  stopped  to  say  good-by. 

He  sailed  right  in  and  turned  around,  then  sailed  right  home  again. 

The  Gridiron  Club  picked  William  H.  Taft  as  the  succes- 
sor of  Roosevelt  at  this  dinner.  There  w^as  a  reference  to 
Secretary  Root  as  the  "heir  apparent,"  and  Fairbanks  and 
Shaw  were  mentioned,  but  different  allusions  showed  that  the 
members  of  the  Club  thought  Taft  was  the  man.  "Waiting 
for  Teddy's  Shoes,"  was  a  refrain  of  the  song  they  sang  for  the 
Secretary  of  War,  one  verse  of  which  ran: 

He  is  with  us  tonight  and  just  spoiling 

To  prove  his  weight. 
The  political  pot's  a-boiling 

And  the  farmer  pays  the  freight. 
He  pushes  railroads  to  lower  the  rate; 

Mixes  senatorial  stews; 
Raises  ructions  in  Ohio  state  — 

Waiting  for  Teddy's  Shoes. 

And  most  of  the  members  of  the  Club  w^ere  on  very  intimate 
terms  with  Roosevelt.     Perhaps  they  knew. 


THE    BIG    CANAL  175 


The  "tennis  cabinet"  had  its  roast  that  night,  and  was 
utilized  for  the  initiation  of  C.  Arthur  Williams  of  the  Houston 
Post  and  Charles  Willis  Thompson  of  the  New  York  Times, 
There  was  a  meeting  of  various  persons  dressed  in  tennis  clothes. 
A  discussion  arose  as  to  possibilities  for  the  vacancies  in  the 
tennis  cabinet  and  their  qualifications  were  discussed.  Several 
were  rejected  for  different  reasons,  some  because  they  would 
give  the  President  real  advice,  one  because  he  might  disturb 
Jimmy  Garfield,  another  because  he  couldn't  talk  French  to 
the  Ambassador,  and  finally  Williams  and  Thompson  were  ad- 
mitted because  of  praise  they  had  bestowed  upon  Roosevelt 
in  their  correspondence.  The  joke  of  it  was  that  both  had 
been  particularly  severe  in  the  way  they  wrote  of  the  President. 
The  skit  closed  with  this  song  of  the  tennis  cabinet: 

Oh,  how  our  hearts  do  swell 

When  we  hear  the  White  House  bell; 

Oh,  how  we  run  pell  mell, 

Almost  every  day. 
How  our  hearts  expand,  you  bet, 
When  promotion  we  all  get. 
For  we're  the  tennis  cabinet. 

Every  blessed  day. 

There  were  many  prominent  guests  at  the  dinner,  the  usual 
array  of  American  statesmen,  besides  the  Ambassadors  of  Italy, 
England,  Russia  and  Japan.  Big  business  was  represented  by 
E.  H.  Harriman,  Stuyvesant  Fish  and  others.  Mr.  Harri- 
man  was  called  on  for  a  speech  and  he  "talked  at"  President 
Roosevelt.  He  talked  as  Big  Business  felt  at  that  time  and 
did  not  mince  his  words.  He  utilized  some  of  the  skits  of  the 
Club  as  a  masque,  or  rather  to  show  that  it  was  a  night  when 
the  bridle  was  off,  when  no  one  could  take  offense,  and  then 
for  about  five  minutes  told  the  President  things  that  could 
have  been  uttered  nowhere  else.  There  were  members  of  the 
Club  who  rather  resented  the  lecture  to  the  Chief  Magistrate 
at  a  Gridiron  dinner,  but  others  felt  that  the  President  could 


176  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

take  care  of  himself  in  his  reply.  And  he  did  by  poking  fun  at 
the  magnate,  treating  Harriman's  remarks  in  a  jocular  manner, 
and  turning  off  the  incident  as  if  it  had  been  of  little  im- 
portance. 

"Roosevelt,  you  can  make  all  our  dreams  come  true," 
was  the  refrain  of  the  song  which  Herndon  Morsell  sang  to 
introduce  the  President.  *' That's  one  great  trouble,*'  remarked 
the  President.  *'Too  many  people  are  expecting  me  to  make 
their  dreams  come  true  and  are  not  relying  upon  themselves." 

It  was  the  year  of  the  "Brownsville  incident."  Colored 
soldiers  of  the  25th  Infantry  had  shot  up  Brownsville,  Texas, 
and  not  one  of  them  would  tell  who  were  the  guilty  parties. 
President  Roosevelt  dismissed  the  entire  battalion.  It  created 
a  sensation  at  the  time  and  there  were  echoes  of  it  for  months. 
It  was  handled  at  the  Gridiron  dinner.  An  old  colored  man 
came  to  the  door  seeking  John  Corwin,  and  Corwin  brought 
him  in  to  the  dinner,  saying  he  wanted  to  see  the  President. 

"I'se  an  old  nigger  from  down  Tuskegee  way,"  said  the  old 
man.  *'I  was  up  here  and  heard  the  President  was  here,  so  I 
came  in  here  to  see  him.  I'se  surely  interested  in  dat  man. 
I  had  a  boy  in  dem  colored  troops  down  at  Brownsville,  but  I 
'spect  he's  on  his  way  home  now.  Say,  is  Lt.  Colonel  Garling- 
TON  here?  I'd  like  to  see  him,  too;  I'se  got  a  reception  for 
him." 

And  he  pulled  out  one  of  those  big  pieces  of  pocket  artillery 
which  the  James- Younger  gang  had  made  famous.  Col. 
Garlington  was  the  officer  who  made  the  report  upon  which 
was  based  the  dismissal  of  the  battalion  of  colored  troops. 

*'An'  de  Vice-President  is  here,"  went  on  the  old  negro, 
"and  all  dem  ambassadors,  an'  senators,  an'  representatives,  an' 
financial  kings,  an'  a  few  dat  ain't  so  high  up  in  de  deck.  Say, 
John  Corwin,  how  come  you  associating  with  dese  people 
here?  Foh  de  lawd's  sake!  You  ain't  so  far  down  dat  you's 
gone  into  politics,  is  you?     Why,  I  remember — " 

"This  man  is  fooling  us,"  broke  in  Sam  Blythe.  "He 
isn't  from  Tuskegee  at  all.     He's  Lew  Dockstadder." 


THE    BIG    CANAL  177 

"Well,  if  he's  Lew  Dockstadder  he  had  better  sing,"  said 
President  Fearn,  and  the  skit  ended  with  a  song  by  Dock- 
stadder. 

But  the  Brownsville  incident  was  not  closed.  It  passed  off 
innocently  enough  that  time,  but  it  blazed  forth  in  the  Roose- 
VELT-FoRAKER  affair  at  the  next  dinner. 


CHAPTER  XIX 

FAMOUS   ROOSEVELT-FORAKER  INCIDENT 

Imperialism"  of  the  Administration  Portrayed  and  the 
President  Shows  His  Displeasure  —  Hit  at  Taft's 
Uncertain  Frame  of  Mind  —  Cushman-Bede  Humor 
Contest  —  Undesirable  Citizens'  Association  —  Na- 
ture Faking  —  The  Fairbanks  Cocktail  —  Lecture 
FOR  New  Senators  —  Gov.  Johnson  of  Minnesota 
Makes  a  Remarkable  Impression. 


P 


RESIDENT  ROOSEVELT  was  not  at  all  pleased  with 
the  main  feature  of  the  dinner  of  the  Gridiron  Club  in 
January,  1907,  —  that  is,  the  main  feature  as  staged,  or 
the  other,  wholly  impromptu,  which  goes  down  in  history  as 
the  Roosevelt-Foraker  Incident  —  with  a  capital  /.  Samuel 
G.  Blythe  of  the  New  York  World  was  President  of  the  Club 
and  he  introduced  the  Ohio  Senator  at  the  psychological  moment 
to  produce  fireworks. 

Mr.  Roosevelt  had  been  President  six  years,  growing  in  power 
with  the  people,  but  like  all  Presidents,  making  enemies  among  the 
Senators  and  Representatives  of  his  own  party  in  Congress.  It 
was  known  that  he  would  name  his  successor  in  the  White  House. 
He  had  an  imperious  manner  in  dealing  with  the  leading  men  of 
the  country,  and  hence  the  imperialism  stunt  as  a  Gridiron  picture 
of  the  times.  The  Big  Incident  was  as  unexpected  as  it  was  start- 
ling, and  has  become  a  milestone  in  the  annals  of  the  Club. 

It  would  have  been  an  interesting  dinner  without  either 
event.  The  souvenir  was  an  illustrated  booklet  "Who's  Who," 
prepared  by  a  committee  of  which  Richard  V.  Oulahan  was 
chairman  and  illustrated  by  C.  K.  Berryman.  Guests  to  the 
number  of  forty  were  remembered  in  the  cartoons,  with  a  jingle 
or  limerick  accompanying  each  picture.  Those  relating  to  Presi- 
dent Roosevelt,  Mr.  Bryan,  Senator  Foraker,  Gen.  Porter, 
Senator  Beveridge  and  Mr.  Morgan  are  samples  of  the  volume. 

178 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT       179 


Roosevelt 

'I'm    busy   with   things   night 

and  day," 
A    Rough    Rider    was    once 
heard  to  say, 
"Writing      views,       singing 
tunes. 
Killing  bears,  firing  coons, 
Or    composing    an    old    Irish 
lay." 


Bryan 

If  at  first  you  don't  succeed. 

Run,  run  again. 
Show  you're  of  a  racing  breed, 

Run,  run  again. 
Though  you  may  not  clear  the 

fence. 
When  election  strife's  intense. 
Take   a   brace   and    four   years 
hence. 

Run,  run  again. 


180 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


FORAKEH 

"All  coons  look  alike  to  me," 
J.  B.  FoRAKER,  says  he,  says  he, 
"Even  if  they  is  black  as  kin  be. 
An'  is  dressed  in  blue  or  yaller 

khaki. 
All  coons  look  alike  to  me, 
Since  'mancipation  set  'em  free, 
Nigger  vote  hold  de  balance, 
All  coons  look  alike  to  me." 


Porter 

He's  brave  and  he  ne'er  cried  for 

quarter, 
But    really    we     think     that    he 
oughter. 
Be  certain  those  bones 
Are  the  late  John  Paul  Jones, 
As   sure   as   his    name's   Horace 
Porter. 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT       181 


Beveridge 

Said  a  busy  political  bee : 

"Fairbanks'  honey  is  tasteless  to  me. 
For  I  really  do  think 
When  it  comes  to  sweet  drink, 

Albert  J.  is  the  Beveridge  for  me." 


Morgan 

Though  mergers  are  now  com- 
ing thick, 
And  railroads  are  purchased  on 
tick, 
J.  P.  Morgan  says,  "Oh, 
What  an  amateur  show! 
I'm  the  man  who  invented  the 
trick!" 


182 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Taft 

Said  Harlan  J.  to  Brewer  J., 
"I'll  wager  5  to  4  today 
That  Taft  will  soon   be  don- 
ning robes 
And    sitting    here   with    the 
best  of  us." 
Said  Brewer  J.  to  Harlan  J. : 
"I'm    not   so   easy,   nay,   nay, 

nay! 
If  Taft   should  sit  upon   the 
bench  there'd 
Be  no  room  for  the  rest  of 
us." 


Casting  shadows  before,  there  was  a  short  skit  showing  the 
necessity  of  enlarging  the  doors  of  the  White  House  in  order  to 
admit  Secretary  Taft. 

There  was  also  a  dialogue  skit  which  carried  satirical  refer- 
ence to  a  number  of  personages  who  were  guests.  The  intro- 
duction of  this  skit  was  novel  and  pleasing.  President  Blythe 
announced  that  J.  Pierpont  Morgan  had  presented  the  Club 
with  two  priceless  art  treasures.  He  directed  that  they  be 
brought  in  and  shown  to  the  guests.  The  lights  went  out  for 
a  moment  and  when  they  were  turned  up  again  there  in  front 
of  the  President  two  powdered  heads  on  pedestals  were  observed. 
Philander  C.  Johnson  of  the  Washington  Star  looked  them  over. 

"We  have  been  deceived,"  he  declared,  hotly.  "The  expres- 
sion on  this  face  is  distinctly  inhuman.  As  for  the  other,  no 
man  ever  lived  with  a  head  like  that!" 

"This  young  man  Johnson  seems  to  be  a  good  art  critic," 
remarked  one  head. 

"Has  all  the  attributes  of  a  professional,"  replied  the  other. 

Then  it  was  observed  that  the  heads  were  Bennett  and 
CooLiDGE.     Here  are  some  of  the  remarks  they  made. 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT       183 


How  did  James  Rudolph  Garfield  get  in  the  cabinet? 

The  President  said  Jimmie  wanted  it. 

Gen.  Horace  Porter  is  soon  to  have  a  place  in  the  national  museum.  They 
want  him  to  reconstruct  pterodactyls  and  other  things  from  fossil  bones. 

Has  he  had  any  experience? 

Sure.  He  built  a  fine  John  Paul  Jones  out  of  a  shin  bone,  a  button  and  a 
sword  hilt. 

Is  Secretary  Taft  a  candidate  for  the  Presidency? 

Yes. 

Does  he  want  to  be  Chief  Justice? 

Yes. 

Does  he  want  to  remain  at  his  present  great  work  as  Secretary  of  War? 

Yes. 

Has  he  a  longing  to  return  to  private  life? 

Yes. 

How  do  you  know  all  these  things? 

I  read  the  statement  he  put  out  a  few  days  ago. 

The  last  questions  and  answers  referred  to  one  of  those  might- 
mean-anything,  guess-again  statements  which  Secretary  Taft 
had  just  made  in  regard  to  his  future. 

Then  there  was  the  contest  between  J.  Adam  Bede  of  Minne- 
sota and  Frank  W.  Cushman  of  Washington,  as  to  which  was 
the  greatest  humorist  in  the  House  of  Representatives.  Bede 
was  called  upon  first  and  was  followed  by  the  man  from  the 
Pacific  coast. 

*'I  surrender  at  the  outset,"  he  said,  '*for  I  find  that  my 
rival  patronizes  the  old  familiar  almanac  of  the  Cushman 
family."  Then  he  went  on  with  a  screamingly  funny  speech. 
Ethan  Allen  Hitchcock,  as  Secretary  of  the  Interior,  had 
been  particularly  obnoxious  to  the  Great  West  and  had  finally 
retired.  *'When  he  resigned,"  said  Cushman,  *' there  wasn't  a 
dry  throat  west  of  the  Mississippi."  The  shriek  of  laughter 
from  the  head  of  the  table  showed  that  President  Roosevelt 
appreciated  the  hit  as  much  as  any  man  in  the  company. 

An  imperial  or  centrahzation  act  was  a  travesty  on  Roose- 
veltism.  An  emperor  played  by  Richard  V.  Oulahan  held 
sway  with  pomp  and  much  tinsel,  depicting  "the  Empire  ten 
years  hence."     He  was  addressed  as  "sire"  and  gave  his  orders 


184  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

like  a  czar.  He  was  told  that  Great  Britain  was  to  send  James 
Bryce,  who  on  a  recent  trial  did  six-feet-four-inches  at  the  pole 
vault,  as  Ambassador  to  his  court.  *'It's  not  enough.  Seven 
feet  or  we  won't  receive  him,"  said  the  Emperor.  The  French 
Ambassador  was  said  to  be  out  in  the  yard  "putting  the  shot." 
"He  must  do  better  than  he  did  yesterday  or  the  treaty  of 
alliance  will  not  be  signed,"  declared  the  ruler.  J.  P.  Morgan 
and  H.  H.  Rogers,  impersonated  by  members  of  the  Club, 
were  brought  in  as  tramps,  and  given  jobs  by  the  Emperor. 

There  were  a  number  of  interesting  and  humorous  sugges- 
tions during  the  act.  A  reference  was  made  to  William  J. 
Bryan. 

"Bryan?     Bryan?     Who  is  he?"     asked  the  Emperor. 

"The  same  who  holds  the  railroad  lines  west  of  the  Missis- 
sippi," was  the  reply. 

"Can  we  not  crush  him?" 

"He  is  made  of  india  rubber,  sire,  and  will  not  be  crushed." 

"Who  was  the  last  President  of  the  United  States?"  the 
Emperor  asked  at  another  time. 

"Theodore  Roosevelt,"  replied  a  courtier. 

"Why  didn't  he  become  King?" 

"He  said  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  that  he  would  not  accept  a 
third  term,  and  the  Supreme  Court  held  his  word  was  constitu- 
tional." 

"Was  that  a  five-to-four  decision?" 

"No,  four-to-four." 

In  many  important  cases  the  Supreme  Court  renders  decisions 
by  a  narrow  margin,  and  the  five-to-four  decisions  are  frequently 
the  subject  of  ridicule. 

Although  the  "Empire"  was  dispelled  and  the  act  ended 
with  the  Star-Spangled  Banner,  Roosevelt  knew  he  had  been 
jabbed,  and  although  not  thin-skinned,  it  was  evident  that  it 
hurt.  Moreover,  he  did  not  like  the  appreciation  of  the  skit 
shown  by  his  enemies  about  the  tables. 

Then  Cliff  Berryman,  "the  bearman,"  as  Roosevelt 
called  him,  drew  some  cartoons.     "Draw  a  picture  of  the  man 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT       185 


the  Senate  loves  best,"  he  was  commanded,  and  at  once  there 
appeared  under  his  skilful  hand  the  features  of  Roosevelt. 
"Draw  a  picture  of  the  man  the  President  loves  best,"  was  the 
next  order,  and  Joseph  Benson  Foraker's  face  appeared. 

FoRAKER  had  been  a  strong  supporter  of  Theodore  Roose- 
velt. In  1903  when  Hanna  had  presidential  ambitions  For- 
aker  caused  the  Ohio  convention  to  declare  for  Roosevelt. 
He  supported  the  President  until  the  railroad  rate  legislation 
was  attempted  by  Roosevelt  and  from  that  time  forward  they 
became  bitter  opponents.  The  Brownsville  affair  of  1906  af- 
forded FoRAKER  an  opportunity  to  show  his  feelings.  He 
espoused  the  cause  of  the  dismissed  colored  soldiers,  caused  an 
investigation  by  the  Senate  and  made  it  a  national  issue. 

It  was  in  no  pleasant  frame  of  mind  that  Roosevelt  rose  to 
speak  at  the  dinner.  And  when  he  touched  on  his  relations  with 
the  Senate  he  expressed  himself  in  vigorous  language.  Every- 
body became  intensely  interested  when  he  talked  at  the  Ohio 
Senator  and  defended  his  course  in  the  Brownsville  affair. 
FoRAKER  did  not  look  altogether  pleased,  and  was  scowling  when 
the  President  concluded. 

"Now  is  the  time  to  bridge  the  bloody  chasm,'*  remarked 
President  Blythe;    "I  have  the  pleasure  of  introducing  Senator 

FoRAKER." 

Sensation!  as  our  French  friends  would  say. 

In  spite  of  club  restrictions  the  papers  discussed  the  inci- 
dent and  many  attempted  to  tell  what  took  place.  Within  a 
few  minutes  after  that  forensic  battle  the  dinner  closed.  As 
the  guests  of  the  Club  mingled  with  many  people  in  the  corri- 
dors and  in  downstairs  dining-rooms  of  the  hotel  they  talked 
about  the  Roosevelt-Foraker  tilt  and  it  was  soon  known  far 
and  wide.  There  were  bitter  foes  of  Roosevelt  at  the  dinner 
who  delighted  in  telling  others  who  were  not  there  what  had 
happened.  All  day  Sunday  nothing  else  was  discussed  by  those 
who  had  an  inkling  of  it.  Monday  morning  the  Washington 
Post  published  the  following: 

"The  tilt  between  the  President  and  Senator  Foraker  at 


186  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

the  Gridiron  dinner  on  Saturday  night  cannot  be  ignored  or 
silenced  by  Club  etiquette.     It  was  a  battle  royal." 

The  same  paper,  quoting  from  "a  gentleman  who  was 
present,"  published  the  following: 

''From  almost  any  point  of  view  it  was  an  unfortunate  and 
regrettable  occurrence.  But  for  the  fact  that  the  matter  has 
to  all  intents  and  purposes  become  public  property  I  should 
not  feel  at  liberty  to  say  anything  about  it.  Just  how  far  the 
so-called  proprieties  must  be  observed  in  a  case  of  this  kind  is 
an   interesting   question. 

"The  encounter  between  the  President  and  Senator  Foraker 
was  of  such  a  nature  as  to  take  it  out  of  the  ordinary  category 
of  a  private  dinner.  It  was  sensational  in  the  extreme,  and 
nothing  like  it  has  ever  taken  place  before. 

"The  responsibility  for  the  unpleasant  incident,  must,  in 
my  opinion,  rest  with  the  President,  for  he  started  the  ball 
rolling,  so  to  speak.  I  can  best  describe  the  incident  by  liken- 
ing it  to  a  battle  in  the  prize  ring.  In  the  first  round  Mr. 
Roosevelt  entered  the  arena  wearing  regulation  boxing-gloves. 
He  made  a  long  speech,  a  very  long  speech  for  such  an  occasion. 
It  was  a  condensation  of  his  Japanese  message  and  the  Browns- 
ville message  with  copious  utterances  of  his  annual  message  to 
Congress  at  the  opening  of  the  session  in  December.  There  was 
nothing  new  or  startling  in  all  this  and  most  of  his  auditors 
were  able  to  check  off  his  points  in  advance.  However,  toward 
the  close  Mr.  Roosevelt  veered  around  and  touched  up  the 
Senate.  He  laid  aside  his  soft  gloves  and  put  on  a  pair  of  the 
two-ounce  kind. 

"He  laid  stress  upon  the  Brownsville  case  and  disdain- 
fully alluded  to  the  'academic  discussion'  that  had  taken 
place  in  that  body  (the  Senate).  He  was  striking  at  Senator 
Foraker  then.  Afterward  he  rapped  J.  Pierpont  Morgan 
and  Henry  H.  Rogers.  Looking  squarely  at  them  he  sounded 
what  was  intended  to  be  a  warning  that  they  and  other  men 
representative  of  Wall  street  should  not  undertake  to  block  the 
machinery  he  had  set  in  motion  and  still  had  in  contemplation. 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT       187 


"Morgan  and  Rogers  flushed  deeply  while  other  guests 
squirmed  in  their  seats.  The  course  of  the  dinner  was  becoming 
interrupted.  When  the  President  concluded  Mr.  Blythe,  the 
toastmaster,  called  on  Senator  Foraker  for  a  reply,  for  he 
evidently  felt  that  since  there  were  many  Senators  present  and 
the  Ohio  man  had  been  the  target  of  some  of  Mr.  Roosevelt's 
shafts,  it  was  an  appropriate  thing  to  call  upon  him. 

"The  Senator  blandly  accepted  the  President's  challenge. 
Personally  I  believe  he  would  not  have  selected  such  a  time  or 
place  for  a  tilt  with  the  President,  but  as  he  had  been  attacked 
he  had  the  right  to  defend  himself.  I  have  heard  Mr.  Foraker 
in  the  Senate  on  many  occasions,  but  I  have  never  seen  him 
appear  to  better  advantage  than  he  did  on  Saturday  night. 
He  was  truly  eloquent  and  he  gave  the  President  the  plainest 
talk  that  I  ever  listened  to.  I  did  not  look  at  his  hands,  but 
I  think  he  had  on  one-ounce  gloves.  His  blows  were  hard  and 
landed  with  great  force.  To  the  Ohio  Senator  the  President 
of  the  United  States  looked  the  same  as  any  other  individual 
and  was  only  a  citizen. 

"He  first  told  Mr.  Roosevelt  that  he  would  discover  by 
the  time  the  Senate  concluded  its  investigation  of  the  Browns- 
ville case  that  the  discussion  in  the  Senate  had  been  more  than 
academic,  and  volunteered  to  predict  that  the  results  would 
prove  it.  Then  he  read  the  President  a  lecture  which  those 
who  heard  will  never  forget.  It  was  one  of  the  most  complete 
and  effective  excoriations  I  have  ever  heard.  He  declared  with 
great  dramatic  effect  that  his  oath  of  office  was  as  sacred  to  him 
as  the  President's  was  to  him,  and  no  preachments  from  the 
White  House  were  essential  to  the  performance  of  his  duty  as 
a  Senator.  He  gradually  worked  up  to  a  splendid  climax,  de- 
claring with  arms  outstretched  toward  the  President: 

"'No  one  in  this  country  ever  loved  the  President  more 
than  I  did.  No  one  ever  fought  harder  for  him  or  more  loyally. 
That  was  when  he  was  in  the  right;  in  the  wrong  I  have  opposed 
him  and  shall  always  do  so.  That  is  the  way  I  see  my  duty  to 
my  conscience,  my  constituents  and  my  country,  and  I  am  glad 


188  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

I  am  able  to  say  this  in  the  presence  of  the  distinguished  Chief 
Magistrate.  The  people  of  my  own  State  know  I  do  my  duty 
as  I  see  it,  and  they  know,  as  I  myself  have  told  them,  that 
they  can  retire  me  if  they  believe  I  have  a  misconception  of  it.' 
"The  President  chafed  under  the  pointed  and  courageous 
words  of  the  Ohio  Senator,  and  would  have  interrupted  him 
but  for  the  restraining  hand  of  the  toastmaster.  Finally  when 
the  Senator  finished  the  President  jumped  to  his  feet  and  struck 
back,  but  he  did  not  have  time  nor  could  he  find  words  to  retort 
effectively.  He  was  mad  clear  through  when  he  declared,  be- 
tween clenched  teeth,  that  the  only  way  the  Brownsville  battal- 
ion could  get  justice  was  at  the  White  House,  and  that  the 
Senate  could  not  mete  it  out  to  the  discharged  negroes  because 
the  power  lay  with  him  and  him  alone." 

When  President  Blythe  opened  the  Gridiron  dinner  in 
December,  1907,  he  said: 

*'I  met  a  new  and  pompous  statesman,  and  he  said  to  me: 
*Tell  me,  what  are  the  aims  and  objects  of  the  Gridiron  Club?* 

*'*The  aims  and  objects  of  the  Gridiron  Club  are  identical,* 
I  replied.  'We  strive  to  prevent  persons  like  you  from  taking 
themselves  too  seriously.' 

"Tonight  we  end  the  twenty-second  year  of  this  great  and 
glorious  work,  with  a  record  unparalleled  and  unique,  of  heads 
reduced  in  size  and  chests  pushed  back  to  normal." 

And  later  in  the  evening  the  point  was  further  illustrated 
by  a  lecture  to  new  senators. 

Mingo  Saunders,  the  colored  Sergeant  with  a  quarter  of  a 
century  of  service  in  the  Army,  and  who,  as  a  member  of  the 
25th  Infantry,  had  been  dismissed  on  account  of  the  Browns- 
ville affair,  was  personated  at  the  Gridiron  dinner  in  December. 
President  Roosevelt  did  not  attend,  but  the  doings  of  the 
administration  were  burlesqued  in  various  skits.  Mingo  came 
to  attend  a  meeting  of  the  "Undesirable  Citizens'  Association." 
FoRAKER,  Harriman,  and  Rogers  also  came.  Harriman  was 
handed  a  petition  from  John  F.  Wallace,  former  engineer  of 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT 


189 


the  Panama  Canal,  Henry  M.  Whitney,  Mrs.  Maria  Storer 
and  a  few  others,  who  desired  membership. 

"Huh,  them's  cheap  Ananias  Club  folks;  they  ain't  in  our 
class,"  remarked  Mingo. 

As  William  E.  Chandler  appeared  he  was  asked  if  he  was 
a  member  of  the  Association. 

"I  have  taken  every  White  House  degree,  and  belong  to  all 
the  clubs  organized  by  the  President,"  replied  Chandler. 

"I  trust  you  have  said  your  prayers,  Mingo,"  said  John  D. 
Rockefeller  as  he  came  in. 

*"Deed  I  has,  boss,"  was  the  reply.  *'I'se  been  prayin'  dat 
I  might  be  as  lucky  as  Booker  Washington,  but  my  number 
hasn't  come  out  yet." 

A  large  phonograph  on  a  nearby  table  began  in  a  Roose- 
veltian  voice  to  grind  out   the  words:    "Undesirable   citizens," 


"wilful  falsifiers,"  "malefactors  of  great  wealth,"  "sheer  inven- 
tions," "criminal  rich,"  "shorter  and  uglier  word,"  "no  swoUer 
fortunes." 


190  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

*'Our  master's  voice,"  said  the  members  in  chorus,  and  im- 
mediately departed. 

"Nature  faking"  had  been  denounced  in  unmeasured  terms 
by  the  President,  and  the  class  in  nature  faking  produced  some 
astonishing  results.  The  class  had  a  running  discussion  going 
from  one  thing  to  another.  Mother  Goose  and  Santa  Glaus 
were  declared  to  be  the  greatest  of  nature  fakers. 

*' George  B.  Cortelyou,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury,  has 
succeeded  Santa  Glaus,"  remarked  one  member. 

"Who  said  so?"  asked  another. 

"The  New  York  bankers,"  was  the  reply. 

Secretary  Gortelyou  had  just  gone  to  the  rescue  of  the  banks 
with  a  large  amount  of  money  to  stop  the  panic  of  1907. 

"Some  one  told  me  the  clearing-house  certificates  were  nature 
fakes,"  was  a  remark. 

"No,  they  are  financial  fakes,"  was  the  reply. 

"The  old  woman  who  lived  in  her  shoe,  and  had  so  many 
children  she  didn't  know  what  to  do,  was  a  Mother  Goose 
fake,"  said  a  member. 

"Yes,  but  in  these  days  she  would  have  gone  to  the  White 
House,"  was  the  response. 

"Aren't  cuckoos  nature  fakes?"  was  asked. 

"There  ain't  any  now,"  was  the  reply.  "They  belonged  to 
Cleveland's  time.     We  call  them  Jonathan  Bournes  now." 

"Was  that  story  coming  from  Bourne's  dinner  about  a 
five-million-dollar  conspiracy  to  defeat  the  President  true?"  some 
one  queried. 

"That  is  for  the  class  in  physiology,"  was  the  reply. 

"Oh,  the  cocktail's  a  friend  of  mine,"  sang  the  music  com- 
mittee to  Vice-President  Fairbanks  and  he  was  given  an  enor- 
mous cocktail  with  a  lemon  in  it  in  place  of  the  olive.  In  that 
way  the  Gridiron  Club  embalmed  in  history  the  cocktail  incident. 
Out  in  Indianapolis  the  Vice-President  gave  a  luncheon  to  the 
President.  An  oflBcious  friend  looked  into  the  dining-room  before 
the  guests  arrived.  "Great  guns!  no  cocktails,"  he  exclaimed. 
Nor  could  he  find  the  makings,  so  grabbing  a  telephone  he  got 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT      191 


into  communication  with  a  barkeep  and  very  soon  the  cock- 
tails were  on  the  table.  And  that  started  the  cocktail  story. 
And  it  prevented  Fairbanks,  who  never  touches  a  drop  of  liquor 
and  consequently  never  was  under  its  influence,  from  being 
elected  a  delegate  to  the  big  Methodist  conference. 

As  an  illustration  of  the  way  in  which  the  Gridiron  Club 
does  things,  showing  that  it  has  not  very  much  reverence  for 
high  position,  half  a  dozen  new  Senators  were  brought  up  on  a 
little  stage  in  front  of  the  President  and  were  told  something 
about  their  duties.  Henry  Hall  performed  this  service,  to 
the  amusement  of  everybody  present,  with  the  exception  of 
the  men  who  were  receiving  his  advice.  "Gentlemen,"  he 
said,  "you  have  just  become  members  of  the  highest  legislative 
body  on  earth  —  in  the  estimation  of  people  who  live  ten  miles 
from  Washington."  Then  he  told  them  that  the  people  in 
Washington  didn't  quite  share  in  that  opinion.  Mr.  Hall 
went  on: 

"It  will  be  some  time  before  you  will  be  permitted  to  take 
part  in  the  affairs  of  the  Senate.  Meanwhile  you  can  sit  around 
and  watch  how  the  thing  is  done.  Those  of  you  who  are  Re- 
publicans will  be  required  to  go  twice  a  week  at  least  to  the 
White  House  and  renew  your  allegiance.  The  Democrats  must 
at  stated  intervals  solemnly  declare  that  William  Jennings 
Bryan  is  the  only  logical  candidate  for  the  Presidency  —  hav- 
ing been  twice  defeated  already." 

They  were  advised  not  to  get  too  violent  against  the  corpora- 
tions and  were  reminded  that  there  was  an  election  approach- 
ing and  corporations  might  be  necessary.  They  were  also  told 
that  their  respective  leaders  would  tell  them  how  to  vote. 

The  riding  tests  for  Army  officers  which  had  been  ordered 
by  Roosevelt  received  notice  when  half  a  dozen  stout  mem- 
bers on  hobby  horses  traversed  the  hall,  betraying  much  pain 
and  tribulation. 

Oklahoma,  for  whom  Roosevelt  had  done  so  much,  bounded 
in  with  two  Democratic  senators  and  four  Democratic  repre- 
sentatives.    "Anything  else.?"  was  asked.     "Yes,"  repHed  Okla- 


192  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

homa,  "I  can  promise  seven  electoral  votes  for  Bryan  next 
fall." 

John  Corwin,  disguised  as  a  Japanese  wrestler,  appeared  at 
one  stage  of  the  dinner.  He  was  proclaimed  as  Hitchayama, 
the  celebrated  athlete  of  Japan.  He  hoped  to  meet  the  Presi- 
dent for  a  friendly  bout,  but  not  finding  him  there  was  willing 
to  try  any  other  guest.  Half  a  dozen  men  were  mentioned  but 
declined.  Hitchayama  expressed  his  disgust  to  find  so  many 
mollycoddles  present,  and  with  a  profound  bow  to  the  Japanese 
Ambassador  he  stalked  out. 

James  P.  Hornaday  of  the  Indianapolis  Neios  was  initiated 
as  a  member  of  the  Club,  affording  an  opportunity  to  play  upon 
the  existing  political  differences  in  Indiana  and  to  call  attention 
to  the  literary  people  of  the  state.  Hornaday's  alleged  dis- 
patches were  quoted  showing  that  Senator  Beveridge  was 
working  hopefully  for  the  nomination  of  Fairbanks.  The  fol- 
lowing Indiana  literary  lights  endorsed  Hornaday:  Booth 
Tarkington,  Tom  Taggart,  Ida  Tarbell,  George  Ade,  Ben 
Shively,  James  Whitcomb  Riley,  Fred  Landis,  Charley 
Landis,  Judge  Landis,  Kenesaw  Mountain  Landis,  Blue 
Mountain  Landis,  Green  Mountain  Landis,  Rocky  Moun- 
tain Landis,  Appalachian  Chain  Mountain  Landis,  and 
some  others. 

Gov.  John  A.  Johnson  of  Minnesota  was  a  guest  at  the 
dinner  and  made  one  of  those  remarkable  hits  which  are  as 
welcome  as  they  are  unexpected.  He  was  introduced  after  a 
song  which  ended  with  the  words,  "Poor  John;  Poor  John," 
supposed  to  have  been  uttered  by  William  J.  Bryan  when  told 
that  Johnson  had  Presidential  ambitions.  "Who  knows," 
asked  the  Governor,  when  he  arose,  "but  what  it  may  be  'Poor 
Bill'  when  the  convention  is  over.'*"  And  then  followed  one 
of  the  best  speeches  that  had  been  heard  at  a  Gridiron  dinner 
in  a  decade.  It  bubbled  with  wit  and  sparkled  with  humor. 
It  was  not  too  long  and  every  sentence  was  a  gem.  He  re- 
ceived an  ovation  at  the  close  and  when  the  dinner  was  over. 
Club  members  and  guests  thronged  about  him  to  be  introduced 


ROOSEVELT-FORAKER    INCIDENT 


193 


and  congratulate  him.  And  yet  it  turned  out  as  the  Gridiron 
Club  sang.  It  was  "Poor  John,"  for  Bryan  was  invincible  in 
the  convention,  while  the  brilliant  Governor  lived  but  a  short 
time.  If  he  had  been  alive  and  in  health  in  1912  there  might 
have  been  a  different  story  at  Baltimore. 

At  the  next  dinner  the  guests  enjoyed  a  tilt  between  Taft 
and  Bryan,  who  were  picked  by  the  Gridiron  Club  as  winners 
at  the  conventions  to  be  held  that  year. 


CHAPTER  XX 

CAMPAIGN   OF   1908   OVERSHADOWED   BY 
ROOSEVELT 

Paragorical  Pinafore  Presented  by  the  Club  as  a  Hit  at 
Doctors  ln  Command  of  Ships  —  The  Fleet  Starts 
Around  the  World  —  Campaign  Song  Book  —  Hint 
at  Roosevelt's  Candidacy  in  1912  —  President  and 
Vice-President,  President-elect  and  Vice-President- 
elect All  at  a  Dinner  —  What  to  Do  with  an  Ex- 
President;  Almost  a  Prophecy  —  In  the  Jungles  of 
Africa. 

PRESIDENT  ROOSEVELT  had  issued  two  important 
Navy  orders  which  were  featured  at  the  Gridiron  dinner 
in  January,  1908.  One  was  the  order  sending  the  big 
battleship  fleet  around  the  world,  and  the  other  ordering  a 
surgeon  of  the  Navy  to  the  command  of  a  ship.  It  was  true 
that  it  was  a  hospital  ship,  but  the  line  of  the  Navy  rose  in 
wrath  —  as  far  as  they  dared  —  and  Rear-Admiral  Brow^nson 
was  forced  to  retire  from  the  head  of  the  Bureau  of  Navigation 
because  of  his  differences  with  the  President  on  this  matter. 

Paragorical  Pinafore  was  the  title  of  a  musical  skit  written 
by  Philander  C.  Johnson  of  the  Washington  Star,  and  one  of 
the  best  musical  hits  the  Club  has  produced.  Officers  from  the 
good  ship  Esculajpius,  with  diplomas  from  medical  colleges,  sang 
Pinafore  songs.  Dick  Deadeye  sang  about  the  "merry  doctor 
and  the  tar."  Officers  were  advised  to  include  in  their  course 
of  navigation  liver  pills  and  porous  plasters.  Then  there  was 
"Little  Cut-em-up"  with  a  basket  of  supplies  for  the  sailormen, 
which  consisted  of  medicine,  surgical  instruments,  squills,  sooth- 
ing sirup,  bandages,  and  remedies  of  various  kinds.  Admiral 
Trixey  (Dr.  RixEY  was  Surgeon  General  and  Roosevelt's 
close  personal  friend)   appeared  as  "the  boy  who  had  served  a 

194 


THE    CAMPAIGN    OF    1908 


195 


term  as  office  boy  in  a  druggists'  firm."  He  asserted  that  the 
way  to  keep  a  ship  secure  was  to  "feel  its  pulse  and  take  its 
temperature."  Aspirants  for  naval  commands  were  advised  to 
"study  their  calomel  and  flaxseed  tea,  if  they  wanted  to  be 
rulers  of  the  big  navee."  Three  old  shell-back  sailors  imper- 
sonated by  Blythe,  Coolidge  and  Bennett,  appeared  and 
told  of  the  visit  of  President  Roosevelt  to  Hampton  Roads 
when  he  reviewed  and  bade  good-by  and  good  luck  to  the  fleet 
under  the  command  of  Rear-Admiral  Bob  Evans  as  it  sailed 
out  the  Capes  on  its  world  tour. 

"Fine  bunch  of  passengers  on  board  tonight,"  remarked  one 
old  tar.  "Reminds  me  when  I  was  on  the  Constitution  two  years 
ago  —  " 

"Two  years  ago,"  interrupted  another,  "why  there  ain't 
been  no  Constitution  for  seven  years." 

"What  were  Admiral  Evans'  orders?" 

"They  weren't  orders;    they  were  prescriptions." 


"What  was  the  wireless  message  the  President  sent  to  the 
Admiral.?" 

"*Keep  your  feet  cool  and  your  quinine  dry.'" 


"Did   you   hear   the   President's   last   words   to   the   Admiral 
when  he  was  on  the  flagship?" 

"'Bob,'  said  the  President,  'Bob — ' 

"'Don't  call  me  Bob,'  said  Evans,  'call  me  Doc.'" 


Every  one  of  the  hits  amused  Mr.  Roosevelt.  Humor 
that  didn't  prick  or  criticize,  even  though  it  was  at  his  own 
expense,  or  based  on  what  he  did  as  President,  always  seemed 
to  please  him. 

The  inauguration  ceremony  of  inducting  President  James  S. 
Henry  into  office  was  interrupted  as  he  was  making  his  address, 
by  "newsboys"  with  the  "Court  Journal"  containing  the  al- 
leged address.  This  publication  had  William  Loeb  as  censor. 
The    address    was    Rooseveltian    in    many    things.     One    of   the 


196  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

*' censored  paragraphs,"  but  which  could  be  read,  as  it  only  had 
a  Hue  drawn  through  it,  was  prophetic.  It  said:  "N.  B. 
Bourne's  one-thousand  dollar  prize  for  the  best  essay  in  favor 
of  a  third  term  is  withdrawn  temporarily,  but  will  be  renewed 
after  an  interval  of  four  years." 

Jonathan  Bourne,  who  had  been  a  persistent  third-termer, 
and  a  number  like  him,  had  caused  Roosevelt  to  reiterate  in 
a  positive  manner  his  decision  not  to  be  a  candidate  for  another 
term. 

The  souvenir  of  the  dinner  was  a  Gridiron  Campaign  Song 
Book  prepared  under  the  direction  of  Scott  C.  Bone,  chairman 
of  the  Menu  Committee,  with  pictures  by  Berryman  and  songs 
to  fit  the  men  who  were  candidates  or  at  least  had  hopes  for 
recognition  before  the  coming  conventions.  There  were  many 
men  actually  candidates  or  mentioned  for  President  that  year. 
On  the  Republican  side  besides  Taft  there  were  Fairbanks, 
Hughes,  Knox,  Cannon,  La  Follette,  Cortelyou  and  For- 
aker;  while  besides  Bryan  on  the  Democratic  side  were  John- 
son, Gray,  Parker,  Folk,  Harmon  and  Hearst.  As  may  be 
inferred  from  the  first  cartoon  it  was  believed,  although  Fairbanks 
stood  high,  that  the  large  gentleman  in  the  background  would 
get  away  with  the  nomination. 

A  few  selections  show  the  Gridiron  idea  of  the  prominent 
men  who  were  mentioned  that  year: 


Fairbanks'  battle  song 

Air;  A  Warrior  Bold 

Like  the  knights  of  old  the  delegates  bold 

For  Fairbanks  came  that  day; 
And  Hoosiers  all,  both  short  and  tall. 
Sang  merrily  this  lay; 
Sang  merrily  this  lay; 
Om*  candidate  is  great. 
The  tallest  in  the  State, 
His  hands  are  clean  and  his  heart  is  straight 
And  none  with  him  can  rate. 


Indiana's  Favorite  Son 


PULL,    BRYAN,    PULL 

Air :  Pull  for  the  Shore 

Light  in  the  darkness,  Bryan, 

Den-ver  is  near. 
Sixteen  to  one  is  busted. 

Still  you  are  here. 
Three  times  you'll  try  it,  Bryan, 

And  then  some  more. 
While  you  talk  no  other  man 

Can  pull  for  the  shore. 


WANDERING    WILLIE 

Air:  Billy  Boy 

Oh,  where  have  you  been,  Billy  Taft,  Billy  Taft  ? 
Oh,  where  have  you  been,  Uttle  Willie  ? 

I  have  been  around  the  map. 

With  eloquence  on  tap 
That  would  knock  the  late  Demosthenes  quite  silly. 
Where  will  you  travel  next,  Billy  Taft,  Billy  Taft? 
Where  will  you  travel  next,  little  Willie  ? 

To  Chicago-by-the-Lake, 

But  if  I  do  not  mistake 
The  road  to  there  seems  full  of  bumps  and  hilly. 


JUST   AS    OF    YORE 

Air;  How  Can  I  Leave  Thee 

How  can  I  leave  thee. 

My  presidential  boom," 

Sings  William  Randolph  Hearst, 
Brave  'mid  his  gloom. 

If  I  should  get  the  plum 

I  would  be  going  some, 

I'd  make  the  old  town  hum 
Just  as  of  yore." 


hughes'  hopes 
Air:  Swing  Low,  Sweet  Chariot 

Swing  low,  sweet  chariot. 

You'll  have  to  if  you're  after  me; 
Swing  low,  sweet  chariot, 

For  I'm  lying  low,  you  see. 


202  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Although  many  presidential  candidates  were  mentioned 
everybody  knew  that  Taft  and  Bryan  were  the  real  contenders 
and  that  they  would  be  nominated.  President  Roosevelt  set 
at  rest  all  talk  about  himself  at  that  dinner  in  an  emphatic 
manner,  saying  that  he  meant  what  he  said.  "It  is  time  for 
another  man  to  take  his  trick  at  the  wheel,"  said  the  President, 
and  everybody  knew  he  had  selected  Taft  for  that  "trick." 
So  we  had  Taft  and  Bryan  at  the  dinner  and,  in  a  way,  their 
speeches  indicated  that  they  knew  they  would  be  rivals  in  the 
great  race.  They  met  during  the  campaign  at  a  dinner  in  Chi- 
cago, w^hen  the  enterprising  people  of  that  city  brought  them 
together.  But  that  meeting  was  a  tame  affair  compared  to 
the  night  in  January  when  these  men  good-naturedly,  but 
none  the  less  earnestly,  exchanged  compliments  across  the 
Gridiron. 

It  was  rather  a  remarkable  gathering  that  the  guests  of  the 
Club  saw  seated  under  the  electric  gridiron  at  the  dinner  of 
December,  1908.  On  the  right  of  President  Henry  were  the 
President  and  the  President-elect  of  the  United  States;  on  his 
left  the  Vice-President  and  the  Vice-President-elect.  Besides, 
there  were  many  other  distinguished  persons  present. 

The  approaching  African  hunt  of  President  Roosevelt  and 
a  clean-up  of  the  campaign  just  ended  were  features  of  the 
dinner.  Soon  after  the  dinner  began  there  was  an  after-the- 
battle  roll  call  and  a  very  dismantled  company  appeared  and 
answered  to  their  names.  These  comprised  men  who  had  barely 
escaped  and  were  severely  wounded  in  the  conflict.  The  "lost" 
were  accounted  for  in  several  ways.  William  J.  Bryan  "was 
among  the  missing."  The  steam-roller,  which  had  been 
operated  so  successfully  at  the  Chicago  convention,  was  fea- 
tured as  a  souvenir,  also  as  a  part  of  the  "college  yell"  of  the 
campaign. 

When  President-elect  Taft  was  invited  to  the  dinner,  he 
rather  emphatically  remarked  that  he  was  getting  tired  of  being 
put  up  against  Bryan,  and  if  anything  like  that  was  in  con- 
templation he  would  not  attend.     But  when  told  that  his  rival 


THE    CAMPAIGN    OF    1908  203 


in  the  race  had  engagements  which  would  not  permit  him  to  be 
present  Mr.  Taft  accepted.  He  saw  a  Harvard  college  club 
perform  a  number  of  stunts  in  which  he  figured.  He  also  had 
a  little  taste  of  what  was  coming  by  reference  to  his  love  of 
golfing.  The  speech  of  Mr.  Taft  that  night  will  long  be  re- 
membered by  the  Gridiron  men  on  account  of  his  commendation 
of  the  custom  of  the  Club  to  briefly  memoriahze  its  deceased 
members.  One  of  these  who  had  joined  the  majority  was  a  warm 
personal  friend  of  the  President-elect. 

"What  to  do  with  an  ex-President,"  was  the  keynote  of  the 
initiation  skit  in  which  Leroy  T.  Vernon  of  the  Chicago  News, 
Edwin  M.  Hood  of  the  Associated  Press,  and  William  S. 
Couch  of  the  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer,  figured  as  three  enter- 
prising journalists  sent  abroad  to  see  what  demand  there  was 
for  strenuous  rulers.  Their  reports  were  interesting.  One  re- 
ported from  China  that  the  Manchu  Dynasty  was  tottering  to 
its  fall.  ''China  needs  another  Confucius,"  Prince  Chun  had 
told  him,  *'a  press-agent  ruler  who  could  whip  the  opposition  to 
a  frazzle;  one  with  a  spear  who  knows  no  brother;  who  treads 
softly  and  carries  a  big  stick." 

Another  was  direct  from  Constantinople.  "Abdul  was  most 
gracious,"  he  reported.  "'A  more  vigorous  boss  for  us,'  said 
that  much  harassed  ruler.  'The  Balkans  slip  away;  another 
Sulieman  the  Magnificent  is  needed.  One  who  will  make 
Alexander,  Caesar,  Peter  the  Hermit,  and  Richard  the 
Lion-Hearted  look  like  four  lead  dimes.  The  new  one  must 
be  a  trust  buster  of  high  degree.  May  he  live  a  thousand 
years!'" 

This  is  written  in  August,  1914.  The  date  is  set  down  in 
order  to  show  the  almost  prophetic  utterances  of  the  man  who 
came  from  Germany  and  was  said  to  be  the  confidant  of  the 
Kaiser. 

"Hell's  popping  in  Germany,  all  right,"  he  began.  "A 
revolution  is  on.  'Our  troubles,'"  so  Wilhelm  told  him, 
"'have  come  from  my  people  expecting  too  much.  Never  in 
all   history   was   there   room   for   more   than   one   C^sar  to  be- 


204  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

stride  the  world  like  a  Colossus.  Strenuously  have  I  tried  to  be 
that  one.  I  have  given  my  people  the  majesty  of  Frederick 
the  Great,  the  blood  and  iron  of  Bismarck,  and  the  military 
genius  of  Von  Moltke.  I  have  composed  waltzes  and  ballads, 
sailed  a  yacht  and  formed  a  battle  line.  I  have  tried  to  swim 
a  creek  in  midwinter,  and  climb  a  jutting  mountain  crag.  My 
wildest  feats  of  horsemanship  suffer  by  comparison.  All  my 
efforts,  including  my  discussion  of  social  and  international  ques- 
tions, have  brought  howls  of  derision  from  my  people.  What 
secret  of  success  has  the  greatest  ruler  of  all  time.^  Gladly 
would  I  surrender  to  him  my  scepter  and  my  reichstag.'" 

A  little  tent  was  set  up  on  the  stage  directly  in  front  of  the 
President.  From  it  came  the  sounds  of  rapid  typewriting  alter- 
nated with  the  discharge  of  a  gun.  Then  a  voice  in  imitation 
of  Roosevelt  would  discuss  natural  history  and  tell  about  the 
wild  animals  which  were  brought  down  by  the  shots.  Roose- 
velt's hunt  in  Africa  was  being  burlesqued.  As  the  typewriter 
rattled  a  cash  register  machine  checked  off  the  dollars  that  were 
being  accumulated.  That  was  a  part  of  the  skit  which  the 
President  did  not  like. 

"There's  not  another  Roosevelt  in  the  world  like  you," 
was  the  refrain  of  a  song  to  the  President,  one  verse  and  the 
chorus  of  which  follow: 

If  in  a  speech  you  want  to  preach, 

To  help  the  human  race; 
If  on  a  tramp  through  waters  damp, 

You  lead  a  merry  chase; 
If  far  away  you  go  to  slay 

The  lion  in  its  lair; 
Whate'er  you  do  we  say  to  you. 

You  beat  them  everywhere. 

There's  not  another  Roosevelt  in  the  world  like  you. 
You  paint  the  whole  horizon  a  bright  red  hue; 
There's  not  a  stunt  one  thinks  of  you  would  not  do; 
There's  not  another  Roosevelt  in  the  world  like  you. 


THE    CAMPAIGN    OF    1908  205 

Good-by,  Roosevelt,  good-hy;  you  re  going  to  leave  us  noio 
was  another  song  to  the  President.  But  it  was  not  good-by. 
He  was  at  another  dinner,  the  last  he  has  ever  attended.  And 
he  did  not  Hke  the  manner  in  which  the  Club  handled  one  of 
his  pet  schemes,  but  that  was  not  his  real  reason  for  keeping  away 
from  Gridiron  dinners  after  he  left  the  White  House. 


CHAPTER  XXI 
GOOD-BY  TO  A   STRENUOUS   PRESIDENT 

Many  Jolts  for  Roosevelt  —  Differences  Between  Presi- 
dent AND  Congress  Furnish  Amusing  Topics  —  Secret 
Service  Espionage  —  T.  R.  Resents  Burlesque  of  His 
Homes  Commission  —  H2O  Almanac  —  Said  Andrew 
Carnegie:    "Aboolish  the  Tariff." 

A  "BIG  STICK"  was  presented  to  Henry  Hall  of  the 
Pittsburgh  Chronicle-Telegraph,  as  his  symbol  of  authority 
when,  as  President  of  the  Gridiron  Ckib,  he  opened  the 
dinner  of  January,  1909.  President  Roosevelt  and  Vice-Presi- 
dent Fairbanks  each  received  a  big  bronze  Gridiron,  a  token 
which  we  give  to  those  who  have  been  favorite  guests  and  who 
are  about  to  leave  us  for  a  long  time.  Notwithstanding  this 
dinner  was  the  real  good-by  to  Roosevelt  he  was  handed  a 
number  of  severe  jolts. 

Mr.  Roosevelt  announced  that  he  would  not  attend  another. 
There  were  protests  on  every  side,  but  he  reiterated  his  inten- 
tion. "Washington  is  no  place  for  ex-Presidents,"  he  declared. 
And  we  could  well  believe  that  he  would  not  be  present  at  a 
function  in  the  National  Capital  where  he  might  be  relegated 
to   second   place. 

Differences  between  the  White  House  and  Congress  were 
in  evidence.  As  Roosevelt  was  going  out  after  seven  and  a 
half  years  of  bossing  Congress,  many  senators  and  representa- 
tives felt  independent  and  were  showing  their  teeth  —  meta- 
phorically, not  physically,  as  did  the  President.  It  was  about 
that  time  that  a  considerable  rumpus  was  raised  in  Congress 
about  the  secret  service  which  was  said  to  be  used  by  the  ad- 
ministration to  such  an  extent  as  to  threaten  the  liberties  of 
the  people.  Chairman  Tawney  of  the  House  appropriations  com- 
mittee, charged  that  members  of  Congress  were  under  espionage 
by  secret  service  men.     Roosevelt  rather  encouraged  the  idea 

206 


A    STRENUOUS    PRESIDENT  207 


and  remarked  that  no  doubt  the  records  would  make  interesting 
reading,  and  a  great  many  Congressmen  became  very  much 
frightened. 

And  so  at  this  dinner  when  Roosevelt  said  good-by  a 
musical  feature  on  detectives  was  produced.  At  one  stage 
appeared  a  number  of  members,  with  masks,  dark  lanterns  and 
other  adjuncts  of  secret  service  men.  They  finally  encountered 
a  policeman  who  wanted  to  know  what  they  were  doing. 

"Ha!"  said  one,  pointing  to  a  particularly  distinguished 
looking  character,  "that's  old  Blinkerton.  He  and  his  bunch 
are  trying  to  find  out  what  Congressmen  do  with  their  $7,500 
salaries.     We  are  secret  service  men." 

"Secret  service!"  said  the  policeman  scornfully.  "Why  you 
couldn't  pass  the  civil  service.     You  couldn't  spell  sleuth!" 

"Oh,  yes,  I  can,"  was  the  reply.  "Listen,"  and  the  detec- 
tive, Herndon  Morsell,  sang  a  few  verses  with  this  chorus: 

Sleuth!   sleuth!   I  want  to  be  a  sleuth; 

'Twas  my  ambition  from  my  early  youth 

To  make  myself  unpleasant  by  discovering  the  truth, 

S-1-e-u-t-h  spells  sleuth. 

"And  now  to  business,"  said  Blinkerton.  "Chief  Bilkie, 
have  you  detected  any  counterfeiters.'*" 

"No,"  was  the  reply,  "but  I  have  discovered  a  few  four- 
flushers." 

"And  you.  Monsieur  Lecoq,  have  you  discovered  any  second 
story  men  in  Congress?" 

"No,"  was  the  mournful  response,  "they  are  telling  the  same 
old  stories." 

Then  the  big  policeman,  John  H.  Nolan,  sang  a  song  to  the 
tune  of  the  Pirates  of  Penzance,  with  these  words: 

When  our  chief  executive  is  executin' 

Executin', 
Some  project  that  he  thinks  too  long  deferred. 

Long  deferred, 

He  will  not  indulge  in  language  hifalutin', 

Hifalutin', 


208  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

If  he  thinks  he  needs  a  brief  and  ugly  word, 

Ugly  word. 
When  in  every  message  dynamite  is  lurking, 

'Mite  is  lurking. 
If  you  must  dodge  it  isn't  any  fun, 

Any  fun. 
When  Roosevelt's  typewriter  gets  to  working. 

Gets  to  working, 
A  committee's  job  is  not  a  happy  one, 

Happy  one, 
When  they  try  to  get  T.  R.  upon  the  run. 

Upon  the  run, 
A  committee's  job  is  not  a  happy  one, 

Happy  one. 

Then  came  Philander  Johnson  with  black  face  as  the  white- 
wash man.  "I'se  de  most  important  man  in  de  whole  investi- 
gatin'  business,"  he  said.  "Every  time  there  is  an  investigation 
there  must  be  a  whitewash  man  to  fix  up  those  who  have  been 
cotched."  This  remark  had  reference  to  many  investigations 
in  which  everybody  had  been  exonerated  on  all  counts. 

The  bitter  feeling  between  the  President  and  Congress  was 
further  emphasized  by  "war  bulletins"  which  proclaimed  the 
progress  of  the  contest.  "White  House  gunners  loading  12-inch 
guns  with  special  messages,"  read  one.  "Owing  to  simplified 
spelling  they  are  terrible  missiles.  Tawney,  Fitzgerald  and 
Smith  shrieking.  Dozens  of  enormous  messages  thrown  into  the 
Capitol  trenches;  machine  guns  keep  up  a  merciless  rain  of 
*I's,*  *  musts,*  *shalls,'  and  'wont's.'  View  of  battlefield  shows 
tons  of  language  fired  on  both  sides." 

There  was  nothing  in  these  quips  to  disturb  President  Roose- 
velt. He  enjoyed  them  as  much  as  any  other  guest,  but 
finally  something  occurred  that  ruflfled  his  temper.  It  was  a 
burlesque  on  his  Homes  Commission.  That  Commission  was 
one  created  by  the  President  on  his  own  initiative  and  was  sent 
over  a  portion  of  the  country  to  investigate  and  report  upon  the 
condition  of  the  people,  but  the  farmers  in  particular.  The 
Gridiron  skit  represented  a  number  of  farmers  at  a  corner  store, 


A    STRENUOUS    PRESIDENT  209 


who  were  interviewed  by  the  Commission.  With  biting  sarcasm 
the  "uplift"  work  was  ridiculed.  The  Commission  was  shown 
as  impractical  city  folk,  asking  absurd  questions  and  making 
equally  absurd  suggestions  to  the  rural  residents,  while  the  latter 
replied  in  terms  of  scorn. 

President  Roosevelt  didn't  like  it.  He  was  not  mentioned, 
but  in  making  his  pet  commission  ridiculous  the  Club  had  roiled 
him.  And  he  was  very  caustic  in  striking  back.  He  sincerely 
believed  there  was  something  in  that  commission  and  did  not 
want  it  laughed  out  of  existence.  But  that  is  what  happened. 
Congress  immediately  took  steps  to  legislate  so  that  expenses 
of  such  commissions  could  not  be  paid  and  that  government 
employes  could  not  be  used  to  do  clerical  work  for  them.  One 
of  the  last  official  acts  of  Mr.  Roosevelt,  when  approving  the 
appropriation  bill  containing  this  legislation,  was  to  attach  to 
the  measure  an  excoriation  of  the  men  responsible. 

There  were  echoes  of  the  Homes  Commission  later.  Some- 
how its  report  was  published  as  a  government  document  and  it 
was  then  found  that  persons  had  taken  advantage  of  the  publica- 
tion to  add  a  lot  of  matter  as  an  appendix,  some  of  which  was 
what  newspapers  call  "unfit  to  print."  It  was  not  allowed  to  go 
through  the  mails  and  was  withdrawn  as  a  public  document. 
There  was  still  another  echo  of  this  legislation:  James  A. 
Tawney  and  Walter  I.  Smith,  members  of  the  House  who 
were  responsible  for  the  legislation  denounced  by  Roosevelt, 
were  soon  afterward  appointed  to  good  federal  positions  by  Mr. 
Taft. 

Three  new  members  were  initiated  and  each  did  or  said 
something  that  touched  on  the  Roosevelt  administration. 
Jewell  H.  Aubere  of  the  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat  came  be- 
cause he  had  an  invitation  from  the  President  of  the  Ananias 
Club.  Louis  W.  Strayer  of  the  Pittsburgh  Dispatch  sought 
admission  because  he  wanted  to  hear  the  President  tell  how 
dearly  he  loved  Congress.  Harris  M.  Crist  of  the  Brooklyn 
Eagle  came  as  a  reporter  and  was  caught  in  the  act  of  securing 
a  copy  of  an  alleged  speech  to  be  delivered  by  H.  H.  Rogers 


210 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


that  night.  He  read  a  few  extracts,  one  of  which  said  that 
"swollen  fortunes  must  be  taxed."  Another  stated  that  "Africa 
offers  splendid  possibiHties  for  permanent  settlers  who  believe 
in  the  strenuous  life." 

"Come  back  and  rescue  us  from  Kern  and  Shively,"  was 
the  burden  of  a  song  directed  at  Vice-President  Fairbanks,  and 

purporting  to  be  an  appeal  from 
the  Republicans  of  Indiana.  It 
was  sung  to  the  tune  of  On  the 
Banks  of  the  Wabash.  The  chorus 
ran: 

^=^     Oh,  the  cocktails  they  are  crowing  in  the 
morning; 
And  the  buttermilk  is  flowing  through 
the  hay; 
They  are  waiting  the  return  of  Mr.  Fair- 
banks, 
On  the  banks  of   the   Wabash,  far 
away. 


The  "Gridiron  Almanac,"  particularly  advertising  H2O,  was 
the  souvenir  of  the  dinner  and  the  vehicle  of  much  wit  bearing 


on  the  times.  It  was  the  work  of  a  menu  committee  of  which 
Philander  C.  Johnson  was  chairman.  The  H2O  wagon  showed 
a  lot  of  passengers  on  Jan.  1,  but  by  March  they  had  fallen  off. 


A    STRENUOUS    PRESIDENT 


211 


E.   H.   Harriman  in  a  testimonial  said  he  "prescribed  copious 
doses  of  your  HoO  in  acute  attacks  of  railway  congestion,  torpid 


bonds,    and    sluggish    markets.     It    has    not    only    afforded    me 
complete  relief,  but  had  marked  effect  on  my  patients." 

Two    months,    January    and    February,    were    given    in    the 


212 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


calendar  and  four  days  in  March.  Where  the  remainder  of  this 
month  should  have  been  given  were  the  words:  *' After  this 
there  is  no  telling  what  will  happen."  At  least  four  days  in 
each  month  announced  a  message  from  President  Roosevelt 
to  Congress.     For  March  3  the  announcement  read:    "Blizzard, 


T.  R.  preparing  to  leave  the  White  House."  And  for  March  4: 
"Taft  day  —  Rain,  sleet,  snow,  high  winds,  thunder  and 
lightning." 

The  "almanac"  was  published  five  weeks  before  that  awful 
night  of  March  3  followed  by  the  worse  day  of  March  4,  1909, 
when  Washington  was  the  scene  of  one  of  the  most  severe 
storms  of  years.  Willis  L.  Moore,  chief  of  the  weather  bureau, 
a  day  before  the  inauguration  predicted  fair  weather,  while  the 
Gridiron  "almanac"  five  weeks  before  made  an  accurate  predic- 
tion.    AVe  out-guessed  the  weather  bureau. 


A    STRENUOUS    PRESIDENT 


213 


The  following  are  some  of  the  features  of  the  almanac: 


PROVERBS 


The  Big  Stick  is  mightier  than  the  Speaker's  gavel. 
Be  slow  to  anger  but  don't  let  the  other  fellow  in  first. 

A  good  name  is  better  than  riches.     But  good  names  for  oflFending  statesmen 
cannot  always  be  mentioned  in  society. 


USELESS   INFORMATION 

To  preserve  a  good  disposition:  Do  not  attempt  to  talk  back  to  a  message 
from  the  White  House. 

To  remove  freckles :  Go  into  a  combine  against  the  Speaker  of  the  House  of 
Representatives  and  get  skinned. 

It  is  not  considered  desirable  to  uplift  a  farmer  so  high  that  he  cannot  get 
back  to  earth  by  the  time  the  mortgage  is  due. 

A  reliable  method  of  securing  some  good  lawns  is  to  lease  your  property  to  a 
golf  club. 

To  remove  grease  spots:  Hang  the  garment  up  where  the  moths  can  get  at 
it,  and  do  not  disturb. 

The  tariff  was  to  be  revised  by  the  new  Taft  administration. 
That  was  the  declaration  in  the  platform  of  1908,  and  President- 
elect Taft  had  announced  an  extra  session  for  the  purpose. 
Already  the  Ways  and  Means  Committee  was  at  work  with  its 
hearings  trying  to  find  how  the  tariff  affected  the  "ultimate 
consumer."  The  Gridiron  Club  took  a  hand  in  this  work  and 
with  members  representing  Payne,  Dalzell  and  Champ  Clark, 
held  a  session,  while  other  members  representing  men  from 
different  parts  of  the  country  were  "heard"  by  the  com- 
mittee. Every  fellow  wanted  the  tariff  reduced  on  everything 
except  the  products  of  his  section,  but  protection  was  absolutely 
necessary  on  all  his  stuff.  An  interesting  witness  was  Andrew 
Carnegie,  impersonated  by  a  member.  When  he  was  called 
it  was  announced  that  "every  time  he  gives  away  a  dollar  it 
sounds  like  a  cookstove  falling  downstairs."  When  asked  what 
he  advised  as  to  the  tariff  the  canny  Scot  rephed: 

"Aboolish  it!" 


214 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


The    reply    caused    Dalzell    deep    pain.     "What    reason    is 
there  for   a   tariff  on   steel   now   that   I   have   gone   out   of  the 


business?"  continued  the  substitute  for  Carnegie.  "I've  got 
mine,  I've  got  mine!" 

John  S.  Shriver  as  the  "ultimate  consumer,"  after  listening 
to  all  that  was  said  quietly  sneaked  away,  remarking,  "As  usual 
I  get  it  in  the  neck." 

The  last  song  to  President  Roosevelt  had  this  chorus: 

Roosevelt,  Roosevelt, 

A  very  good  Dutch  name; 
Roosevelt,  Roosevelt, 

A  name  for  the  hall  of  fame, 
Big  stick,  you  know  it. 

Now,  we  say  good-by. 

There  never  was  a  man  named  Roosevelt 
That  wasn't  a  darn  fine  President. 


A    STRENUOUS    PRESIDENT  215 


And  that  was  the  last  time  we  roasted  Theodore  Roosevelt 
and  listened  to  his  lecture.  It  was  not  such  a  sad  parting. 
After  seven  years  many  members  had  concluded  that  he  had 
been  featured  long  enough.  And  besides  everybody  wanted  a 
change,  wanted  something  new.  And  didn't  we  get  it!  It  did 
not  take  many  weeks  for  the  Gridiron  Club  to  sense  the  change 
and  it  developed  at  the  next  dinner. 


CHAPTER  XXII 
BEGINNING   OF  THE   TAFT  ADMINISTRATION 

Oh,  What  a  Change!  —  The  Club  Senses  the  Difference, 
AND  Makes  a  Forecast  —  The  Taft  Georgia  Minstrels 
—  First  Appearance  of  Insurgents  —  Cook  and  Peary 
Discover  the  North  Pole  —  Suffragettes  Appear  — 
Simple  Food  in  Alaska  —  The  Dream  Book  —  Archie 
Butt. 

IT  has  ever  been  the  custom  of  the  Gridiron  Club  to  give  a 
dinner,  not  for  a  new  administration,  but  soon  after  a  new 
administration  comes  into  power.  Early  in  April,  1909, 
the  new  Taft  administration  was  duly  stamped  and  sealed  with 
the  Gridiron  brand.  There  was  much  in  that  dinner  that  was 
a  forecast  of  the  administration.  The  initiation  of  Oscar  King 
Davis  of  the  New  York  Times  and  Thomas  C.  Notes  of  the 
Washington  Star,  furnished  a  vehicle  to  show  which  way  the 
wind  was  blowing.  Their  names  were  sent  to  a  mock  "Senate" 
which  went  into  executive  session  to  consider  them.  The 
message  announcing  the  nominations  contained  the  gist  of  the 
great  change  which  had  taken  place  when  the  man  whom  Roose- 
velt had  made  President  occupied  Roosevelt's  place.     It  read: 

To  the  Senate  —  My  dear  Aldrich  :    Fine  golf  weather  we're  having  these 
days. 

P.S.  —  Tell  Bailey  and  Tillman  to  drop  in;  haven't  seen  them  for  two  days. 

P.S.  —  My  special  regards  to  Uncle  Joe. 

P.S.  —  Expect  Harriman  as  my  house  guest  next  week. 

P.S.  —  Have  notified  correspondents  to  turn  in  their  White  House  latch 
keys. 

P.S.  —  African  cables  not  working  well;  fix  up  the  tarifiF  to  suit  yourself  and 
the  boys. 

P.S.  —  Attached  herewith  you  will  find  some  nominations.     Two  in  person; 
look  them  over. 

(Signed)  Yours  Truly,  Bill. 
216 


THE    TAFT    ADMINISTRATION  217 


It  was  a  brief  epitome  of  the  new  administration.  There 
was  "My  dear  Aldrich";  golf;  the  return  of  men  to  the  White 
House  who  had  been  many  years  absent;  Speaker  Cannon 
taken  into  favor;  "fix  the  tariff  to  suit  yourself  and  the  boys"; 
and  the  fact  which  had  dawned  upon  the  newspaper  men  in 
just  one  month,  that  they  no  longer  had  the  swing  at  the  White 
House  as  in  the  Roosevelt  days.  During  the  discussion  of  the 
candidates  it  was  also  developed  that  a  newspaper  man  could 
not  get  past  the  new  Secretary  to  the  President.  Altogether  it 
was  easy  to  see  at  a  glance  that  there  had  been  a  radical  change 
in  the  national  administration. 

Among  the  bits  of  literature  distributed  was  a  big  meal 
ticket  issued  to  Senator  Nelson  W.  Aldrich  for  the  "White 
House  Lunch,"  with  every  date  from  March  5  to  the  night  of 
the  dinner  punched.  Another  slip  of  paper  was  a  copy  of  a 
cold  storage  receipt  for  "18  crates  and  5  barrels  containing 
T.  R.'s  policies  —  storage  prepaid  for  8  years." 

The  Taft  Georgia  minstrels  (white)  were  a  feature  of  the 
dinner.  Marching  Through  Georgia  was  turned  into  ^'Eating 
Through  Georgia.^*  They  marched  into  the  dining-room  to  the 
stirring  old  tune  which  gets  cheers  in  the  North  and  hisses  in 
the  South.  But  this  time  the  music  committee  of  the  Gridiron 
Club  sang  the  following  words,  based  upon  the  many  banquets, 
luncheons,  etc.,  which  had  been  tendered  Mr.  Taft  when  as 
President-elect  he  spent  the  winter  in  Georgia: 

Sound  the  good  old  dinner  horn,  we'll  sing  another  song. 
About  the  trip  that  Taft  once  made,  when  with  digestion 

strong, 
He  ate  his  share  of  everything  that  they  would  bring  along 
As  we  went  eating  through  Georgia. 

Hurrah,  hurrah,  we  sound  the  jubilee; 
Hurrah,  hurrah,  'twas  something  fine  to  see; 

We  put  away  three  meals  a  day 

And  sometimes  three  times  three. 
As  we  went  eating  through  Georgia. 


218  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

The  minstrels  represented  various  persons  in  the  Cabinet, 
the  Senate  and  House  of  Representatives,  One  spoke  of  "dead 
languages"  and  said  he  referred  to  Presidential  messages. 
Secretary  of  the  Treasury  MacVeagh  was  referred  to  as  one  of 
the  51  varieties  of  Democrats.  A  joke  was  made  about  the 
perpetual  absence  of  Postmaster-General  Hitchcock  from  his 
office;  also  about  the  failure  of  Ohio  men  to  land  good  jobs 
under  the  new  administration,  particularly  Arthur  I.  Vorys 
who  had  been  such  a  pronounced  Taft  man  from  the  beginning. 

There  was  the  isuggestion  at  this  dinner  of  the  first  appear- 
ance of  insurgents.  An  insurgent  was  described  by  a  minstrel 
as  "one  who  bites  at  the  famous  Murdock-get-famous-quick, 
and  gets  out  of  it  his  picture  in  Collier  s  Weekhj,  a  reading 
notice  in  La  Follette's  Weekly,  and  a  reputation  as  a  martyr." 

Reference  was  made  to  many  bills  in  Congress  which  had 
been  urged  by  Presidents,  endorsed  by  many  commercial  bodies, 
and  demanded  by  the  newspapers,  but  which  never  saw  the 
light  of  day.  This  brought  out  the  following  effusion  sung  to 
Rocked  in  the  Cradle  of  the  Deep: 

Locked  in  a  pigeon-hole  for  keejjs, 
Full  many  a  bill  so  sweetly  sleeps. 
In  vain  the  storms  about  it  rave 
'Mongst  Congressmen  who  won't  behave. 
Appropriations  for  Squeedunk 
Get  through  while  it  lies  in  its  bunk; 
But  calm  and  peacefully  it  sleeps 
Locked  in  a  pigeon-hole  for  keeps. 

President  Taft  had  been  given  a  cow  and  the  White  House 
cow  was  known  far  and  wide.  The  cow  came  to  the  dinner  — 
a  stage  cow,  of  course  —  and  this  inquiry  was  made  of  the 
member  leading  her: 

"What  are  you  going  to  do  with  her?" 

"Milk  her,  of  course,"  was  the  response;  "that  is  what  all 
the  politicians  are  trying  to  do." 

About  that  time  Cipriano  Castro,  who  was  out  of  a  job  as 
President   of   Venezuela,   was   giving   some  trouble.     A   member 


THE    TAFT    ADMINISTRATION  219 


made  up  to  look  like  him  happened  along  just  as  a  dispute  arose 
over  the  animal,  and  Castro  was  made  keeper  of  the  AYhite 
House  cow  and  led  her  away. 

This  was  the  chorus  of  the  song  which  introduced  Mr.  Taft 
on  his  first  appearance  at  a  Gridiron  dinner  as  President  of  the 
United  States: 

Can't  we  call  him  Bill  now  that  he's  President? 
Can't  we  call  him  Bill  now  any  more? 

As  we  see  him  riding  by 

With  his  head  held  up  so  high. 
Can't  we  greet  him  as  in  days  of  yore  ? 

Can't  we  shake  his  hand  and  say,  "Hello,  Bill"? 
Will  he  turn  us  down  and  pass  us  o'er? 

Is  he  really  quite  intent 

On  the  "Mister  President"? 
Tell  us,  can't  we  call  him  Bill  any  more? 

The  guests  at  this  dinner  included  nearly  all  the  Cabinet 
ofiicers,  besides  the  President  and  Vice-President,  many  senators 
and  representatives,  and  newspaper  publishers  from  all  over  the 
country.  Gov.  Thomas  Riley  Marshall  of  Indiana,  afterward 
Vice-President,  was  a  guest  for  the  first  time.  The  Brazilian 
Ambassador,  Hon.  Joaquim  Nabuco  was  also  a  guest.  The 
Ambassador  had  been  a  guest  at  different  times,  and  had  been 
so  well  entertained  that  when  a  distinguished  journalist  from 
Rio  Janeiro,  Mr.  J.  C.  Rodrigues,  came  to  Washington  in  May, 
1909,  Mr.  Nabuco  gave  a  dinner  in  honor  of  the  Gridiron  Club 
and  his  guest.  It  was  an  affair  of  importance,  notably  on 
account  of  the  speeches  made  by  the  Ambassador,  Vice-President 
Scott  C.  Bone  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  Senator  Elihu  Root,  and 
Mr.  Rodrigues. 

"What  have  you  to  say  about  Dr.  Cook's  discovery  of  the 
North  Pole?" 

"Very  interesting  if  true." 

The  question  was  asked  and  the  answer  given  on  the  porch 
of  a  cottage  at  Beverly,  Massachusetts,  the  day  that  the  report 


220  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

was  published  about  Dr.  Cook's  discovery.  The  question  was 
asked  by  a  Boston  newspaper  man  and  the  reply  was  made  by 
the  President  of  the  United  States.  He  was  just  a  bit  skeptical 
about  the  Cook  exploit. 

In  December,  1909,  President  Taft  saw  Dr.  Cook,  Admiral 
Peary,  Matt  Henson,  the  dogs,  sleds  and  other  Arctic  para- 
phernalia at  the  Gridiron  dinner.  They  were  impersonated, 
however.  Ira  E.  Bennett  of  the  Washington  Post  was  the 
Admiral  and  Ed  L.  Keen  of  the  United  Press,  the  famous  doctor. 
These  were  new  members  and  the  Cook-Peary  controversy  was 
presented  in  Gridiron  form  to  initiate  them.  In  imitation  of 
the  scientific  inquiry  as  to  the  reliability  of  the  claims  of  the  rival 
discoverers,  a  "committee  of  eminent  scientists"  asked  the 
impersonaters  pointed  questions,  bearing  less  on  Arctic  conditions 
than  on  affairs  right  at  home.  One  of  the  "explorers"  said  he 
had  discovered  Santa  Claus,  and  proceeded  to  give  a  description 
of  President  Taft.  He  said  he  carried  large  and  heavy  packs 
which  he  furtively  dropped  from  time  to  time.  He  knew  they 
were  heavy  because  they  cracked  the  ice  when  they  fell.  Ex- 
amining these  packs  he  found  them  marked:  "From  T.  R.  to 
W.  H.  T.,  My  Policies."  Dispatches  from  Africa  signed  Bwana 
TuMBO  were  also  read,  one  of  them  denying  the  right  of  any 
board  to  settle  the  Peary-Cook  dispute.  "I  shall  settle  this  case 
myself,"  was  the  emphatic  declaration.  Another  addressed  to 
Peary  and  Cook  said:  "Understand  you  are  both  on  the  wait- 
ing list  for  membership  in  the  Ananias  Club.  Why  wait.^^ 
T.  R." 

Woman  suffrage  had  reached  a  point  where  the  Gridiron 
Club  thought  it  was  worth  a  skit,  and  a  dozen  members  disguised 
as  suffragettes  came  into  the  dining-room. 

"Why  do  you  come  here.'^"  asked  President  Hall.  "This  is 
a  private  dinner." 

"That's  why  we  came,"  was  the  reply.  "We  always  go 
where  we  are  not  wanted." 

In  turn  the  suffragettes  called  upon  Speaker  Cannon,  Senator 
Aldrich,    Senator   Beveridge   and   Postmaster-General    Hitch- 


THE    TAFT    ADMINISTRATION  221 


COCK,  to  declare  themselves  on  the  suffrage  question,  but  each 
declined. 

The  suffragettes  were  undaunted  in  their  demands  until  a 
mouse  put  them  to  flight. 

Persons  in  public  life  who  were  having  more  or  less  trouble, 
were  featured  in  a  battle  royal  in  the  prize  ring.  Senators 
Aldrich,  Senator  Cummins,  Gifford  Pinchot,  Secretary  Bal- 
LiNGER,  Herbert  Parsons  and  Speaker  Cannon  were  the 
scrapping  characters,  portrayed  as  "Battling  Nelson,  the  Rhode 
Island  Terror,"  "Kid  Cummins,  the  Iowa  Demon,"  "Giff 
Pinchot,  the  Fighting  Lumber  Jack,"  "Achilles  Ballinger, 
the  Siwash  Sirocco,"  "Herby  Parsons,  the  Candy  Kid,"  "Joe 
Cannon,  the  Danville  Bantam."  Searching  the  combatants 
each  was  found  with  something  in  his  glove.  Ballinger  had 
a  lump  of  Alaska  coal,  and  Uncle  Joe  a  bundle  of  poker  chips. 
Just  as  the  boxing  was  to  begin  "police"  raided  the  place  and 
bore  off  the  whole  party. 

President  Taft  had  declared  for  simple  food  as  a  diet  to 
reduce  flesh.  He  had  also  announced  that  he  intended  to  go  to 
Alaska.  Consequently  the  Club  established  a  "restaurant"  as 
if  in  that  far-off  territory  for  the  benefit  of  the  Presidential 
party.  Members  went  to  different  guests  and  took  orders 
which  were  given  to  the  Nome  restaurant  man  and  passed  on  by 
him  to  the  chef,  translated  into  Alaskan  with  a  bit  of  Gridiron 
interpretation : 

"Poached  eggs  on  toast,"  was  one  order,  and  the  Nome  man 
called  out: 

"Cook  and  Peary  on  a  raft." 

"Capt.  Butt  says  that  one  of  our  most  distinguished  guests, 
who  does  not  care  to  have  his  name  mentioned,  asks  for  a  plate 
of  hash  with  red  peppers  and  tabasco  sauce." 

"One  order  of  Roosevelt's  policies,"  translated  the  Nome 
man. 

"Speaker  Cannon  says  he  would  like  to  get  his  teeth  into 
something  that  would  remind  him  of  Vic  Murdock." 

"One  red-headed  duck,  and  let  the  blood  drip." 


222 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"Chairman  Hitchcock  wants  breast  of  chicken  with  wings 
attached  and  boiled  dumpHngs,"  announced  a  member. 

"Angel  with  dough,"  called  out  the  Nome  man. 

"Charles  P.  Taft  for  one,"  echoed  the  chef  from  the 
rear. 

The  souvenir  was  the  "Gridiron  Dream  Book"  by  Philander 
C.  Johnson  and  it  contained  many  wonderful  facts  and  fancies. 
Nearly  every  guest  had  a  dream  interpreted  for  him.  For 
Governor  Judson  Harmon  of  Ohio  it  was: 

To  dream  of  a  light  colored  house  with  pillars  means  a  disappointment. 
Beware  of  a  large  sized  gent  with  a  pleasant  smile.  He  will  cross  your  path.  A 
dark,  smooth-faced  man,  with  a  full-grown  voice,  is  interested  in  your  future. 
Cross  your  fingers  every  time  you  see  him. 

Another  reference  to  the  Taft  smile,  and  also  an  accurate 
prophecy,  was  contained  in  the  following  for  Henry  Watterson: 

To  dream  of  Marse  Henry  Watterson  means  that  there  will  be  a  scrap 
between  The-Spear-That-Knows-No-Brother  and  The-Smile-That-Won't-Come- 
Oflf  at  the  next  Republican  convention.     Go  early  and  avoid  the  rush. 

Other  suggestions  in  the  Dream  Book  were: 
For  Speaker  Cannon: 

Insurgents:  He  who  dreams  of  insurgents  should  lose  no  time  in  buying  an 
alarm  clock  so  as  to  stay  awake. 


For  Roosevelt: 

Africa:  To  dream  of  Africa  is  a  warn- 
ing of  a  movement  to  build  an  elephant 
house  where  the  tennis  court  used  to  be. 


THE    TAFT    ADMINISTRATION 


223 


For  Belasco: 

D-v-D  B-Lrsco:  To  dream  of  Shakes- 
peare, MoLiERE  or  Laura  Jean  Libbey 
is  a  warning  to  beware  of  professional 
jealousy. 


Here  are  some  of  the  bright  things  in  the  Dream  Book: 

During  the  absence  of  the  Boss  of  the  World,  Senator  Cummins  is  trying  to 
serve  as  an  understudy.     Do  not  overlook  him. 

If  you  get  by  Carpenter,  you  may  yet  live  in  splendor  and  happiness,  but  to 
get  by  Carpenter  you  must  depend  upon  your  own  ability  and  not  upon  political 
influence. 

If  you  want  to  know  whether  Uncle  Joe  is  still  Czar  of  the  House  of  Rep- 
resentatives, start  something. 

When  in  doubt,  see  Brother  Charlie. 

You  can  lead  a  Democratic  Politician  to  water,  but  that  does  not  make  him 
a  Prohibitionist. 

You  can't  always  tell  what  is  going  on  behind  a  smile  that  won't  come  off. 

The  fact  that  the  cackling  of  geese  saved  Rome  does  not  justify  the  insurgents 
in  making  such  a  racket.     Things  are  different  now.     Don't  be  a  cackler. 

Captain  Archibald   W.    Butt,   afterward  Major,  the  Presi- 
dent's aid,  was  mentioned  several  times  at  the 
dinner;    once    in    the   Alaska   skit  and  again  in 
the  Dream  Book,  which  said: 


To  dream  of  swords,  uniforms  and 
war  is  a  sign  of  good  luck,  prosperity 
and  peace.  You  will  travel  exten- 
sively with  a  large  party,  and  almost 
learn  to  play  golf,  and  have  your 
picture  taken  at  least  once. 


%»^cs^ 


4^^. 


224  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Then  Maj.  Stofer  sang  a  song  about  him,  describing  his 
various  activities,  traveling  with  the  President  and  playing  golf, 
his  debonair  spirit  and  genial  manner.  Poor  Archie!  We  all 
liked  him  and  the  Gridiron  Club  felt  that  it  lost  one  of  its  good 
friends  when  the  gallant  soldier  went  down  with  the  ill-fated 
Titanic, 


CHAPTER  XXIII 
DEALS   GENTLY   WITH  THE   ADMINISTRATION 

The  Twenty-Fifth  Anniversary  —  Roosevelt,  Though  Far 
Away,  Furnishes  Topics  —  Back  from  Elba  Club  — 
Uncle  Joe's  Cabin,  or  Life  Among  the  Insurgents 
—  Shirt-sleeve  Diplomacy  Ridiculed  —  Remarkable 
Speech  by  Senator  Gordon  of  Mississippi. 

WITH  a  President  and  Vice-President  on  either  side, 
Scott  C.  Bone  of  the  Washington  Herald,  President 
of  the  Gridiron  Club,  presided  over  a  dinner  at  which 
there  were  no  sharp  flings  at  either  of  the  distinguished  guests. 
Time  was  when  our  critics  —  the  Club  members  are  our  severest 
critics  —  said  our  dinners  were  "too  much  Roosevelt."  But 
Roosevelt  had  figured  so  prominently  because  he  was  doing 
things  that  attracted  the  attention  of  the  country  and  his  sayings 
and  doings  lent  themselves  peculiarly  well  to  Gridiron  satire  and 
burlesque.  And  at  this  dinner  in  February,  1910,  eleven  months 
after  he  had  left  the  White  House,  Mr.  Roosevelt  still  figured 
prominently  in  two  skits,  and  a  song.  One  skit  was  a  "Back 
fitom  Elba  Club,"  and  another  illustrated  Roosevelt  as  Speaker, 
it  having  been  suggested  that  he  would  make  a  good  presiding 
ofiicer  of  the  House  of  Representatives. 

It  was  the  25th  anniversary  of  the  Club  and,  being  of  a 
sentimental  turn  of  mind,  the  members  celebrated  the  event 
with  a  silver  souvenir.  The  menu  was  a  simple  card.  On  one 
page  was  printed  the  menu  of  the  dinner  25  years  before.  An- 
other page  gave  a  brief  sketch  of  the  formation  of  the  Club  and 
a  list  of  the  members  who  were  the  organizers. 

The  principal  skit  was  Uncle  Joe's  Cabin  or  Life  Among  the 
Insurgents.  This  introduced  "Uncle  Tom  Murdock,"  "John 
Dwight  Legree,"  "Marks  the  Speaker,"  "George  Harris 
Hayes,"  "Adolph  Norris,"  "Sambo  Gussie  Gardner,"  and 

225 


226  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


*'QuiMBO  Lexroot/'  Murdock  of  Kansas,  IL\yes  of  California, 
NoRRis  of  Nebraska,  Gardner  of  Massachusetts,  and  Lexroot 
of  "Wisconsin  were  the  leaders  of  the  insurgent  movement  of 
that  time.  Speaker  Caxxon  was  ruling  with  an  iron  hand  and 
was  assisted  by  Johx  AV.  Dwight,  the  Republican  whip.  Mur- 
dock was  impersonated  by  Dick  Oulahax,  Marks  by  Tom 
Noyes,  and  Little  Eva  by  John  Shriver. 

To  a  large  extent  the  skit  hung  on  the  failure  of  the  Taft 
administration  to  give  the  insurgents  patronage.  "I'se  going 
to  see  the  promised  land,"  said  Uncle  Tom,  "I'se  going  to  be 
Speaker  myself,  some  day."  And,  again,  he  told  '"Legree," 
who,  as  whip  of  the  majoritj^  was  trying  to  bring  the  insurgents 
back  into  the  Republican  camp,  "My  vote  belongs  to  the 
Democrats,  but  the  patronage  belongs  to  Taft." 

"I'm  a  czar,"  declared  "Marks,"  working  his  left  hand  and 
elevating  his  cigar.  "In  the  last  analysis  the  majority  rules  and 
I'm  the  majority.  Kick  the  insurgents  in  the  slats."  There  was 
more  to  the  same  effect,  but  it  did  not  neglect  to  show  that  the 
insurgents,  by  joining  the  Democrats,  had  unhorsed  the  czar  and 
"stepped  on  his  features." 

Finally,  continuing  the  idea  of  the  famous  story,  the  insur- 
gents were  placed  on  the  auction  block;  but  the  sale  was 
stopped  by  the  appearance  of  Secretary  Carpexter  with  a 
White  House  proclamation  of  amnesty  for  those  who  would 
come  back  in  the  fold  "and  all  will  be  forgiven  and  patronage 
will  be  restored." 

"What's  that  last?"  cried  "Uncle  Tom." 

"Patronage  will  be  restored." 

"Hooray!"  he  cried,  "we's  'manicipated.  Didn't  I  tole  ye' 
I  could  see  dem  pearly  gates?" 

The  real  emancipation  did  not  come,  however,  until  after 
the  congressional  campaign  of  1910  was  well  under  way,  when  a 
mysterious  letter  to  an  Iowa  insurgent  told  that  the  patronage 
would  be  restored  to  those  who  had  been  outside  the  ranks. 
A  part  of  the  complaints  of  the  time  by  insurgents  was  that 
those   Republicans   who   did   not   vote   with   the   organization   in 


DEALING    GENTLY 


227 


Congress  were  refused  patronage,   and  in  the  House  were  pun- 
ished by  the  Speaker  in  the  formation  of  the  committees. 

The  high  cost  of  living  was  then  one  of  the  topics  of  pubhc 
discussion  and  a  musical  skit  was  hung  upon  it  and  its  related 
causes.  Into  it  was  introduced  the  tariff,  infant  industries, 
various  trusts  and  the  Ultimate  Consumer  who  had  figured  in 
the  tariff  debates.  This  individual  sang  a  song  about  wanting  a 
finger  in  the  pie,  a  verse  of  which  follows: 

Oh,  the  ultimate  consumer  is  as  busy  as  can  be 
Endeavoring  to  pick  the  shell  that  hides  the  Httle  pea; 
I  vote  at  each  election  and  to  get  a  job  I  try 
But  in  politics  I  never  find  a  way  to  get  a  finger  in  the  pie. 

Was  the  "Back  from  Elba"  skit  of  the  Gridiron  Club  in 
February,  1910,  a  prophecy  of  what  happened  in  1912.^  Well, 
pretty  nearly.  The  "Club"  was  made  up  of  those  ardent 
Roosevelt  men  who  had  been  thrown  into  the  discard  by  the 
Taft  administration.  Members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  repre- 
sented Field  Marshall  Gifford  Pinchot,  Lieut.  General  James 
R.  Garfield,  and  a  number  of  lesser  lights.  When  Senator 
Beveridge's  name  was  called  the  only  response  was  the  loud 
beating  of  a  drum.  Jonathan  Bourne's  name  elicited  the 
response  that  he  was  golfing  with  President  Taft.  Bourne  had 
not  at  that  time  become  a  real  anti-TAFT  insurgent.  The  mem- 
bers of  the  "Back  from  Elba  Club"  wore  military  cloaks  and 
Napoleonic  hats  with  a  monogram  of  the  letters  T.  R.  upon 
them.  With  uplifted  hands  they  swore  fealty  to  "the  Absent 
One  across  the  Water." 

The  reason  for  assembling  was  the  admission  of  two  new 
recruits,  George  E.  Miller  of  the  Detroit  A^ews  and  John 
C ALLAN  O'Loughlin  of  the  Chicago  Tribune,  who  had  been 
recently  elected  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club.  It  so  happened 
that  both  were  ardent  Roosevelt  men.  Miller  was  first 
questioned  as  to  his  qualifications: 

"You  represent  a  radical  Democratic  paper .^" 

"Yes." 


228  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"But  it  endorses  the  present  administration." 

"Most  Democratic  papers  do." 

"Are  you  one  of  the  Press  Club  correspondents  that  President 
Taft  calls  rural  writers.^" 
I     "Yes,  but  I  hope  to  get  into  the  President's  metropolitan 
class  before  this  dinner  is  over." 

The  last  question  and  answer  referred  to  a  speech  which  the 
President  had  made  at  the  Press  Club,  when  he  said  that  he 
had  met  the  more  important  correspondents  at  Gridiron  dinners, 
but  was  glad  to  get  acquainted  with  those  who  represented  the 
smaller  papers.  Then  he  added  that  these  lesser  lights  were 
the  real  molders  of  public  opinion  because  the  correspondents  of 
the  big  metropolitan  papers  were  compelled  to  write  what  they 
were  told  to  by  the  editors  and  owners. 

Mr.  O'LouGHLiN  was  then  questioned: 

"You  represent  a  great  Republican  paper?" 

"Yes,  a  stalwart  Republican  newspaper." 

"And  it  is  fighting  the  administration.'^" 

"Well,  it  stands  for  the  uplift." 

After  the  new^  members  had  been  declared  qualified  and 
admitted,  the  "Back  from  Elba  Club"  marched  out  singing: 

When  Teddy  comes  marching  home  again. 

Hurrah !   Hurrah ! 
We'll  give  him  a  hearty  welcome  then. 

Hurrah !   Hurrah ! 
The  Club  will  cheer,  the  boys  will  shout. 
The  malefactors  will  all  go  out, 
And  we'll  get  jobs  when  Teddy  comes  marching  home. 

Roosevelt  as  Speaker  was  portrayed  by  Richard  V.  Oula- 
HAN  who  imitated  his  voice  and  manner.  Approaching  a 
temporary  desk  he  rapped  with  the  gavel  and  said:  "The- 
House-will-come-to-order!"  Then  he  repeated  it  and  fired  off  a 
pistol.  "When  I  said  it  I  meant  it!"  he  hissed.  "I  have 
appointed  as  special  employes  of  the  House  Seth  Bullock  of 
South  Dakota,  Bat  Masterson  of  Kansas,  Johx  Abernathy 
of  Oklahoma  and  Jim  Jeffries  of  California.     The  gentleman 


DEALING    GENTLY 


229 


from  Ohio  will  take  his  seat.  There  may  be  trouble  for  the 
gentleman  at  home  if  he  does  not  resume  his  place.  Thank  you, 
Nick,  I  knew  you  would  sit  down!" 

There  was  a  lot  more  to  the  same  effect  and  the  company 
enjoyed  it.  No  doubt  the  Colonel  would  have  appreciated  the 
impersonation  if  he  had  been  present. 

A  song  about  Roosevelt,  to  the  tune  of  I  Wonder  Who's 
Kissing  Her  Now,  described  a  bold  hunter  in  an  African  jungle, 
who  longed  for  the  really  big  game  he  had  hunted  at  home, 
and  had  this  verse  and  chorus: 

In  an  African  jungle  a  bold  hunter  sat 

On  the  skin  of  a  slaughtered  baboon; 
Where  the  dig-dig  and  bongo  were  teasing  the  cat. 

And  the  ostrich  was  singing  a  tune. 
Said  he:   "Mollycoddles  so  harmless  and  tame  — 

They  are  all  that  I  find  as  I  roam; 
It  is  really  a  shame  and  I  long  for  big  game 

The  kind  that  I  am  used  to  at  home. 


230  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


I  wonder  who's  cussing  them  now; 

I  wonder  who's  busting  the  trusts; 

Wonder  who's  feelings  are  deeply  stirred 

By  the  short  and  ugly  word. 

I  wonder  who's  wielding  the  stick; 

I  wonder  if  Taft's  learned  the  trick; 

Malefactors  of  wealth  who  do  business  by  stealth  — 

I  wonder  who's  cussing  them  now! 

Although  President  Taft  went  almost  scot  free  at  the  dinner, 
members  of  his  Cabinet  were  touched  up.  It  was  just  after  a 
letter  written  by  Attorney-General  Wickersham  had  been  stolen 
and  published.  James  P.  Hor^Taday,  looking  very  much  like 
Mr.  Wickersham,  chased  another  member  of  the  Club  through 
the  dining-room,  shouting,  "Stop,  thief!"  Called  to  account 
for  interrupting  the  dinner,  he  said  that  the  fleeing  member  had 
purloined  "another  of  my  letters."  One  important  letter  had 
been  stolen  from  the  Department  of  Justice.  The  member  with 
the  letter  was  compelled  to  surrender  it  and  it  was  read.  It  was 
addressed  to  "My  dear  Senator,"  and  discussed  the  big  matters 
pending  in  the  Department  of  Justice  in  a  free  and  easy  manner. 
These  included  the  sugar  trust,  the  tobacco  trust,  standard  oil, 
and  watering  stock.  Reference  was  made  to  the  high  cost  of 
living  which  was  agitating  the  country  to  such  a  great  extent, 
and  which  has  figured  prominently  in  the  politics  of  the  country 
ever  since. 

Secretary  Knox  was  severely  ridiculed  regarding  his  adminis- 
tration of  the  State  Department.  He  was  impersonated  by 
Oscar  King  Davis,  who,  in  shirt-sleeves,  burlesqued  the  so- 
called  "shirt-sleeve  diplomacy"  of  the  department.  With  a 
baseball  bat  he  pounded  on  the  table  when  displeased  and 
flourished  a  shot-gun  to  emphasize  his  orders  relating  to  foreign 
questions,  particularly  as  to  the  Southern  republics.  "Near- 
sighted" and  "far-sighted"  Under-Secretaries  figured  in  the  skit, 
as  the  bureaus  of  the  Near-East  and  Far-East  had  been  recently 
established  in  the  Department  of  State.  An  effort  had  been 
made  by  Mr.  Knox  to  introduce  the  English  "Under-Secretary" 


DEALING    GENTLY  231 


to  take  the  place  of  the  "Assistant  Secretary"  as  the  official 
always  has  been  called  in  this  country.  Reference  was  made  to 
the  Chinese  loan,  and  how  J.  Pierpont  Morgan  had  broken 
into  the  English-German-French  syndicate. 

A  messenger  announced  that  Andrew  Carnegie  was  waiting 
outside  and  wanted  to  give  $20,000,000  to  the  cause  of  peace  in 
Central  America. 

"What!"  exclaimed  the  fake  Secretary.  "That  old  book 
agent  again.  I  have  no  patience  with  those  mealy-mouthed 
peace  people." 

Denmark  had  received  Dr.  Cook  and  made  much  of  him, 
royalty  dining  the  discoverer  and  showing  him  every  attention. 
"Take  this  ultimatum  to  Denmark,"  roared  the  Secretary. 
"The  next  time  Denmark  receives  a  discoverer  of  the  North 
Pole  don't  receive  him."  The  lack  of  cordiality  existing  between 
Elihu  Root,  Knox's  predecessor,  and  himself,  was  illustrated 
in  sending  word  to  the  former  Secretary  to  "wait  outside." 

Satirizing  further  the  ultimatum  which  had  been  sent  to 
Chile  demanding  the  immediate  settlement  of  an  old  claim,  a 
"Knox  boomerang"  was  brought  in  on  a  tray.  It  was  a  very 
large  fire-cracker  and  some  one  shouted,  "Look  out!  It's  going 
off!"  The  "actors"  dodged  and  then  a  very  small  percussion 
cap  exploded.  The  Chilean  incident  was  more  severely  criticized 
than  any  other  act  of  the  State  Department. 

A  reference  to  Secretary  Knox  and  his  dealings  with  Central 
America  had  been  made  in  the  way  of  inaugurating  Mr.  Bone. 
There  appeared  one  "Zelaya"  who  announced  that  as  he  was 
retiring  as  President  of  Nicaragua,  and  having  no  other  job,  he 
wanted  to  be  President  of  the  Gridiron  Club,  proposing  to  oust 
Bone  by  a  revolution.  His  attention  was  called  to  the  presence 
of  Secretary  Knox.  ''Caramba!''  he  exclaimed.  "Me  for 
Mexico!"  and  beat  a  hasty  retreat. 

At  the  previous  dinner  of  the  Club  Private  John  Allen  of 
Tupelo,  Mississippi,  had  been  a  guest  and  in  the  course  of  his 
humorous  remarks  said  that  the  dinners  had  grown  more  pre- 
tentious than  when  he  first  attended,  but  as  for  the  guests  they 


232  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


seemed  to  be  about  of  the  same  character;  "although,"  he 
added,  "there  are  not  as  many  railroad  presidents  and  general 
passenger  agents  here  as  in  the  days  before  passes  were  abol- 
ished." 

President  Bone  directed  that  the  names  of  half  a  dozen 
prominent  railroad  men  be  called  and  they  were  requested  to 
stand.  "Gentlemen,"  he  said,  "you  are  living  exhibits  and  a 
burning  refutation  of  the  slander  uttered  by  Private  John  Allen 
at  our  last  dinner  to  the  effect  that  the  Gridiron  Club  quit 
entertaining  railroad  men  after  the  anti-pass  law  went  into 
effect." 

The  dinner  was  remarkable  on  account  of  one  of  those  unex- 
pected "finds"  in  one  of  the  men  called  upon  for  a  speech. 
Gen.  James  Gordon,  a  man  of  77  years,  had  been  appointed 
to  serve  a  short  term  vacancy  in  the  United  States  Senate  from 
Mississippi.  He  was  a  picturesque  figure;  while  his  career  held 
enough  romance  and  adventure  for  half  a  dozen  men.  Senator 
Gordon  was  called  on  more  as  a  compliment  than  with  any  idea 
that  he  would  make  a  hit.  The  result  was  as  gratifying  as  it 
was  unexpected.  Without  the  slightest  pretense  at  oratory  this 
old  gentleman  talked  along  about  conditions,  the  men  present, 
the  administration,  his  ideas  of  the  Senate  and  the  features  of 
the  dinner.  The  speech  simply  bubbled  with  apparently  uncon- 
scious humor,  but  those  nearby  saw  the  spark  of  fun  in  the  eye 
of  the  old  general  which  showed  that  he  knew  exactly  what  he 
was  saying.  Senator  Gordon  delivered  another  remarkable 
speech  in  the  Senate,  the  appeal  of  a  man  who  had  spent  four 
years  in  the  Confederacy,  who  had  suffered  through  reconstruc- 
tion, but  who,  in  his  old  age,  plead  for  unity  of  sections  and 
loyalty  to  the  nation. 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

FIRST    TRIUMPH    OF    DEMOCRACY    IN    SIXTEEN 

YEARS 

Election  Results  of  1910  Furnish  Interesting  Features — 
Seeking  to  Ride  with  Miss  Democracy  —  First  Men- 
tion OF  WooDROW  Wilson  —  Gridiron  Playhouse  as 
Souvenir  —  Display  of  Lame  Ducks  —  President  Taft 
Pokes  Fun  at  Gov.  Harmon  —  Coolness  between 
Taft  and  Roosevelt. 

THE  triumph  of  Democracy  in  the  Congressional  elections 
of  November,  the  first  in  sixteen  years,  and  a  forecast  of 
what  it  meant  in  future  political  campaigns,  in  the  man- 
agement of  national  affairs,  and  in  the  personal  fortunes  of  many 
prominent  public  men,  were  the  features  of  the  Gridiron  dinner 
in  December,  1910. 

A  Napoleonic  reference  to  the  campaign  was  the  "Retreat 
from  Moscow."  The  retreat  was  a  procession  of  Club  members 
impersonating  down-and-outs  who  had  been  prominent  in  affairs 
under  the  long  reign  of  Republicanism.  As  Roosevelt's  candi- 
date for  Governor  of  New  York  had  been  among  the  defeated,  a 
member  impersonating  the  former  President  was  the  leader  of 
the  battered  and  crippled  contingent,  which  included  other 
prominent  men  who  had  been  defeated  in  the  election. 

Then  in  triumph  came  Champ  Clark  and  his  pair  of  mules, 
the  Democratic  leader  having  Cannon,  Payne,  and  Dalzell 
chained  to  his  chariot.  No  one  knows  how  the  story  was 
started  about  Champ  and  his  pledge  to  drive  a  team  of  mules 
down  Pennsylvania  avenue.  Champ  declared  the  author  to  be 
a  member  of  the  Ananias  Club.  However  that  may  be,  it 
served  to  introduce  him  in  the  role  of  the  coming  Speaker. 
What  he  promised  the  minority  members  was  a-plenty.  He 
told  Cannon  he  was  going  to  make  him  chairman  of  the  Com- 
mittee on  Disposition  of  Useless  Papers  — ''that's  the  place  for 

233 


234 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


the   Payne-Aldrich   tariff   law,"    he   said.     He   promised   Payne 
and  Dalzell  that  "the  brawny  Ollie  James  would  walk  over 


/  / 


them  every  morning."  Oscar  Underwood  was  called  upon  to 
produce  a  tariff  bill,  and  Clark  declared  that  it  had  too  much 
protection  in  it.     Then  a  reference  was  made  to  Bryan,  and 


TRIUMPH    OF    DEMOCRACY  235 

Underwood  declared,  '*We  will  have  no  more  Bryan."  This 
started  Ollie  James  to  shouting,  "Bryan  forever!"  The  mules 
became  obstreperous  in  spite  of  pleas  for  harmony,  and  finally 
bolted  away  dragging  Clark  after  them. 

"Miss  Democracy"  also  appeared,  Oscar  King  Davis  play- 
ing the  part.  She  was  going  to  have  a  joy  ride  in  a  band  wagon 
for  the  first  time  in  sixteen  years.  She  was  a  big,  strong,  husky- 
looking  damsel. 

"You  do  not  look  like  the  Miss  Democracy  we  have  seen 
pictured  for  so  many  years,"  she  was  told. 

"You  bet  I  don't,"  she  replied,  shaking  a  strong  arm.  "I'm 
no  simpering  old  maid.  I'm  militant,  I  am;  I'm  the  original 
Fanny  Frazzle;    I  beat  them  to  it." 

"But  this  is  no  place  to  be  flaunting  yourself,"  said  President 
Bone. 

"Flaunting  myself!"  shouted  the  lady:  "Why,  look  here, 
young  man,  I'm  flaunting  myself  all  over  the  whole  blamed 
country,  and  the  flaunting  is  pretty  good." 

"I  insist  that  you  retire,"  said  Bone. 

Miss  Democracy  executed  a  few  dancing  steps  on  her  toes 
with  vigor  and  replied: 

"Retire.f^  Come  on  and  make  me  retire!  You  talk  like 
T.  R.  before  election  day." 

Then  came  various  applicants  to  ride  in  the  band  wagon  with 
Miss  Democracy,  mostly  governors  and  governors-elect  and 
others,  impersonated  by  members  of  the  Club.  There  were 
Dix  of  New  York,  Baldwin  of  Connecticut,  Foss  of  Massachu- 
setts, Harmon  of  Ohio,  Wilson  of  New  Jersey,  Kern  of  Indiana, 
Folk  of  Missouri,  and  Bryan  of  Nebraska.  Each  had  a  reason 
for  demanding  a  seat  beside  Miss  Democracy  and  each  was 
refused.     Gov.  Harmon  thus  stated  his  claim: 

"I'm  a  friend  of  the  masses,  and  the  classes  are  a  friend  of 
mine.     I  get  them  coming  and  going."  ' 

That  Jittle  line,  much  to  the  regret  of  the  members  of  the 
Gridiron  Club,  was  used  with  great  effect  against  Gov.  Harmon 
in  his  campaign  for  President. 


236  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


The  colloquy  between  Gov.  Wilson  and  Miss  Democracy, 
in  view  of  the  governor's  prominefice,  is  given  in  full: 

"This  looks  like  a  scholarly  gent;  I  wonder  who  he  is." 

*'I  am  Dr.  Woodrow  Wilson  of  New  Jersey." 

*' Howdy,  Doc." 

*'And  when  I  speak  all  listen." 

"Well,  there's  a  lot  of  us  out  West  who  are  pretty  deaf. 
Get  off!" 

"Hold  on.  I  am  the  only  man  fitted  to  be  the  National 
Voice." 

"This  National  Voice  business  is  played  out.  What  we  want 
is  a  National  Silence." 

"But,  mark  you,  I  was  born  in  Virginia,  the  Mother  of 
Presidents." 

"Yes;    but  you  shook  mamma  at  an  early  age.     Get  off!" 

All  candidates  were  thrust  aside  by  a  big,  burly  person 
labeled  "the  interests,"  who  announced  that  he  would  decide 
later  who  was  to  ride  in  that  band  wagon. 

A  musical  skit  with  Mikado  music  arranged  by  Philander 
C.  Johnson  introduced  a  number  of  interesting  characters.  The 
apparent  reason  for  it  was  the  decapitation  of  Speaker  Cannon, 
who  as  Nanki  Jo  played  a  star  part  assisted  by  Mikado  Taft, 
Ko  Ko  LoNGWORTH,  PisH  TusH  Clark,  and  Pooh  Bah  Cummins. 
Mikado  Taft  came  in  just  at  the  right  moment  to  save  Nanki 
Jo  from  the  snickersnee.  The  Mikado  referred  to  a  number 
of  matters  connected  with  his  position  and  incidentally  to  the 
recent  election,  and  with  the  chorus  sang  these  lines: 

My  smile  is  still  serene. 
As  plainly  may  be  seen  — 

No  matter  how  they  jump  the  track  and  batter  the  old 
machine. 

For  I  am  quite  content 

To  do  the  work  that's  meant 
For  a  big  American  President  —  American  President. 

President  Taft's  remarks  that  night  were  unusually  interest- 
ing.    Not   a  single  javelin  had   been  flung  at   him.     He  joshed 


TRIUMPH    OF    DEMOCRACY 


237 


his  old  friend  Judson  Harmon  for  failure  to  make  a  good  speech. 
He  then  told  something  about  his  earlier  career  when  he  was 
holding  a  judicial  position  in  Ohio.  Gov.  Foraker  and  Jud 
Harmon  were  trying  to  have  his  term  extended.  The  President 
paused:  *'How  times  change!"  he  said,  and  there  was  a  roar  of 
laughter,  for  ForakeH  was  then  doing  his  best  to  defeat  Taft, 
and  Harmon  was  a  candidate  for  the  presidency. 

The  souvenir  for  that  dinner  was  a  little  booklet  called  the 
"Gridiron  Playhouse,"  fashioned 
after  a  theatrical  program,  with 
reading  matter,  notes,  advertise- 
ments, and  illustrations.  It  was 
prepared  by  a  menu  committee 
of  which  James  P.  Hornaday 
of  the  Indianapolis  News,  was 
chairman.  A  "lame  duck  series" 
pictured  statesmen  who  had  been 
defeated,  as  ducks  on  crutches. 
There  were  many  of  them,  in- 
cluding Senators  Scott,  Burkett, 
Depew,  Kean,  Carter,  Burrows, 
Beveridge,  and  Dick;  and  Representatives  Keifer,  Hull, 
Parker,  Olcott,  Tawney,  Alexander,  and  Parsons. 

Among  the  advertisements  was  one  for  the  "Lookin,"  with 
Col.  Theodore  Roosevelt  associate  editor.  Then  the  "Play- 
house" announced  an  "extraordinary  attraction  for  December, 
1912,"  promising  the  appearance  in  a  stellar  role  of  at  least  one 
of  the  following:  Woodrow  Wilson,  Judson  Harmon,  Thomas 
R.  Marshall,  John  A.  Dix,  Mayor  Gaynor,  Eugene  N.  Foss, 
or  John  W.  Folk.  We  got  two  of  them  —  Wilson  and  Mar- 
shall. 

I  There  were  two  pages  of  "intercepted  letters,"  bearing  dates 
from  July  1,  1910,  to  Nov.  15,  1910.  The  first  began,  "Dear 
Bill,"  and  ended,  "Devotedly,  Theodore,"  the  second  began, 
"Dear  Theodore,"  and  ended,  "Affectionately,  Bill."  Then  the 
style  of  address  and  superscription  gradually  changed,  until  the 


An  Advertisement 


238 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


ninth  letter  began,  "Dear  Mr.  President,"  and  closed,  "Yours 
truly,  T.  Roosevelt,"  and  the  tenth  and  last  began,  "My  dear 
Colonel  Roosevelt,"  and  closed,  "Yours,  W.  H.  Taft." 

There  were  a  number  of  "classified  ads"  and  under  the 
situations  wanted  was  this: 

Young  man  seeks  position  as  R.  R.  President,  Director  in  Corporation, 
Ambassador,  or  after  dinner  orator.     Chauncey. 

And  another: 

A  quiet  little  man  who  has  gathered  information  for  Nelson  W.  Aldrich 
during  the  last  twelve  years  will  soon  be  ready  for  anything  good  outside  of 
politics.     John  Kean. 

Senator  Kean  had  been  for  years  called  "Aldrich's  Ears," 
because  of  his  quiet  way  of  hunting  up  everything  and  carrying 
it  to  the  Rhode  Island  Senator. 

There  was  a  picture  of  Representatives  Fitzgerald  of  New 
York  and  Burleson  of  Texas  struggling  for  the  chairmanship  of 
the  Committee  on  Appropriations.  In  the  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives the  struggle  went  on  until  Fitzgerald  won. 

Another  picture  showed  the  dome  of  the  capitol,  and  the 
Washington  monument  blackened  by  smoke  which  was  belching 


from  a  dozen  chimneys,  and  underneath  the  words,  "Since 
Teddy  Went  Away."  President  Roosevelt  secured  the  passage 
of  an  anti-smoke  law  for  Washington  which  really  had  teeth  in 
it,  and  he  had  it  enforced  vigorously.  Since  he  left  the  White 
House  nothing  has  been  heard  of  the  law,  and  smoke  can  be 
seen  streaming  from  a  hundred  chimneys  every  day. 


TRIUMPH     OF    DEMOCRACY 


239 


Under    the    heading    '*  Information    for    guests,"    were    the 
following  paragraphs: 

Joseph  G.  Cannon  is  the  only  man  permitted  to  smoke  in  this  playhouse. 
Packages  must  not  be  brought  into  the  hall. 

The  secret  service  men  are  present  at  Colonel  Roosevelt's  request.     They 
are  shadowing  Jim  Tawney. 


240  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Our  guests  are  expected  to  remove  their  hats  during  the  performance. 
You  can(t)  tell  what  is  going  to  happen  by  looking  at  the  program. 
If  you  are  called  on  for  a  speech  do  not  talk  less  than  forty  minutes.     Short 
speeches  right  to  the  point  are  rotten. 

Too  often  speakers  at  Gridiron  dinners  are  tiresome  in 
extolling  the  newspaper  profession  and  praising  the  Gridiron 
Club,  hence  the  souvenir  contained  the  following  under  the 
heading  "Advice  to  Orators": 

The  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  know  that  it  is  the  most  unique  Club  in 
the  world  as  well  as  the  most  famous. 

They  know  that  it  gives  the  best  dinners  in  the  world. 

They  also  have  a  fair  knowledge  of  the  newspaper  business. 

They  know  that  they  MOLD  PUBLIC  OPINION;  that  they  MAKE  and 
UNMAKE  PUBLIC  MEN. 

They  understand  all  about  the  POWER  OF  THE  PRESS,  and  what  ought 
to  be  their  MISSION  IN  LIFE. 

They  also  know  that  you  ARE  GLAD  TO  BE  HERE;  that  you  DID  NOT 
EXPECT  TO  BE  CALLED  UPON,  etc.,  etc. 

Remember  your  time  is  short  and  soon  you  may  be  called  down,  so  omit 
references  to  all  the  hackneyed  themes  and  phrases. 

"Don'ts"  were  for  the  benefit  of  those  who  did  not  speak. 
Among  them  were  the  following: 

Don't  expect  all  the  speakers  to  be  funny.  Some  of  them  think  this  is  a 
place  to  inculcate  great  moral  lessons  and  they  can't  be  headed  off. 

Don't  forget  that  you  are  present  on  account  of  your  especial  fitness  for  a 
Gridiron  guest.     Even  the  worst  among  you  have  some  redeeming  qualities. 

Don't  laugh  too  soon.  We  would  rather  you  would  get  the  point  next 
day  than  spoil  it  by  showing  your  appreciation  before  the  climax.  Your  host 
will  give  you  your  cue. 

Don't  shout,  "  Louder ! "  The  man  who  talks  so  you  can't  hear  is  not  saying 
anything  important. 

Don't  repeat  a  joke  to  your  neighbor.  He,  no  doubt,  got  it  and  is  waiting  for 
the  next  one. 


TRIUMPH    OF    DEMOCRACY  241 

Governors  in  office  and  just  elected  figured  prominently  at 
the  dinner  after  the  Democratic  victory  of  1910.  Those  who 
attended  were  Foss  of  Massachusetts,  Harmon  of  Ohio,  John- 
son of  California,  Osborn  of  Michigan,  Stubbs  of  Kansas, 
Tener  of  Pennsylvania. 

In  less  than  two  years  five  of  these  guests  were  numbered 
among  the  governors  who  were  a  great  factor  in  the  presidential 
campaign.  Johnson,  Osborn  and  Stubbs  were  three  of  the 
"seven  little  governors"  who  were  in  a  large  measure  responsible 
for  Roosevelt's  candidacy  before  the  Republican  national 
convention.  Two  others,  Foss  and  Harmon,  were  voted  for  in 
the  Democratic  national  convention. 


CHAPTER  XXV 
POLITICAL   EVENTS   OF  AN   OFF   YEAR 

Management  of  the  House  Under  New  System  Burlesqued 
—  Japanese  War  Scare  Discovered  —  Imitation  of 
Orators  at  the  Dinners  —  Mother  Goose  in  Gridiron 
Rhyme  —  Touching  up  Taft  —  Peace  Dove  a  Goose  — 
Faust  in  Politics  —  Unique  Supreme  Court  —  Peer- 
less Leader  Present  by  Proxy. 

THE  policy  of  the  Democratic  party  in  turning  the  manage- 
ment of  the  House  over  to  the  majority  members  of  the 
Ways  and  Means  Committee  was  ridiculed  at  the  dinner 
of  the  Gridiron  Club  in  February,  1911.  Fifteen  members  of 
the  Club  demanded  that  the  new  President,  Richard  V.  Oula- 
han,  of  the  New  York  Sun,  should  turn  over  the  management 
of  the  dinner  to  them. 

"But  fifteen  men  cannot  preside  over  this  dinner,"  remon- 
strated OULAHAN. 

"Fifteen  men  are  to  preside  over  the  next  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives," they  declared. 

At  that  point  a  member  impersonating  Champ  Clark  was 
brought  in  with  his  hands  tied  and  ropes  about  his  body. 

"I  am  Exhibit  A,"  he  said. 

"Exhibit  A  of  what.'^"  he  was  asked. 

"Exhibit  A  of  what  a  rules  fight  in  one  Congress  can  do  to  a 
perfectly  good  Speaker  in  the  next." 

Champ  Clark,  as  leader  of  the  Democrats,  and  with  aid  of 
the  Insurgent  Republicans,  had  conducted  a  fight  in  the  House 
against  "Cannonism,"  which  had  resulted  in  taking  away  from 
the  Speaker  much  of  his  power,  removing  him  from  the  com- 
mittee on  rules  and  denying  him  the  right  to  name  the  com- 
mittees. These  radical  changes,  when  tried  out,  practically 
took  away  the  Speaker's  power  and  prestige,  leaving  him  in  a 
large  measure  simply  a  presiding  officer  of  the  House.     In  reahty 

242 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  243 

the  power  was  transferred  to  the  Chairman  of  the  Committee 
on  Ways  and  Means. 

The  Gridiron  Club  in  ridiculing  the  new  system  did  not  take 
any  power  from  their  President.  On  the  contrary  President 
OuLAHAX  offered  to  make  a  compromise  with  the  fifteen.  If 
they  would  do  something  worthy  of  consideration  he  would  allow 
them  to  become  members  of  the  new  "Hog  Combine  for  the 
distribution  of  patronage."     To  this  they  assented,  and  rushed  out. 

They  returned  soon  with  a  man  who  looked  like  a  Japanese. 

** We've  caught  a  Japanese  spy  red-handed!"  they  announced, 
and  from  the  bundle  he  carried  they  extracted  various  "incrimi- 
nating documents,"  among  which  were  the  following: 

Plan  of  Hon.  Underwood  to  hamstring  Hon.  Clark. 

Photograph  of  knives  to  be  used  at  love  feast  in  New  Jersey  between  Hon. 
Wilson  and  Hon.  Jim  Smith. 

Blue-print  of  Hon.  Taft's  mind  when  Hon.  Hitchcock  refused  to  be  im- 
pelled with  toe  of  boot  out  of  Republican  National  Committee. 

Hot  air  ration  for  Hon.  Jonathan  Bourne's  Republican  Salvation  Army. 

Tracing  showing  Hon.  Sacred  Codfish  in  Boston  State  House  shot  to  pieces 
by  Hon.  Canadian  Reciprocity. 

Blue-print  of  Hon.  Hale's  mind  when  Hon.  Borah  galloped  off  with  Senate 
leadership. 

Diagram  showing  where  Hon.  Cummins  will  place  step-ladder  on  back  porch 
of  the  White  House. 

Snapshot  of  Hon.  Aldrich  in  Florida  showing  there's  one  man  who's  had 
enough. 

Thought  diagram  of  Hon.  Tariff  Commission  Boomers  holding  bag  with  slit 
in  it  by  Hon.  Bailey. 

Measurements  of  Hon.  Hole  into  which  Congress  throws  a  Billion  Dollars 
each  year. 

Phonograph  record  showing  long  intervals  of  silence  at  Oyster  Bay. 

Perhaps  an  explanation  is  necessary  for  those  who  may  have 
forgotten  what  was  important  in  the  pubHc  mind  of  that  time: 
By  becoming  chairman  of  the  Ways  and  Means  Committee  Mr. 
Underw^ood  became  the  power  in  the  House  of  Representatives 
and  Speaker  Clark  a  secondary  figure.  It  was  stated  about 
that  time  that  former  Senator  James  Smith  and  Gov.  Woodrow 


244  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Wilson  were  to  get  together  for  party  harmony  at  a  love  feast 
in  New  Jersey.  Senator  Bourne  had  a  scheme  for  saving  the 
Republican  party.  Although  Massachusetts  was  supporting 
Canadian  Reciprocity  which  President  Taft  was  forcing  through 
Congress  the  codfish  industry  was  sending  out  S.O.S.  signals 
every  da3^  If  there  was  one  man  more  than  another  that 
Senator  Hale  hated  to  see  go  to  the  front  in  the  United  States 
Senate  it  was  Senator  Borah.  Senator  Cummins  was  at  that 
time  active  in  jabbing  the  Taft  administration.  After  he  had 
decided  to  retire  Senator  Aldrich  remained  away  from  the 
Senate  and  ceased  his  active  management  of  the  body.  Senator 
Bailey  was  the  most  pronounced  foe  of  the  Tariff  Commission 
and  took  delight  in  punching  its  reports  full  of  holes.  The 
reference  to  the  billion  dollar  appropriations  need  no  explana- 
tions;   nor  does  the  silence  at  Oyster  Bay. 

After  examining  the  papers  of  the  Japanese  spy  a  disguise 
was  torn  away  and  disclosed  a  man  who  looked  like  Representa- 
tive Richmond  P.  Hobson. 

"What  do  you  mean,  Mr.  Hobson,  by  playing  the  Japanese 
spy.'*"  he  was  asked. 

"I  am  the  Japanese  war  scare,"  was  the  reply. 

Imitating  speakers  at  a  Gridiron  dinner;  or  an  insurgent 
organization  in  the  Club,  was  one  of  the  features.  Sam  Blythe, 
Bob  Wynne  and  Tom  Noyes  were  the  insurgents  and  proceeded 
to  hold  a  dinner  of  their  own.  When  they  announced  to  Presi- 
dent OuLAHAN  their  purpose  he  said  he  did  not  know  there  was 
an  insurgent  wing  in  the  Gridiron  Club. 

'"That's  the  trouble  with  all  you  standpatters,"  was  the 
reply.  "You  never  do  find  out  what  is  going  on  until  somebody 
hits  you  with  an  ax." 

After  a  further  parley  the  insurgents  went  on  with  their 
"dinner,"  a  number  of  members  entering  as  guests.  Louis  W. 
Strayer  of  the  Pittsburgh  Dispatch  was  Andrew  Carnegie 
and  when  introduced  said: 

"I  have  only  one  ambition:  that  is  to  die  poor.  I  am  against 
battleships  now  that  I  am  out  of  the  armor  plate  business.     I 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  245 

have  given  away  six  billion  dollars  which  shows  that  John  D. 
Rockefeller  is  a  piker.  You  have  no  idea  how  hard  it  is  to  give 
away  money  in  such  a  manner  that  it  will  get  into  the  newspapers." 

L.  White  Busbey  impersonated  Jim  Tawney  and  declared 
he  was  for  economy  and  against  expenditures  for  war  purposes. 
"Of  what  use  is  a  battleship  to  Winona,  Minnesota.'^"  he  asked. 

Speaker  Cannon,  Vice-President  Sherman,  Senator  Beve- 
RiDGE,  and  Champ  Clark  were  imitated  as  speakers.  All  who 
were  introduced  closed  with  the  same  remark  that,  "No  member 
of  the  Gridiron  Club  ever  betrayed  my  confidence."  So  many 
men  have  made  that  statement  at  Gridiron  dinners  that  it  has 
become  hackneyed  and  threadbare  to  the  members. 

A  musical  skit  was  given  for  the  special  benefit  of  the  Ger- 
man Ambassador  who  was  a  guest.  Philander  C.  Johnson 
played  the  part  of  a  German  instructor  and  with  a  blackboard 
showed  Count  Bernstorff  a  number  of  interesting  persons 
and  things,  to  each  of  which  was  chanted  a  little  verse  of  ex- 
planation in  German.  On  the  board  were  pictures  of  President 
Taft,  Kaiser  Wilhelm,  a  suffragette,  a  steam  roller,  a  barrel 
of  sugar  labeled  Havemeyer,  a  baseball  score  of  goose  eggs  and 
a  picture  of  Col.  Roosevelt  labeled  "Schnickle  Fritz." 

Count  Bernstorff  was  called  upon  to  speak  immediately 
afterward  and  he  showed  that  he  had  caught  the  Gridiron  spirit, 
just  as  he  did  on  subsequent  occasions,  not  only  making  a  witty 
speech,  but  telling  some  good  new  stories. 

Henry  Hall  again  addressed  a  number  of  new  senators. 
"You  are,"  he  said,  "or  will  soon  become,  members  of  that 
great  and  garrulous  body,  the  United  States  Senate.  Of  course 
you  know  that  it  is  great  and  you  will  soon  know  that  it  is 
garrulous.  Lungs  and  language  are  the  requisites  to  fame  in 
the  Senate. 

"The  Senate  is  a  great  body  and  the  best  thing  about  it  is 
that  no  State  can  have  more  than  two  Senators.  Some  think 
we  would  be  better  off  with  none  at  all,  but  they  are  like  pro- 
hibitionists, who  confuse  and  confound  temperance  with  total 
abstinence. 


246  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


*'Last  fall  was  an  open  season  for  Senators,"  said  Mr.  Hall 
referring  to  the  many  changes  which  would  take  place  in  the 
Senate  as  a  result  of  the  election.  "The  Senate  will  not  be 
what  it  has  been.  No,  the  Senate  will  not  be  what  it  used  to 
be.  But  cheer  up.  Twenty  years  from  now  newspaper  men 
will  be  saying,  'You  should  have  seen  the  Senate  when  I  first 
knew  it.  Pomerene,  Chilton,  Hitchcock,  Townsend,  Swan- 
son  and  Watson  —  there  were  giants  in  those  days.'  And 
they  will  believe  what  they  are  saying  —  and  so  will  you." 

The  senators  named  were  receiving  the  lecture.  Hall  con- 
tinued: 

"When  last  it  was  my  privilege  to  instruct  the  kindergarten 
senators,  I  said  the  first  requisite  of  a  senator  was  to  look  like 
one.  That  doesn't  go  now.  Nearly  all  the  men  whom  we  have 
been  told  looked  like  senators  will  retire  the  fourth  of  March  next." 

Mr.  Hall  gave  a  serious  turn  to  his  remarks  in  speaking  of 
the  Oregon  and  other  plans  for  electing  senators.  He  named 
a  dozen  or  more  famous  men  who  had  been  chosen  by  the  old 
method,  adding:  "In  scanning  the  long  roll  of  American  sena- 
tors from  Daniel  "Webster  to  Jonathan  Bourne  there  is  room 
for  doubt  whether  the  Oregon  plan  is  what  it  is  cracked  up  to  be." 

Thinking  was  the  title  of  a  song  sung  for  the  benefit  of  a 
number  of  statesmen  who  had  become  prominent  by  success 
or  defeat  in  the  last  election.     The  last  verse  w^as: 

From  an  election  long  past 

There  came  a  rumor  striking, 
New  Jersey's  votes  were  not  all  cast 

To  WooDROW  Wilson's  liking. 

(Chorus) 
Oh,  say  is  Woodrow  Wilson's  boom 
Into  depression  sinking? 

(Solo) 
His  boom  is  fine,  but  I  presume 
He's  thinking, 

thinking, 

thinking. 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  247 


Songs  of  Famous  Men  was  another  taking  musical  produc- 
tion. And,  though  not  a  guest,  Roosevelt  was  remembered  in 
the  following: 

There  was  a  man  in  ancient  Rome 

Who  used  to  fiddle  till  the  cows  came  home. 

Who  was  it  played  the  tunes  he  learned, 

And  who  never  cared  a  nickel  who  got  burned? 

Roosevelt, 

He  was  the  village  cut  up, 

Roosevelt, 

Leader  of  the  band. 

Roosevelt, 

He  was  a  mighty  hunter. 
But  the  Old  Guard  chased  him  to  the  promised  land. 

"Mother  Goose  in  Gridiron  Rhyme,"  was  the  souvenir  of 
the  dinner  in  December,  1911,  and  it  covered  the  entire  political 
field.  It  was  prepared  under  the  direction  of  Leroy  T.  Vernon 
of  the  Chicago  News,  chairman  of  the  menu  committee.  The 
illustrations  were  by  Berryman. 

The  first  picture  showed  the  White  House  remodeled  as  a 
locomotive  engine  and  a  flying  machine  combined. 

This  is  the  house  Jack 
(ought  to  have)  built. 

was  the  legend  under  the  picture.  This  was  because  of  Presi- 
dent Taft's  inclination  to  travel  about  the  country  to  such 
an  extent. 


248 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


The  House  Jack  (ought  to  have)  Built 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  249 

The  next  picture  showed  the  G.O.P.  elephant  on  his  back 
and  GiFFORD  Pinchot,  James  R.  Garfield  and  Theodore 
Roosevelt  —  the  latter  with  a  big  stick  —  mauling  the  poor 
animal  unmercifully.     The  verse  accompanying  this  picture  ran: 


Beat  em'  up,  beat  'em  up,  progressive  man, 
So  we  will,  Bobby,  as  fast  as  we  can; 
We'll  beat  'em  and  kick  'em  and  mark  'em  N.G., 
Yours  truly,  T.  R,,  Jimmie  G.,  and  Giff  P. 


In  less  than  eight  months  that  is  just  what  all  three  were 
doing. 


250 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Although  it  was  many  months  before  the  national  conven- 
tions the  Gridiron  Club  picked  Charles  D.  Hilles  as  the  com- 
ing chairman  of  the  Republican  national  committee.  A  picture 
of  Hilles  holding  up  a  plum  marked  "national  chairman," 
told  the  story,  with  this  verse; 


Little  Charlie  Hilles,  first  aide  to  Will,  is 

Eating  some  White  House  pie; 
If  he  puts  in  his  thumb  and  pulls  out  this  plum, 

There  is  nobody  here  who  will  cry. 


I 


Canadian  Reciprocity  was  causing  more  trouble  than  any- 
thing else  in  politics  at  that  time  and  was  illustrated  by  the 
story  of  the  little  pig  that  went  to  market. 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR 


251 


1.     This  little  pig  went  to  market. 


2.     This  little  pig  stayed  at  home.  3.     This  little  pig  had  roast  beef. 


4.     This  little  pig  got  none. 


5.     This  little  pig  cried  wee, 
wee,  all  the  way  home. 


252 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Of  course   Col.   Roosevelt   was  not  forgotten  and  under  a 
picture  of  him  in  an  old-time  costume  were  these  lines: 


There  was  a  busy  man  who  lived  on  a  hill 
He  lives  there  yet,  but  not  always  still. 
On  Tennessee  Iron  he  says  he  was  "wise," 
And  he's  the  ONE  man  who  never  tells  lies. 


Mother  Hubbard  (or  the  horrible  tale  of  Mrs.  Ultimately 
Consumed)  was  a  new  version  of  that  pitiful  story,  and  related 
the  difficulty  the  good  dame  had  with  various  trusts  which 
controlled  the  food  and  other  supphes. 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR 


253 


It  was  not  then  known  that  Gifford  Pinchot  would  in 
1914  really  fulfil  the  statement  made  in  these  lines  in  the  Mother 
Goose  book: 

Little  G.  P. 

Went  to  sea, 

In  an  open  boat; 

The  little  boat  bended  — 

My  story's  ended. 


"Ten  little  candidates,"  were  the  subject  of  a  series  of  pic- 
tures with  old  rhymes  changed  to  suit  the  ideas  of  the  poet 
and  artist  as  to  what  was  likely  to  happen  at  the  next  Demo- 
cratic national  convention.     Their  views  follow: 


Ten  little  candidates  in  presidential  line  — 
One  got  bashful  and  then  there  were  nine. 


254 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Baldwin  of  Connecticut  went  away. 

Nine  little  candidates  tried  to  frame  a  slate  — 
One  backed  out  and  then  there  were  eight. 

Gaynor  of  New  York  departed. 

Eight  little  candidates  for  political  heaven  — 
One  hit  a  primary  and  then  there  were  seven. 


The  Ten  Candidates 


Joe  Folk  was  defeated  in  the  Missouri  primaries. 

Seven  little  candidates  went  to  fixing  sticks  — 
One  got  hurt  and  then  there  were  six. 

Gov.  Marshall  of  Indiana  was  pictured  as  knocked  out  by  a 
prohibition  club. 

Six  little  candidates  monkeyed  with  a  hive  — 
One  got  stung  and  then  there  were  five. 

The  picture  indicated  that  Woodrow  Wilson  had  been  elim- 
inated by  the  "off  year"  elections  of  1911. 

Five  little  candidates  tried  to  take  the  floor  — 
One  got  stepped  on  and  then  there  were  four. 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  ^55 

Bryan  never  neglected  an  opportunity  to  step  on  the  Under- 
wood boom. 

Four  little  candidates  tried  to  climb  a  tree  — 
One  fell  out  and  then  there  were  three. 

It  was  the  belief  of  the  artist  and  poet  that  Champ  Clark 
would  be  eliminated  and  the  fight  would  be  narrowed  down  to 
three  others,  hence  Champ  was  pictured  on  a  breaking  limb 
labeled  "Canadian  Annexation."  He  had  said,  speaking  of 
Canadian  reciprocity,  that  the  United  States  flag  would  float 
over  every  foot  of  territory  to  the  frozen  ocean.  There  was  a 
look  of  terror  and  concern  on  the  faces  of  the  remaining  candi- 
dates,   more   assumed   than   real. 

Three  little  candidates  out  in  a  canoe  — 
One  fell  overboard  and  then  there  were  two. 

And  Foss  went  overboard. 

Two  little  candidates  fooling  with  a  gun  — 
One  got  shot,  and  then  there  was  one. 

It  was  an  easy  guess  that  if  the  fight  narrowed  down  to 
Bryan  and  Harmon  the  man  from  Nebraska  would  win. 

One  little  candidate  standing  all  alone  — 
He  got  left  and  the  dark  horse  won. 

The  last  picture  showed  that  Mr.  Bryan  failed  at  the  finish, 
the  artist  and  the  rhymster  guessing  that  a  dark  horse  would 
win;  but  they  could  not  guess  that  Bryan  would  turn  the 
trick  that  would  land  Woodrow  Wilson  in  the  White  House. 

The  Tariff's  Little  Lamb  (A  Melodrama  in  Eight  Stanzas)  was 
borrowed  from  poets  other  than  Mother  Goose  to  illustrate  the 
trials  and  tribulations  of  the  wool  schedule  while  the  tariff 
was  being  revised.  The  "Little  Lamb"  grew  to  be  a  "big  fat 
ram"   in   the   course   of   the   story,   but   finally   it   was   in   great 


^56 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


danger  because  "the  Democrats  set  the  place  on  fire."     But  it 
was  rescued  in  stanza  eight  which  reads: 

When  the  tariff  missed  his  httle  lamb, 

He  raised  a  dreadful  wail; 
Just  then  Mr.  Taft  pulled  it  out. 

And  saved  it  by  the  tail. 

President  Taft  received  more  attention  than  he  desired  at 
the    dinner.     There    were    references    which    he    did    not    enjoy. 


Not  only  was  he  touched  up  in  the  Mother  Goose  book,  but 
there  was  a  more  pointed  thrust  at  his  well-known  propensity  to 
travel.  Several  members  of  the  Club  came  in  with  a  large  roll 
of  paper  and  in  reply  to  a  question  said  that  it    was  a  two- 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  257 

hundred-and-fifty-thousand-mile  ticket  for  President  Taft.  It 
was  unrolled  and  just  as  one  end  was  about  to  be  placed  in  Mr. 
Taft's  hands  it  snapped  back.  "This  is  a  return  ticket,"  was 
the  explanation.  Then  the  lights  went  out;  there  was  the 
clanging  of  a  locomotive  bell  and  a  picture  flashed  upon  a 
screen  showing  the  President  and  his  usual  traveling  com- 
panions and  paraphernalia  on  a  private  car,  labeled  "the  Sum- 
mer White  House." 

President  Taft  was  at  that  time  vigorously  pushing  the 
arbitration  treaties  and  peace  talk  was  in  the  air.  Consequently 
everybody  became  interested  when  Oscar  King  Davis  endeav- 
ored to  make  a  bird  move  along  a  wire. 

"What  are  you  doing?"  asked  Vice-President  Garthe,  who 
was  presiding  over  the  dinner  in  the  absence  of  Mr.  Oulahan. 

"I  am  letting  loose  this  dove  of  peace,"  was  the  reply. 

"But  that  is  a  goose,"  argued  Garthe. 

"Why,  of  course,"  was  the  scornful  retort;  "the  dove  of 
peace  is  always  a  goose." 

President  Taft  in  his  travels  had  stopped  at  Frederick,  Mary- 
land, and  caused  a  revival  of  Barbara  Frietchie.  But  "the 
old  gray  head"  seen  at  the  Gridiron  presentation  was  not  that 
of  the  Whittier  poem.  It  was  that  of  Uncle  Joe  Cannon  who 
waved  a  standpat  flag.  In  reply  to  the  admonition,  "shoot  if 
you  must  this  old  gray  head,  but  spare  the  flag,"  the  leader 
of  the  insurgent  cohorts  below  gave  the  order  to  "put  a  dent 
in  that  old  gray  head."  And  political  history  records  that 
something  of  the  kind  happened  at  the  election  of  1912. 

Faust  in  Politics,  or  The  Standing  Pat  of  Mephisto  was  the 
title  of  a  musical  skit  by  Philander  Johnson,  made  to  fit  the 
times.  "Marguerite  Democracy,"  "Progressive  Faust,"  "Stand- 
pat  Mephisto"  and  the  "Merry  Voters"  as  the  chorus,  were 
all  there  and  sang  their  songs,  which  related  to  the  mixed  politi- 
cal conditions  of  the  period. 

Victor  Berger,  the  first  Socialist  ever  elected  to  Congress, 
was  a  guest  at  the  dinner.  He  was  presented  with  a  large  bomb 
with   fuse  burning. 


258  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"Ah,  ha!"  he  exclaimed,  "my  shadow!  It  is  the  idea  of 
most  men  that  SociaHsts  always  carry  bombs." 

He  made  quite  an  interesting  speech,  saying  he  was  one 
whole  party  in  Congress,  told  how  he  caucussed,  issued  instruc- 
tions to  the  "whip"  and  went  through  the  different  evolutions 
of  a  party  in  the  House. 

Probably  the  most  marvelous  "Supreme  Court"  ever  as- 
sembled was  one  which  "heard  and  decided  cases"  during  that 
Gridiron  dinner.  There  was  Chief  Justice  "Bathhouse 
John,"  Associate  Justices  "Debs,"  "Hinky  Dink,"  "Gompers," 
"FiNGY  Connors,"  "Charles  Murphy,"  "Stubbs  of  Kansas," 
"Nelson  W.  Aldrich,"  and  "Theodore  Roosevelt."  One 
of  the  motions  was  for  a  restraining  order  to  prevent  Champ 
Clark  from  annexing  Canada,  the  Speaker  having  created  a 
sensation  by  declaring  that  the  ultimate  destiny  of  the  stars 
and  stripes  was  to  float  over  all  northern  territory.  Another 
writ  was  asked  to  prevent  William  J.  Bryan  from  running  for 
President.  "Oh,  let  him  run,"  said  the  court,  "what  difference 
does  it  make.f*"  A  charge  was  made  that  the  Steel  Trust  had 
gold-bricked  T.  R.  in  the  Tennessee  Coal  and  Iron  Consolidation. 
"Associate  Justice  Roosevelt"  indignantly  denied  it.  "I  was 
working  that  side  of  the  street  myself,"  he  said.  An  injunc- 
tion was  asked  compelling  Andrew  Carnegie  to  give  his  money 
away  without  advertising  it,  but  was  refused  because  in  that 
event  he  would  give  none  away. 

There  was  great  cheering  at  one  stage  of  the  dinner.  Wil- 
liam J.  Bryan  was  seen  coming  into  the  dining-room.  Acting 
President  Garthe  at  once  presented  him  to  the  guests,  and 
there  followed  one  of  Mr.  Bryan's  splendid  oratorical  out- 
bursts. Then  he  turned  to  politics,  and  spoke  most  kindly  of 
JuDsoN  Harmon,  apologizing  for  omitting  him  from  his  list  of 
presidential  possibilities  for  1912.  "Harmon  is  my  man,"  he 
said.  Next  he  referred  to  Champ  Clark  and  said  that  he  might 
be  depended  upon,  save  that  his  hand  had  grown  somewhat 
cold  on  account  of  "clutching  a  Canadian  icicle."  Then  he 
referred  to  "the  intrepid  young  statesman  Oscar  Underwood." 


EVENTS    OF    AN    OFF    YEAR  259 


By  that  time  most  everybody  began  to  ask  whether  it  was 
Bryan  or  a  very  clever  imitation,  for  the  figure,  face  and  voice 
were  marvelously  like  the  man  from  Nebraska.  Finally  the 
orator  shocked  his  fellow  Democrats,  at  least,  by  declaring  for 
William  H.  Taft. 

"This  is  not  William  Jennings  Bryan,"  declared  a  member 
of  the  Club,  "but  Charles  B.  Hanford,  the  great  actor." 

"Sir,  are  you  a  great  actor?"  asked  Mr.  Garthe. 

"I  am,"  responded  Hanford,  "but  so  is  William  Jennings 
Bryan." 


CHAPTER  XXVI 
POLITICAL   FLAVOR   OF   DINNERS   IN    1912 

The  Campaign  and  Its  Results  —  The  String  to  Roose- 
velt's Declaration  —  Famous  Democratic  Steeple- 
chase —  Dame   Marketing   Complains  of  High  Prices 

—  Penrose  and  Kern  Surprise  Everybody  —  After 
THE  Battle  —  Three  National  Chairmen  Sit  Side  by 
Side  —  Rubbish  of  the  Campaign  —  "We've  got  to 
Go,   BUT   We're   Coming   Back"  —  "Nothing   on  T.  R." 

—  Don  Woodrow  Vanquishes  the  Bull  Moose  —  The 
Famous  "Battle  of  Armegeddon." 

WITH  the  campaign  of  1912  in  full  blast  politics  nat- 
urally figured  largely  at  the  Gridiron  dinner  of  Feb- 
ruary that  year.  There  was  much  uncertainty  and 
consequent  speculation  as  to  what  w^ould  happen  politically 
at  that  time.  At  the  very  outset  in  the  inauguration  of  Louis 
Garthe  of  the  Baltimore  American  as  President  of  the  Club 
political  questions  developed.  His  title  was  disputed  by  the 
campaign  managers  of  other  candidates,  among  whom  were 
Bryan,  Clark,  La  Follette,  Kern,  Harmon,  Underwood, 
Cummins,  Wilson,  and  Foss.  Mr.  Garthe  had  the  questions 
answered  by  his  specially  selected  campaign  manager  for  the 
occasion,  Edgar  C.  Snyder,  chairman  of  the  inauguration  com- 
mittee. After  the  other  campaign  managers  had  asked  Mr. 
Snyder  questions  bearing  upon  the  political  peculiarity  of  his 
candidate,  a  member  of  the  Club,  made  up  to  look  like  Roose- 
velt in  his  Rough  Rider  costume  and  mounted  on  a  hobby- 
horse, came  tearing  in  with  much  clatter  and  announced  that  if 
a  progressive  president  was  to  be  inaugurated  he  was  on  hand. 
"But  you  have  said  that  you  were  not  a  candidate,"  said 
Chairman   Snyder. 

"Maybe  so,"  answered  the  Rough  Rider,  in  the  Roosevelt 

260 


POLITICAL    FLAVOR    OF    DINNERS       261 

voice,  "maybe  so;  but  I  have  always  found  it  convenient  to 
have  a  string  to  every  declaration." 

"I  protest  against  that  man,"  said  the  Bryan  representative. 
"He  stole  all  the  planks  in  our  platform." 

"That  is  real  progress,"  replied  the  T,  R.  "Progressives  take 
anything  they  can  find.  All  we  want  is  something  to  divert 
the  people  until  we  get  the  jobs." 

With  great  unanimity  the  Club  chose  to  inaugurate  Garthe 
and  the  Rough  Rider  was  hustled  out. 

During  the  winter  occurred  the  rather  famous  Wilson- 
Watterson-Harvey  imbroglio,  which  would  have  been  more 
sensational  if  the  country  had  known  at  the  time  that  the  New 
Jersey  Governor  was  to  be  elected  President.  As  it  was,  the 
prominence  of  all  the  parties  made  the  affair  interesting.  Col. 
Watterson's  suggestion  that  the  statements  and  questions  in 
dispute  should  be  referred  to  a  "court  of  honor"  gave  the 
Gridiron  Club  an  opportunity  to  refer  various  questions  to  a 
"court  of  honor,"  which  was  set  up  in  the  dining-room  and 
which  considered  personal  and  political  disputes.  Among  other 
functionaries  was  a  press  agent. 

"I  suppose,"  said  one  member,  questioning  another  member 
of  the  court,  "that  Woodrow  Wilson  is  Bryan's  first  choice 
for  President.^" 

"No,"  was  the  reply;    "Wilson  is  Bryan's  second  choice." 

"Oh,  quit  it,"  said  the  press  agent  in  disgust;  "there  is  no 
stuff  for  a  press  agent  in  Bryan." 

"Why  not?" 

"Because  he's  his  own  press  agent.  Can't  you  keep  him 
out  of  something  just  once?" 

"We  have  no  supernatural  powers,"  replied  a  member  of 
the  court.  "That's  what  the  Democratic  party  has  been  trying 
to  do  for  sixteen  years  without  success." 

Then  followed   these   questions   and  answers: 

"What  about  the  differences  between  Senator  Cummins  and  Senator  La 

FOLLETTE?  " 

"Why,  the  only  difference  is  that  there  is  only  one  center  of  the  stage." 


262  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"Do  you  find  that  Col.  Roosevelt  believes  in  the  no-third-term  rule?" 
"Yes,  but  he's  no  bigot." 

"Is  Col.  Roosevelt  saying  anything  about  his  candidacy?" 
"Not  more  than  a  column  a  day. " 

"What  is  a  good  trust?" 

"One  that  comes  across  with  the  campaign  funds." 

"Have  you  settled  the  row  between  Oscar  Underwood  and  Mr.  Bryan?" 
"  We  decided  Bryan  was  infringing  the  copyright  law.    He  had  no  business 
to  try  to  organize  an  Ananias  Club." 

"How  many  progressive  senators  are  there?" 
"Thirteen." 

"Who  is  the  leader?" 
"There  are  thirteen  leaders." 

"What  was  the  complaint  presented  by  the  Ananias  Club  against  Col. 
Roosevelt?" 

"The  Club  claims  it  has  lost  its  exclusiveness.  He  has  elected  so  many 
members  that  it  isn't  a  club  any  more;  it's  a  league." 

"How  does  a  man  get  into  the  Ananias  Club?" 
"He  doesn't  get  in;  he's  kicked  in." 

Finally  a  question  was  asked  as  to  the  rumored  struggle 
between  Mr.  Taft  and  Mr.  Roosevelt  for  the  nomination. 
Each  member  of  the  court  was  in  turn  asked  about  it,  but  shook 
his  head  and  disappeared  until  finally  no  one  was  left  but  the 
press  agent  who  was  asked  what  he  had  to  say  about  it. 

*'Me?"  he  asked;    "I've  got  nothing  'to  say.     I  started  it." 

Then  there  was  a  famous  Democratic  steeplechase  in  which 
John  Corwin  as  bookmaker  touted  the  qualities  of  the  starters, 
in  true  race-course  language.  In  the  midst  of  his  spiel  a  mes- 
sage was  handed  him  and  he  announced  that  "Woodrow  W. 
has  flung  his  rider,  George  Harvey,  and  kicked  an  innocent 
bystander,  named  Henry  Watterson,  a  Kentucky  editor." 
During  the  betting  the  "bookie"  was  "backed  off  the  boards" 
by  "Ollie  James"  who  was  putting  up  quantities  of  money  on 
William  Jennings. 

When  the  supposititious  horses  started,  the  bookmaker 
watched  them  around  the  course  with  field  glasses  and  described 


POLITICAL  FLAVOR  OF  DINNERS 


263 


the  race.  *'0h,  you  little  Champ!  Woodrow  W.  on  the  rail, 
William  Jennings  coming  from  behind.  At  the  half,  Woodrow 
a  neck  ahead  of  Champ.  T.  Taggart  sawing  Tom  Marshall. 
At  the  three-quarters:  Champ  and  Judson  H.  challenge  Wood- 
row  W.,  William  Jennings  back  on  the  track.  Woodrow 
W.  moving  up  — " 

But  the  guests  never  did  hear  the  result  of  the  race. 

"You're  all  pinched!"  said  Dick  Sylvester,  chief  of  police 
of  Washington,  coming  into  the  group. 

There  was  politics  even  in  the  initiation  of  a  new  limited 
member,  M.  Harry  Stevens,  who  had  to  sing  his  way  in  as 
well  as  answer  questions.  One  song  was  about  Chairman 
Underwood's  tariff  bills  and  President  Taft's  vetoes  of  them; 
another  was  "Bryan's  pleas  for  nominations."  He  was  ques- 
tioned as  to  his  politics. 

"Has  T.  R.  announced  his  candidacy.'*"  he  asked  in  reply. 

"Not  yet,  but  soon,"  was  the  response. 

"Then  I  don't  know  what  I  am,"  replied  the  candidate. 

Musical  features  have  always  been  successful  at  Gridiron 
dinners.  In  the  later  years,  under  the  direction  of  Philander 
C.  Johnson  of  the  Washington  Star,  several  pretentious  musical 
skits  have  been  produced  —  pretentious  by  reason  of  utilizing 
high-class  operas  to  fit  occasions  and  prom- 
inent people  of  the  time.  Robin  Hood  was 
selected  for  the  chief  musical  feature  in  Feb- 
ruary. The  characters  introduced  were  Little 
Jim  Jarfield,  Will  Scarlett  Lafollowit, 
Friar  Pinshow,  Dame  Marketing,  and  a 
lot  of  others.  There  was  a  Sherwood  Forest 
and  out  from  it  peeped  at  different  times 
no  less  than  ten  Uncle  Joes,  finally  all  ap- 
pearing and  singing  a  chorus,  "Howdy,  Uncle 
Joe."  The  most  "feeling"  song  of  the  skit 
was  the  parody  on  Promise  Me  in  which  "Dame 
Marketing"  complained  of  the  non-fulfilment  of  the  promises  to 
reduce  the  high  cost  of  living  in  the  following: 


264 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


..j'/„^''-'-.;i 


You  promised  me  that  one  day  I  could  buy 

A  steak  without  a  mortgage  on  the  farm. 
You  said,  with  Dr.  Wiley's  help,  you'd  try 

To  shield  the  family  stomach  from  all  harm. 
And  yet  when  I  take  out  my  pocketbook  each  day, 
And  see  how  all  my  old  man's  coin  has  slipped  away, 
I  shed  another  tear-drop  as  I  say 

You  promised  me;  you  promised  me. 

Let  the  Hammer  and  the  Anvil  Ring,  a  parody  on  the  armorer's 
song  sung  hj  "Will  Scarlet  Lafollowit,"  also  was  charac- 
teristic and  pointed.  To  the  tune  of  The  Old  Cross  Bow  was 
the  following  reference  to  Col.  Roosevelt: 


A  statesman  who  dwelt  in  the  Outlook's  edge 

Was  deft  with  his  old  big  stick. 
A  dove  of  peace  lit  on  his  window  ledge ; 

He  hit  it  an  aw^ul  lick. 
He  stopped  awhile,  and  to  sigh  began; 

They  heard  him  both  near  and  far: 
"If  you  wait  for  the  office  to  seek  the  man 

The  office  says,  'Stay  where  you  are.'" 


There  were  two  distinct  "finds"  at  the  Gridiron  dinner  that 
night.  One  was  Senator  Kerx  of  Indiana  who  told  Hoosier 
stories,  and  his  early  experiences  in  politics  and  as  a  newspaper 


POLITICAL    FLAVOR    OF    DINNERS        265 

editor.  Then  there  was  Senator  Penrose  of  Pennsylvania  whose 
exquisite,  dry  humor  caused  roar  after  roar  of  laughter. 

"After  the  battle,"  might  accurately  describe  the  dinner  of 
December,  1912.  In  fact  the  Club  put  on  as  its  most  preten- 
tious offering  the  "Battle  of  Armegeddon,"  using  a  Roosevelt 
expression  of  the  campaign.  Only  one  of  the  candidates.  Presi- 
dent Taft,  was  present,  but  the  three  campaign  managers. 
Chairman  Hilles,  Chairman  McCombs,  and  Chairman  Dixon, 
sat  side  by  side  at  the  head  table.  Hilles  and  Dixon  had 
grown  so  bitter  toward  each  other  during  the  campaign  that 
they  could  not  find  language  in  which  to  express  themselves, 
but  they  had  to  be  "reconciled"  at  the  Gridiron  board.  All 
made  speeches,  but  McCombs  did  not  have  to  explain  his 
campaign  claims. 

Almost  as  soon  as  the  dinner  began  a  "White  Wings,"  with 
a  dump  cart  came  in  and  began  to  gather  up  the  "rubbish  of 
the  campaign."  The  first  was  a  pair  of  broken  bull-moose 
horns.  "If  that's  the  kind  of  junk  he's  after,"  remarked  a 
member,  "there  is  a  lot  of  it  about."  Then  members  all  around 
the  table  handed  in  contributions.  Among  the  articles  were: 
Last  positive  prediction  of  the  election  of  their  candidates  by 
Charlie  Hilles  and  Joe  Dixon;  dope  from  the  press  agents; 
the  smile  that  wouldn't  come  off;  Bill  Bryan's  bluff  at  big 
business;  two  empty  wallets  marked  C.  P.  Taft  and  G.  W. 
Perkins. 

The  Republican  electoral  colleges  of  Vermont  and  Utah 
came  in  seeking  some  one  upon  whom  they  could  confer  their 
eight  votes  for  vice-president.  Various  names  were  suggested, 
and  rejected,  when  a  bleating  of  an  animal  was  heard  outside. 
"It's  a  goat,"  they  cried,  in  unison;    "Nail  it!"  and  rushed  out. 

The  initiation  of  Edward  B.  Clark  of  the  Chicago  Evening 
Post  and  Charles  P.  Keyser  of  the  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat 
as  members  of  the  Club  afforded  an  opportunity  to  emphasize 
the  fact  that  only  two  States  had  voted  for  Taft. 

After  every  election  one  of  the  electors  of  each  State  is 
appointed  a  messenger  to  carry  the  records  to  Washington  and 


266  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


hand  them  over  to  the  President  of  the  Senate.  This  has  been 
a  custom  since  the  beginning  of  the  government.  Clark  was  the 
messenger  for  Vermont  and  Keyser  for  Utah.  They  told  their 
stories  in  limericks,  Keyser  reciting  this  one: 

Every  man's  a  standpatter  in  Ute, 
And  his  ten  wives  are  voters  to  boot; 

They  all  went  daft 

Over  William  H.  Taft, 
He's  the  biggest  man  next  to  Reed  Smoot. 

Clark  followed  with  this: 

In  the  Green  Mountain  State,  recoUec' 
Bill  Taft  won  out  by  a  neck 

An'  we'd  elected  him 

If  they  hadn't  rejected  him 
In  forty-six  States,  by  heck! 

This  initiation  was  also  made  the  vehicle  for  the  exhibition 
of  lame  ducks  of  the  late  election.  These  included  former 
Speaker  Cannon,  Nicholas  Longworth,  Cy  Sulloway,  Wil- 
liam McKiNLEY  and  John  Dalzell.  They  assumed  to  be 
Republican  reorganizers,  but  didn't  get  very  far.  Their  views 
w^ere  expressed  in  a  song.  We've  got  to  go,  but  we're  coming  back 
some  day.  Cannon,  Longworth,  Sulloway  and  McKinley 
came  back  two  years  later. 

For  a  part  of  the  summer  previous  to  the  dinner  a  com- 
mittee of  the  Senate,  with  Senator  Clapp  of  Minnesota,  presid- 
ing, had  been  investigating  campaign  expenses  past  and  present. 
The  committee  had  made  no  report,  so  a  number  of  Club 
members  personating  the  committee  started  to  fix  up  a  report. 
As  the  testimony  of  each  witness  was  discussed  the  chairman 
would  ask,  "Did  he  get  anything  on  T.  R..'*"  That  was  the 
idea  carried  through  the  mock  investigation.  Clapp  was  a  great 
admirer  of  the  Bull  Moose  champion.  There  was  one  pointed 
hit  at  William  Loeb,  Jr.,  who,  it  was  said,  "didn't  get  anything 
on  T.  R.  but  din  put  one  over  on  Taft." 

"How  was  that?"  asked  a  member. 


POLITICAL    FLAVOR    OF    DINNERS       267 


"Why,"  was  the  reply,  "doesn't  he  hold  a  twelve-thousand- 
dollar  Taft  job  and  didn't  he  swear  to  a  hundred-thousand- 
dollar  alibi  for  Roosevelt?" 

LoEB  was  collector  of  the  port  of  New  York  during  the 
administration  of   Mr.   Taft. 

A  musical  skit  entitled  The  Bull  Moose  Fight  or  Carmen 
Up-to-date,  prepared  by  Philander  C.  Johnson,  was  presented. 
Incidentally  it  touched  upon  Mexican  troubles.  "Don  Jorge 
W.  Perkinsario,"  appeared  and  said  that  the  Mexicans  were 
getting  tired  of  fighting  and  particularly  of  bull  fighting.  He 
asked  permission  to  take  America's  Bull  Moose  to  Mexico. 
President  Garthe  consulted  President  Taft  a  moment  and 
said:  "The  President  assures  me  that  you  can  have  him  and 
welcome." 

At  that  moment  the  "Mexicans"  rushed  across  the  border. 
"Carmen"  and  others  sang  and  then  came  a  demand  for  the 
Bull  Moose.  He  was  produced  —  a  member  enveloped  in  a 
large  moose  head.  Various  toreadors  were  sent  against  him. 
La  Folletto,  Champ  Clarkio,  and  Hilles  representing  Tafto 
were  one  after  another  defeated.     Clarkio  made  this  suggestion: 

I  know  a  way  to  get  that  Moose  so  grim. 

Why  don't  they  turn  Bill  Bryan  loose  on  him? 

If  they  did  that  I'd  have  a  good  excuse 

For  saying,  "Go  it.  Bill!   Go  it,  Bull  Moose!" 

Then  came  the  call  for  Don  Wood-rah-rah-rah-rio  Wilson, 
and  a  member  made  up  to  look  like  a  combination  of  toreador 
and  Gov.  Wilson  entered  and,  pointing  to  the  Bull  Moose, 
sang  a  song  which  among  other  things  proclaimed: 

I'll  bowl  him  over  with  classic  lore; 
Lines  of  Euripides,  phrases  of  Sophocles, 
Plato  and  Plutarch,  at  him  I'll  roar. 

The  Bull  Moose  sank  to  the  floor,  crying:  "He  stabbed  me 
with  a  Latin  conjugation,"  and  expired. 

The  "Battle  of  Armegeddon"  was  made  famous  by  Col. 
Roosevelt  in  the  campaign  of  1912.     The  Gridiron  Armeged- 


268  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


don  was  written  by  Richard  V.  Oulahan  and  staged  at  the 
December  dinner.  "Old  Saul"  was  the  principal  figure,  while 
couriers,  war  correspondents,  and  officers  explained  to  him 
various  movements  which  he  saw  taking  place  on  the  imaginary 
field.  Jonathan  Bourne  as  correspondent  of  La  Follette's 
Weekly,  and  Champ  Clark  in  the  same  capacity  for  the  Com- 
moner were  prominent  figures  impersonated,  as  were  also  Sena- 
tor Lodge,  Gifford  Pinchot,  and  Henry  Watterson.  Here 
is  a  part  of  the  dialogue,  when  all  were  supposed  to  be  gazing 
at  the  battlefield,   Old  Saul  beginning  the  conversation: 

"Look!  look!  There  on  the  spreading  plain  the  combatants 
clash  and  slay.  To  the  right  the  gentleman  on  the  antlered 
animal  dashes  toward  the  large  general  seated  on  the  putting 
green.     Many  men  with  strange  weapons  follow  the  bull  moose.'* 

"They  are  the  tennis  cabinet." 

"Who  are  the  men  surrounding  the  large  man?" 

"They  are  members  of  the  Taft  cabinet.^^" 

"Why  are  they  not  in  the  battle?" 

"They  will  get  into  the  battle  just  after  it  is  over." 

"Look!  look!  The  Colonel  is  trying  to  break  the  solid 
South!" 

"Will  he  break  it?" 

"No;    but  he  will  break  Perkins  and  Munsey." 

After  a  fierce  clash  of  arms  had  sounded: 

"What   happened    then?" 

"The  spear  that  knows  no  brother  failed  to  recognize  its 
son-in-law." 

Finally  it  was  announced  that  the  battle  was  over  and  that 
Wilson  had  won.  Saul  started  away  saying  that  he  was  going 
to  Washington  to  seek  a  job. 

"But  you're  not  even  a  Democrat,"  some  one  protested. 

"I  have  been,"  said  Saul,  "a  life-long  Democrat  since  the 
battle   ended." 

The  menu  souvenir  was  a  little  pamphlet  entitled  the  "Grid- 
iron Club's  Guide  to  Office  Seekers  in  Washington."  It  con- 
tained brief  suggestions  to  the  horde  of  Democrats  who  would 


POLITICAL    FLAVOR    OF    DINNERS 


269 


be  in  Washington  in  a  few  months,  with  illustrations  showing 
how  carefully  their  applications  would  be  preserved.  It  also 
hinted  that  the  "open  door"  policy  of  President  Wilson  would 
not  be  realized,  and  that 
nearly  every  day  would  be 
the  President's  busy  day. 
On  the  first  page  was  a 
picture  of  the  President 
under  which  was  the  fol- 
lowing : 

This  is  the  President's  office. 
The  man  inside  is  the  President. 
Take  a  good  look  at  him  now, 
For   reasons  which  will   be  ob- 
vious later. 

Another  page  showed 
a  clerk  receiving  appli- 
cations for  office  and  on 
the  next  he  was  depositing 
them  in  the  waste  basket. 
A  picture  of  a  pretentious 
hotel  showed  where  they 
would  stop  when  they  first 
came  to  Washington  and 
on  the  next  page  a  tumble- 
down old  boarding  house 
indicated  where  they 
would    live    later.      Many 

office    seekers   have    gone   through   that   kind   of    an    experience 
when  administrations  change. 

Shots  were  taken  at  everybody  who  had  a  prominent  part 
in  the  campaign  that  year.  Speaker  Clark  was  a  target  and 
the  several  allusions  coupling  him  with  Bryan  did  not  please 
him  a  little  bit.  He  felt  that  a  Gridiron  dinner  was  no  place 
to  air  his  political  grievances  and  yet  he  was  in  no  mood  to 
make  a  funny  speech  after  having  been  flicked  on  the  raw  so 


270  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


many  times.  The  raps  at  Taft  were  over  the  shoulders  of  his 
Cabinet  officers  and  subordinates  and  although  he  was  intro- 
duced by  a  song  which  was  a  tribute  to  him  personally,  several 
allusions  were  pointed  enough  to  bring  out  a  rather  severe  retort 
when  he  spoke. 

It  was  supposed  to  be  the  good-by  dinner  to  President  Taft, 
but  he  was  present  once  more  and  had  an  opportunity  to  see 
a  Gridiron  forecast  of  the  Democratic  administration  which  was 
to  succeed  him. 


CHAPTER  XXVII 
TAFT  SUN   SETS  — WILSON   ON  THE   HORIZON 

An  Inauguration  Parade  —  "Mr.  William"  and  '*Mr. 
Theodore"  Attempt  to  Ride  One  Animal  and  Smash 
IT  —  All-Bryan  Cabinet  Advises  One  Presidential 
Term  —  Democratic  Tourists  in  Statuary  Hall  — 
Rush  for  Office  Repulsed  by  Prof.  Higher  Education. 

PRESIDENT  WILSON  did  not  attend  the  dinner  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  in  February,  1913.  If  he  had  been 
present  he  would  have  obtained  a  hint  as  to  the  guesses 
of  the  Washington  correspondents  about  his  administration,  and 
he  would  have  seen  an  inauguration  that  had  real  ginger  in  it. 

Gov.  Wilson  had  announced  that  he  would  not  have  an 
inauguration  ball,  much  to  the  dismay  of  thousands  who  assem- 
ble in  Washington  every  four  years  and  enjoy  a  taste  of  the  best 
society  at  five  dollars  a  throw.  Addressing  the  new  President 
of  the  Club,  Rudolph  Kauffmann  of  the  Washington  Star, 
the  chairman  of  the  inauguration  committee  said:  "In  accord- 
ance with  your  request  the  ball  with  its  tango  and  turkey  trot 
has  been  abandoned,  but  the  time  honored  parade  will  take  place 
as   usual."     The  inaugural  procession   entered   the   dining-room. 

It  comprised  nearly  every  member  of  the  Club  and  the 
"organizations"  represented  were:  the  Staunton  Brass  Band, 
the  New  Jersey  National  Guard,  Princeton  Professors,  Southern 
Colonels,  College  Boys,  Tammany  Tigers,  the  In-Bad  Club, 
and  the  Suffragettes.  The  college  boys  belonged  to  the  "Wanta 
Eata  Pie  Frat."  The  In-Bad  Club  was  represented  by  George 
Harvey,  Henry  Watterson,  August  Belmont  and  Thomas 
F.  Ryan.  Each  organization  had  its  slogan  as  it  passed  in 
review  before  the  President. 

Mr.  Wilson  also  might  have  seen  the  Gridiron  idea  of  the 
first    meeting    of    his    Cabinet.     There    were    ten    members,    all 

£71 


272 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


made  up  to  look  like  William  J.  Bryan.  The  member  imper- 
sonating Mr.  Wilson  at  first  referred  to  the  gathering  as  the 
faculty  but  corrected  himself.  The  Secretary  of  State  first 
entered. 

*'You  have  never  attended  a  Cabinet  meeting  before,  Mr. 
Secretary .^^ "  he  was  asked. 

*'No,"  was  the  reply,  "but  I  have  made  three  attempts." 


WILSON    Cabinet 


"I  shall  lean  on  you,  Mr.  Secretary,"  was  another  state- 
ment, which   seems  to  have  been  somewhat  prophetic. 

Each  member  as  he  entered  had  something  to  say  touching 
upon  an  idea  or  act  of  Mr.  Bryan's.  There  was  a  discussion  of 
policies  in  which  allusion  was  made  to  a  number  of  innocuous 
subjects.  Then  he  who  was  Secretary  of  State  handed  over  a 
paper,  saying: 

"Mr.  President,  I  have  put  a  few  thoughts  on  paper  con- 
cerning the  paramount  policy  of  the  administration.  I  will 
leave  them  with  you." 

"I  have  done  the  same,"  announced  each  member  in  turn, 
leaving  the  chief  alone.  He  picked  up  each  and  glanced  at  it, 
and   said : 


WILSON    ON    THE    HORIZON  273 

*'This  is  odd.  Each  one  of  these  memoranda  makes  the 
same  suggestion.  They  all  say,  'The  thing  to  bear  down  on 
hard  is  one  four-year-term  for  the  President  of  the  United 
States.'" 

The  initiation  of  John  E.  Monk  of  the  St.  Paul  Pioneer 
Press  and  John  P.  Gavit  of  the  New  York  Evening  Post  was 
held  under  the  auspices  of  the  Sigma-Pi-Pi-Sigma,  a  very  pro- 
nounced Greek  letter  organization,  the  letters  standing  for 
"Stand  Pat  Progressive  Society."  The  candidates  were  pre- 
sented as  "Mr.  William"  and  "Mr.  Theodore."  The  skit 
was  much  more  severe  in  the  thrusts  at  Roosevelt  than  at 
Taft,  but  there  were  two  lines  which  were  characteristic  of 
both  men.  They  were  spoken  when  the  "goat"  was  brought 
in.  As  the  candidates  would  not  ride  the  ordinary  animal, 
one  with  two  heads  was  provided,  that  of  an  elephant  at  one 
end  and  of  a  bull  moose  at  the  other. 

"Mr.  William"  eyed  the  animal  suspiciously  and  said: 
"If  it  wasn't  that  I'd  given  my  word  to  my  friends  that  I'd 
ride  I'd  back  out  now." 

"I  promised  my  friends  that  I  wouldn't  ride,"  said  "Mr. 
Theodore,"  with  emphasis,  "but  I  am  going  to  all  the  same." 

Both  mounted  at  the  same  time  and  the  "goat"  broke 
down.  As  they  scrambled  to  their  feet,  "Mr.  Theodore" 
exclaimed:  "Hurrah  for  me!  I  couldn't  run  the  darned  thing, 
but,  by  Godfrey,  I  smashed  it." 

Rip  Van  Winkle,  in  the  character  of  former  Vice-President 
Adlai  Stevenson,  awaking  from  a  sleep  he  had  fallen  into 
when  presiding  over  the  Senate,  discoursed  on  things  that 
amazed  him.  He  remembered  Bill  Taft  as  a  jolly  judge, 
Theodore  Roosevelt  as  a  civil  service  commissioner  who  had 
gone  to  New  York  to  be  a  policeman,  and  was  amazed  to  find 
that  they  both  had  been  President.  "Free  sugar  will  never 
be  constitutional,"  he  asserted  when  told  that  Ed.  White  of 
Louisiana  was  Chief  Justice.  La  Follette,  he  recalled,  was 
McKinley's  side-partner  in  crime  in  making  the  McKinley 
bill.     His    eyes    finally    lighted    on    former    Speaker    Cannon. 


274  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

*'Well,  there's  something  real,  anyway,"  said  the  ancient, 
"which  proves  I  am  on  earth  and  at  a  Gridiron  dinner." 

There  was  a  scene  in  Statuary  Hall  in  the  Capitol,  which, 
Henry  Hall,  acting  as  guide,  explained  to  a  number  of  visit- 
ing Democrats,  was  the  national  Valhalla.  He  spoke  of  the 
marvelous  echoes  of  the  old  chamber,  once  the  hall  of  the 
House  of  Representatives,  and  turning  to  the  group  as  Demo- 
crats, said: 

"Will  you,  rejoicing  in  your  party's  triumph,  and  animated 
by  the  loftiest  patriotism,  voice  that  wish  which  I  know  dwells 
in  every  true  Democratic  heart?" 

"I  want  to  be  postmaster  in  my  home  town,"  said  one. 

"You  big  stiff!  don't  you  know  Taft  has  put  all  the  fourth- 
class  post-offices  under  the  civil  service,"  was  the  "echo"  from 
among  the  "statues." 

Then  a  Missouri  man,  somewhat  hard  of  hearing,  became 
intensely  interested  in  a  large  statue  and  was  told  that  it  was 
that  of  Ollie  James. 

"I  thought  it  was  he,"  said  the  man  from  Missouri.  "I 
knew  him  from  the  first.  I'm  proud  to  see  Missouri's  favorite 
son  in  this  national  wallow." 

"He  isn't  from  Missouri;  he's  from  Kentucky,"  explained 
the  guide. 

"Didn't  you  say  Jesse  James?"  asked  the  man  from 
Missouri,  in  disgust. 

There  was  a  statue  of  former  Senator  Bailey.  "You  will 
observe,"  said  the  guide,  "that  he  holds  in  his  hand  his  great 
masterpiece,  the  Constitution  of  the  United  States." 

"Can  I  get  a  copy?"  asked  a  tourist. 

"It  is  out  of  print,"  replied  the  guide,  "but  its  place  is 
shortly  to  be  filled  by  an  up-to-date  constitution  by  an  anony- 
mous author  whose  gifted  pen  has  given  to  the  world  'The 
Winning  of  the  West  and  Losing  of  the  East,  or  Playing  Both 
Ends  of  the  Repubhcan  Party  against  the  Middle.'" 

"Ah,  there  is  our  peerless  leader,  William  Jennings  Bryan,'* 
said  a  tourist. 


WILSON    ON    THE    HORIZON  275 

"Observe,"  said  the  guide,  "how  truthfully  the  artist  has  de- 
picted him  in  the  attitude  of  declining  a  presidential  nomina- 
tion." 

The  statue  was  extending  both  hands  as  if  reaching  for 
something. 

"Well,  what  I  want  to  know,"  said  a  tourist,  "is  whether 
the  Great  Commoner  will  be  the  next  nominee?" 

"When  all  others  fail  consult  Dr.  Wilson,"  replied  the 
guide. 

"Does  he  know.?" 

"Not  yet." 

Miss  Democracy's  Mascots  introduced  a  number  of  interest- 
ing characters,  over  which  the  shade  of  Thomas  Jefferson 
presided.  There  were  Miss  Tariff  Reform,  Miss  Filipino  Inde- 
pendence, Miss  Investigation,  Miss  Riff-rafferendum,  besides 
a  Democratic  mob  that  wanted  offices  right  away.  Miss  Tariff 
felt  quite  apprehensive  that  she  was  going  to  be  reduced.  Miss 
Filipino  Independence,  to  the  tune  of  the  Superstitious  song, 
thus  expressed  her  ideas: 

I  have  a  strong  suspicion, 

Chorus:  A  strong  suspicion. 
That  I  should  be  a  pet. 

Chorus:  A  pet, 
And  placed  in  the  position 

Chorus:  In  the  position, 
Of  a  high  toned  brunette, 

Chorus:  Brunette. 

And  then  Herndon  Morsell  as  Professor  Higher  Educa- 
tion, in  a  college  cap  and  gown,  wheeled  in  on  a  bicycle  and 
he  and  Harry  Stevens,  as  Miss  Democracy,  gave  a  duet  after 
the  Gobble  song.     Thus  sang  the  professor: 

Let  higher  education  be 

The  one  ambition  of  your  dreaming. 


276  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Miss  Democracy: 

But  there  are  friends  who  look  to  me 

For  something  more  than  high-brow  scheming. 

Professor  Higher  Education: 

We'll  stand  together,  rain  or  shine. 
In  spite  of  threatening  disasters. 

Miss  Democracy: 

But  how  about  those  friends  of  mine 
Who  think  they  ought  to  be  postmasters? 

Professor  Higher  Education: 
I  will  educate  them  yet. 

Miss  Democracy: 

But  they  want  theirs,  you  bet, 

When  they  say  to  you:   "Office,  office,  office." 

Professor  Higher  Education: 
I  repeat  to  you,  bah! 

Miss  Democracy: 

The  victors  want  the  spoils,  you  know, 
You'll  have  to  give  the  gang  positions. 

Professor  Higher  Education: 

I  say  that  offices  must  go 

To  patriots  —  not  to  politicians. 

Then  the  Democratic  mob  which  had  assembled  surrounded 
the  professor  and  in  chorus  sang: 

But  we  all  want  ours,  you  bet. 

When  we  say  to  you:   "Office,  office,  office." 

To  which  Professor  Higher  Education  scornfully  replied: 

And  I  repeat  to  you, 
Bah,  bah,  bah! 


WILSON    ON    THE    HORIZON  277 


A  "school  of  journalism"  conducted  by  Blythe,  with  Coo- 
LIDGE  and  OuLAHAN  as  pupils,  brought  in  queer  items  of  news. 
The  first  was  a  discovery  of  importance,  to  the  effect  that 
"after  forgetting  it  for  sixteen  years  John  Barrett,  Director 
of  the  Pan-American  Bureau,  has  remembered  he  is  a  Democrat." 

"Did  you  find  out  why  Senator  Lodge  is  the  only  Senator 
in  the  Academy  of  Immortals?" 

"Yes,  sir;    Senator  Lodge  got  up  the  list." 

"How  about  answers  to  correspondents.^" 

"A  man  wrote  in  and  asked  why  did  Mr.  Taft  carry  Ver- 
mont and  Utah.^  The  answer  is  that  no  members  of  Mr. 
Taft's  cabinet  campaigned  in  those  States." 

"What  is  a  remarkable  coincidence.'^" 

"The  most  remarkable  coincidence  of  the  year  1913  is  that 
at  the  very  moment  Professor  Wilson  becomes  President  Wil- 
son President  Taft  becomes  Professor  Taft." 

As  a  shadow  cast  before,  the  menu  was  a  card  of  education, 
being  entirely  in  Latin,  while  seen  dimly  were  many  Yale  bull- 
dogs, referring  to  the  connection  with  that  college  then  recently 
made  by  President  Taft. 

One  of  the  songs  was  about  the  changed  condition  in  poli- 
tics: 

Politics  is  not  the  good  old  game  it  used  to  be 

When  money  talked  so  free 

And  bosses  ruled  with  glee. 
Once  the  gang  would  simply  go  and  grab  the  ballot  box. 
Throw  out  the  votes  and  fill  it  up  with  old  tin  cans  and  rocks. 

I  want  a  gang  just  like  the  gang  we  had  in  days  gone  by, 
They  never  heard  folks  say  a  word  of  this  uplift  so  high. 
We'd  vote  the  heelers  and  repeat  the  list; 
For  argument  you  used  your  fist, 
I  want  a  gang  just  like  the  gang 
We  had  in  days  gone  by. 

There  was  a  good-by  to  President  Taft.  He  had  been  a 
guest  at  nearly  every  dinner  since  he  had  been  President  and 
he   was  presented   with   one   of  the   big   bronze   gridirons   which 


278  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


are  given  to  our  friends  who  are  departing.  A  standing  invita- 
tion to  all  future  dinners  was  extended  and  a  farewell  song  intro- 
duced him  for  his  last  speech  to  the  Gridiron  Club  as  President 
of  the  United  States. 

At  the  next  dinner  we  saw  another  man  in  the  place  so  long 
occupied  by  Mr.  Roosevelt  and  Mr.  Taft,  the  first  Democratic 
President  to  attend  a  Gridiron  dinner. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 
BREAKING  IN  A   NEW  ADMINISTRATION 

President    Wilson   at    His    First    Gridiron    Dinner  —  Jef- 

FERSONIAN  DEMOCRACY  AT  THE  WhITE  HoUSE  INTER- 
VIEWING THE  New  Cabinet  —  Democratic  Light-house 
Keeper  and  the  Good  Ship  Platform  —  Bryan  Bears 
the  Brunt  of  Gridiron  Satire  —  Burlesque  of  Events 
in  Song  and  Skits  —  Vice-President  Marshall  Makes 
Good. 

SIX  weeks  after  he  was  inaugurated,  President  Wilson 
attended  his  first  Gridiron  dinner.  It  was  given  in  April, 
1913,  and  for  the  purpose  of  starting  the  new  administra- 
tion right  in  the  Gridiron  way.  President  Wilson  enjoyed  him- 
self, perhaps,  although  he  may  not  have  enjoyed  the  shafts  aimed 
at  members  of  his  Cabinet.  His  speech  was  of  a  character  that 
showed  contemplation,  if  not  preparation,  and  might  well  have 
been  intended  for  publication,  as  it  touched  mainly  upon  the 
comments  in  the  papers  concerning  his  first  month  in  the  White 
House  rather  than  upon  the  program  of  the  Gridiron  dinner. 

President  Wilson  did  not  comment  on  the  various  skits  and 
make  replies  as  did  his  predecessors,  often  with  cutting  sarcasm, 
for  both  of  them  knew  the  art  of  hitting  back.  We  would  have 
been  much  better  pleased  had  Mr.  Wilson  adopted  that  course. 
It  is  just  a  little  disconcerting  to  observe  that  your  very  best 
wit  and  satire  apparently  has  made  no  impression.  Washing- 
ton correspondents  have  long  known  that  the  severest  punish- 
ment that  can  be  inflicted  upon  a  statesman  is  to  ignore  his 
existence.  Perhaps  part  of  Mr.  Wilson's  subtle  sarcasm  was 
to  ignore  our  carefully  studied  efforts. 

Early  in  the  evening  the  President  was  made  aware  of  the 
character  of  Gridiron  dinners  when  Thomas  F.  Logan  of  the 
Philadelphia  Inquirer,  and  Robert  H.  Patchin  of  the  New  York 
Herald  were  initiated  as  young  reporters.  They  were  sent  out 
to  interview  prominent  guests. 

279 


280  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

*'Did  you  interview  the  Secretary  of  War?"  Logan  was 
asked. 

"Yes." 

"What  did  he  say?" 

"He  denies  it." 

"What  does  he  deny.?" 

"That's  what  I  asked  him,  and  he  said  it  didn't  make  any 
difference  what;  it  was  the  immemorial  custom  of  the  War 
Department  to  deny  everything." 

"Did  you  interview  the  Secretary  of  State.^"  Mr.  Patchin 
was  asked. 

"Yes,  I  asked  him  if  he  thought  President  Wilson  would 
succeed." 

"What  did  he  say?" 

"He  wanted  to  know  whether  I  meant  succeed  now  or  suc- 
ceed himself  four  years  hence." 

"Did  he  express  any  opinion  of  the  present  chances  of 
renomination?" 

"He  hinted  that  the  odds  were  against  him  by  about  16-to-l." 

Other  questions  and  answers  touching  on  the  men  and  the 
times  were  introduced.  This  one  showed  what  the  newspaper 
men  thought  of  the  Secretaries  to  the  President  during  the 
Taft  administration: 

"Do  you  know  the  Secretary  to  the  President.'*" 
"I  know  this  Secretary  to  this  President." 
"Haven't  there  been  secretaries  to  other  Presidents?" 
"Not  since  Wm.  Loeb,  Jr." 

The  reporter  who  interviewed  Postmaster-General  Burleson 
found  that  he  was  going  to  enforce  the  civil  service  law  "if  it 
costs  him  every  Repubhcan  postmaster  he's  got." 

From  Secretary  Daniels  one  of  them  learned  that  the  Navy 
chief  had  found  a  way  to  pass  a  bill  through  the  House  for 
increasing  the  Navy.  He  would  recommend  "one  new  battle- 
ship for  each  congressional  district." 

Secretary  Tumulty  was  interviewed  on  a  number  of  subjects 
of  political  and  personal  interest  at  the  White  House: 


A    NEW    ADMINISTRATION  281 

"Did  Mr.  Tumulty  explain  why  the  President  attends  a  different  church 
every  Sunday?" 

"He  said  it  was  a  part  of  the  administration's  economy  program." 

"How's    that.?" 

"It's  cheaper  to  move  than  to  pay  pew  rent." 

After  Wm.  Loeb  had  been  interviewed: 

"I  suppose  Mr.  Loeb  knows  what  has  been  worrying  the  Bull  Moosers  so 
much  lately?" 

"Certainly;  they  have  been  prophesying  what  is  going  to  happen  to  the 
Presidency  in  the  hands  of  Woodrow  Wilson.  ' ' 

"Are  they  afraid  he'll  make  a  failure  of  it?  " 

"No,  they're  afraid  he  won't." 

One  of  the  reporters  was  sent  to  interview  Mr.  Underwood, 
and   was   asked: 

"How  does  he  like  having  Mr.  Bryan  in  the  Cabinet?  " 

"He  says  it's  bully." 

"He  means  that  it's  like  a  bull  —  ?" 

"Yes  —  in  a  china  shop." 

As  all  the  persons  mentioned  and  nearly  every  member  of 
the  Cabinet  were  present  the  effect  of  these  personalities  was 
quite  amusing  to  the  other  guests. 

There  was  a  song  relating  to  oflSce  holders.  It  assumed  to 
be  quoting  Secretary  Tumulty  when  the  place  hunters  came  to 
the  White  House.  This  is  the  chorus,  mentioning  all  members 
of  the  Cabinet: 

It  looks  like  snow,  snow,  snow. 

I  think  the  weather 
Looks  like  snow,  snow,  snow; 

Let's  get  together 
If  an  office  you  pursue; 
You  must  play  peek-a-boo 
With  Burleson  or  Daniels,  Garrison  or  McAdoo; 

It  looks  like  snow,  snow,  snow. 
If  Bryan  fails  you, 

If  McReynolds  or  Wilson  say,  "No," 
You  can  come  back  again 

At  Redfield,  Houston  or  Lane, 
But  not  at  Wood-row-row. 


282  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


There  was  a  song  about  the  Washington  moon,  telling  of 
dull  days  in  New  Jersey  and  the  mourning  of  Atlantic  City 
mermaids  since  Wilson  left  the  State,  ending  with  this  chorus: 

Smile  on,  good  old  Washington  moon. 

Silver  ripples  throwing 

On  the  river  flowing; 
While  the  Democrats  gather  'round  the  teepee 

And  sing  this  tune: 
"Indians  on  the  warpath  may  attempt  a  flimsey-flam; 
Big  Chief  Wilson  does  not  give  a " 

Smile  on  while  we're  singing  this  tune. 
Old  Washington  moon. 

Mr.  Bryan  must  have  felt  that  night  that  he  was  President 
Wilson's  "whipping  boy."  It  is  related  that  in  the  best  royal 
families  the  naughty  princeling  escapes  punishment  by  having  a 
"whipping  boy"  who  receives  what  would  naturally  be  the 
portion  of  the  ordinary  youth.  Many  shafts  that  would  have 
been  flung  directly  at  another  President  were  passed  on  to  the 
Premier  in  the  Cabinet. 

In  one  skit  showing  the  difficulties  under  which  the  good 
ship  Platform  labored  in  her  efforts  to  reach  port,  "Old  Bill 
Bryan,  Keeper  of  the  Democratic  Light,"  was  the  principal 
character.  Some  of  the  dialogue  shows  how  pointed  were  the 
thrusts : 

Hoke  Saoth  (as  Champ  Clark  enters) — Hello,  Champ!  Bill  Bryan's 
coming  back  to  be  keeper  of  the  light. 

Clark  —  I  never  liked  that  fellow. 

Hoke  Smith  —  What  did  he  do  to  you? 

Clark  —  I  tried  to  ride  a  trick  mule  at  Baltimore  once,  and  was  just  about 
to  win  the  prize  when  he  put  a  burr  under  the  saddle. 

McAdoo  —  Tell  me,  Hoke,  why  was  the  Democratic  light  doused  in  1896.'' 

Hoke  Smith  —  Mark  Hanna  wanted  no  light  on  the  Gold  Coast. 

Daughter  of  the  Light  House  Keeper  —  You  were  Captain  of  the  Platform 
three  times,  were  you  not,  father? 

Bryan  —  Aye,  three  times  I  was  cast  away  on  a  desert  island. 

Clark  —  Yes,  and  they  say  at  the  State  Department  you  are  there  yet. 


A    NEW    ADMINISTRATION  283 

Penrose-Smoot  (trying  to  cajole  the  Daughter  of  the  Keeper)  —  I'll  shower 
golden  guineas  in  your  lap. 

Daughter  —  Take  back  your  gold.  I  want  only  American  silver  dollars 
at  the  present  legal  ratio  of  —  by  the  way,  what  is  the  present  legal  ratio? 

Finally  the  Platform  was  hailed  in  the  offing.  Many  of  her 
planks  were  missing,  but  it  was  announced  that  she  had  15,000 
Democratic  office  seekers  aboard.  The  member  personating 
Bryan  strode  forward,  and  with  hands  lifted  appealingly  toward 
the  head  of  the  table,  asked: 

"Mr.  President,  what  shall  we  do?" 

President  Kauffmann  bent  over  as  if  consulting  the  Presi- 
dent, and  then  replied: 

"President  Wilson  says  take  the  ship  to  sea  again  and  sink 
her." 

The  Liberty  Bell  arranged  by  Philander  C.  Johnson  to  fit 
many  tuneful  numbers  in  The  Chimes  of  Normandy  served  to 
bring  back  Jeffersonian  Democracy  to  the  White  House.  In- 
stead of  appearing  as  an  ancient  character  he  was  a  typical 
Southern  gentlemen,  saying  he  was  a  Virginian  by  birth,  and 
that  his  home  was  in  the  White  House.  He  first  encountered 
Mrs.  Grundy  who,  in  song,  told  him  about  social  conditions 
in  Washington,  and  offered  her  assistance,  so  that  he  could 
surround   himself   with  people   with  bank  accounts. 

*'I  shall  not  need  your  help,"  he  said.  "What  I  want  is 
brains,  not  money." 

"You  can  get  brains  for  $25  per  week,"  said  Mrs.  Grundy, 
"You  don't  know  what  you  are  up  against.  There  are  ghosts 
in  the  White  House;  ghosts  of  the  policies  of  previous  adminis- 
trations.    Here  they  come." 

Then  they  came  —  a  number  of  white-clothed  figures  —  and 
each  sang  a  verse  telling  whom  he  represented.  High  Protec- 
tion, Dollar  Diplomacy,  Monopoly,  Imperialism,  and  Money 
Trust  were  among  the  number.  Asked  how  he  would  get  rid 
of  them  Jeffersonian  Democracy  replied  that  he  would  get  some 
one  to  ring  the  liberty  bell.  Then  followed  a  song  closing  with 
the  words: 


284  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


We  think  we've  found  the  man  to  ring  that  bell, 
WooDROW  Wilson,  you're  the  man  to  ring  that  bell. 

And  at  the  same  time  a  huge  bell  of  flowers  swung  from 
a  place  of  concealment  and  hung  over  the  President's 
head. 

A  few  hours  before  the  dinner  of  December,  1913,  President 
Wilson  sent  a  note  of  regret  that  he  could  not  attend  on  ac- 
count of  a  very  severe  cold,  but  the  members  of  the  Cabinet 
were  present,  and  nearly  all  of  them  received  attention.  This 
was  particularly  true  of  Secretary  Bryan. 

There  were  rumors  that  the  Secretary  of  State  would  not 
attend  the  dinner.  iVnnouncements  had  been  made  in  the 
social  columns  of  the  Washington  papers  that  he  was  to  be  the 
guest  of  honor  at  a  dinner  given  by  one  of  the  Ambassadors. 
But  seated  at  the  left  of  President  Kauffmann  at  the  beginning 
of  the  dinner  was  the  Secretary.  As  the  dinner  progressed 
members  of  the  Club  would  make  a  casual  remark  to  their 
guests,  such  as,  "That  looks  like  Bryan  up  at  the  head  of  the 
table;    we  heard  he  was  not  coming." 

That  started  a  lot  of  talk.  "That's  Bryan,"  or  "That 
isn't  Bryan,"  etc. 

About  ten  o'clock  the  Secretary  of  State  appeared  in  the 
dining-room  and  was  announced  by  the  member  accompanying 
him. 

"Mr.  President,"  began  the  real  Bryan,  "that  man  Han- 
ford  has  been  impersonating  me  long  enough.  It's  all  right, 
perhaps,  for  him  to  do  so  at  Gridiron  dinners,  but  he  may  try 
it  on  the  diplomats  and  there  will  be  complications." 

Mr.  Charles  B.  Hanford,  who  for  a  second  time  had  suc- 
cessfully "looked  the  part  of  Bryan,"  acknowledged  his  identity, 
and  said  his  desire  to  imitate  all  great  actors  had  lead  him  to 
assume  the  role  of  Mr.  Bryan. 

Mr.  Bryan  had  been  lecturing  and  some  one  had  discovered 
that  yodlers  were  a  part  of  the  program  at  one  place.  This 
furnished  a  theme  for  the  Gridiron  Club  and  the  music  com- 
mittee produced  a  yodler  with  a   song  that  contained  thrusts 


A    NEW    ADMINISTRATION 


285 


at  the  Secretary.     Later  there  was  reference  to  grape  juice  and 

a  few  other  personal  matters. 

The   "  Mexicanizing "   of  the   United   States  government  also 

introduced  a   __ 

HEXfCAMIZlNG 

Our  Government 


mem- 
ber made  up  as 
Bryan  who  took  a 
prominent  part  in 
dominating  the  new 
government.  In 
another  skit  there 
was  a  reference  to 
the  Jolien  letter  of 
President  Wilson 
wherein  he  said  it 
was  *'a  pity  Bryan 
could  not  be  knocked 
into  a  cocked  hat." 
Altogether  it  was 
a  Bryan  night,  and 
while  he  came  up 
smiling,  retorted  in 
a  witty  speech,  and 

told  some  wholesome  truths,  be  showed 
some  feeling;  not  so  much  about  the  Grid- 
iron skits  aimed  at  him,  but  on  account  of 
the  general  criticism  that  he  had  received 
during  the  time  that  he  had  been  Premier 
in  the  Cabinet. 

The  initiation  of  E.  A.  Fowler  of  the 
New  York  Sun,  Arthur  B.  Krock  of  the 
Louisville  Courier -Journal,  John  P.  Ryan 
of  the  San  Francisco  Post,  J.  Fred  Essary 
of  the  Baltimore  Sun  and  Thomas  W.  Brahany,  a  limited  mem- 
ber, afforded  an  opportunity  to  play  upon  the  currency  bill  which 
was  then  pending  in  Congress;  the  initiation  committee  organized 
the  federal  reserve  board,  and  issued  unlimited  quantities  of  cur- 


286  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


rency.  The  claim  was  made  that  the  newspaper  men  had  to  have 
this  money  to  pay  their  initiation  fees,  as  they  had  been  unable  to 
make  anything  on  account  of  the  press  censorship  of  the  new 
administration.  One  candidate  read  from  President  Wilson's 
New  Freedom  the  following: 

Let  there  be  light.  It  is  necessary  to  open  all  the  processes  of  politics. 
They  have  been  too  secret,  too  complicated,  too  roundabout;  they  have  con- 
sisted of  too  much  private  conferences  and  understandings. 

Then  other  candidates  read  orders  from  different  cabinet 
members  about  having  all  news  given  out  by  themselves,  and 
asserted  that  the  new  conditions  had  suppressed  news  and  con- 
sequently reduced  their  incomes.  However,  their  security  for 
the  "new  currency"  was  accepted  on  account  of  the  emergency. 

At  one  point  a  porter  wheeled  a  large  hamper  into  the 
dining-room.  It  was  consigned  to  the  Gridiron  Club.  When  it 
was  opened  a  woman  sprang  out,  shouting,  "Votes  for  women! 
Votes  for  women!"  She  announced  that  she  was  Mrs.  Pank- 
HURST,  the  English  suffragette,  who  was  giving  quite  a  number 
of  people  trouble  about  that  time.  There  was  considerable 
difficulty  in  removing  the  lady  owing  to  politics,  the  statement 
being  made  that  ten  States  had  woman  suffrage.  Finally  a 
member  saying  he  was  Dudley  Field  Malone,  Collector  of 
the  Port  of  New  York,  appeared  on  the  scene  and  claimed  the 
aigrettes  on  the  woman's  bonnet.  As  he  snatched  them  away 
the  disguise  came  off  and  everybody  saw  the  features  of  John 
S.  Shriver,  the  Club's  Secretary. 

Let  Them  Go  was  a  song  in  which  it  was  stated  that  those 
who  wanted  to  go  should  not  be  restrained. 

If  Roosevelt  yearns  for  the  jungle 

Let  him  go,  let  him  go,  let  him  go. 

were  opening  lines  of  the  chorus  and  the  same  words  were 
applied  to  Congressman  Gardner  of  Massachusetts,  Gen. 
HuERTA,  and  John  Barrett. 


A    NEW    ADMINISTRATION  287 

A  musical  skit  entitled  AdlaVs  Ax,  a  weapon  that  gained 
fame  in  the  first  Cleveland  administration  when  Adlai  E. 
Stevenson  was  Assistant  Postmaster-General  and  removed 
many  Republican  postmasters,  showed  the  necessity  for  the 
resurrection  of  that  instrument  to  meet  the  demand  of  the 
Democratic  ofiice  seekers.  Of  course  "Miss  Democracy"  and 
a  "hungry  horde"  were  in  evidence.  The  idea  of  the  partici- 
pants was  summed  up  in  this  verse  and  chorus,  to  a  tune  in 
The  Daughter  of  the  Regiment. 

We  labored  long  and  hard,  you  know. 

When  Democrats  were  in  the  dumps. 
When  in  the  saddle  sat  the  foe, 

How  they  kept  putting  us  over  the  jumps. 
We're  strong  for  kindness  and  for  love. 

Yet  while  we  train  a  rosy  wreath. 
We  want  to  see  the  velvet  glove 

With  a  hand  of  iron  underneath. 

Bring  forth  the  cleaver  of  your  sires  — 

Adlai's  blade  of  long  ago; 
Give  us  the  weapon  that  inspires 

Terror  to  each  political  foe. 
Arguments  and  persuasive  arts 

Hostile  instructions  will  not  check, 
While  we're  appealing  to  their  hearts. 

Let's  give  'em  some  arguments  in  the  neck. 

An  attempted  interpretation  of  the  income  tax  by  Blythe, 
Coolidge,  and  Oulahan,  each  reading  a  portion  of  the  law  and 
trying  to  find  out  what  it  meant  was  an  amusing  feature.  No 
one  enjoyed  it  more  than  Oscar  Underwood  and  other  members 
of  the  House  who  were  responsible  for  the  act  which  taxes 
incomes. 

Mexicanizing  the  government  furnished  an  opportunity  to 
show  what  might  happen  by  applying  methods  south  of  the 
Rio  Grande  to  the  politics  of  the  time.  There  were  revolutions 
and  counter-revolutions;  a  great  deal  of  noise  and  with  it  all 
some  sharp  raps  at  various  important  individuals.     Such  men  as 


288  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Secretary  Bryan,  Secretary  Tumulty,  Speaker  Clark,  Vice- 
President  Marshall,  Senators  O'Gorman,  Cummins,  Reed, 
Borah,  Hitchcock,  La  Follette,  Bristow,  and  Penrose  being 
Mexicanized  for  the  occasion. 

In  the  skit  there  was  a  vice-president  who  was  constantly 
butting  in,  getting  in  the  way,  and  being  kicked  out.  At  every 
appearance  he  was  thrust  aside  as  of  no  account  and  finally 
handed  a  large  turnip.  Perhaps  that,  or  the  Gridiron  spirit, 
caught  Vice-President  Marshall,  for  he  made  a  speech  a  few 
moments  later  just  fitting  the  occasion.  His  comments  on  the 
uselessness  of  the  Vice-President,  the  humorous  view  of  his 
duties,  his  mild  thrusts  at  Senators  and  the  Senate  produced 
much  mirth,  while  a  number  of  Indiana  stories  quite  completed 
a  genuine  Gridiron  speech. 


CHAPTER  XXIX 
AN  EVENTFUL   YEAR   EPITOMIZED 

Happenings  of  1914  Depicted  in  the  Gridiron  Way  — 
Valentines  for  Guests  —  Satire  on  the  Policies  of 
Cabinet  Officers  —  Up-to-Date  Cabaret  —  Pursuit  of 
the  Trusts  —  Apt  Alliteration  Looks  for  Watch- 
ful Waiting —  Election  Causes  Conflicting  Claims  — 
Uncle  Sam's  Wards  —  Photographing  the  Senate  — 
Old  Home  Week. 

THERE  was  disappointment  for  a  time  at  the  Gridiron 
dinner  of  February,  1914,  when  President  Ernest  G. 
Walker  of  the  Boston  Herald,  read  a  letter  from  Presi- 
dent WooDROW  Wilson  expressing  his  deep  regret  that  illness 
prevented  him  from  attending.  Many  of  the  skits  were  based 
upon  features  of  the  Wilson  administration  that  were  suscepti- 
ble of  Gridiron  interpretation.  But  other  members  of  the 
administration,  nearly  all  of  whom  were  present,  received  a 
fair  share  of  attention. 

The  dinner  was  on  St.  Valentine's  day  which  inspired  Ira  E. 
Bennett,  chairman  of  the  menu  committee,  and  Cartoonist 
Berryman  to  turn  out  valentines  for  various  guests.  These 
were  in  the  familiar  highly  colored  and  exaggerated  comic 
valentine  style,  with  a  little  verse  appended  in  way  of  explana- 
tion, or  applicable  to  the  person  in  the  picture.  Like  all  poetry 
for  Gridiron  purposes  they  made  little  pretense  to  excellence  in 
versification,  but  sought  to  reach  the  objective  point  in  the  most 
effective  manner.  As  in  all  of  Berryman's  cartoons  the  faces  of 
the  individuals  were  not  exaggerated,  the  caricatures  pertaining  to 
something  they  had  done  to  bring  them  into  prominence.  That  is 
one  reason  why  his  pictures  always  have  been  particularly  pleasing 
at  Gridiron  dinners.  They  were  amusing,  but  left  no  sting.  A 
few  samples  will  show  the  general  character  of  the  souvenir: 

289 


PRESIDENT   WILSON 


Th'  applause  of  listening  Senates  to  command 

When  Senates  do  not  merely  laud,  but  listen; 

To  have  a  certain  party  eat  out  of  his  hand 

Are  WooDROw's  triumphs,  and  are  solely  his'n. 


Hail  to  the  Chief,  the  Common  People's  friend! 

May  health  and  fortune's  smile  be  ever  thine; 
May  the  whole  nation's  praise  thy  steps  attend, 

And  1916  bring  a  Valentine! 


JOHN   D.    ROCKEFELLER,    JR.,    OF   NEW    YORK 

Shall  hateful  tyrants,  mischief  breeding. 
With  hireling  hosts,  a  ruffian  band. 
Affright  and  desolate  the  land, 

While  peace  and  liberty  lie  bleeding? 
To  arms,  to  arms,  ye  brave! 


POSTMASTER-GENERAL   BURLESON,   OF   TEXAS 

Postmaster-General  Burleson 
Cried  in  stentorian  tones, 
"The  only  monopoly  I  indorse 
Is  the  one  the  Government  owns; 
I  want  the  key  men  to  call  me  Boss; 
And  the  girls  on  a  million  phones! " 


SENATOR    JOHN    W.    KEEN,    OF    INDIANA 

Good  friend,  for  mercy's  sake  forbear 
To  raise  a  breeze  with  these  whiskers  near; 
Blest  be  the  gink  that  lets  them  float. 
And  curst  be  he  that  gets  his  goat. 


■^^ 


SENATOR   WILLIAM   E.    BORAH,    OF   IDAHO 

"If  you  seek  a  man  of  mark, 

Look  at  Borah,"  said  Wise  Champ  Clark; 
"He  rides  'em  east,  he  rides  'em  west, 

He'll  choose  the  one  that  rides  the  best; 

Maybe  the  elephant,  maybe  the  moose, 

But  one  thing's  sure  —  he's  got  to  choose!** 


¥G 


m>m^'' 


GOVERNOR  TENER,  OF  PENNSYLVANIA 

Out  of  the  frying-pan  into  the  fire, 

Tener  to  baseball  fame  doth  aspire; 

He  thought  it  was  hot  in  politics'  pan. 

But  wait  till  he  hears  from  the  outraged  fan ! 


SECRETARY   WILLIAM   JENNINGS   BRYAN,    OF   NEBRASKA 

The  Dove  of  Peace,  we  may  remark. 
Is  an  early  bird  and  it  left  the  Ark 

Ahead  of  all  the  rest. 
It  does  not  fight,  but  it  gets  the  worm, 
And  it  rides  high  above  the  storm 

And  always  finds  its  nest. 


COUNT  J.  H.  VON  BERNSTORFF,  THE  GERMAN  AMBASSADOR 

The  Kaiser  chops  and  chops  all  day, 

The  doctor  said  he  should; 
But  his  Ambassador,  they  say, 

Just  keeps  on  sawing  wood 

And  making  good. 


COL.    GEORGE    HARVEY 

George  Harvey,  here's  a  health  to  you! 
The  members  of  the  Gridiron  crew 

Salute  you  gaily; 
There's  so  much  good  that  you  can  do. 
The  North  American  Review 

Should  be  a  daily. 

George  Harvey,  though  you  are  no  saint, 
You  do  not  pose  for  what  you  ain't; 

You're  on  the  level; 
You  do  not  wield  a  poison  pen; 
Go  on,  then;  tell  the  truth  to  men 

And  shame  the  devil! 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  299 


The  inauguration  of  President  Walker,  a  native  of  New 
England,  afforded  an  opportunity  to  bring  together  the  Puritans 
of  the  North  with  the  Cavaliers  of  the  South,  a  mingling  of  the 
Obadiah  Walkers  of  Massachusetts  with  the  Captain  John 
Smiths  of  Virginia.  It  proved  quite  an  entertaining  byplay, 
also  giving  Mr.  Walker  an  opportunity  to  announce  that  the 
Gridiron  Club  stood  for  one  presidential  term. 

To  initiate  Sumner  M.  Curtis  of  the  Chicago  Record-Herald 
and  Ben.  F.  Allen  of  the  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer  the  Club 
transported  (in  fancy)  the  dinner  guests  to  one  of  the  islands  of 
the  Caribbean  Sea,  where  the  candidates  appeared  as  two  of 
Mr.  Bryan's  observers,  as  certain  agents  of  the  State  Depart- 
ment were  called.  They  happened  upon  a  number  of  dark 
skinned  *' generals"  who  were  holding  an  election.  One  of  these 
officers  informed  the  agents  of  the  United  States  that  their  last 
election  was  the  fairest  the  country  ever  held. 

*'What  did  the  returns  show.^^"  asked  an  observer. 

*' Eighty-seven  killed  on  each  side,"  was  the  reply. 

A  gatling  gun  was  exhibited  as  an  evidence  of  the  care  which 
was  taken  to  insure  absolutely  fair  elections  in  these  semi- 
tropical  climes. 

Secretary  Daniels'  efforts  to  reform  and  uplift  the  Navy 
were  satirized  in  a  skit  where  a  young  student  attempted  to 
give  instructions  to  a  class  of  old  shell-backs,  inculcating 
equality  on  board  warships  and  imparting  other  interesting 
information.  The  following  were  among  the  questions  and 
answers : 

What  are  navy  yards  for? 
Social  centers  for  the  general  uplift. 
What  are  the  best  ships  in  the  navy? 
The  North  Carolina  and  the  Raleigh. 

What  is  naval  strategy? 

Carrying  John  Lind  from  Vera  Cruz  to  Pass  Christian  without  letting  any- 
body know  it. 

Finally  the  proceeding  was  interrupted  by  a  petty  officer 
who,  with  a  cat-o'-nine-tails,   and  much  fierce  language,   drove 


300  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

the  men  to  their  work  of  holystoning  the  decks  and  polishing 
the  brasses. 

The  Gridiron  Cabaret,  an  up-to-date  show,  in  which  members 
of  the  Club  were  guests  and  waiters,  was  the  interesting  musical 
feature  of  the  dinner,  introducing  several  old  friends  and  one 
we  had  not  seen  before.  The  Colonel,  Charlie  Murphy, 
Uncle  Joe  and  Gen.  Huerta  were  the  principal  characters. 
The  Colonel  and  Murphy  began  the  talk  at  the  tables,  the 
former  observing  that  it  was  a  Democratic  administration. 

"How  do  I  know  it.^"  asked  Murphy. 

"Why  don't  you  go  to  the  White  House  and  demand  recogni- 
tion.'*" suggested  the  Colonel. 

"They  might  recognize  me,"  was  the  reply. 

"You  know  the  President,  don't  you.^"  asked  the  Colonel. 

"Sure,"  said  Murpjhy,  "but  it  ain't  mutual." 

The  whole  party  seemed  to  be  a  gathering  of  down-and-outs 
and  were  especially  doleful,  which  moved  Uncle  Joe  to  say: 

"Oh,  wake  up,  Huerta,  and  tell  us  something.  Isn't  John 
LiND  visiting  down  in  your  country.'*" 

"Visiting!"  replied  Huerta.     "He's  a  regular  boarder!" 

"What  is  he  doing?"  was  asked. 

"Me;    I  guess,"  responded  Huerta. 

Then  he  sang  a  song  based  on  the  ram  that  "rambled  all 
around,"  and  it  was  somewhat  prophetic  of  the  later  life  of  the 
wonderful  old  Indian  who  had  ruled  Mexico  with  an  iron  hand. 

To  the  bumble-bee  song  the  Colonel  sang  a  verse  ending, 
"I've  been  stung  by  the  Presidential  bee." 

"So  has  he!  So  has  he!  So  has  he!"  buzzed  the  chorus, 
pointing  at  various  persons  in  the  room. 

"It  has  sure  inoculated  me,"  continued  the  Colonel. 

"So  we  see!  So  we  see!"  chirruped  the  chorus,  and  then  all 
joined  in  the  closing  words: 

Yet  these  Presidential  bees 

Are  buzzing  in  a  way  to  please 

So  I  don't  care  if  they  keep  on  stinging  me! 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  301 

The  principal  skit  was  The  Trusts,  the  pursuit  of  them  by 
Attorney  General  McReynolds,  and  the  efforts  they  made  to 
seek  compromises  and  immunity.  Pursued  and  hounded  on 
every  side  the  main  character  under  the  title,  "Trust,"  had 
sought  a  wilderness  home  with  his  daughter  "Infant  Industry," 
now  a  strong  and  buxom  young  lady.  But  even  here  they  were 
pursued  by  the  Attorney-General,  pestered  by  George  W. 
Perkins,  beset  by  the  mob,  and  rescued  finally  by  the  "Cheer- 
able  Brothers"  with  their  legislative  compromises  and 
agreements.  As  the  big  parchment  of  peace  was  signed  by 
representatives  of  different  trusts  souvenir  quill  pens  were 
distributed  to  the  various  magnates  of  big  business  who  were 
guests  at  the  dinner  as  a  guarantee  of  good  faith  and  amity. 
Among  the  recipients  were  Frank  W.  Vanderlip,  John  D. 
Archbold,  and  John  D.  Rockefeller,  Jr.  The  member  of 
the  Club  presenting  the  pen  to  Rockefeller,  after  a  supposed 
conversation  with  him,  said:  "Mr.  Trust,  Mr.  Rockefeller 
says  he  would  like  another  pen  for  an  absent  member  of  his 
family." 

,  When  President  Wilson  used  the  words  "watchful  waiting" 
in  regard  to  our  attitude  toward  Mexico  he  gave  an  opportunity 
for  the  Gridiron  Club  to  present  a  short  skit.  An  old,  hoary, 
and  white-whiskered  individual  appeared,  and  upon  being  asked 
his  name  replied: 

"Apt  Alliteration." 

"That's  an  odd  name,"  remarked  President  Walker. 

"No  more  so  than  Woodrow  Wilson  or  Champ  Clark  or 
Luke  Lea  or  Tom  Taggart  or  Bill  Bryan  or  Swager  Sher- 
ley,"  was  the  response. 

Apt  Alliteration  explained  that  he  was  looking  for  his  boy 
baby,  "Watchful  Waiting."  "Dollar  Diplomacy,"  he  added, 
had  been  killed  by  the  Dreadful  Democrats.  Then  he  recalled 
"Tippecanoe  and  Tyler,  too,"  and  " Fif ty-f our-Forty  or  Fight," 
and  "Rum,  Romanism,  and  RebeUion,"  and  several  other  famous 
alliterative  phrases  of  the  past.  He  was  rudely  restrained  in  his 
reminiscences  and  he  then  asked,  "Isn't  this  a  Dollar  Dinner?" 


302  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"Certainly  not.     It  is  the  dinner  of  the  Gridiron  Club.'* 

"Then,"  said  Apt  Alliteration,  "Pitiless  Publicity  is  here!" 

This  was  denied,  as  reporters  were  never  present.  When  he 
learned  that  both  Pitiless  Publicity  and  Watchful  Waiting  were 
absent  the  patriarch  went  away. 

"Good-night,"  he  scornfully  said,  "presidents,  politicians, 
pencil-pushers,  and  predatory  pirates!" 

"Watchful  Waiting"  was  again  heard  when  the  "Pass 
Christian  Fire  Department"  appeared.  President  Wilson  had 
spent  a  short  time  on  the  Gulf  at  the  quiet  old  village  in  Mis- 
sissippi and  while  there  had  joined  the  fire  department  as  a 
volunteer  at  a  small  fire.  Many  viscissitudes  had  the  "firemen" 
undergone  before  they  reached  Washington.  They  ran  into  all 
sorts  of  State  railroad  regulations,  interstate  commerce  com- 
mission rulings,  and  court  injunctions.  Besides,  they  had  trouble 
about  State  law^s  and  their  rights  to  carry  liquor  on  the  train. 
They  had  come  to  the  Gridiron  dinner  hoping  they  might  see 
their  honorary  chief.  While  they  were  there  a  blaze  appeared 
in  the  gallery  and  they  were  given  an  opportunity  to  show  what 
they  could  do.  But  there  was  so  much  talk  and  delay  that 
they  were  finally  told  the  fire  would  soon  get  the  best  of  them. 

"The  policy  of  this  department,"  said  the  chief,  "is  *  watchful 
waiting.'     If  you  wait  long  enough  the  fire  will  put  itself  out." 

Mr.  Bryan's  grape  juice  also  was  remembered.  A  member 
of  the  Club,  as  an  eminent  chemist,  secured  the  services  of  Dr. 
Harvey  W.  Wiley  and  taking  a  glass  of  grape  juice  from  the 
place  which  Secretary  Bryan  would  have  occupied  had  he  been 
present  and  a  stein  of  beer  from  in  front  of  the  German  Am- 
bassador, carried  them  to  Dr.  Wiley  who  stated  that  the  alcohol 
contents  of  each  would  be  demonstrated  by  dropping  a  certain 
chemical  into  the  liquids.  Nothing  happened  to  the  beer,  but 
the  grape  juice  became  a  veritable  Fourth  of  July  geyser.  Dr. 
Wiley  declared  the  test  was  in  favor  of  the  German  contention 
that  there  was  more  alcohol  in  grape  juice  than  in  beer. 

Count  Bernstorff  had  attended  a  number  of  dinners  of  the 
Gridiron  Club.     Once  before  he  had  figured  in  a  little  German 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  303 


skit  and  in  his  speech  replied  very  happily.  And  so  it  was  with 
the  grape  juice  stunt.  He  w^as  perfectly  willing  to  enter  into 
any  little  game  where  it  would  help. 

It  was  at  this  dinner  that  an  interesting  discovery  was  made. 
Gov.  Tener  of  Pennsylvania,  and  President  of  the  National 
Baseball  League,  was  called  upon  for  a  speech.  He  said  it  was 
evident  that  he  was  sent  in  as  a  "pinch  hitter."  And  he  cer- 
tainly "made  a  hit,"  with  a  speech  full  of  baseball  allusions. 

Vice-President  Marshall,  substituting  for  President  Wilson 
for  a  second  time,  made  a  speech  that  bubbled  over  with  quaint 
humor  and  clever  anecdote.  He  had  caught  the  Gridiron  spirit; 
he  knew  the  Gridiron  way;  and  he  made  a  speech  in  every  way 
appropriate  to  a  Gridiron  dinner. 

It  is  just  as  it  happens.  Sometimes  the  annual  anniversary 
dinners  of  the  Gridiron  Club  are  the  important  ones  of  the  year. 
Then  again  it  is  quite  possible  that  the  fall  or  first  dinner  in  the 
winter  season  turns  out  to  be  the  chief  event  of  a  Gridiron 
administration.  And  that  proved  to  be  the  case  in  regard  to 
the  dinner  of  December,  1914. 

Soon  after  the  dinner  began,  Wm.  E.  Brigham  of  the  Boston 
Transcript  was  initiated. 

"I  wonder,"  said  David  R.  McKee,  a  member  of  the  com- 
mittee, and  a  charter  member  of  the  Club,  when  the  paper  was 
mentioned,  "if  that  is  the  old  Transcript.  I  used  to  know  that 
paper  fifty  years  ago." 

"Then  you  know  it  now,"  replied  another  member;  "the 
same  yesterday,  today,  and  forever." 

Mr.  Brigham  was  brought  in  and  subjected  to  a  quiz  by 
members  of  the  committee.  Here  are  some  of  the  questions  and 
answers : 

"Of  course,  you  know,"  said  Chairman  Dodge,  "that  to  be  a  member  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  you  must  be  a  Washington  newspaper  man  in  good  standing." 

"I  am  pretty  good  in  standing  —  in  Secretary  Bryan's  anteroom." 

"Well,  how  many  words  would  you  wire  to  the  Transcript  if  an  earthquake 
should  engulf  the  White  House?" 

"In  this  administration?" 


304  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"What  difference  does  that  make?" 

"In  this  administration  I  shouldn't  wire  anything." 

"Well,  how  many  words  would  you  wire  if  Senator  Lodge  should  split  an 
infinitive?" 

"Why,  in  that  case,  I  presume  they  would  transfer  our  book  reviews  from  the 
first  page  to  make  room  for  my  article." 

"Why,  in  your  opinion,  does  Mr.  Bryan  call  the  last  election  result  a  vic- 
tory?" 

"Because  it's  the  only  kind  of  a  victory  he's  been  used  to." 

"Do  you  dally  with  the  fine  arts?" 

"Nothing  to  dwell  upon.  I  paint  landscapes,  do  sculpture  a  bit,  write  higher 
criticism  and  tread  the  minuet." 

"What  is  the  only  vulgar  event  you  and  your  paper  were  ever  interested  in?  " 

This  question  stirred  the  emotions  of  the  candidate.  No 
longer  was  he  a  high  brow,  but  a  rooter  for  the  Boston  Braves 
who  had  won  a  world's  baseball  championship. 

"Gee!"  he  said,  waving  his  arms  violently,  "didn't  we  trim  them  stiffs! 
Say,  you  know  when  them  bum  Athletics  come  up  from  Philly  and  tried  to  swipe 
the  woild's  championship  from  us  guys,  we  made  Eddie  Plank  look  like  the  one- 
term  plank  in  the  Baltimore  Platform!     An'  we  win!     We  win!  — " 

And  then  entered  the  Boston  Braves  lead  by  Stallings,  the 
Miracle  Man,  and  bore  Brigham  away  in  triumph,  just  as 
President  Walker  was  about  to  announce  that  the  Boston  man 
was  duly  qualified  for  membership. 

Who  won  the  political  contest  in  the  election  of  1914.'^  Men 
recognized  as  leaders  in  both  the  old  parties  claimed  substantial 
victories,  while  representative  Progressives  have  asserted  their 
entire  satisfaction  with  the  result.  The  Gridiron  idea  of  the 
result  was  represented  by  a  prize  fight  in  which  a  number  of 
members  were  the  chief  participants  representing  different 
parties.  Bull  Moose  was  the  referee  and  he  at  times  gave  voice 
to  ideas  and  intonations  very  like  the  leader  of  that  party  in 
1912.  It  was  announced  that  "his  decisions  have  never  been 
questioned  even  when  overruled  by  the  Supreme  Court." 

Kid  Democracy  was  one  of  the  contestants,  introduced  as 
the  present  champion,  while  G.  O.  P.  was  described  as  the 
heavyweight  champion  for  sixteen  years,  though  knocked  out  in 


UNCL£    SAMS 


Gridiron  Dinner,  December,  12,  191 4 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  305 

1912.  '*This  contestant  claims  that  he  can  come  back,"  said 
the  announcer. 

The  fight  was  a  war  of  words  rather  than  with  the  gloves, 
although  Ben.  F.  Allen  of  the  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer,  who 
represented  Kid  Democracy  and  Perry  S.  Heath,  a  charter 
member  of  the  Club,  who  represented  G.  O.  P.,  were  attired  and 
equipped  for  a  regular  go  in  the  ring.  They  shook  hands  and 
backed  off  in  a  sparring  attitude. 

"I  brought  peace  to  Mexico  —  that  for  you,"  said  Kid 
Democracy. 

*'You  closed  all  the  mills;  how  did  you  like  that  one?" 
said  G.  O.  P. 

"You  are  a  crippled  old  party  and  the  creature  of  the 
predatory  interests,"  puffed  the  Kid. 

*' You've  thrown  thousands  of  men  out  of  work  and  put  a 
tax  on  beer,"  shouted  his  adversary,  as  he  clinched  with  the  Kid. 

"He's  hitting  me  with  his  tariff  knuckles!"  cried  the  Kid. 

The  referee  separated  them  and  they  retired  to  the  corners 
where  their  respective  attendants  vigorously  fanned  them.  The 
audience  could  hear  the  advice  of  the  seconds  to  their  principals. 
G.  O.  P.  was  advised  to  "use  your  tariff  knuckles  on  him  more 
and  more;  that  is  the  way  to  wear  him  down,"  and  "when  you 
get  a  chance  soak  that  bull  moose,  he's  the  fellow  that  is  keeping 
you  from  victory."  Kid  Democracy  was  told  to  "give  him  a 
little  more  of  that  Mexican  chili-con-carne  and  some  of  that 
Andrew  Carnegie  dope." 

Then  the  second  round  began: 

"The  Underwood  tariff  caused  the  European  war,"  said 
G.  O.  P. 

"No;    Penrose  caused  the  war,"  declared  the  Kid. 

"Free  trade  caused  the  war,  and  caused  the  French  revolu- 
tion and  the  big  wind  in  Ireland  and  the  fall  of  the  Chinese 
empire,"  shouted  G.  O.  P. 

Finally  Kid  Democracy  and  Bull  Moose  took  the  count, 
G.  O.  P.  proudly  declaring  himself  to  be  "an  old  party  that  can 
come  back,"  but  Kid  Democracy  jumped  up  and  shouted: 


306 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"I  have  not  been  licked,  but  vindicated." 

The  troubles  of  Uncle  Sam  were  brought  out  in  a  musical 
skit  in  which  members  of  the  music  committee  represented  all 
the  American  possessions  overseas,  as  well  as  the  problems  of 
the  negro,  the  Indian  and  other  peoples  in  the  country  at  home. 
There  were  quips  directed  at  the  latest  financiering  propositions, 
notably  the  suggestion  that  the  government  issue  money  on 
cotton  and  farm  products. 

Col.  Henry  Watterson  and  Col.  George  Harvey  had 
recently  accepted  invitations  to  the  White  House,  which  accounts 
for  the  following  verses  to  the  tune  of  My  Bonnie  Lies  Over  the 
Ocean,  rendered  by  two  members  made  up  to  look  very  much 
Hke  the  two  colonels. 

One  night  as  I  lay  on  my  pillow, 

One  night  as  I  slept  in  my  bed; 
A  voice  came  to  me  through  the  stillness, 

A  voice  full  of  kindness  which  said: 

'  "  Come  back,  come  back. 

Come  back,  dear  colonel,  to  me,  to  me; 
Come  back,  come  back. 

Oh,  come  back,  dear  colonel,  to  me." 

I  promptly  accepted  the  summons. 

My  heart  filled  with  peace  and  content; 
I  proudly  stepped  up  to  headquarters 

And  thus  to  my  feelings  gave  vent: 

"I've  come  back,  come  back, 

I've  come  back,  dear  leader,  to  thee,  to  thee; 
I've  come  back,  come  back, 

I've  come  back,  dear  leader,  to  thee." 

"Uncle  Sam,"  asked  a  supposed  business  man,  "why  did  the 
Democrats  tax  business  paper,  chewing  gum,  billiard  rooms  and 
circuses,  and  let  whisky  go  practically  scot  free?" 

"Why,  I  suppose  they  wished  to  lay  the  tax  upon  those 
things  that  are  best  able  to  bear  it." 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  307 

"B-u-n-k,  bunk!"  ejaculated  a  politician  with  a  big  cigar 
and  silk  hat  tilted  to  one  side. 

"Well,  Mr.  Politician,  perhaps  you  can  give  a  better  ex- 
planation .f^" 

*'The  answer  is  easy.  The  tax  bill  was  passed  in  October. 
The  election  was  in  November." 

"What  did  the  election  have  to  do  with  it?" 

"I  hate  to  tell  you.  You  are  too  young  to  discuss  these 
subjects.  Listen  to  my  farmer  friend,  who  will  tell  you  in 
song." 

And  then  Harry  Stevens,  as  the  farmer,  gave  this  version 
of  Coming  Through  the  Rye: 

If  you  have  to  lay  a  tax, 
Don't  put  it  onto  rye. 
Put  it  onto  luxuries, 

But  keep  it  off  of  rye. 
Stick  it  onto  chewing  gum 

Or  billiard  cues,  say  I, 
But  for  the  love  of  Mike,  I  beg  you,  ^ 

Keep  it  off  of  rye. 

When  election  day  is  near  , 

Don't  try  to  tax  old  rye. 
Because  a  lot  of  votes  somehow 

Seem  friendly  to  old  rye. 
Be  kind  to  old  John  Barleycorn, 

Don't  pause  to  question  why; 
Tax  any  blooming  thing  you  like. 

But  don't  disturb  old  rye. 

In  the  fall  of  1914  Vice-President  Marshall  gave  permission 
to  a  photographer  to  take  pictures  of  the  Senate  chamber,  some- 
thing that  never  had  been  permitted  before.  Senator  Lee  S. 
Overman  of  North  Carolina  made  a  strong  objection,  asserting 
that  as  chairman  of  the  committee  on  rules  such  permission 
should  have  been  obtained  through  him.  There  was  quite  a 
brisk  interchange  of  opinion  on  this  subject,  and  the  Gridiron 
Club  made  a  stunt  of  the  incident. 


308  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

A  session  of  the  Senate  was  held  in  which  a  score  of  senators, 
who  often  figure  in  the  proceedings  of  the  real  Senate,  were 
impersonated  and  pointed  allusions  made  to  their  idiosyncrasies 
and  pet  ideas.  It  ended  when  the  photographer  came  in  to 
take  the  picture  and  every  senator  pushed  to  the  front  in  order 
to  be  in  it.  The  alleged  pictures  were  immediately  shown  on  a 
screen  while  Thomas  W.  Brahaxy,  imitating  the  old-time  whine 
of  the  picture  playhouse  singer,  put  forth  a  mournful  ditty  about 
the  price  of  cotton  and  implored  everybody  to  "buy  a  bale  of 
cotton  to  help  the  cotton  planter  in  our  fair  Southland." 

Old  Home  Week  was  a  skit  in  which  Joseph  G.  Cannon, 
William  McKinley,  Nicholas  Longworth,  Ebenezer  Hill, 
Cyrus  Sulloway,  and  William  A.  Rodenberg  all  victims  of 
the  election  in  1912,  but  elected  in  1914,  were  welcomed  home 
by  Jim  Mann,  leader  of  the  Republican  side. 

"Bring  all  the  family.^"  was  a  question  asked  of  Longworth. 

"All  except  Father-in-law;  he  didn't  seem  to  take  much 
interest  in  Old  Home  Week,"  was  the  response. 

Charlie  Curtis,  of  Kansas,  who  is  part  Kaw  Indian,  came 
bounding  in  with  a  whoop,  dressed  in  an  aboriginal  costume. 
He  had  the  scalps  of  Neeley,  Bristow  and  Murdock,  all  of 
whom  he  had  defeated  for  the  Senate. 

The  act  closed  with  a  reference  to  Mr.  Bryan's  plowshare, 
which  he  was  using  as  an  emblem  of  peace.  A  dozen  capitalists 
and  corporation  men  present  were  called  up  and  presented  with 
plowshares  with  the  hope  of  general  business  peace  so  that 
everybody  could  have  an  Old  Home  Week. 

An  allusion  to  Col.  Roosevelt  and  the  election  of  1914  was 
introduced  when  Herndon  Morsell,  made  up  to  look  much 
like  the  former  President  in  a  Rough  Rider  costume,  sang  several 
verses  of  which  the  following  was  the  chorus: 

I'm  on  the  way  to  Oj^ster  Bay, 

Beneath  my  sheltering  roof  I've  got  to  stay. 

I  sing  a  song 

Of  things  gone  wrong 
On  the  last  election  day. 


AN    EVENTFUL    YEAR  309 

I'm  no  longer  trusted, 

They  have  got  me  flustered, 

And  the  big  stick's  busted. 

That's  why  I'm  on  my  way  to  Oyster  Bay. 

I've  come  to  say  good-by. 

Methods  of  the  Federal  Reserve  Board  were  burlesqued  in  a 
short  skit  showing  the  Gridiron  idea  of  the  manner  in  which  the 
business  was  conducted,  and  that  was  that  it  was  dominated  by 
Secretary  McAdoo  who  ruled  the  Board  with  a  firm  hand. 

One  amusing  stunt  was  a  parody  on  the  Gridiron  Club  itself, 
illustrating  the  methods  of  the  entertainment  committee  in 
preparing  a  skit  for  a  dinner.  Holding  in  their  hands  proofs  of 
what  was  called  a  "Cabinet  Meeting  skit"  different  members 
of  the  Club  read  their  lines  while  others  commented  and  made 
suggestions.  For  various  reasons  lines  were  eliminated  or 
changed,  the  whole  effort  going  to  show  that  the  committee 
was  trying  to  get  up  something  amusing  without  allow^ing  any- 
thing malicious  or  rough  to  appear.  Members  of  the  Cabinet 
present  enjoyed  the  skit  as  much  as  did  the  other  guests. 

The  menu  was  a  "Blue  Book"  in  imitation  of  the  various 
colored  books  which  have  been  issued  by  different  European 
governments.  The  "Gridiron  Blue  Book,"  contained  alleged 
dispatches  between  persons  of  prominence  and  related  largely 
to  politics  and  the  acts  of  the  administration. 

Looking  forward  to  the  next  presidential  campaign  the 
music  committee,  to  the  tune  of  Ifs  a  Long  Way  to  Tipperaryt 
had  these  suggestions  to  presidential  aspirants: 

It's  a  long  way  for  Charlie  Whitman, 

He's  a  long  way  to  go; 
It's  a  long  way  for  Charlie  Whitman, 

To  be  President,  you  know; 
Perhaps  he  can  get  there;  he  has  started  strong, 

It's  a  long,  long  way  for  Charlie  Whitman, 
For  he  may  go  wrong. 


310  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


It's  a  long  way  for  Woodrow  Wilson, 

It's  a  long  way  to  go; 
It's  a  long  way  for  Woodrow  Wilson. 

For  another  term,  you  know; 
What  will  be  the  outcome  remains  to  be  seen; 

It's  a  long,  long  way  for  Woodrow  Wilson, 
Till  nineteen  sixteen. 


CHAPTER  XXX 
THIRTIETH   ANNIVERSARY  OF  THE   CLUB 

XXX  Displayed  in  the  Beautiful  Decorations  an  Emblem 
OF  Three  Decades  of  Gridiron  Dining  —  Current 
Events  Depicted  in  Many  Skits — Troubles  of  Mother 
Democracy  —  Bryan  Receives  Much  Attention  — 
Pirates  of  Politics  a  Merry  Musical  Band  —  Trial  of 
Presidential  Candidates. 

THE  Roman  numerals  XXX  conspicuously  displayed  in 
every  part  of  the  beautifully  decorated  dining-room  of  the 
New  Willard  hotel  on  Saturday  evening,  February  13, 
1915,  reminded  guests  that  the  famous  Gridiron  Club  was  thirty 
years  old  and  was  fittingly  celebrating  that  event.  But  even 
without  such  a  display  our  friends  would  have  been  made  aware 
of  this  fact,  for  President  Edgar  C.  Snyder,  of  the  Omaha  Bee, 
in  welcoming  the  guests,  alluded  to  the  anniversary  and  several 
speakers  during  the  evening  commented  upon  the  work  and 
development  of  the  Club  in  three  decades. 

An  interesting  feature  of  the  anniversary  was  the  assembling 
of  the  entire  membership  of  the  Club  in  the  open  space  in  front 
of  the  President  to  participate  in  his  inauguration.  It  was  a 
strictly  informal  gathering;  in  fact  it  partook  of  the  nature  of  a 
revolution,  for  there  were  mutterings  of  discontent  and  demands 
for  information.  The  apparent  reason  for  the  gathering  was  a 
desire  to  ascertain  who  was  really  occupying  the  place  of  the 
President  of  the  Club,  the  assertion  being  made  that  Mr.  Snyder 
had  impersonated  Vice-President  Marshall  in  Gridiron  skits  so 
often  that  there  was  doubt  as  to  who  was  who.  To  allay  fears 
of  a  substitution  a  demand  was  made  that  he  submit  to  an 
identification  and  Hteracy  test.  Among  the  questions  and 
answers  were  the  following: 

311 


312  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Have  you  conspired  with  Vice-President  Marshall  to  swap  your  office  for 
his? 

No!  He  has  to  associate  with  the  Senate. 

Are  you  familiar  with  ancient  history? 

Well,  I  remember  when  my  friend,  W.  J.  Bryan,  first  ran  for  President. 

Have  you  ever  read  any  Indiana  author? 

No!  The  Lord  forbid! 

The  last  answer  was  vehement  and  made  with  uplifted  hands. 

"That's  more  than  the  Vice-President  of  the  United  States 
dare  say,"  said  Chairman  Clark  of  the  inauguration  committee. 
"It  is  final  proof  of  identification  and  of  mental  fitness.  Is  it 
all  right?"  turning  to  the  members  of  the  Club.  They  shouted 
their  approval,  and  Mr.  Clark  went  on:  "A  House  Bill  provides 
for  tags  for  Congressmen,  so  that  raiding  sheriffs  may  know 
them.  This  emblem  will  save  you  from  the  fell  mischance  of 
being  taken  for  a  Congressman;  and  also  will  be  the  mark  of 
your  high  office." 

He  then  handed  Mr.  Snyder  the  jeweled  Gridiron  and  de- 
clared him  inaugurated. 

The  souvenir  was  a  booklet  containing  all  the  skits  and 
musical  numbers  presented  by  the  Club  at  the  dinner.  It  also 
contained  a  brief  review  of  the  principal  events  of  the  Club 
during  the  past  thirty  years,  written  by  Frank  G.  Carpenter, 
chairman  of  the  menu  committee. 

Chauncey  C.  Brainerd  of  the  Brooklyn  Eagle,  Harry  J. 
Brown  of  the  Portland  Oregonian,  and  Arthur  J.  Sinnott  of 
the  Newark  (N.  J.)  Evening  News,  were  presented  for  initiation 
as  the  three  orphans,  Prohibition,  Woman  Suffrage,  and  Fifteenth 
Amendment,  and  were  dressed  and  made  up  for  the  parts. 
They  were  roughly  seized  and  placed  upon  what  appeared  to  be 
three  red-hot  Gridirons  over  a  blazing  fire  and  questioned  by 
different  members  of  the  initiation  committee,  Prohibition  first 
undergoing  the  examination: 

Have  you  any  friends  who  will  recommend  you? 

Yes;  Senator  Sheppard,  of  Texas,  and  Representative  Hobson,  of  Alabama. 

Have  you  any  other  friends  in  Congress? 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY  313 

I  have  plenty  of  friends  on  the  floor  of  Congress,  but  none  in  the  cloak- 
rooms. 

What  did  John  Sharp  Williams  mean  when  he  said  that  a  man  who  was 
sober  because  he  had  no  chance  to  get  drunk  was  just  as  drunk  as  if  he  wasn't 
drunk? 

He  meant  a  psychological  jag. 

To  Suffrage  these  questions  were  addressed: 

What  do  you  want  of  the  Gridiron  Club?     Do  we  need  lady  members? 

If  you  adopt  Prohibition,  you  will  need  some  attraction  to  get  your  guests 
here. 

We  understand  that  you  recently  made  a  call  at  the  White  House.  Was 
there  a  dance  there? 

Yes,  sir. 

What  did  the  President  dance  —  the  hesitation? 

No,  the  sidestep. 

Then  came  the  turn  of  Fifteenth  Amendment: 

Haven't  you  already  been  adopted  ? 

I  may  have  been  adopted,  but  I  sure  has  been  neglected. 

Did  you  ever  vote  ? 

Yas,  suh,  once. 

What  did  you  get  for  it  ? 

Fo'  months  on  de  rock  pile. 

Wasn't  that  rather  severe? 

Yas,  suh,  but  dey  found  out  dat  my  grandfather  didn't  come  over  on  de 
Jim  Crow  Mayflower. 

Who  is  your  grandfather? 

Lord,  man,  doan  you  ever  hear  ob  my  grandfather's  claws  ?  They  done 
been  manicured  by  Senator  Tillman. 

You  can't  bring  in  your  grandfather.      There's  no  place  for  him. 

Yo'  better  speak  respectable  ob  him.  They's  some  pretty  prominent  grand- 
fathers in  Washington  right  now. 

That  was  an  allusion  to  the  White  House  baby. 

Disguises  were  then  taken  from  the  three  orphans  and  when 
their  identity  was  proved  they  were  adopted  as  members  of  the 
Club. 

The  first  speaker  of  the  evening  was  former  Senator  Chaun- 
CEY  M.   Depew  of  New  York.     Only  one  guest  present.   Gen. 


314  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Felix  Agnus  of  the  Baltimore  American,  had  been  an  earlier 
attendant  of  Gridiron  dinners  than  Mr.  Depew.  He  was  in- 
troduced with  a  song,  to  the  tune  of  Hold  Your  Hand  Out,  You 
Naughty  Boy,  with  this  chorus: 

Here's  to  Chauncey  M.  Depew, 

With  our  compliments  to  you. 

Once  more,  as  in  days  of  yore, 

O  Chauncey!   O  Chauncey! 

With  a  song  we'll  welcome  you, 

As  we  always  used  to  do. 

You're  the  tie  that  binds  us  to  the  years  gone  by; 

Here's  to  Chauncey  M.  Depew. 

Mr.  Depew  told  interesting  things  about  his  experiences  at 
Gridiron  dinners  in  earlier  days  and  also  remarked  upon  its 
marvelous  growth,  it  having  developed  into  one  of  the  great 
and  useful  institutions  of  the  country. 

Mother  Democracy  was  a  skit  illustrating  the  trials  and 
tribulations  of  the  party  in  power.  First  she  had  the  care  of 
two  squalling  brats,  Philippines  and  Ship  Subsidy,  whom,  as  she 
told  Uncle  Sam,  the  Republicans  left  on  her  doorstep.  Then 
came  her  own  lusty  and  somewhat  noisy  children.  Tariff,  Income 
Tax,  Currency  and  Trade  Commission,  who  declared  in  chorus: 

We  are  mother's  children  four. 
We  were  born  in  Baltimore. 

Uncle  Sam  observed  that  he  did  not  see  Presidential  Primaries 
or  Rural  Credits. 

"They  are  sleeping,  Uncle  Sam,  and  I  don't  want  to  disturb 
them,"  responded  Mother  Democracy. 

Then  came  Ship  Purchase  Bill,  wailing,  and  Mother  Democ- 
racy comforted  him  with  the  By  Baby  Bunting  song,  saying 
that  "Willie's  gone  a  hunting,"  and  would  bring  home  a  rabbit 
skin.  Mr.  Bryan  had  been  hunting  in  Virginia  a  short  time 
before  and  shot  a  rabbit,  which  occasioned  a  query  as  to  the 
violation  of  the  game  law  and  caused  considerable  facetious 
comment. 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY 


315 


And  just  at  that  moment  a  member  made  up  as  Bryan  with 
a  gun  and  a  rabbit  came  in. 

"Golly,  kids,  but  it's  a  cold  night  across 
the  Potomac  in  Virginia,"  he  said. 

"Uncle  Sam,  this  is  my  nephew,  Willie," 
said  Mother  Democracy.  "He's  a  great 
hunter." 

"Yes,  a  great  job  hunter,"  shouted  Ship 
Subsidy. 

"Willie," continued  Mother  Democracy, 
"has  had  some  thrilling  adventures  and 
several  narrow  escapes,  haven't  you  Willie.'^ 

"Yep,"  replied  Willie;  "onct  I  almost 
shot  a  tiger  in  Baltimore." 

"Yes,"  said  Mother  Democracy,  "and 
three  times  he  was  trampled  under  foot  by 
an  elephant;    weren't  you,  Willie.'^" 

"Yep,"  was  the  reply,  "but  the  most  dangeristest  animal  is 
the  Bull  Moose,  only  they  ain't  any  more  'cept  in  the  story 
books." 

"Where  did  you  get  that  rabbit?"  sternly  asked  Uncle  Sam. 

"I  shot  him,"  was  the  reply.  "'I  shot  more  than  a  million 
—  I  shot  more  than  ten  million;  and  I  brought  this  one  home 
to  prove  it." 

At  this  juncture  the  game  warden  of  Fairfax  County,  Vir- 
ginia, entered  and  said: 

"In  the  name  of  the  law,  I  arrest  this  young  man  for  hunting, 
just  as  I  would  any  poor  woodchopper." 

"I  wasn't  hunting,"  declared  Willie. 

"Well,  what  are  you  doing  with  that  gun.^"  demanded  the 
warden. 

"That  ain't  a  gun;    it's  a  plowshare." 

"Where  did  you  get  that  rabbit.^" 

"Man  gave  it  to  me." 

"What  man?" 

"Friend  of  mine  over  in  Virginia.'* 


316  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

"What's  his  name?" 

After  some  hesitation  and  being  prompted  by  one  of  the 
other  "children,"  Willie  replied:    "Thomas  Fortune  Ryan." 

"Oh,  well,"  said  the  Warden,  "if  Thomas  Fortune  Ryan 
gave  it  to  you  it's  all  right.  If  he  wanted  to,  he  could  give 
away  half  the  state  of  Virginia  and  a  lot  of  statesmen." 

Just  then  there  was  a  great  commotion  and  shouting  outside. 

"Oh,  my!"  exclaimed  Mother  Democracy,  and,  turning  to 
Uncle  Sam,  "that's  the  horrid  Filibuster  family  next  door. 
They  drive  me  frantic;  there's  Burton  Filibuster,  Gallinger 
Filibuster,  Root  Filibuster  and  Lodge  Filibuster  —  and  they're 
always  breaking  the  windows  and  throwing  stones  at  my  chil- 
dren." 

With  shouts  and  clatter  this  family  of  "boys"  came  in  and 
threatened  the  children  of  Mother  Democracy. 

"We'll  make  mince  meat  of  these  kids,"  said  one. 

"Here's  Shipping  Bill.  Let's  stick  pins  in  him  and  make 
him  eat  angle  worms,"  said  another. 

"No,  let's  drown  him.  That's  what  we  should  have  done  to 
Currency  and  Trade  Commission,"  said  the  third. 

"No,  that's  too  easy;  let's  talk  him  to  death,"  said  the 
fourth. 

Just  then  a  voice  through  a  megaphone  was  heard,  saying: 

"Indianapolis,  Indiana!" 

"What's  that?"  everybody  inquired. 

"His  Master's  Voice,"  said  Ship  Purchase  Bill,  and  the 
megaphone  continued,  quoting  from  the  President's  Indianapolis 
speech : 

"If  a  man  will  not  play  in  the  team,  then  he  does  not  belong 
to  the  team." 

"If  you  children  don't  stop  quarreling,"  said  Mother  Democ- 
racy, "I  know  somebody  who  is  going  to  keep  you  in  school 
after  March  4." 

"And  that,"  said  Uncle  Sam,  "will  be  mighty  tough  on  your 
Uncle  Sam.     Shoo!" 

And  he  drove  them  out. 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY 


317 


Squash  Center,  made  famous  by  Clifford  K.  Berryman  in 
his  cartoons,  afforded  an  opportunity  for  two  members  of  the 
Club  to  present  a  skit  based  on  the  report  that  Secretary  Red- 
field  was  to  issue  a  paper  in  which  matters  pertaining  to  the 
government  were  to  be  set  forth  in  an  interesting  manner. 
Silas    Butterfield    and    Hiram    Corntassel,    two    farmer-looking 


individuals,  impersonated  by  Sumner  M.  Curtis  and  myself,  came 
in,  Curtis  announcing  that  they  were  going  to  look  over  the 
paper. 

"Let  us  hear  what  you  find  in  it,"  said  President  Snyder, 
and  then  followed  readings  from  the  alleged  newspaper,  of  which 
the  following  are  samples: 

Looks  kind  o'  spicy,  but  I  don't  see  anything  in  it  about  Ham  Lewis's  whiskers. 

Humph !    Reckon  then  'taint  much  of  a  newspaper. 

Wal,  maybe  the  editor  man's  jealous;  that  fellow  Redfield's  got  some 
whiskers  hisself, 

"They  say  that  that  squint  in  the  Speaker's  eye  has  been  caused  by  lookin' 
over  at  Jim  Mann  before  makin'  a  rulin'." 


318 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


"  Will  Borah  Sundayed  on  a  bench  in  Lafayette  Park  overlookin'  the  White 
House." 

"Theo.  Shonts,  John  F.  Stevens  and  John  F.  Wallace  are  visitin'  in  our 
midst." 

Ain't  them  the  fellers  that  started  in  to  dig  the 
Panama  Canal.'' 

Yep,  but  they  slid  out  before  the  slides  began. 
Hello!  Here's  Mutt  and  Jeff. 
What's  their  latest  caper? 

Hold  on!  Thought  at  first  it  was  Mutt  and 
Jeff,  but  it's  only  a  pictur'  of  Bristow  and  Martine 
havin'  a  argymint  in  the  Senate. 

It  says  here  that  W.  G.  McAdoo  is  a  candidate  fer 
President. 

Is  that  in  the  advertisin'  columns  ? 
Nope,  that's  in  the  funny  colyum. 
'Pears  to  be  a  right  smart  line  of  advertisin'. 
"If  you  fox-trot  don't  fail  to  try  one  of  J.  Ham 
Lewis's  speeches  on  your  Victrola." 

"Buy  your  gasoline  and  kerosene  at  Rockyfellers;    there  ain't  no  other 
place  to  get  it." 

"Go  to  Bryan's  State  Department  store  for  fancy  notions." 
"A  broken  line  of  party  ties  cheap  at  George 
Perkins's." 

"Boies  Penrose  keeps  the  best  cigars." 
I  know  that  —  he  gave  me  one  of  the  others. 
It  says  here  that  Charley  Fairbanks  aspires  to 
direct  the  next  national  administration. 

Wal,  I  dunno  but  them  diplomats  and  Washin'- 
ton  sassiety  folks  would  jest  as  soon  live  on  butter- 
milk as  grape  juice. 

Don't  see  any  war  news  anywhere; 
Well,  here's  a  dictograph  report  of  what  the  Dem- 
ocratic Senators  are  sayin'  about  each  other  in  the 
cloak-room. 

Stop  right  there,  Si!  Throw  that  sheet  away  and 
come  on  home.     This  ain't  no  paper  for  the  family. 


Senator  Borah  of  Idaho  had  been  a  guest  at  many  dinners, 
but  on  this  occasion  especial  attention  was  given  him  because 
of  the   talk   about   his   presidential  possibilities.     He  was   intro- 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY  319 

duced  by  a  song  to  the  tune  of  Good  Night,  Little  Girl,  Good 
Night,  with  the  following  words: 

The  town  of  Boise  gets  awfully  noisy 

Over  her  favorite  son ; 
All  are  attention  at  the  mere  mention 

That  he  intends  to  run. 
Should  he  take  a  flier  at  something  that's  higher. 

Some  people  think  he  would  win; 
So  you  just  remember  that  in  some  November, 

They  may  put  him  over  and  in. 

A  "Court  Room  Scene"  was  unusually  interesting  because  it 
afforded  an  opportunity  to  "try"  six  prominent  men,  three  of 
one  party  and  three  of  another,  all  mentioned  in  connection 
with  the  presidency.  The  Court  was  conducted  much  as  other 
courts,  the  prosecuting  attorney  being  particularly  snappy  and 
vindicative,  the  judge  ponderous,  and  the  bailiff  active  and 
haughty. 

The  first  case  was  the  People  vs.  Charles  S.  Whitman, 
Myron  T.  Herrick  and  William  E.  Borah,  each  impersonated 
by  members  of  the  Club  and  giving  his  occupation  as  that  of 
Presidential  Candidate.  They  were  charged  in  an  indictment, 
in  which  Woodrow  Wilson  was  complainant,  with  not  having 
an  idea.  Each  in  turn  was  placed  upon  the  stand  and  required 
to  answer  questions  as  to  whether  he  had  any  ideas  and  in  the 
end  the  judge  declared  there  was  no  such  thing  as  an  idea,  and 
therefore  discharged  the  defendants  as  not  guilty  of  having  that 
which  did  not  exist. 

The  other  case  was  that  of  the  People  vs.  William  G. 
McAdoo,  Champ  Clark  and  William  J.  Bryan,  who  were 
charged  with  having  closed  the  mills  and  causing  hard  times. 
They  were  impersonated  by  three  members  of  the  Club.  Answer- 
ing about  the  deficit,  McAdoo  asserted  there  was  no  deficit; 
and  if  there  was  a  deficit  it  was  caused  by  the  Republicans. 
Champ  Clark  was  asked  what  was  his  idea  of  hard  times  and 
replied,    "The    Baltimore    convention."     He    was    requested    to 


320  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

repeat  his  remarks  as  to  the  Democratic  nomination  in 
1916. 

"I  said,"  was  the  reply,  "that  if  Wilson  made  good  he  could 
have  the  nomination;    if  he  didn't  nobody  would  want  it." 

*'Do  you  want  it.^^" 

"No!"  roared  the  Clark  impersonator. 

Bryan  was  put  through  a  long  course  of  questions  as  to  his 
whereabouts  on  each  inauguration  day  after  his  different  defeats 
and  also  as  to  the  state  of  the  weather  on  those  days.  Each 
time  he  was  at  Lincoln,  Nebraska,  and  the  weather  was  cold, 
and  so  far  as  he  knew^  the  country  was  prosperous  and  the  mills 
all  running.     Then  ensued  the  following  questions  and  replies: 

Where  were  you  on  March  4,  1913.'' 

I  was  in  the  White  House. 

The  White  House,  Mr,  Bryan?     Pray,  what  were  you  doing  there? 

I  was  eating  luncheon  with  the  President  of  the  United  States. 

What  was  the  weather  on  that  day? 

'Twas  a  beautiful,  balmy  day,  full  of  hope  and  promise.  The  birds  twittered 
in  the  tree-tops,  and  every  cloud  had  a  silver  lining  at  the  ratio  of  sixteen  — 

(Judge,  pounding  with  gavel)  —  Confine  yourself  to  facts,  Mr.  Bryan. 

Now,  Mr.  Bryan,  don't  you  know,  as  a  matter  of  fact,  that  immediately 
after  that  luncheon  the  mills  stopped  running? 

So  did  I. 

Do  you  expect  the  mills  to  start  running  again? 

Oh,  yes. 

And  will  you  also  start  running? 

I  refuse  to  incriminate  myself. 

From  time  to  time  during  the  court  proceedings  a  little  man 
would  bob  up  with  the  remark,  "If  your  honor  please,"  but 
could  get  no  farther  because  he  was  seized  by  the  big  bailiff  and 
jammed  into  his  chair. 

"Bailiff,  who  is  this  man?"  finally  asked  the  court. 

"I  am  Louis  D.  Brandeis,  the  people's  only  friend,"  de- 
clared the  little  man. 

"Bailiff,  do  your  duty,"  said  the  Judge,  and  the  little  man 
was  hustled  out  and  the  court  adjourned. 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY 


321 


Soon  after  the  music  committee  assembled  and  a  lame  duck 
song  was  sung  for  Mr.  Bryan  to  the  tune  of  Fm  Going  to  Get  a 
Girl  Called  Ivy,  with  this  chorus: 

Once  a  job  I  sought  from  Garrison, 

He  said  it  wasn't  any  use; 
Next  I  went  to  Lane  and  Wilson, 

But  they  gave  to  me  the  old  excuse; 
I  tried  Burleson,  but  he  treated  me  the  same, 

And  I'm  sick  of  seeing  McAdoo; 
But  I'm  sure  to  get  a  job  from  Bryan, 

For  I'm  a  lame  duck,  too. 


At  the  beginning  of  the  dinner  there  appeared  in  the  dining- 
room  a  dilapidated  and  ancient  personage 
which  proved  to  be  the  Bryan  Resigna- 
tion Rumor.  Chairman  Bennett  of  the 
Entertainment  Committee  was  directed  to 
remove  it,  which  he  did  without  ceremony. 
But  again  and  again  came  the  rumor  wan- 
dering about  with  the  waiters  and  getting 
in  the  way.  Time  after  time  Mr.  Bennett 
put  him  out,  but  he  returned.  He  was 
there  when  the  song  introduced  Mr.  Bryan, 
and  what  the  Secretary  did  to  that  Resig- 
nation Rumor  was  a-plenty.  What  here- 
tofore had  failed  Mr.  Bryan  accomplished; 
the  rumor  faded  away  and  everybody  at  the 
dinner  believed  that  Mr.  Bryan  intended 
to  remain  Secretary  of  State  for  the  next  two  years.  There  was  a 
touch  of  sarcasm  in]  the  apology  he  made  for  occupying  so  much 
time  and  attention  at  the  dinner. 

"For  I  am  a  lame  duck,  too,"  ran  the  last  line  of  the  song. 
It  gave  Mr.  Bryan  a  theme  and  afforded  him  an  opportunity  to 
pay  a  tribute  to  the  lame  ducks  who  had  made  good.  He 
mentioned  many  of  them,  but  not  all. 

"I  am  sorry,"  he  said  afterward,   "that  I  did  not  mention 


322 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


McKiNLEY  and  Taft.  McKinley  was  a  lame  duck  as  a  result 
of  the  congressional  election  in  1890  and  afterward  was  twice 
elected  Governor  of  Ohio  and  twice  elected  President  of  the 
United  States,  defeating  an  excellent  man  as  I  have  personal 
reasons  for  knowing.  He  was  President  during  a  very  important 
period  of  the  country's  history. 

*'Then  I  should  have  paid  a  tribute  to  Taft  as  a  good  loser. 
I  could  have  said  that  his  cheerfulness  and  fortitude  under 
defeat  were  greater  than  mine,  for  he  gave  up  something  of 
which  he  was  in  possession  while  I  lost  only  that  which  was  in 
prospect. 

"But  it  is  just  as  I  have  always  maintained,"  he  added.  "I 
always  make  my  best  speeches  going  home  in  the  carriage." 

The  Pirates  of  Politics  or  the  Slaves  of  Booty  was  a  musical 
skit  prepared  by  Henry  Litchfield  West,  chairman  of  the 
music  committee,  who  also  wrote  the  lyrics  for  the  other  songs 
of  the  evening.  Some  of  the  Pirates  of  Penzance  music  was 
utilized  for  songs  by  the  Progressive,  Suffragette  and  Prohibition 

Pirates  as  well  as  by  the  Democratic-Repub- 
lican-Old-Time Pirate,  and  for  the  choruses; 
all  parts  taken  by  members  of  the  Club. 

In  the  beginning  the  Pirate  Chief  an- 
nounced his  intentions  of  leaving  his  asso- 
ciates forever.  *'I  feel  it  is  now  my  duty 
to  destroy  you,"  he  said. 

"Gee!  Your  name  must  be  Wicker- 
sham,"  remarked  one  of  the  band. 

"But  we  are  not  pirates.     We  are  re- 
formers," asserted  the  Progressive  Pirate, 
who   spoke  like  Col.  Roosevelt  and  was 
dressed  in  khaki. 
"Merely  a  distinction  without  a  difference,"  said  the  Chief. 
"Both  would  like  to  sail  the  Ship  of  State." 

"Say,  Chief,"  asked  one  of  the  band,  "when  the  pirates 
used  to  make  people  walk  the  plank,  did  they  mean  the  Panama 
Canal  Plank  or  the  One  Term  Plank?" 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY  323 


This  was  not  answered,  and  the  Prohibition  Pirate  sang, 
Hail,  oh,  hail  the  water  wagon,  in  which  were  these  Hnes: 

We  have  joined  the  Hobson  Union, 

In  good  standing  one  and  all; 
No  more  will  we  hold  communion 

With  the  devilish  high-ball. 

Then  the  Progressive  Pirate  came  forward  with  this: 

Oh,  better  far  to  live  and  die 

Under  the  spotlight's  glaring  eye 

Than  play  a  simple,  quiet  part, 

With  a  modest  mien  and  a  shrinking  heart. 

Out  of  the  country  I  may  go. 

To  find  where  doubtful  rivers  flow; 

But  I'll  return,  I'm  free  to  state. 

To  live  and  die  a  candidate. 

For  I'm  a  candidate. 

And  I  never,  never  hesitate. 

To  be  a  candidate. 

For  I'm  a  candidate. 

"Piracy,  practical  politics  and  petticoats,  is  my  alluring  and 
alliterative  platform,"  announced  the  Suffragette  Pirate.  "I 
want  a  vote,"  and  then  sang  this  pathetic  appeal: 

I  want  to  vote. 

That  is  my  sole  appeal: 

The  petticoat 

Surely  should  vote 

Our  wrongs  to  heal. 

I  want  to  vote. 

Give  me  the  ballot  soon. 

Then  will  I  find 

True  peace  of  mind  ! 

O,  grant  me  this  one  boon! 

Chorus:  Take  heart,  patient  and  true: 
Some  day  'twill  come  to  you. 


324  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Then  the  Progressive  Pirate,  the  Suffragette  Pirate  and  the 
Democratic-RepubHcan-Old-Time  Pirate  sang  a  trio  about  the 
paradox  when  women  stuffed  the  ballot  box.  This  was  followed 
by  the  Progressive  Pirate  and  Chorus  as  to  why  the  Statesman's 
Lot  is  quite  a  Happy  One.  The  RepubHcan-Democratic-Old- 
Time  Pirate  sang  a  song,  concluding: 

For  whatever  party's  in, 
Or  what  candidate  may  win, 
All  of  us  divide  the  swag, 
And  the  people  hold  the  bag. 
And  the  people  hold  the  bag. 

At  this  point  came  the  Suffragette  Pirate  with  this: 

So,  you  pirates,  do  your  duty; 
Keep  your  eye  upon  the  booty; 
Promptly  grab  the  tootie-frootie; 

Don't  let  any  get  away. 
For,  despite  your  best  endeavor. 
You  cannot  hold  on  forever, 
From  your  graft  you'll  have  to  sever 

When  New  Freedom  gains  the  day. 

Then  with  a  rousing  chorus.  Hail,  Hail,  the  Ganges  all  Here, 
the  Pirates  departed. 

Secretary  Daniels,  who  has  often  been  a  guest  and  had  his 
share  of  roasts,  came  back  at  the  Club  in  a  speech  which  avoided 
the  usual  taffy  about  the  power  of  the  press,  etc.  He  roasted 
different  members  of  the  Club  saying  they  were  merely  news- 
paper men  like  himself. 

Senator  Wadsworth  of  New  York  made  his  first  appearance 
as  a  Gridiron  guest  and  made  a  speech.  His  term  had  not  then 
begun.  At  the  dinner  he  met  for  the  first  time  his  colleague- 
to-be,  Senator  O'Gorman. 

*'I  believe  I  can  assure  you,"  said  O'Gorman,  "that  New 
York  will  have  a  harmonious  delegation  in  the  Senate." 

During  the  evening  several  bulletins  were  read  as  coming 
from  the  Senate  where   a  most  peculiar  situation  then  existed. 


THIRTIETH    ANNIVERSARY 


325 


Senator  Norris  of  Nebraska  sometimes  voted  with  one  side  and 

sometimes  with  the  other  and  held  the  balance  of  power.     The 

first     bulletin     announced     that     "Senator 

Norris  is  now  voting  with  the  Republicans 

and    they    are    in    control    of    the    Senate." 

A    little    later    another    bulletin    was    read 

substituting  Democrats  for  Republicans  and 

still  another  Insurgents  for  the  parties.     The 

last  stated  that  the  Nebraska  Senator  refused 

to  vote  and  the  Senate  was  deadlocked. 

Dear  Old  Wabash  was  the  song,  so  Mr. 
West  said,  that  the  Vice-President  liked 
best,  and  to  introduce  him  a  verse  of  this 
was  sung,  but  the  music  committee  had 
decided  that  something  less  formal  and 
more  personal  would  be  appropriate  and  so 

to   the  tune  of  Coine,  Landlord,  Fill  the  Flowing  Boivl,  another 
song  was  sung  of  which  one  verse  and  the  chorus  follow: 


He'd  like  to  speak  both  night  and  day, 
But  we  won't  let  him  do  it; 

We'll  let  him  have  a  little  say, 
So  let  him  now  go  to  it. 


For  tonight  we'll  merry,  merry  be. 
For  tonight  we'll  merry,  merry  be. 
For  tonight  we'll  merry,  merry  be, 

We're  going  to  hear  Tom  Marshall. 

And  once  more  the  Vice-President  substituted  for  the  Presi- 
dent at  a  Gridiron  dinner,  and  made  a  speech,  full  of  humor, 
good  stories,  a  little  pathos,  and  a  sentence  or  two  of  politics, 
which  were  particularly  interesting  at  that  time. 

Then  the  quartette  sang  good-night  and  closed  the  Thirtieth 
Anniversary  dinner  of  the  Gridiron  Club. 


CHAPTER  XXXI 
THE   GRIDIRON   CLUB   AS   GUESTS 

Entertainments  Aside  from  Its  Real  Function  as  a  Dining 
Club  —  Prominent  Men  Have  Been  Hosts  —  Many 
Delightful  Trips  —  Entertainments  for  Ladies — Will 
Attempt  Gridiron  Dinners  Only  When  in  Control. 

MEN  who  have  been  entertained  at  Gridiron  dinners  often 
feel  the  impulse  to  return  the  courtesy  in  some  way.  If  the 
impulse  lasts  occasionally  a  trip,  a  dinner,  or  some  other 
kind  of  entertainment  is  the  result.  I  am  bound  to  say,  however, 
that  many  promises  made  toward  the  close  of  a  brilliant  Gridiron 
dinner  have  been  forgotten  before  they  have  had  even  a  chance 
to  be  fulfilled.  But  as  an  organization  we  have  had  our  share, 
and  we  have  felt  compelled  to  decline  many  generous  invitations, 
promising  very  nice  trips  and  hospitable  entertainment,  because 
the  members  of  the  Club  do  not  have  time  for  such  affairs. 
This  is  particularly  true  when  important  matters  are  pending  in 
Washington. 

One  of  the  first  entertainments  after  the  Club  was  organized 
was  given  in  February,  1887,  by  senators  and  representatives 
who  had  been  guests.  It  was  a  dinner  given  at  W^ormley's, 
one  of  the  famous  restaurants  of  its  day,  situated  at  the  corner 
of  15th  and  H  streets,  the  present  site  of  the  Union  Trust 
Building.  The  legislators  used  Gridiron  methods  on  their  guests, 
giving  them  a  taste  of  their  own  medicine.  Among  the  hosts 
were  the  following: 

Senators  Allison  of  Iowa,  Beck  of  Kentucky,  Hale  of 
Maine,  Manderson  of  Nebraska,  Mitchell  of  Oregon,  Palmer 
of  Michigan,  and  Plumb  of  Kansas;  Representatives  John  M. 
Allen  of  Mississippi,  Edward  S.  Bragg  of  Wisconsin,  Henry 
H.  Bingham  of  Pennsylvania,  W.  P.  C.  Breckenridge  of 
Kentucky,  Ben  Butterworth  of  Ohio,  Joseph  G.  Cannon  of 

326 


GRIDIRON    CLUB    AS    GUESTS  327 

Illinois,  David  B.  Henderson  of  Iowa,  William  D.  Kelley 
of  Pennsylvania,  John  D.  Long  of  Massachusetts,  Louis  E. 
McCoMAs  of  Maryland,  William  McKinley  of  Ohio,  Charles 
T.  O'Ferrall  of  Virginia,  Samuel  J.  Randall  of  Pennsylvania, 
Thomas  B.  Reed  of  Maine,  and  Adlai  E.  Stevenson  of  Illinois. 

In  December,  1888,  the  Gridiron  Club  made  its  first  trip  out 
of  Washington,  in  acceptance  of  an  invitation  to  be  the  guests 
of  the  celebrated  Clover  Club  of  Philadelphia.  There  was  a 
friendly  rivalry  at  that  time  between  the  two  organizations.  In 
fact  it  had  been  asserted  that  the  Gridiron  Club  was  patterned 
after  the  Clover  Club  which  was  three  years  its  senior.  Both 
were  dining  clubs  and  both  essayed  to  have  fun  at  dinners. 
The  Clover  Club  had  adopted  the  method  of  ''bowling  over" 
speakers,  singing  them  down  and  otherwise  embarrassing  them. 
For  years  the  same  system  was  in  vogue,  to  an  extent,  at 
Gridiron  dinners,  but  gradually  the  methods  changed,  to  the 
satisfaction  of  the  members  and  their  guests. 

In  January,  1889,  the  Gridiron  Club  was  entertained  with  the 
Clover  Club  by  Mr.  Frank  Thompson,  then  Vice-President  of 
the  Pennsylvania  Railroad,  at  his  country  home  near  Philadel- 
phia. 

On  two  occasions  about  that  time  the  Club  was  entertained 
by  Mr.  George  C.  Boldt  of  the  Hotel  Stratford  in  Philadelphia 
and  the  Waldorf  in  New  York.  That  was  before  there  was  a 
Bellevue-Stratford  or  Waldorf-Astoria. 

In  the  early  summer  of  1889  the  Club  was  entertained  at 
Nacirema  (American  reversed),  the  country  home  of  Gen. 
Felix  Agnus,  of  the  Baltimore  American.  A  number  of  men 
in  public  life  accompanied  the  party,  among  them.  Secretary 
Blaine,  Secretary  Noble,  Secretary  Tracy,  and  Secretary 
Rusk,  all  of  Harrison's  cabinet,  Joseph  G.  Cannon,  Henry 
Cabot  Lodge,  then  a  member  of  the  House,  Theodore 
Roosevelt,  Civil  Service  Commissioner,  Gen.  Wm.  J.  Sewell, 
afterward  Senator  from  New  Jersey,  Frank  Thompson,  after- 
ward President  of  the  Pennsylvania  Railroad,  Gov.  Jackson  of 
Maryland,    and    many    other    men   who   were   prominent   at   the 


328  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


time  in  either  business  or  politics,  both  in  the  nation  and  in 
Maryland.  A  large  delegation  from  the  Clover  Club  of  Phila- 
delphia was  present  and  there  was  friendly  rivalry  between  the 
two  organizations  as  to  which  could  excel  in  fun  making.  The 
Gridiron  Club  had  not  at  that  time  reached  the  stage  of  pre- 
senting carefully  prepared  "spontaneous  humor."  An  account, 
published  in  Gen.  Agnus'  paper  the  next  day,  seems  to  give  the 
Gridiron  Club  the  best  of  this  part  of  the  entertainment. 

The  visit  of  the  Gridiron  Club  to  Nacirema  developed  a  very 
interesting  incident. 

James  G.  Blaine,  the  idol  of  a  majority  of  his  party,  a 
defeated  candidate  for  President,  had  been  made  premier  in 
Harrison's  cabinet,  and  it  was  on  this  occasion  that  he  gave 
the  first  public  expression  of  his  estimate  of  his  chief. 

When  the  Secretary  of  State  was  called  upon  he  said,  as 
they  all  do,  that  he  had  not  expected  that  he  would  be  asked  to 
make  a  speech  and  then  remarked  that  on  account  of  his  inti- 
mate association  with  the  administration,  in  the  official  family, 
as  it  were,  he  could  not  say  very  much,  nor  could  he  speak  of 
politics  on  such  an  occasion,  and  then  continued: 

"I  will  say  you  have  in  the  presidential  chair  a  man  who  is 
eminently  just,  and  who  will  administer  this  government  in  a 
non-partisan  way.  Before  Democrats  and  Republicans,  he  will 
recognize  that  the  highest  and  most  honorable  career  is  to  be  a 
good  citizen  of  the  United  States." 

Three  years  later,  Blaine  was  a  candidate  against  Harrison 
and  resigned  as  Secretary  of  State  in  order  that  his  name  might 
be  placed  before  the  convention  at  Minneapolis. 

A  man  who  had  suffered  on  account  of  newspaper  criticism, 
Blaine  at  that  time  interested  the  newspaper  men  present  when 
he  said: 

"This  is  an  age  of  disillusion  and  enlightenment.  The 
press,  with  its  genius  and  literary  ability,  has  been  eminently 
successful  in  correcting  many  historical  errors." 

An  interesting  feature  of  the  trip  to  Nacirema  was  a  Club 
song  written  for  the  occasion.     Learning  that  the  band  of  the 


GRIDIRON    CLUB    AS    GUESTS  329 

Fifth  Maryland  Regiment  was  to  furnish  the  music  at  the  home 
of  Gen.  Agnus,  John  Philip  Sousa  procured  some  note-paper 
and  wrote  band  music  for  the  song.  The  sheets  were  distributed 
to  the  musicians  and  when  the  Club  burst  forth  into  song  it 
was  accompanied  by  the  military  band. 

In  July,  1890,  Mr.  Jesse  Metcalf  and  Mr.  R.  S.  Rowland 
of  the  Providence  Journal  entertained  the  Club  at  Squantum, 
Rhode  Island,  an  event  never  to  be  forgotten  by  those  who  were 
there.  One  of  the  members  afterward  embalming  his  idea  in 
the  records  of  the  Club  speaks  of  it  as  "Squantum,  the  famous 
island  in  Narragansett  Bay,  where  the  clambake  flourishes  and 
the  champagne  bottle  grows  to  gigantic  size."  The  handsome 
jeweled  gridiron  which  the  President  of  the  Club  wears  at  Grid- 
iron dinners  was  presented  by  Mr.  Metcalf  and  is  passed  on 
from  one  President  to  another. 

Twice  the  North  German  Lloyd  Steamship  Company  has 
dined  the  Gridiron  Club  on  ships  in  port  at  New  York.  The 
first  time  was  on  the  Spree  in  November,  1891,  and  the  second 
on  the  Lahn  in  January,  1893.  These  were  considered  fine 
ships  at  the  time,  but  would  look  like  tugs  besides  the  giant 
liners  that  now  fill  the  Hoboken  docks.  Ladies  were  invited  to 
accompany  the  members  of  the  Club  on  the  second  trip  to  dine 
on  an  ocean  liner. 

In  May,  1893,  the  Gridiron  Club  went  to  Marshall  Hall, 
Maryland,  opposite  Mount  Vernon,  where  everybody  and  every 
organization  must  at  one  time  or  another  go  in  order  to  properly 
occupy  a  place  in  Washington.  On  this  particular  occasion  the 
ladies  were  invited.  There  was  the  usual  planked  shad  dinner 
which  is  a  feature  of  the  place,  but  it  was  varied  to  some  extent 
by  having  a  semi-Gridiron  entertainment  for  the  benefit  of  the 
wives  who  always  have  had  to  take  their  Gridiron  entertainments 
at  second  hand. 

Those  members  of  the  Club  who  were  in  Washington  in 
August,  1893,  enjoyed  the  hospitaHty  of  Mr.  John  F.  Wagga- 
MAN  at  Ocean  City,  Maryland,  where  they  had  the  unique 
experience  of  watching  the  sea  in  huge  waves  pound  the  shore 


330  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

and  break  as  high  as  the  hotel  and  cottages  on  the  beach,  the 
disturbance  being  the  effect  of  a  distant  storm. 

Quite  the  most  enjoyable  trip  in  the  early  days  was  one  to 
Asheville,  North  Carolina,  when  the  Club  members  and  their 
wives  were  the  guests  of  Edward  P.  McKissick  of  the  Battery 
Park  Hotel,  in  November,  1893.  For  several  days  in  that 
beautiful  "Land  of  the  Sky,"  all  were  delightfully  entertained. 
One  evening  after  dinner  the  floor  was  cleared  and  McKissick 
treated  us  to  a  genuine  cakewalk  performed  by  negroes  in 
costume.  We  saw  the  real  thing,  which  soon  after  became 
popular  and  was  imitated  in  drawing-rooms  of  fashion.  Frank 
Hatton,  Ed  Hay  and  Bill  Nye  were  selected  by  McKissick 
as  judges  of  the  cakewalk.  And  then  there  was  a  big  negro  w^ho 
gave  an  imitation  of  a  railroad  train  coming  into  the  station, 
stopping,  starting  and  pulling  out.  I  have  heard  it  a  dozen 
times  since,  but  never  so  well  as  by  Pink  Williams  in  the  old 
Battery  Park  Hotel  at  Asheville. 

One  March  day  in  1895,  the  Gridiron  Club  members,  ac- 
companied by  their  wives,  went  to  Philadelphia  as  the  guests 
of  the  Cramp  Ship  Building  Company  to  see  the  American 
liner  St.  Paul  launched.  Aboard  one  of  the  Delaware  river 
steamers  we  spent  several  hours  watching  for  the  big  splash 
which  never  came.  The  ship  was  on  the  ways  and  would  not 
start.  Half  a  dozen  tugs  were  hitched  to  the  St.  Paul  with 
hawsers  and  puffed  and  snorted  without  effect.  The  work  of 
the  tugs  brought  from  E.  B.  Wight  of  the  Boston  Journal  a 
quotation  from  the  Apostle  Paul  peculiarly  apt.  Pointing  to 
the  vain  efforts  of  the  several  tugs  he  said:  "These  things  do 
not  move  me."  And  we  never  did  see  that  ship  take  water; 
although  we  had  a  very  pleasant  outing. 

In  the  fall  of  1895  quite  a  number  of  members  of  the  Club 
and  their  wives  were  guests  of  the  Atlanta  Exposition  for 
several  days. 

In  the  years  1894-5  there  were  a  number  of  receptions  given 
to  the  Gridiron  Club  members  and  ladies.  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Frank  Hatton  gave  the  first  and  it  was  one  of  the  most  enjoy- 


GRIDIRON    CLUB    AS    GUESTS  331 

able  reunions  the  organization  ever  had.  Major  and  Mrs. 
John  M.  Carson,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Crosby  S.  Noyes  and  Senator 
and  Mrs.  Arthur  P.  Gorman  gave  receptions  during  the  winter 
of  1895.  The  Club  was  also  entertained  by  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Beriah  Wilkins. 

Just  before  the  close  of  his  term  as  President  Mr.  Walter 
B.  Stevens  gave  a  dinner  to  the  members  of  the  Club.  An 
interesting  feature  of  that  dinner  was  the  "trying  out"  of  vari- 
ous members  to  see  if  they  could  preside  over  the  Club.  At 
that  time  there  was  only  one  ex-President  a  resident  member  of 
the  organization.  Many  of  those  who  went  through  the  "try- 
ing out"  process  of  Stevens  afterward  presided  at  some  of  the 
best  dinners  of  the  Club. 

Carefully  avoiding  anything  like  a  "ladies  dinner,"  the 
Gridiron  Club  entertained  their  wives  with  invited  guests  in 
April,  1899,  at  the  Arlington  hotel.  Never  before  nor  after- 
ward was  the  dining-room  so  beautifully  decorated.  It  was 
filled  with  trees,  foliage,  flowers,  birds  and  small  animals  in 
cages.  Ed  Hay  made  his  appearance  as  the  fairy  Titania  and 
distributed  favors  to  the  ladies.  But  the  good  fairy  also  pro- 
duced cooks  and  utensils,  and  an  excellent  buffet  supper  was 
served. 

In  January  of  that  year  Gen.  Boynton,  President  of  the 
Club,  gave  a  dinner  for  the  Club  members,  and  in  June  a  num- 
ber of  members  went  to  Great  Falls  by  the  Chesapeake  and 
Ohio  canal  aboard  a  little  steamer  that  plies  along  the  picturesque 
waterway. 

On  the  last  day  of  December,  1899,  many  members  of  the 
Gridiron  Club  left  Washington  for  Charleston,  South  Carolina, 
for  a  short  visit  to  that  historic  city  of  the  South.  Senator 
Benjamin  R.  Tillman,  Senator  Chauncey  M.  Depew,  and 
Champ  Clark  of  the  House  of  Representatives,  accompanied 
the  Club  as  special  guests. 

When  we  left  Washington  we  had  visions  of  shimmering  sum- 
mer seas  and  tropical  verdure.  Although  Washington  is  a  south- 
ern city  as  viewed  from  northern  points  winter  is  not  unknown 


332  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


by  any  means,  but  to  our  minds  Charleston  was  "away  down 
South  in  the  land  of  cotton,"  and  we  rather  fancied  finding 
shelter  from  the  noonday  sun  under  a  palmetto,  and,  at  least, 
we  expected  to  hear  birds  filHng  the  air  with  song,  to  see  green 
foliage  on  the  trees,  grass  covering  the  ground,  and  flowers 
blooming  everywhere.  Imagine,  then,  our  surprise  to  wake  up 
on  the  morning  of  January  1,  1900,  and  find  the  ground  covered 
with  snow.  The  pines  and  palmettos  drooped  like  mourners 
with  their  white  burdens.  Icicles  were  suspended  from  thatched 
eves.  There  was  a  chill  blast  in  the  air,  and  we  were  glad  we 
had  brought  our  overcoats. 

"This  is  the  first  snow  we  have  had  in  twenty-five  years," 
apologized  our  hosts  as  we  emerged  from  the  cars  and  stamped 
and  shivered  on  the  platform  of  the  station.  But  we  looked 
incredulous  and  turning  up  our  coat  collars  replied:  "Oh,  no 
doubt,  but  we  came  prepared  for  this  kind  of  weather." 

Charleston  was  disappointed  by  the  weather  for  another 
reason.  It  had  been  the  intention  to  take  us  from  the  station 
and  about  the  city  in  street-cars  drawn  by  mules,  but  the  snow 
would  not  permit  the  stunt  to  be  pulled  off. 

Charleston  had  one  on  us,  however,  to  even  up.  Our  quar- 
tette had  painstakingly  practised  one  of  the  popular  songs  of 
the  day.  "We've  left  our  happy  homes  for  you,"  was  the 
refrain  and  it  was  the  intention  to  spring  it  on  our  hosts  as  soon 
as  we  reached  the  hotel.  But  when  we  had  assembled  on  the 
station  platform  and  were  waiting  for  the  next  move,  four 
tough  looking  negroes  standing  on  a  depot  truck  began  to  whine: 
"AYe've  left  our  happy  homes  for  you." 

"  Yah-aah-aah ! "  roared  Ben  Tillman,  who  had  heard  the 
practising  the  night  before;    "now  where  are  you  at?" 

That  coon  quartette  certainly  spoiled  our  little  sentimental 
tribute  to  the  citizens  of  Charleston. 

Early  in  the  forenoon  the  entire  party,  with  many  of  the 
prominent  men  of  Charleston  as  hosts,  boarded  a  steamer  for 
the  purpose  of  seeing  Fort  Sumpter,  Fort  Moultrie,  and  other 
points  of  interest  which  are  the  pride  of  this  intensely  Southern 


GRIDIRON    CLUB    AS    GUESTS  333 

city.  The  Gridiron  flag  floated  from  the  masthead  and  under 
its  folds  mingled  guests  and  hosts  making  merry  and  bent  upon 
having  a  good  time.  Suddenly  an  ofiicial  looking  cutter  steamed 
out  from  behind  an  island  and  a  shot  was  sent  across  the  bow 
of  the  Gridiron  steamer.  Of  course  it  stopped  and  waited  for 
the  ofiicers  to  come  aboard.  The  whole  party  was  put  under 
arrest,  first  for  flying  a  pirate  flag  (the  Gridiron  flag  is  black 
with  a  white  gridiron  on  it);  second  for  violating  the  dispensary 
laws  of  South  Carolina,  a  search  disclosing  a  considerable  quan- 
tity of  "wet  goods"  without  the  State  label  stored  on  the 
steamer.  The  commander  of  the  cutter  decided  to  place  the 
whole  party  in  Fort  Sumpter  until  the  question  of  the  pirate 
flag  and  the  violation  of  the  State  liquor  law  could  be  adjusted. 

So  the  boats  proceeded  toward  the  historic  fortress  and 
after  sailing  around  it,  the  captain  of  the  cutter  relented,  took 
the  word  of  Mayor  Smythe,  Maj.  J.  C.  Hemphill,  and  other 
leading  citizens  of  Charleston,  as  a  guarantee  that  they  would 
deliver  the  Gridiron  invaders  at  the  proper  time  and  the  steamer 
was  allowed  to  sail  on  its  way. 

That  was  one  of  several  stunts  which  Charleston  put  over 
on  the  Gridiron  Club  while  guests  of  the  city  at  that  time. 
There  was  a  fine  luncheon  on  SulHvan's  Island,  a  "Southern 
lynching,"  the  presentation  of  a  South  Carolina  deer  and  one  of 
Charleston's  pet  buzzards.  Both  specimens  went  to  the  national 
zoo  in  Washington.  In  the  evening  there  was  a  dinner,  and 
despite  the  presence  of  Senator  Tillman,  who  as  governor  had 
put  through  the  dispensary  law  which  allowed  only  State  whis- 
key to  be  sold,  there  were  the  usual  banquet  accessories.  It 
was  an  interesting  fact  that  the  wines  for  that  dinner  and,  in 
fact,  all  of  the  liquid  refreshments,  not  dispensary  goods,  were 
sent  to  individuals  under  the  "original  package"  regulations  of 
interstate  commerce. 

On  the  way  home  the  Club  stopped  at  the  winter  resort, 
Summerville,  and  visited  the  only  tea  farm  in  the  United  States. 
That  tea  farm  had  become  famous  a  few  years  before,  by  reason 
of  the  fact  that   Senator   Tillman   had   secured  protection  for 


334  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


it  by  a  tax  of  ten  cents  a  pound  on  tea  in  the  war  revenue 
legislation  of  1898. 

The  morning  we  were  at  Summerville  there  was  a  slight 
earthquake  shock,  just  severe  enough  to  give  us  a  sort  of  creepy 
feeling.  The  disastrous  Charleston  earthquake  had  occurred 
only  a  few  years  before  and  everybody  thought  of  it.  While 
we  were  in  this  mood  Senator  Depew  was  called  upon  for  a  short 
talk  and  he  made  one  of  those  heart  and  soul  speeches,  with  a 
splendid  tribute  to  the  South  and  especially  to  the  people  of 
South  Carolina. 

Up  to  that  time  Senator  Tillman  had  not  spoken  to  Sena- 
tor Depew,  either  in  the  Senate  or  on  the  trip.  Depew  in  the 
Tillman  mind  of  that  time  was  a  most  pernicious  representa- 
tive of  the  Octopus.  But  that  Summerville  speech  softened 
Tillman.     He  went  over  to  Depew  and  shook  hands.     "You're 

a sight  better  man  than  I  thought  you  were,"  was  his  blunt 

remark. 

In  March,  1900,  the  Gridiron  Club  made  a  pilgrimage  to 
New  York  and  was  entertained  by  the  Lotus  Club,  as  has  been 
described  in  some  detail  in  a  previous  chapter. 

The  members  of  the  Club  and  their  ladies  were  the  guests 
of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Thomas  F.  Walsh  at  Chesapeake  Beach  during 
the  summer  of  1900. 

Senator  Francis  G.  Newlands  of  Nevada  entertained  the 
Gridiron  Club  at  the  Chevy  Chase  Club  in  the  spring  of  1902. 
On  that  occasion  Leslie  M.  Shaw,  but  a  short  time  before 
appointed  Secretary  of  the  Treasury  from  Iowa,  was  one  of  the 
guests.  When  the  Secretary  was  called  upon  to  speak  he  was 
greeted  by  the  singers  of  the  Club  with  the  chorus  from  a  popu- 
lar musical  comedy  of  the  time  which  begins  with  the  line, 
"When  Reuben  comes  to  town."  Mr,  Shaw  was  often  called 
the  "farmer  financier."  Senator  Newlands  at  another  time 
entertained  the  Club  at  his  residence  in  Washington. 

Senator  Hanna  entertained  the  Club  at  a  dinner  in  March,  1902. 

There  was  another  excursion  to  Great  Falls  in  June,  1902,  when 
ladies  and  invited  guests  participated  in  a  very  enjoyable  outing. 


GRIDIRON  CLUB  AS  GUESTS      335 

Quite  a  number  of  the  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  after 
the  Democratic  National  convention  in  June,  1904,  went  to 
Toxaway,  North  Carolina,  for  a  brief  rest  and  were  the  guests 
of  the  Southern  Railway  in  what  the  pen  picture  artists  of  that 
railroad  call  the  "Sapphire  Country." 

In  July,  1904,  fifteen  years  after  a  former  pilgrimage,  the 
members  of  the  Club  were  again  at  Squantum,  Rhode  Island, 
the  guests  of  Mr.  R.  S.  Howland  of  the  Providence  Journal 
and  Senator  Nelson  W.  Aldrich. 

It  was  in  the  Spring  of  1906,  that  Speaker  Cannon  enter- 
tained the  Gridiron  Club  at  a  dinner  of  some  note  heretofore 
mentioned. 

In  the  summer  of  1906,  just  in  time  to  avoid  the  anti-pass 
legislation,  quite  a  delegation  of  Gridiron  members  went  to 
Toxaway  for  a  second  time  as  the  guests  of  the  Southern  Rail- 
way. Mr.  J.  M.  CuLP  and  Mr.  S.  H.  Hardwick  were  the  per- 
sonal hosts  and  they  did  all  that  was  necessary  to  convince  the 
Gridironers  that  they  were  in  the  "Sapphire  Country,"  the  "Land 
of  the  Sky,"  or  any  other  place  that  was  pleasant.  One  of  the 
interesting  features  of  that  trip  was  a  night  spent  on  the  top 
of  Mount  Toxaway  far  above  the  adjacent  North  Carolina 
scenery. 

The  Jamestown  Exposition  in  1907  was  responsible  for  one 
of  the  most  delightful  outings  the  Gridiron  Club  ever  had. 
Accompanied  by  ladies  the  members  of  the  Club  one  August 
evening  sailed  down  the  Potomac  River  and  Chesapeake  Bay 
on  a  Norfolk  and  Washington  steamer,  paused  for  breakfast  at 
the  Chamberlin  hotel,  at  old  Point  Comfort,  then  on  to  the  Ex- 
position. They  saw  it  all,  including  our  little  brown  brothers 
from  the  far  East.  Some  of  us  rode  the  camels  and  others  bet 
on  a  Moro  cockfight.  There  was  a  dinner  with  "stunts,"  at 
the  Inside  Inn,  and  next  day  a  trip  to  the  real  Jamestown, 
the  island  in  the  James  River;  and  that  evening  a  dinner  at  the 
Chamberlin  before  departing  for  the  homeward  voyage  on  the 
Southland. 

Hon.  Frank  O.  Lowden  of  Illinois,  who  was  about  to  retire 


336  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


from  Congress,  entertained  the  Gridiron  Club  at  a  dinner  in 
February,   1908. 

Hon.  J.  Hampton  Moore,  M.C,  of  Philadelphia,  entertained 
a  number  of  organizations  at  a  dinner  in  honor  of  Vice-President 
Sherman  in  March,  1909,  and  the  Gridiron  Club  was  among 
the  number. 

Allusion  has  been  made  to  the  dinner  given  to  the  Club  by 
Mr.  Nabuco,  the  Brazilian  Ambassador,  in  May,  1909,  which 
was  a  very  interesting  occasion. 

In  June,  1910,  the  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  were  the 
guests  of  Mr.  Edward  J.  Stellwagen  at  the  Blue  Ridge  Rod 
and  Gun  Club  near  Harper's  Ferry. 

Twice  the  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  have  entertained 
themselves  at  Dower  House,  an  ancient  home  of  the  Calverts 
of  Maryland.  As  its  name  indicates  it  came  into  the  possession 
of  that  celebrated  family  as  the  dower  of  one  of  the  brides  who 
became  a  Lady  Baltimore.  In  the  summer  of  1912  and  again 
in  1914  the  Gridiron  members  went  to  this  charming  spot  for 
a  night  off  and  to  fraternize  with  one  another. 

Bachelor  members  of  the  Gridiron  Club  who  become  bene- 
dicts have  reason  to  congratulate,  themselves  on  their  early 
affiliation  with  the  Club  for  they  are  remembered  in  a  fitting 
manner.  So  also  do  the  members  pay  tribute  to  associates 
whose  connection  with  the  Club  has  been  notable  and  who  are 
about  to  leave  for  distant  homes.  Thus  did  they  remember 
Scott  C.  Bone,  a  former  president  and  Col. .  0.  O.  Stealey, 
who  was  a  charter  member. 

The  Club  has  received  several  tokens  from  its  friends.  Beside 
the  jeweled  gridiron  from  Mr.  Metcalf  it  has  received  a  large 
silver  punch  bowl  from  Senator  Arthur  P.  Gorman  and  a  sil- 
ver candelabra  from  Senator  Thomas  Kearns.  The  material 
for  the  latter  came  from  the  mine  owned  by  Mr.  Kearns  in 
Utah.  Senator  Hanna  presented  the  Club  with  an  ivory  gavel 
decorated  with  gold. 

Presentations  by  the  Gridiron  Club  have  seldom  been  elab- 
orate, but,  generally,  in  the  way  of  mementos.     On  the  occasion 


O 

'A 

O 

03 


GRIDIRON    CLUB    AS    GUESTS  337 

of  the  25th  anniversary  of  President  and  Mrs.  Taft  they  were 
presented  with  a  suitable  silver  token.  In  acknowledging  the 
gift  President  Taft  wrote  the  following: 

*'As  long  as  I  have  posterity  it  will  be  handed  down  as  an 
evidence  of  the  cordial  relations  which  I  am  proud  to  have 
maintained  with  a  band  of  newspaper  men,  with  whom  I  have 
agreed  and  disagreed  as  occasion  has  required,  but  with  whom 
I  have  always  been  on  terms  of  the  pleasantest  friendship  and 
to  whom  I  have  been  indebted  for  much  gracious  hospitality." 

In  the  beginning  of  this  chapter  I  said  that  the  Gridiron 
Club  has  received  many  invitations  in  the  "shank  of  the  even- 
ing" which  never  materialized  in  the  "cold  gray  dawn  of  the 
morning  after."  Most  of  these  take  the  form  of  personal  invi- 
tations to  individual  members  by  guests  who  are  deeply  im- 
pressed by  the  excellent  entertainment  they  are  enjoying.  In 
this  connection  it  must  be  said,  however,  that  many  alluring 
invitations  have  been  extended  the  Club  as  an  organization  and 
to  groups  of  members.  For  one  reason  or  another,  principally 
because  we  cannot  afford  to  take  the  necessary  time,  the  invita- 
tions have  been  declined.  One  of  the  most  flattering  was  that  of  a 
great  financier  who  wanted  to  take  the  Club  to  New  York  and  give 
a  dinner  to  show  his  New  York  friends  what  a  real  dinner  meant. 

On  occasions,  as  at  the  Lotus  Club  in  New  York,  at  Ashe- 
ville,  at  Charleston,  South  Carolina,  at  Squantum,  at  the  James- 
town Exposition,  and  at  the  Cannon  dinner,  the  Gridiron  men 
have  pulled  off  some  of  their  own  stunts,  although  they  were 
the  guests.  Upon  the  whole,  however,  the  Club  has  wisely 
refrained  from  attempting  to  give  a  Gridiron  entertainment  at 
any  place  or  under  any  circumstances,  save  in  Washington,  and 
when  the  Club  had  absolute  control  and  was  giving  the  dinner, 
using  its  own  methods,  taking  its  own  time,  and  choosing  its 
own  guests.  The  wisdom  of  this  course  will  be  apparent  in 
the  subsequent  explanation  of  how  a  Gridiron  dinner  is  arranged. 
Besides,  in  no  other  place  save  the  National  Capital  are  there 
the  material,  the  guests,  and  the  surroundings,  to  make  a  Grid- 
iron dinner  a  success. 


CHAPTER  XXXII 
SUCCESS  AND   SENTIMENT   OF  THE   CLUB 

Gridiron  Entertainments  Depend  Upon  Organization  — 
The  President  Has  Absolute  Control  —  Features 
Begin  with  the  Dinner  —  No  Contributions  Are 
Accepted  —  An  Association  of  Newspaper  Men  Built 
Upon  Goodfellowship  and  Sustained  by  Sentiment. 

GRIDIRON  dinners  are  said  to  be  unique.  As  entertain- 
ments they  are  not  to  be  compared  to  anything  in  the 
line  of  amusement.  It  is  quite  possible  that  there  are 
many  persons  who  would  prefer  to  spend  an  evening  elsewhere 
than  at  a  Gridiron  dinner,  but  there  are  others  who  will  come 
across  the  continent,  and  from  many  intermediate  points  to  spend 
one  evening  with  the  Gridiron  Club.  Certainly  men  of  affairs, 
men  who  are  interested  in  the  national  government,  in  our  inter- 
national relations,  in  business  and  in  politics,  are  always  glad 
to  be  "among  those  present."  The  mention  of  the  names  of 
those  who  have  been  guests,  who  have  figured  in  the  various 
skits,  who  have  been  "roasted,"  is  a  sufficient  evidence  of  the 
popularity  of  these  dinners  with  the  prominent  men  of  affairs 
in  this  country  as  well  as  the  representative  men  of  foreign 
nations. 

Enough  has  been  said  in  the  foregoing  chapters  to  indicate 
the  character  of  the  Gridiron  dinners.  The  purpose  of  this 
chapter  is  to  tell  how  it  is  done,  to  give  some  of  the  inside  his- 
tory of  the  way  "spontaneous  humor"  is  manufactured,  how 
"canned  wit  and  repartee"  is  first  corralled  and  then  let  loose 
in  a  way  to  secure  the  best  results  from  a  Gridiron  point  of  view. 

In  the  first  place  the  President  of  the  Club  is  in  absolute 
control.  After  the  first  ten  years  the  Club  adopted  the  prin- 
ciple of  rotation  and  it  elects  a  new  President  each  year.  This 
is  not  a  law  or  rule,  and  could  be  changed  at  any  time  if  it 

338 


SUCCESS    AND    SENTIMENT  339 

were  found  desirable  to  continue  any  man  longer  in  oflSce.  But 
it  works  well  for  several  reasons.  It  is  a  great  honor,  and  con- 
sequently members  who  think  they  could  preside  over  a  dinner 
are  anxious  to  show  what  they  can  do,  and  work  hard  to  de- 
monstrate their  capabilities.  Another  thing,  it  graduates  mem- 
bers whose  experience  as  presidents  is  very  useful  in  the  organi- 
zation of  dinners.  Every  man  is  Vice-President  before  becoming 
President  and  accordingly  fits  himself  for  the  one  great  year  in 
his  newspaper  career. 

As  the  President  has  absolute  control  so  does  he  have  all 
the  responsibility.  If  there  is  a  failure  anywhere  he  must  accept 
all  the  blame.  He  has  the  right  to  cut  any  act  or  stunt;  he 
can  add  lines  or  words  or  make  such  changes  as  he  sees  fit, 
and  he  can,  at  the  very  last  moment,  after  long  rehearsals  and 
painstaking  effort,  cut  out  a  whole  skit.  The  responsibility 
causes  him  to  give  careful  personal  attention  to  every  detail 
and  for  a  few  weeks  before  a  dinner  there  is  no  busier  man  than 
the  President  of  the  Gridiron  Club. 

Weeks  before  the  first  dinner  of  his  term  the  President 
appoints  committees.  They  are  six  in  number:  entertainment, 
music,  initiation,  inauguration,  menu,  souvenir  and  reception. 
The  first  four  are  expected  to  get  up  one  or  more  skits  and 
stunts;  the  menu  committee  generally  prepares  a  souvenir  on 
the  Gridiron  plan.  All  the  working  committees  hold  prelimi- 
nary meetings  and  every  man  is  asked  to  submit  suggestions  for 
acts,  skits  and  stunts,  which  can  be  turned  into  Gridiron  form. 
Public  events,  administrative  acts,  interesting  topics  of  the 
time,  in  fact  everything  that  is  making  history  or  causing  com- 
ment, is  canvassed  as  to  possibilities  for  Gridiron  burlesque  or 
satire. 

Each  committee  selects  a  certain  number  of  subjects.  Often- 
times the  same  subject  is  taken  by  a  number  of  committees. 
Then  the  President  of  the  Club  and  the  chairmen  of  the  com- 
mittees consult  as  to  which  committee  can  best  handle  it.  It 
may,  for  instance,  fit  best  in  the  initiation,  according  to  the 
number  to  be  initiated  and  the  necessity  for  a  theme  to  bring 


340  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

them  before  the  Club.  Perhaps  the  subject  may  be  adapted 
to  the  ideas  of-  the  music  committee,  as  was  the  case  when  the 
order  was  issued  placing  Navy  surgeons  in  command  of  hospital 
ships.  Pinafore  music  and  Little  Buttercup,  and  all  the  others, 
suited  the  occasion. 

When  all  the  committees  have  selected  their  themes  then 
work  on  them  begins.  Different  members  write  scenarios  and 
all  are  requested  to  make  suggestions.  When  the  draft  of  a 
skit  is  completed  it  is  considered  by  the  committee  and  merci- 
lessly handled  as  to  length  and  language.  The  aim  is  to  put 
a  punch  in  every  line.  Long-drawn-out  dialogue,  with  the 
joke  at  the  end  is  taboo.  *'Make  it  short,  sharp  and  pithy,'* 
is  the  instruction.  After  the  pruning,  additions  and  subtrac- 
tions, the  parts  are  assigned  and  learned.  Then  follow  re- 
hearsals. Changes  are  made  from  time  to  time  as  the  develop- 
ments indicate  a  chance  for  betterment.  With  the  view  en- 
tirely as  to  how  the  words  will  strike  the  diners  around  the 
table  the  whole  skit  is  framed  and  printed.  The  members  of 
the  Club  make  no  pretense  of  "acting,"  further  than  to  convey 
the  idea.     Dependence  is  placed  upon  the  lines  spoken. 

As  the  rehearsals  of  various  skits .  progress  the  work  of  elimi- 
nation goes  on.  The  President  of  the  Club  is  presented  with 
the  problem  of  time.  The  dinner  is  limited  to  four  hours  and 
time  must  be  given  to  the  more  prosaic  part  of  the  entertain- 
ment —  the  serving  of  the  food.  Consequently  every  moment 
is  precious.  Not  one  can  be  wasted.  Carefully  every  skit  and 
stunt  is  timed.  Allowance  is  made  for  the  laughs.  The  possi- 
bility of  some  prominent  guest  speaking  too  long  is  always  a 
nightmare  to  the  man  who  is  in  charge. 

Digressing  for  a  moment  in  this  regard,  I  am  reminded  of 
one  night  when  Ambassador  James  Bryce  was  called  upon. 
There  never  was  in  Washington  a  more  delightful  diplomat 
than  this  wonderful  old  man  of  Great  Britain  and  we  always 
liked  to  have  him  as  a  guest.  But  for  some  reason  on  this 
particular  occasion  he  had  a  message  to  convey,  a  satire  on 
government  by  the  press.     Describing  an  imaginary  island  and 


SUCCESS    AND    SENTIMENT  341 

people  he  went  on  with  what  would  under  any  other  condition 
have  been  an  interesting  allegory.  His  voice  was  low,  his  enun- 
ciation indistinct,  and  only  a  very  few  heard  him.  His  story 
would  have  read  well  enough,  but  it  did  not  fit  a  Gridiron  dinner 
in  any  respect.  Of  course,  an  Ambassador  could  not  be  inter- 
rupted and  all  we  could  do  was  to  nervously  hope  for  the  end, 
fully  aware  that  our  entire  program  was  being  crowded  and 
perhaps  disarranged,  while  the  President  of  the  Club  was  "sweat- 
ing blood."  But  it  was  his  responsibility.  If  the  dinner  was 
being  wrecked  the  only  query  was,  "Why  did  you  call  upon 
him.?" 

But  in  the  fight  for  time  allowances  are  always  made  for 
something  of  the  kind.  It  means  that  some  other,  and  no  doubt 
better  speaker,  must  be  shut  out.  We  always  allowed  from 
forty  to  fifty  minutes  for  President  Roosevelt.  Curious  as  it 
may  seem.  Uncle  Joe  Cannon,  who  has  been  attending  these 
dinners  for  thirty  years,  has  frequently  occupied  twenty  or  thirty 
minutes  of  our  time;  but  most  of  the  guests  liked  to  see  him 
in  action. 

The  limit  of  four  hours  for  a  dinner  was  originally  fixed  be- 
cause the  dinners  were  held  Saturday  night  and  closed  promptly 
at  twelve  o'clock.  Of  course  other  nights  could  be  substituted 
and  the  dinners  extended,  but  right  there  is  where  our  long 
experience  has  taught  us  that  four  hours  of  fun,  interspersed 
with  the  actual  dinner  —  and  really  a  secondary  consideration 
—  is  enough.     So  everything  is  cut  to  that  basis. 

The  Gridiron  Club  gives  dinners  in  its  own  way.  That  is 
why  they  are  called  unique.  Nearly  all  banquets  start  at  eight 
o'clock  and  for  two  hours  there  is  solid  eating  and  drinking,  with 
orchestra  accompaniment  and  conversation  with  one's  near 
neighbors.  When  coffee  and  cigars  are  served,  some  one  at  the 
head  of  the  table  pounds  with  the  handle  of  a  knife,  says  some- 
thing unintelligible  and  introduces  another  man  who  is  styled 
"the  toastmaster."  That  individual  makes  a  long  talk  and 
finishes  with  the  inevitable:  "We  have  with  us  tonight."  Then 
follow   four   or    more    speeches.     That   is    the    "banquet";     and 


342  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

although  the  Gridiron  Club  has  been  in  existence  for  thirty 
years  only  a  very  few  organizations  have  attempted  to  depart 
from  the  stereotyped  form  and  inject  Gridiron  methods.  The 
Gridiron  Club  never  has  a  toastmaster.  The  President  of  the 
Club  always  presides.     He  is  elected  for  that  purpose. 

The  entertainment  features  begin  with  the  dinner.  Various 
stunts,  songs,  skits,  and  even  speeches,  are  sandwiched  in  be- 
tween the  courses.  There  is  music  by  an  orchestra,  but  it  is 
played  only  when  the  waiters  are  in  the  dining-room.  It  stops 
when  they  leave  and  another  act  is  "staged."  Everything  runs 
along  on  a  program  figured  down  to  minutes.  The  President 
of  the  Club  and  the  chairmen  of  the  different  committees  have 
copies  of  this  schedule.  The  watch  of  the  President  lies  beside 
his  schedule  and  he  bends  every  energy  to  keeping  on  time. 
The  chairman  of  the  entertainment  committee  is  his  lieutenant 
and  stage  manager.  By  signals  and  sometimes  by  brief  conversa- 
tion they  keep  in  constant  communication  and  through  the 
help  of  other  chairmen  of  committees  everything  is  ready  when 
wanted. 

The  success  of  Gridiron  dinners  can  be  summed  up  in  one 
word,  "organization."  That  includes  everything,  the  loyalty 
of  every  member,  his  desire  to  do  his  part,  great  or  small,  and 
the  careful  preparation  of  every  feature  so  as  to  get  the  most 
out  of  it.  Not  overfriendly  critics  have  made  fun  of  our  "care- 
fully rehearsed  spontaneous  humor,"  "canned  jokes,"  and  "dried 
wit."  But  millions  of  people  pay  money  for  the  privilege  of 
hearing  paid  professionals  on  the  stage  unload  humor,  jokes  and 
wit  which  have  been  prepared  beforehand.  And  the  Gridiron 
Club  has  only  one  performance.  Nothing  is  repeated.  Each 
dinner  is  new  and  whether  or  not  the  humor,  wit  and  jokes  have 
been  rehearsed  they  are  presented  for  the  first  time  at  a  Grid- 
iron dinner  and  are  not  repeated  at  subsequent  dinners. 

There  is  no  place  for  inattentive  persons  at  Gridiron  dinners. 
The  man  who  desires  to  secure  the  last  particle  of  a  tasty  morsel 
on  his  plate  is  apt  to  hear  a  roar  of  laughter  and  he  finds  himself 
asking:    "What  was  that.^     I  didn't  catch  it."     And  if  an  ex- 


SUCCESS    AND    SENTIMENT  343 


planation  is  attempted  another  laugh  follows  and  another  joke 
is  lost.  A  Gridiron  dinner  is  no  place  for  hilarious  persons  or 
those  who  think  a  big  dinner  means  heavy  drinking  and  a  noisy 
time.  Such  people  get  little  pleasure  out  of  a  Gridiron  dinner. 
Moreover,  the  necessity  of  carrying  out  a  Gridiron  program  re- 
quires good  order  and  it  is  preserved.  Those  who  are  inclined 
to  be  too  demonstrative  or  noisy  are  warned  by  their  hosts  to 
observe  the  rules.  Nor  is  a  Gridiron  dinner  any  place  for  a  man 
who  is  so  full  of  his  own  self  esteem  and  ideas  that  he  wants  to 
talk  all  the  time  to  his  neighbors,  no  matter  what  is  going  on. 
Such  a  man  is  soon  frowned  into  silence. 

There  is  a  lot  of  politics  at  Gridiron  dinners,  but  no  partisan- 
ship. No  doubt  every  Gridiron  member  is  a  partisan,  but  he 
interposes  no  objection  to  ridiculing  his  party  or  his  political 
friends;  in  fact,  he  helps  it  along  by  suggestions.  There  is 
nothing  in  politics  so  sacred  that  it  cannot  be  the  subject  of 
Gridiron  satire.  There  are  personalities  which  the  judgment  of 
a  committee  may  declare  to  be  a  little  too  raw,  and  it  often 
happens  that  a  very  satirical  allusion,  though  brilliant  and 
humorous,  will  be  cut  out  by  the  President  of  the  Club,  because 
in  his  judgment  it  might  overstep  the  bounds  of  legitimate 
Gridiron  travesty  or  inject  personalities  that  might  be  consid- 
ered offensive.  But  at  the  same  time  the  Club  does  not  have  to 
defer  to  any  party  or  person.  It  is  independent  enough  to 
poke  fun  at  the  party  in  power  or  ridicule  the  ruler  of  the 
realm. 

In  Gridiron  dinners  there  is  no  malice.  Much  has  been  said 
about  roasts,  and  the  name  of  the  organization  implies  that  our 
guests  are  roasted.  To  a  great  extent  that  is  true,  but  there 
is  nothing  done  to  wantonly  wound  or  offend  any  one;  there  is 
no  venom  on  a  Gridiron  shaft;  no  poison  in  the  cup.  While 
we  expose  humbug,  ridicule  many  pet  policies,  satirize  those  who 
by  their  acts  offer  themselves  for  the  purpose,  there  is  never 
any  maliciousness;  no  intention  of  cutting  deep  enough  to  leave 
a  scar. 

Long  ago  the   Club   decided  to  refrain  from  the  boisterous 


344  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

methods  of  bowling  over  a  speaker  with  shouts  and  songs. 
While  on  rare  occasions  the  perplexities  of  a  ready  talker  were 
amusing,  we  soon  realized  that  mere  noise  was  not  wit  and  that 
preventing  a  man  from  making  an  after-dinner  speech  was  not 
humor. 

The  Gridiron  Club  accepts  no  contributions  from  any  source. 
No  guest  can  pay  for  a  dinner.  The  invitations  are  personal 
save  for  a  dozen  extended  by  the  executive  committee  to  dis- 
tinguished guests  or  to  persons  who  may  be  wanted  for  a  special 
purpose.  Men  have  often  said  they  would  like  to  go  to  a  dinner 
and  have  offered  to  pay  the  price  of  a  plate.  The  suggestion 
never  sets  well  upon  a  Gridiron  man.  It  not  only  implies  that 
he  is  not  able  to  pay,  but  it  also  carries  an  implication  that 
this  famous  organization  is  run  on  a  plan  which  we  well  know 
would  be  fatal  to  its  existence.  So  the  members  of  the  Club 
pay  all  the  expenses  of  the  dinners  besides  giving  much  time 
and  energy  to  the  preparation  of  the  entertainment. 

In  closing  this  informal  history,  the  writing  of  which  has 
been  a  pleasure  because  during  its  progress  I  have  lived  over 
many  memorable  scenes  and  cherished  associations  that  have 
illumined  a  busy  life,  it  seems  that  I  have  not,  perhaps,  made 
suflSciently  clear  the  important  part  which  sentiment  has  had 
in  the  foundation  of  the  Gridiron  Club  and  in  maintaining  it 
upon  a  high  plane.  It  may  seem  incomprehensible  that  the 
newspaper  man  who  has  undergone  the  trials  and  tribulations 
of  a  cub  reporter,  who  as  political  writer  and  city  editor  has 
had  laid  bare  to  him  day  after  day  the  hypocrisies  and  sinister 
motives  of  men,  who  as  Washington  correspondent  has  seen 
much  to  cause  him  to  lose  faith  in  mankind,  should  still  retain 
and  cherish  such  a  thing  as  sentiment. 

But  to  sentiment  the  Gridiron  Club  owes  its  existence.  To 
every  member  of  the  Club  a  Gridiron  man  is  something  more 
than  a  brother  journalist.  It  is  not  because  we  set  ourselves 
up  as  better  than  other  men  with  whom  we  work  year  after  year. 
It  is  because  our  members  are  selected  with  a  view  to  good 
fellowship,  permanency  in  the  corps  of  correspondents,   ability 


SUCCESS    AND    SENTIMENT  345 


and  usefulness  in  promoting  the  best  interests  of  the  Club,  that 
we  feel  a  bond  which  is  unknown  in  any  other  newspaper 
organization. 

It  is  this  sentiment  that  prompts  us  to  show  especial  defer- 
ence to  those  few  remaining  men  who  were  charter  members 
of  the  Club.  It  is  sentiment  that  causes  us  to  meet  and  spread 
upon  our  minutes  an  appreciation  of  a  departed  member,  and  to 
follow  him  to  that  last  home  amidst  the  trees  and  flowers.  It 
is  sentiment  that  causes  us  to  arrest  the  festivities  of  a  dinner, 
where  wine  and  wit  sparkle  and  flash,  and  pay  a  last  tribute 
to  those  who  have  crossed  the  Great  Divide.  On  one  of  these 
occasions  Louis  A.  Coolidge,  who  always  speaks  the  appropri- 
ate words,  said:  ''The  Gridiron  Club  goes  on  forever;  though 
in  the  course  of  time  its  membership  must  change,  till  in  due 
season  those  now  mingling  here  become  but  memories  to  the 
later  born.  We  cannot  alter  everlasting  laws  or  stop  the  time- 
piece of  eternity  which  strikes  for  each  his  hour  to  fall  asleep. 
Our  comrades  come;  they  go;  and  as  they  pass  they  lay  their 
offerings  on  the  Gridiron  Shrine,  contented  if  the  gifts  they  bear 
blend  in  the  glory  of  the  Club  they  love  and  fix  their  memory 
in  a  place  among  the  crowding  recollections  of  receding  years. 
And  as  they  melt  into  the  shadows  of  the  past  it  is  most  fitting 
that  those  lingering  here  speak  each  name  fondly  for  remem- 
brance* sake." 

The  lights  are  out  in  the  dining-room;  there  is  a  hush  where 
but  an  instant  before  merriment  prevailed  and  jest  went  ringing 
far  and  near.  Upon  a  screen  appears  the  faces  of  men  who  are 
no  more.  From  out  the  darkness  comes  a  voice  calling  their 
names,  briefly  reciting  their  deeds  and  connection  with  the 
Gridiron  Club  and  pronouncing  a  final  tribute  and  farewell. 
There  is  a  distant  strain  of  music;  the  pictures  begin  to  fade 
among  the  clouds;  the  music  grows  stronger  and  the  words  of 
the  song  are  heard: 

Don't  you  hear  them  bells; 
Don't  you  hear  them  bells; 
They  are  ringing  out  the  glory  of  the  day. 


346  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


The  lights  flash  and  the  whole  room  joins  in  the  chorus; 
and  mirth,  wit  and  merry-making  again  hold  sway.  This  is  as 
it  should  be.  It  is  as  those  who  have  gone  before  would  wish. 
Every  Gridiron  man  wants  to  be  thus  remembered  by  his  fellow 
members,  but  only  for  a  moment  would  he  have  the  enjoyment 
of  a  Gridiron  dinner  interrupted  while  the  brief  tribute  is  paid 
and  he  is  enshrined  in  memories  before  forever  passing  into  the 
shadows. 

Sentiment  of  course;  and  as  I  have  reviewed  the  past  thirty 
years  of  Gridiron  life  I  have  found  sentiment  lingering  at  every 
milestone.  It  founded  the  organization,  it  kept  it  alive,  it 
placed  it  upon  a  plane  of  success  and  achievement.  Without 
such  true  and  lasting  sentiment  there  would  be  no  Gridiron 
Club. 


THE   GRIDIRON   CLUB   1915 


Active  Members 


Alles,  Ben.  F.,  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer. 

Barry,  David  S.,  The  Providence  Journal. 

BiiNNETT,  Ira  E.,  Washington  Post. 

Bltthe,  Samuel  G.,  Philadelphia  Saturday 
Evening  Post. 

BoTNTON,  Charles  A.,  Associated  Press. 

Brainerd,  Chauncet  C,  Brooklyn  Daily  Eagle. 

Brigham,  Willl\m  E.,  Boston  Evening  Tran- 
script. 

Brown,  Harry  J.,  Portland  Oregonian. 

Busbey,  L.  White,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Carpenter,  Frank  G.,  Carpenter's  Syndicate. 

Clark,  Edward  B.,  Chicago  Evening  Post. 

Cunningham,  J.  Harry,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Curtis,  Sumner  M.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Davis,  Oscar  King,  Topeka  Capital. 

Dodge,  Arthur  J.,  Minneapolis  Tribune. 

Dunn,  Arthur  Wallace,  American  Press 
Association. 

EssARY,  J.  Fred,  Baltimore  Sun. 

Fowler,  Elting  A.,  New  York  Sun. 

Garthe,  Louis,  Baltimore  American. 

Hall,  Henry,  Pittsburg  Chronicle-Telegraph. 

Heath,  Perry  S.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Hood,  Edwin  M.,  The  Associated  Press. 

HoRNADAY,  James  P.,  Indianapolis  News. 

Jermane,  W.  W.,  Seattle  Times  — Ck.  Sc. 
Monitor. 


Washington,  D.  C. 
Philadelphia  Inquirer. 


Johnson,  Philander  C,  Washington  Star. 

Kauffmann,  Rudolph,  Washington  Star. 

Keyser,  Charles  P.,  St.  Louis  Globe-Demo- 
crat. 

Krock,  Arthur  B.,  Louisville  Courier-Journal- 
Times. 

Leupp,  Francis  E. 

Logan,  Thomas  F., 

McKee,  David  R.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Messenger,  N.  O.,  Washington  Star. 

Miller,  George  E.,  Detroit  News, 

Monk,  John  E.,  St.  Paul  Pioneers- Press. 

Oulahan,  Richard  V.,  New  York  Times. 

O'Laughlin,  John  Callan,  Chicago  Herald. 

Patchin,  Robert  H.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Randolph,  Charles  C,  Arizona  Republican. 

Richardson,  F.  A.,  Baltimore  Sun. 

Ryan,  John  P.,  Philadelphia  Press. 

Schroeder,  Reginald,  A^.  Y.  Staats-Zeitung. 

Shriver,  John  S.,  Baltimore  American-Star. 

SiNNOTT,  Arthur  J.,  Newark  Daily  News. 

Snyder,  Edgar  C,  Omaha  Bee. 

Strayer,  Louis  W.,  Pittsburg  Dispatch. 

Stofer,  Alfred  J.,  Birmingham  (Ala.)  News. 

Vernon,  Leroy  T.,  Chicago  News. 

Walker,  Ernest  G.,  Boston  Herald. 

West,  Henry  L.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Wynne,  Robert  J.,  Washington,  D.  C. 


Limited  Members 


Berryman,  C.  K.,  Washington  Star. 
Brahany,  Thomas  W.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Kaiser,  J.  Henry,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Morsell,  Herndon,  Washington,  D.  C. 
MosHER,  Alex.,  Washington,  D.  C. 


Nolan,  John  H.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Sb4all,  J.  Henry,  Jr.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
SousA,  John  Philip,  New  York. 
Stevens,  M.  Harry,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Xander,  Henry,  Washington,  D.  C. 


347 


348 


GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Associated  Members 


Adams,  Walter  E.,  Maiden,  Mass. 
Barrett,  E.  W.,  Age-Herald,  Birmingham,  Ala. 
Bone,  Scott  C,  Post-Intelligencer,  Seattle,  Wash. 
Brown,  Henry  S.,  The  Herald,  New  York. 
CooLiDGE,  L.  A.,  Boston,  Mass. 
CoRWiN,  John  Ad.\ms,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Crist,  Harris  M.,  Brooklyn  Eagle. 
DePut,  Frank  A.,  The  Tribune,  New  York. 
Fearn,  Richard  Lee,  Mobile,  Ala. 
Gavit,  John  P.,  New  York  Evening  Post, 
Gibson,  E.  J.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Keen,  Ed.  L.,  United  Press,  London. 


Knapp,  C.  W.,  St.  Louis  Republic,  St.  Louis. 

Miller,  Albert,  Los  Angeles,  Col. 

Miller,  John  P.,  New  York. 

O'Brien,  Robt.  Lincoln,    The  Herald,   Boston, 

Mass. 
Ohl,  J.  K.,  The  Herald,  New  York. 
Presbrey,  Frank,  New  York. 
Stealey,  O.  O.,  Ocean  Springs,  Miss. 
Stevens,  W.  B.,  St.  Louis,  Mo. 
Thompson,  Charles  Willis,    The   Times,  New 

York. 
Young,  James  R.,  Philadelphia,  Pa. 


PRESIDENTS  OF  THE  GRIDIRON  CLUB 


Ben:  Perley  Poore,  1885. 
Ben:  Perley  Poore,  1886. 
John  M.  Carson,  1887. 
Fred  Perry  Powers,  1888. 
Fred  Perry  Powers,  1889, 
Fred  D.  Mussey,  1890. 
H.  B.  F.  Macfarland,  1891. 
H.  B.  F.  Macfarl.\nd,  1892. 
Frank  Hatton,  1893. 
Frank  Hatton,  1894. 
Eugene  Barton  Wight,  1894. 
Walter  Barlow  Stevens,  1895. 
William  Edwards  Annin,  1896. 
Sylvanus  Elihu  Johnson,  1897. 
Frank  Homer  Hosford,  1898. 
Henry  Van  Ness  Boynton,  1899. 


Henry  Litchfield  West,  1900. 
Arthur  Wallace  Dunn,  1901. 
RoBiaiT  John  Wynne,  1902. 
William  Eleroy  Curtis,  1903. 
Louis  Arthur  Coolidge,  1904. 
John  M.  Carson,  1905. 
Richard  Lee  Fearn,  1906. 
Samuel  George  Blythe,  1907. 
James  Sharps  Henry,  1908. 
Henry  Hall,  1909. 
Scott  Cardelle  Bone,  1910. 
Richard  Victor  Oulahan,  1911. 
Louis  Garthe,  1912. 
Rudolph  Kauffmann,  1913. 
Ernest  George  Walker,  1914. 
Edgar  Callender  Snyder,  1915. 


LIST  OF  MEMBERS  OF  THE   GRIDIRON  CLUB 

1885-1915 

With  newspaper  connections  at  time  of  admission;  deaths  and  resignations. 

Ben:  Perley  Poore,  Providence  Journal. 

Charter  Member;  Died  May  28,  1887. 
John  Miller  Carson,   The  Philadelphia  Public  Ledger. 

Charter  Member;  died  Sept.  29.  1912. 
CharIiES  Theodore  Murray,  Philadelphia  Times. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1888. 
Charles  Merwin  Ogden,  Philadelphia  Press. 

Charter  Member;  died  May  2,  1893. 
George  Wiluam  Adams,  The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

Charter  Member;  died  October  10.  1886. 
John  Alden.  Brooklyn  Evening  Times. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1885. 
WiLLLAM  Emerson  Barrett,  Boston  Advertiser. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1887. 
Charles  Augustus  Boynton,  Associated  Press. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1887;  reelected  December,  1897. 
Henry  van  ness  Boynton,  Cincinnati  Commercial  Gazette. 

Charter  Member;  died  June  3,  1905. 
WiLLLAM  WiNNE  BuRHANS,  United  Press. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1887. 
Selden  Noyes  Clark,  New  York  Tribune. 

Charter  Member;  died,  1900. 
Frederick  Carleton  Cr-WVtord,  Pittsburgh  Commercial-Gazette. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1893. 
Theron  Clark  Crawford,  New  York  World. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1885. 
Elbridge  Gerry  Dunnell,  The  New  York  Times. 

Charter  Member;  died,  February  3,  1903. 
Peter  Voorhees  de  Graw,  The  United  Press. 

Charter  Member;  died  August  22.  1914. 
Frank  Adams  De  Puy,  The  New  York  Times. 

Charter  Member;  associated,  1891. 
Edwin  Fleming,  The  St.  Louis  Republican. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1890. 
Fred.  Algernon  Graham  Handy,  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

Charter  Member;  died  January  12,  1912. 
Perry  Sandford  Heath,  The  Indianapolis  Journal. 

Charter  Member. 
Ambrose  William  Lyman,  The  New  York  Sun. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1890;  died,  1898. 
349 


350  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Henry  Brown  Floyd  Macfarland,  Boston  Herald. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1892. 
William  Chesney  McBride,  The  Cincinnati  Enquirer. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1886. 
David  Ritchie  McKee,  New  York  Associated  Press. 

Charter  Member. 
Fred  Perry  Powers,  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1897. 
Max  Gerhard  Seckendohff,  The  New  York  Tribune. 

Charter  Member;  died  Aug.  28,  1911. 
Orlando  Oscar  Stealey,   The  Louisville  Courier-Journal. 

Charter  Member;  associated,  1911. 
Charles  Francis  Towle,  Boston  Traveller. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1890. 
Frank  H.  Trusdell,  New  York  Journal. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1885;  died,  1899. 
Lucius  Quinton  Washington,  The  New  Orleans  Picayune. 

Charter  Member;  resigned,  1885;  died  Nov.  17,  1901. 
Eugene  Barton  Wight,  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

Charter  Member;  died  Jan.  9,  1896. 
Robert  John  Wynne,  The  Cincinnati  Commercial-Gazette. 

Charter  Member. 
James  Rankin  Young,  The  Philadelphia  Evening  Star. 

Charter  Member. 
William  Eleroy  Curtis,  The  Chicago  Inter-Ocean. 

September  25,  1885;  died  Oct.  5,  1911. 
Charles  Welbourne  Knapp,  The  St.  Louis  Republican. 

September  25,  1885;  associated,  1888. 
Walter  Barlow  Stevens,  The  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat. 

September  25,  1885;  associated,  1902. 
Robert  Martin  Larner,  The  Baltimore  Sun. 

September  25,  1885;  died,  1906. 
John  Shultz  Shriver,  The  Baltimore  American. 

September  25,  1885. 
Richard  Weightman,  The  New  Orleans  Times-Democrat. 

November  28,  1885;  resigned,  1890. 
Franklin  George  Carpenter,  The  Cleveland  Leader. 

November  28.  1885. 
Frederick  Draper  Mussey,  Cincinnati  Commercial  Gazette. 

November  28,  1885;  died,  1897. 
Frankun  Theodore  Howe,  Baltimore  Herald. 

November  28,  1885;  resigned,  1890. 
Francis  Henry  Richardson,  The  Atlanta  Constitution. 

May  22,  1886;  died,  1894. 
Richard  Nexon,  The  New  Orleans  Times-Democrat. 

November  13,  1886;  resigned,  1894. 
Jay  Fernando  Durh.aai,  The  New  York  World. 

November  16,  1886;  resigned,  1890. 
William  Francis  O'Brien,  The  United  Press. 

February  23,  1887;  died,  1889. 


LIST    OF    MEMBERS  351 

Herbert  Shapleigh  Underwood,  The  Boston  Advertiser. 

February  23,  1887;  resigned,  1888. 
George  Harold  Walker,  The  Cleveland  Leader. 

February  23,  1887;  died,  1906. 
James  Morgan,  The  Boston  Globe. 

February  23,  1887;  resigned,  1895. 
Crosby  Stuart  Noyes,  The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

February  23,  1887;   died,  1908. 
Henry  Litchfield  West,  The  Washingtoti  Post. 

January  14,  1888. 
Moses  Purnell  Handy,  The  New  York  World. 

March  17,  1888;   died,  1898. 
Paul  Wolff,  The  New  York  Staats-Zeitung. 

March  17,  1888;  resigned,  1891;  died,  1895. 
Sylvanus  Elihu  Johnson,  The  Cincinnati  Enquirer. 

March  17,  1888;  died,  1908. 
John  Adams  Corwin,  The  Chicago  Herald. 

January  12,  1889;  associated,  1890. 
Louis  Garthe,  The  Baltimore  American. 

January  12,  1889. 
Franklin  Homer  Hosford,  The  Detroit  Free  Press. 

January  12,  1889;  died,  1908. 
Alfred  Joseph  Stofer,  Jr.,  The  St.  Louis  Republican. 

January  12,  1889. 
Edgar  J.  Gibson,  The  Philadelphia  Press. 

January  12,  1889;  associated,  1903. 
Hubbard  Taylor  Smith,  Limited. 

January  12,  1889;   died,  1903. 
John  Philip  Sousa,  Limited. 

January  12,  1889. 
Frank  Hatton,  The  Washington  Post. 

February  16,  1889;  died,  1894. 
Edwin  Barrett  Hay,  Limited. 

April  13,  1889;   died,  1906. 
David  Sheldon  Barry,  The  Detroit  News. 

November  9,  1889. 
Robert  Bowman  Matthews,  The  Neio  Orleans  Picayune. 

November  9,  1889;  died,  1901. 
Herndon  Morsell,  Limited. 

November  9,  1889. 
Richard  Lee  Fearn,  The  Brooklyn  Eagle. 

February  8,  1890;  associated,  1913. 
George  Hansom  Apperson,  The  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat. 

November  15,  1890;  died,  1895. 
William  Edwards  Annin,  The  Salt  Lake  Tribune. 

November  15,  1890;  died,  1903. 
Edwin  Ware  Barrett,  The  Atlanta  Constitution. 

December  13,  1890;   associated,  1897. 
Henry  Conquest  Clarke,  The  New  York  Star. 

December  13,  1890;  died  Nov.  15,  1914. 


352  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Marshall  Gushing,  Limited. 

December  13,  1890;  resigned,  1897. 
Arthub  Wallace  Dunn,  The  St.  Paul  Pioneer  Press. 

December  12,  1891. 
Francis  Ellington  Leupp,  The  New  York  Evening  Post. 

December  12,  1891. 
Henbt  Xander,  Limited. 

December  12,  1891. 
Jacob  Jackson  Noah,  The  Denver  News. 

January  9,  1892;  died,  1897. 
Beriah  Wilkins,  The  Washington  Post. 

December  10,  1892;  died,  1905. 
Walter  Edward  Adams,  The  Boston  Herald. 

January  14,  1893;  associated,  1900. 
Frank  Spencer  Presbbey,  Public  Opinion. 

February  25,  1893;  associated,  1894. 
Harvey  Lindsly  Page,  Limited. 

February  25,  1893;  resigned,  1897. 
George  Yost  Coffin,  Limited. 

February  25,  1893;  died.  1896. 
William  DA^^D  Hoover,  Limited. 

February  25,  1893;  resigned,  1898. 
Frank  Vincent  Bennett,  Limited. 

October  14,  1893;  died,  1908. 
John  Henry  Kaiser,  Limited. 

January  13,  1894. 
Charles  Claude  Randolph,  The  New  York  Times. 

April  14,  1894. 
Louis  Arthur  Coolidge,  The  New  York  Recorder. 

December  8,  1894;  associated,  1911. 
Reginald  Schroeder,  The  New  York  Staats-Zeitung. 

December  8,  1894. 
James  Sharpe  Henry,  The  Pittsburgh  Dispatch. 

May  11,  1895;  died  AprQ  13,  1912. 
Francis  Asbury  Richardson,  The  Baltimore  Sun. 

December  14,  1895. 
Alexander  Mosher,  Limited. 

December  14,  1895. 
George  William  Rouzer,  The  New  York  Herald. 

December  12,  1896;  died  May  6,  1912. 
Raymond  Patterson,  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

February  27,  1897;  died,  1909. 
Joseph  Harry  Cunningham,  Limited. 

February  27,  1897;  Active,  1907. 
Albert  Miller,  The  Kansas  City  Star. 

December  11,  1897;  associated,  1902. 
Henry  Hall,  The  Pittsburgh  Times. 

December  10,  1898. 
Rudolph  Kauffmann,  The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

April  8,  1899. 


LIST   OF    MEMBERS  353 

L.  White  Busbey,  The  Chicago  Inter-Ocean. 

November  11,  1899. 
Justin  McGrath,  The  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat. 

November  11,  1899;  resigned,  1899. 
Robert  Lincoln  O'Brien,  The  Boston  Transcript. 

December  9,  1899;  associated,  1907. 
Henry  Greenway  Kemp,  The  Baltimore  Sun. 

February  17.  1900;  died,  1903. 
JosiAH  KiNGSLEY  Ohl,   The  Atlanta  Constitution. 

December  13,  1902;  associated,  1908. 
John  Pierce  Miller,  The  Baltimore  Sun. 

January  10,  1903;  associated,  1912. 
Scott  Cardelle  Bone,  The  Washington  Post. 

February  14,  1903;  associated,  1912. 
Samuel  George  Blythe,  The  New  York  World. 

March  14,  1903. 
Edgar  Callender  Snyder,  The  Omaha  Bee. 

April  11,  1903. 
Henry  Shroff  Brown,  The  New  York  Herald. 

May  9,  1903;  associated,  1912. 
North  Overton  Messenger,  The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

November  14,  1903. 
John  Henry  Nolan,  Limited. 

March  12,  1904. 
Philander  Chase  Johnson,  The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

April  9,  1904. 
Richard  Herndon  Lindsay,  The  Kansas  City  Star. 

May  14,  1904;  died,  1908. 
Richard  Victor  Oulahan,  The  New  York  Sun. 

October  14,  1905. 
Ernest  George  Walker,  The  Boston  Herald. 

November  11,  1905. 
John  Henry  Small,  Limited. 

November  11,  1905. 
William  Wallace  Jermane,  The  Minneapolis  Journal. 

December  9,  1905. 
Arthur  Josiah  Dodge,  The  Milwaukee  Sentinel. 

January  13,  1906. 
Charles  Wiixis  Thompson,  The  New  York  Times. 

March  10,  1906;  associated,  1911. 
Charles  Arthur  Williams,  The  Houston  Post. 

April  14,  1906;  died,  1908. 
Clifford  Kennedy  Berryman,  Limited,  The  Washington  Post. 

December  8,  1906. 
James  Parks  Hornaday,  Indianapolis  News. 

March  9,  1907. 
Leroy  Tudor  Vernon,  The  Chicago  News. 

February  8,  1908. 
Jewell  Howard  Aubere,  The  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrat. 

March  14,  1908;  died,  1909. 


354  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Edwin  Milton  Hood,   The  Associated  Press. 

May  9.  1908. 
Weluam  Sykes  Couch,  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer. 

November  14,  1908;  died  Jan.  11,  1914. 
Harris  McCabe  Crist,   The  Brooklyn  Eagle. 

December  12,  1908;   associated,  1911. 
Louis  William  Str.\yer,   The  Pittsburgh  Dispatch. 

January  9,  1909. 
Oscar  King  Davis,  The  New  York  Times. 

February  13,  1909. 
Thom.\s  Clarence  Noyes,   The  Washington  Evening  Star. 

March  13,  1909;  died  Aug.  21,  1912. 
Ed.  L.  Keen,  The  United  Press. 

April  10,  1909;  associated,  1911. 
Ira  Elbert  Bennett,  The  Washington  Post. 

October  9,  1909. 
George  Edmund  Miller,  The  Detroit  News. 

November  13,  1909. 
John  Call.a.n  O'Laughlin,  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

January  8,  1910. 
Matthew  Harry  Stevens,  Limited. 

December  6,  1911. 
Edward  Brayton  Cl.\rk,  Chicago  Evening  Post. 

February  10,  1912. 
Charles  Phillip  Keyser,  St.  Louis  Globe-Democrai. 

November  9,  1912. 
John  Edward  Monk,  St.  Paul  Pioneer- Press. 

December  7,  1912. 
John  Palmer  GA\^T,  New  York  Evening  Post. 

January  11,  1913;  associated,  1915. 
Robert  Halsey  Patchin,  New  York  Herald. 

February  8,  1913. 
Thomas  Francis  Log.\n,  Philadelphia  Inquirer. 

March  11,  1913. 
Elting  Alexander  Fowler,  New  York  Sun. 

April  8,  1913. 
Arthur  Bernard  Krock,  Louisville  Courier-Journal-Times. 

May  10,  1913. 
John  Paul  Ryan,  San  Francisco  Evening  Post. 

October  11,  1913. 
Jesse  Frederick  Essary,  The  Baltimore  Sun. 

November  8,  1913. 
Thomas  William  Brahany,  Limited. 

November  8,  1913. 
Benjamin  Farwell  Allen,  Cleveland  Plain  Dealer. 

December  13,  1913. 
Sumner  Macomber  Curtis,  Chicago  Record-Herald. 

January  10,  1914. 
William  Er.\stus  Brigham,  Boston  Evening  Transcript. 

February  14,  1914. 


LIST    OF    MEMBERS  355 


Chauncet  Corey  Brainerd,  Brooklyn  Daily  Eagle. 

November  14,  1914. 
Harry  Jay  Brown,  Portland  Oregonian. 

December  12,  1914. 
Arthxjr  Joseph  Sinnott,  Newark  Evening  News. 

January  9,  1915. 


APPENDIX 
PROMINENT  GUESTS  OF  THE  GRIDIRON  CLUB  ^ 

Benjamin  Harrison,  President  of  the  United  States. 
William  McKinley,  President  of  the  United  States. 
Theodore  Roosevelt,  President  of  the  United  States. 
William  H.  Taft,  President  of  the  United  States. 
WooDROw  Wilson,  President  of  the  United  States. 

Adamson,  William  C,  Representative  from  Georgia. 
Ade,  George,  Indiana. 
AiNSWORTH,  F.  C,  Major  General  U.  S.  A. 
Aldrich,  Nelson  W.,  Senator  from  Rhode  Island. 
Aleshire,  J.  P.,  Major  General  U.  S.  A. 
Alger,  Russell  A.,  Senator  from  Michigan. 
Allen,  John  M.,  Representative  from  Mississippi. 
Allison,  William  B.,  Senator  from  Iowa. 
Ambrozt,  Baron  L.,  Austro-Hungarian  Embassy. 
Anderson,  Larz,  Minister  to  the  Netherlands. 
AoKi,  Viscount  Siuzo,  Japanese  Ambassador. 
Archbold,  John  D.,  New  York. 

Babcock,  Joseph  W.,  Representative  from  Wisconsin. 
Bacon,  Augustus  O.,  Senator  from  Georgia. 
Bacon,  Robert,  Secretary  of  State. 
Badger,  Charles  J.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 
Bailey,  Joseph  W.,  Senator  from  Texas. 
Baird,  George  W.,  Rear  Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 
Baker,  Elbert  H.,  Cleveland,  Ohio. 
Baker,  Newton,  D.,  Mayor  of  Cleveland. 
Bakhm^teff,  Mr.  George,  Russian  Ambassador. 
Ballinger,  Richard  A.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 
Barnes,  William,  Jr.,  Albany,  New  York. 
Barrett,  John,  Director  Pan-American  Union. 

Barry,  Thomas  H.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Bartholdt,  Richard,  Representative  from  Missouri. 

Bates,  Alfred  E.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Bates,  John  C,  Lt.  Gen.  U.  S.  A. 

Bayard,  Thomas  F.,  Secretary  of  State. 

Beck,  James  B.,  Senator  from  Kentucky. 

Bede,  J.  Adam,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 

Belasco,  David,  New  York. 

Bedloe,  Dr.  Edward,  Atlantic  City,  N.  J. 

Belford,  James  B.,  Representative  from  Colorado. 

Bell,  Alexander  Graham,  Washington,  D.  C. 

1  Does  not  include  guests  at  famous  dinner  described  in  Chapter  X. 

357 


358  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Belmont,  August,  New  York. 

Belmont,  Perry,  Representative  from  New  York. 

Benham,  a.  E.  K.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Beresford,  Lord  Charles,  Admiral,  Royal  Navy,  England. 

Berger,  Victor  L.,  Representative  from  Wisconsin. 

Bernstorff,  Count  J.  H.  von,  German  Ambassador. 

Beveridge,  Albert  J.,  Senator  from  Indiana. 

BiNGH.\M,  Theodore  A.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Bissell,  Wilson  S.,  Postmaster  General. 

Blackburn,  J.  C.  S.,  Senator  from  Kentucky. 

Blanchard,  Newton  C,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

Blethen,  Alden  J.,  Seattle,  Washington. 

Bliss,  Cornelius  N.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 

Bliss,  Tasker  H.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Blouet,  Paul  (Max  O'Rell),  Paris,  France. 

Blue,  Victor,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Boeufve,  Jules,  French  Embassy. 

BoK,  Edward  W.,  Philadelphia,  Pa. 

Borah,  William  E.,  Senator  from  Idaho. 

Bourne,  Jonathan,  Jr.,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

Boutelle,  Charles  A.,  Representative  from  Maine. 

Boyd,  George  W.,  Passenger  Traffic  Manager,  Pennsylvania  Railroad. 

Brainard,  Clinton  T.,  New  York. 

Brandegee,  Frank  B.,  Senator  from  Connecticut. 

Breckinridge,  Clifton  R.,  Minister  to  Russia. 

Breckinridge,  W.  C.  P.,  Representative  from  Kentucky. 

Brewer,  David  J.,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Brice,  Calvin  S.,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Bristow,  Joseph  L.,  Senator  from  Kansas. 

Brooke,  John  R.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Brown,  Henry  Billings,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Brown,  Norris,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Bruening,  Alfred  von,  German  Embassy. 

Bryan,  William  Jennings,  Secretary  of  State. 

Bryce,  Viscount  James,  British  Ambassador. 

BuNN,  Charles  W.,  St.  Paul,  Minn. 

BuRKETT,  Elmer  J.,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Burleson,  Albert  S.,  Postmaster  General. 

Burrows,  Julius  C,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

Burton,  Theodore  E.,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Bussche-Haddenhausen,  Freiherr  von  DEM,  German  Embassy. 

Butler,  Matthew  C,  Senator  from  Sovih  Carolina. 

Butler,  Nicholas  Murray,  New  York. 

Butler,  ThosL'\.s  S.,  Representative  from  Pennsylvania. 

Butt,  Archibald  W.,  Major,  U.  S.  A. 

Butterworth,  Benjajhn,  Representative  from  Ohio. 

Bynum,  William  D.,  Representative  from  Indiana. 

Caffery,  Donelson,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 
Calhoun,  William  J.,  Minister  to  China. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  359 

Callaway,  William  R.,  Minneapolis,  Minn. 

Callenberg,  Ludwig  von,  Austro-Hungarian  Embassy, 

Cambon,  M.  Jules,  French  Ambassador. 

Camden,  Johnson,  N.,  Senator  from  Kentucky. 

Campau,  Daniel  J.,  Detroit,  Mich. 

Campbell,  James  E.,  Governor  of  Ohio. 

Cannon,  Joseph  G.,  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Representatives. 

Carlin,  Charles  C,  Representative  from  Virginia. 

Carlisle,  John  G.,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

Carter,  Thomas  H.,  Senator  from  Montana. 

Casasus,  Senor  Joaquin  D.,  Mexican  Ambassador. 

Casey,  Lyman  R.,  Senator  from  North  Dakota. 

Cassatt,  Alexander  J.,  President  Pennsylvania  Railroad. 

Cassini,  Count,  Russian  Ambassador. 

Castelli,  Enrico,  Italian  Embassy. 

Catchings,  Thomas  C,  Representative  from  Mississippi. 

Chamberlain,  George  E.,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

Chambers,  Robert  W.,  New  York. 

Chandler,  William  E.,  Senator  from  New  Hampshire. 

Charlton,  H.  R.,  Montreal,  Canada. 

Chentung  Liang-Cheng,  Chinese  Minister, 

Cheng  Yin  Tang,  Chinese  Minister. 

Chester,  C.  M.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Child,  H.  W.,  Yellowstone  Park. 

Chilton,  William  E.,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 

Churchill,  Winston,  Concord,  N.  H. 

Clapp,  Moses  E.,  Senator  from  Minnesota. 

Clark,  Charles  E.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Clark,  Charles  Hopkins,  Hartford,  Conn. 

Clark,  Clarence  D.,  Senator  from  Wyoming. 

Clarkson,  James  A.,  First  Assistant  Postmaster  General. 

Clay,  Alexander  S.,  Senator  from  Georgia. 

Clemens,  Samuel  L.  (Mark  Twain),  New  York. 

Cochran,  W.  Bourke,  Representative  from  New  York. 

CocKRELL,  Francis  Marion,  Senator  from  Missouri. 

Cody,  William  F.  (Buffalo  Bill),  North  Platte,  Nebraska. 

Cogswell,  William,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Collier,  Robert  J.,  New  York. 

Collins,  P.  S.,  Philadelphia,  Pa. 

Collins,  Patrick  A.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Colman,  Norman  J.,  Secretary  of  Agriculture. 

Colt,  Le  Baron,  Senator  from  Rhode  Island. 

Comer,  B.  B.,  Governor  of  Alabama. 

Connolly,  Maurice,  Representative  from  Iowa. 

Corey,  William  E.,  New  York. 

CowLES,  William  S.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Cox,  James  M.,  Governor  of  Ohio. 

Crane,  W.  Murray,  Senator  from  Massachusetts. 

Cremer,  William  Randall,  London,  England. 

Crisp,  Charles  F.,  Speaker  House  of  Representatives. 


360  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Choker,  Richard,  New  York. 

Cbowder,  Enoch  H.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Crozier,  William,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

CuDDiHY,  R.  J.,  New  York. 

CuMMiNGS,  Amos  J.,  Representative  from  New  York. 

CuMMiNGS,  Homer  S.,  Stamford,  Conn. 

Cummins,  Albert  B.,  Senator  from  Iowa. 

Culberson,  Charles  A.,  Senator  from  Texas. 

Curtis,  Charles,  Senator  from  Kansas. 

Curtis,  Cyrus  H.  K.,  Philadelphia. 

Cushman,  Frank  W.,  Representative  from  Washington, 

DA  Gama,  Senhor  DoMicio,  Brazilian  Ambassador. 

Dalzell,  John,  Representatiatve  from  Pennsylvania. 

Daniels,  George  H.,  General  Passenger  Agent,  New  York  Central  Railroad. 

Daniels,  Josephus,  Secretary  of  the  Navy. 

Davies,  Joseph  E.,  Chairman  Federal  Trade  Commission. 

Davis,  Henry  Gassaway,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 

Day,  William  R.,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

DeArmond,  David  A.,  Representative  from  Missouri. 

DE  la  Barra,  Seflor  Don  Francisco  Leon,  Mexican  Ambassador. 

Delano,  Frederic,  Federal  Reserve  Board. 

Depew,  Chauncey  M.,  Senator  from  New  York. 

DES  Planches,  Baron  Edmondo  Mayor,  Italian  Ambassador. 

De  Young,  M.  H.,  San  Francisco. 

Dick,  Charles,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Dickinson,  Jacob  M.,  Secretary  of  War. 

Dickinson,  Don  M.,  Postmaster  General. 

Diehl,  Charles  S.,  Assistant  General  Manager  The  Associated  Press. 

Dietrich,  Charles  H.,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Dillingham,  William  P.,  Senator  from  VermorU. 

Dixon,  Joseph  M.,  Senator  from  Montana. 

Dole,  Sanford  B.,  President  of  Hawaii. 

DoLLiVER,  Jonathan  P.,  Senator  from  Iowa. 

DoLPH,  Joseph  N.,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

DoREMus,  Frank  E.,  Representative  from  Michigan. 

Doubleday,  F.  N.,  New  York. 

Dover,  Elmer,  Secretary,  Repiiblican  National  Committee. 

Dryden,  John,  Senator  from  New  Jersey. 

Dubois,  Fred  T.,  Senator  from  Idaho. 

Dumba,  Dr.  Constantin  Theodor,  Austro-Hungarian  Ambassador. 

Dunne,  Finley  Peter,  New  York. 

Durand,  Sir  Henry  Mortimer,  British  Ambassador. 

DU  Vernois,  Herr  von  Verdy,  German  Embassy. 

DwiGHT,  John  W.,  Representative  from  New  York. 

Eddy,  Frank  M.,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 
Edwards,  Clarence  R.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 
Egan,  Francis  Maurice,  Minister  to  Denmark. 
Elkins,  Stephen  B.,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 


GUESTS    OFTHE    CLUB  361 

Ellsworth,  Edward,  Buffalo,  N.  Y. 
Elverson,  James,  Jr.,  Philadelphia. 
Endicott,  William  C,  Secretary  of  War. 
EusTis,  James  B.,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

Fairchild,  Charles  S.,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 
Farwell,  Charles  B.,  Senator  from  Illinois. 
Fellows,  John  R.,  Representative  from  New  York. 
Felton,  Charles  N.,  Senator  from  California. 
Ferrotjh  Bet,  Ali,  Turkish  Minister. 
Fish,  Stuyvesant,  New  York. 
Fisher,  Walter  L.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 
Fitzgerald,  John  J.,  Representative  from  New  York. 
FiTZPATRicK,  Robert,  Chief  Justice  of  Canada. 
Flemming,  Ernest,  Germany. 
Fletcher,  H.  P.,  Minister  to  Cuba. 
Flint,  Frank  P.,  Senator  from  California. 
Flower,  Roswell  P.,  Governor  of  New  York. 
Folk,  Joseph  W.,  Governor  of  Missouri. 
Foraker,  Joseph  B.,  Senator  from  Ohio. 
Ford,  Henry,  Detroit. 
Ford,  Simeon,  New  York. 

FoRSTER,  Rudolph,  Ass't  Secretary  to  the  President. 
Fort,  J.  Franklin,  Governor  of  New  Jersey. 
Foss,  Eugene  N.,  Governor  of  Massachusetts. 
Foss,  George  E.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 
Foster,  Charles,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 
Francis,  David  R.,  Governor  of  Missouri. 
Frank,  Nathan,  Representative  from  Missouri. 
Friedmann,  Dr.  Frederick  Franz,  Germany. 
Fhte,  William  P.,  Senator  from  Maine. 
Fullam,  W.  F.,  Rear  Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Gaffnet,  E.  St.  John,  Consul  to  Dresden,  Germany. 

Gage,  Lyman  J.,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

Gallinger,  Jacob  H.,  Senator  from  New  Hampshire. 

Gardner,  Augustus  P.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Garfield,  James  R.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 

Garner,  John  N.,  Representative  from  Texas. 

Garrison,  Lindley  M.,  Secretary  of  War. 

Gary,  E.  H.,  New  York. 

Gates,  John  W.,  New  York. 

Ghik,  Ye  Heun,  ChargS  d' Affaires  of  Korea. 

Gibbons,  John  H.,  Captain  U.  S.  N. 

Gibson,  Charles  H.,  Senator  from  Maryland. 

Gibson,  Randall  L.,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

Gillespie,  George  L.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Gillett,  Frederick  H.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Giskra,  Baron  Karl  von,  AuMro-Hungarian  Embassy. 

Glover,  Charles  C,  Washington,  D.  C. 


362  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

GoETHALS,  George  W.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 
GoFF,  Nathan,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 
GoLDSBOROUGH,  Phillips  Lee,  Govcmor  of  Maryland. 
GoNZ^^LEs,  WiLLL\M  E.,  Minister  to  Cuba. 
GooDNOw,  John,  Consul-General,  Shanghai,  China. 
Gordon,  James,  Senator  from  Mississippi. 
Gore,  Thomas  P.,  Senator  from  Oklahoma. 
Gorman,  Arthur  Phe,  Senator  from  Maryland. 
Grant,  Hugh  J.,  Mayor  of  New  York. 
Gray,  George,  Senator  from  Delaware. 
Greely,  a.  W.,   Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 
Greenhalge,  F.  T.,  Governor  of  Massachusetts. 
Gregory,  Thom.\s  W.,  Attorney  General. 
Gresham,  Walter  Q.,  Secretary  of  State. 
GmscoM,  Clement  A.,  Philadelphia. 
Grosvenor,  Charles  H.,  Representative  from  Ohio. 
Grosvenor,  Gilbert  H.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Guggenheim,  Simon,  Senator  from  Colorado. 
Guzman,  Horacio,  Nicaraguan  Minister. 

Haldeman,  Wm.  B.,  Louisville,  Ky. 

Halle,  Ernst  von,  German  Embassy. 

Ham,  George  H.,  Montreal,  Canada. 

Hamlin,  Charles  S.,  Federal  Reserve  Board. 

Hammerling,  Louis,  New  York. 

Hammond,  John  H1\ys,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Hammond,  Winfield  S.,  Governor  of  Minnesota. 

Haniel  von  Haimhausen,  E.,  German  Embassy. 

Hanna,  Dan  R.,  Cleveland,  Ohio. 

Hanna,  Louis  B.,  Governor  of  North  Dakota. 

Hanna,  Marcus  A.,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Hansbrough,  H.  C,  Senator  from  North  Dakota. 

Harding,  Rt.  Rev.  Alfred,  Bishop  of  Washington. 

Harding,  Warren  G.,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Hardwick,  S.  H.,  Passenger  Traffic  Manager,  Southern  Railway. 

HarLu\n,  John  M.,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Harmon,  Judson,  Governor  of  Ohio. 

Harriman,  Edward  H.,  New  York. 

Harrison,  Fairfax,  President  Southern  Railway. 

Hartman,  Charles  S.,  Minister  to  Ecuador. 

Har\'ey,  Col.  George,  New  York. 

Hatch,  Fr,\ncis  M.,  Hawaiian  Minister. 

Hatzfeldt-Wildenberg,  Count  von,  German  Embassy. 

Hawley,  Joseph  R.,  Senator  from  Connecticut. 

Hay,  James,  Representative  from  Virginia. 

Hay,  John,  Secretary  of  State. 

Hayward,  Willla^m,  Secretary  Republican  National  Committee. 

Hearst,  George,  Senator  from  California. 

Heatwole,  Joel  P.,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 

Heflin,  J.  Thomas,  Representative  from  Alabama. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  363 

Heitfeld,  Henry,  Senator  from  Idaho. 

Hemenway,  James  H.,  Senator  from  Indiana. 

Hemphill,  James  C,  Charleston,  S.  C. 

Hemphill,  Joseph  N.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Henderson,  David  B.,  Speaker  House  of  Representatives. 

Henderson,  John  B.,  Senator  from  Missouri. 

Hendricks,  Thomas  A.,  Vice-President  of  the  United  States. 

Hengelmuller  von  Hengervar,  Baron,  Austro-Hungarian  Ambassador. 

Hepburn,  William  P.,  Representative  from  Iowa. 

Herbert,  Hillary  A.,  Secretary  of  the  A^aiy. 

Herbert,  Sir  Michael,  British  Ambassador. 

Herbert,  Victor,  New  York. 

Herman,  Baron  B.  von,  German  Embassy. 

Hermants',  August,  Cincinnati. 

Herrick,  Myron  T.,  Ambassador  to  France. 

Herwarth  von  Bittenfeld,  Major,  German  Embassy. 

Heyburn,  Weldon  B.,  Senator  from  Idaho. 

Highborn,  Philip,  Rear  Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Hill,  David  Bennt;tt,  Senator  from  New  York. 

Hill,  Samuel,  Seattle,  Washington. 

Hilles,  Charles  D.,  Chairman  Republican  National  Committee. 

Hinds,  Asher  C,  Representative  from  Maine. 

HiscocK,  Frank,  Senator  from  New  York. 

Hitchcock,  Ethan  Allen,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 

Hitchcock,  Fr.\nk  H.,  Postmaster  General. 

Hitchcock,  Gilbert  M.,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Hoggart,  Milford  B.,  Governor  of  Alaska. 

Holleben,  Dr.  Theodor  von,  German  Ambassador. 

HoLLis,  Henry  F.,  Senator  from  New  Hampshire. 

HoLM.\N,  William  S.,  Representative  from  Indiana. 

Hopkins,  Albert  J.,  Senator  from  Illinois. 

HosHi,  ToRU,  Japanese  Minister. 

House,  E.  M.,  Texas. 

Houston,  David  F.,  Secretary  of  Agriculture. 

Howell,  Cl.\^rk,  Atlanta,  Ga. 

HowLAND,  William  B.,  Neiv  York. 

Hughes,  William,  Senator  from  New  Jersey. 

Hull,  John  A.  T.,  Representative  from  loiva. 

Humphrey,  Charles  F.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Humphrey,  Wm.  E.,  Representative  from  Washington. 

Hunt,  W.  H.,  Governor  of  Porto  Rico. 

Ilbert,  Sir  Courtntiy,  Clerk  British  House  of  Commons. 
Ingalls,  Melville  E.,  President  C.  C.  &  St.  L.  R.  R. 

Jackson,  Wm.  P.,  Senator  from  Maryland. 
James,  Ollie  M.,  Senator  from  Kentucky. 
Jefferson,  Joseph,  New  York. 
Jerome,  William  Travers,  New  York. 
Johnson,  Charles  F.,  Senator  from  Maine. 


364  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Johnson,  Hiram  W.,  Governor  of  California. 
Johnson,  Dr.  H.  L.  E.,  Washington,  D.  C. 
Johnson,  John  A.,  Governor  of  Minnesota. 
Johnson,  Tom  L.,  Representative  from  Ohio. 
Johnson,  Robekt  Underwood,  New  York. 
Johnston,  Joseph  F.,  Senator  from  Alabama. 
Jones,  James  K.,  Senator  from  Arkansas. 
Jones,  John  P.,  Senator  from  Nevada. 
Jones,  Wesley  L.,  Senator  from  Washington. 
Jouett,  James  E.,  Rear  Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 
Jusserand,  Mr.  J.  J.,  French  Ambassador. 

Kahn,  Julius,  Representative  from  California. 

Kawananakoa,  Prince  David,  Hawaii. 

Kean,  John,  Senator  from  New  Jersey. 

Kearns,  Thomas,  Senator  from  Utah. 

Keelet,  James,  Chicago. 

Keifeb,  J.  Warren,  Speaker  House  of  Representatives. 

Kellet,  William  D.,  Representative  from  Pennsylvania. 

Kellogg,  Frank  B.,  St.  Paul,  Minn. 

Kellogg,  Wm.  Pitt,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

Kenna,  John  E.,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 

Kent,  William,  Representative  from  California. 

Kerens,  Richard  C,  Ambassador  to  Austria. 

Kern,  John  W.,  Senator  from  Indiana. 

Kittredge,  Alfred  B.,  Senator  from  South  Dakota. 

Knox,  Philander  C,  Secretary  of  State. 

KoHLSAAT,  Herman  H.,  Chicago. 

KoMURA,  JusTARO,  Japanese  Minister. 

Landis,  Charles  B.,  Representative  from  Indiana. 

Landis,  Kenesaw  Mountain,  United  States  Judge. 

Lane,  Franklin  K.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 

Lansing,  Robert,  Counsellor,  State  Department. 

Lawson,  Thomas  W.,  Boston,  Mass. 

Lea,  Luke,  Senator  from  Tennessee. 

Lee,  Arthur  Hamilton,  Lt.  Col.,  Royal  Army,  Great  Britain. 

Lee,  Blair,  Senator  from  Maryland. 

Leiter,  Levi  Z.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Lemieux,  Rudolphe,  Postmaster  General  of  Canada. 

Lewis,  James  Hamilton,  Senator  from  Illinois. 

Liggett,  Hunter,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Lind,  John,  Governor  of  Minnesota. 

Lindbergh,  Charles  A.,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 

Lippitt,  Henry  F.,  Senator  from  Rhode  Island. 

Little,  Arthur  W.,  New  York. 

Littlefield,  Charles  E.,  Represetdative  from  Maine. 

LoEB,  WiLUAM,  Jr.,  Secretary  to  the  President. 

Long,  Chester  I.,  Senator  from  Kansas. 

Longstbeet,  James,  Lt.  Gen.,  C.  S.  A. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  365 


LoNGWORTH,  Nicholas,  Representative  from  Ohio. 
LooMis,  Francis  B.,  Assistant  Secretary  of  State. 
Lord,  Chester  S.,  New  York. 
LoRiMER,  George  Horace,  Philadelphia. 
Loudon,  Jonkheer,  J.,  Netherlands  Minister. 
LowDEN,  Frank  O.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 
Lowndes,  Lloyd,  Governor  of  Maryland. 
LowTHER,  Gerard  A.,  British  Embassy. 
Lyman,  Hart,  New  York. 
Lynch,  Frederick  B.,  St.  Paul,  Minn. 


McAdoo,  William  G.,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

McBride,  George  W.,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

McCain,  Henry  P.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 

McCall,  Samuel  W.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

McClellan,  George  B.,  Mayor  of  New  York. 

McCoMAS,  Louis  E.,  Senator  from  Maryland. 

McCoMBS,  Wm.  F.,  Chairman,  Democratic  National  Committee. 

McCooK,  Anson  G.,  Secretary  of  the  United  States  Senate. 

McCormick,  Robert  S.,  Ambassador  to  France. 

McCreary,  James  B.,  Senator  from  Kentucky, 

McCumbeh,  Porter  J.,  Senator  from  North  Dakota. 

McCutcheon,  John  T.,  Chicago. 

McEnery,  Samuel  D.,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

McKelway,  St.  Clair,  Brooklyn,  N.  Y. 

McKenna,  Joseph,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

McKinley,  William  B.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

McMillan,  James,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

McMiLLiN,  Benton,  Governor  of  Tennessee. 

McNab,  R.  a.,  Montreal,  Canada. 

McReynolds,  James  C,  Associate  Justice,  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

McVeagh,  Franklin,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

Mabie,  Dr.  Hamilton  Wright,  New  York. 

Mack,  Norman  E.,  Chairman,  Democratic  National  Committee. 

Mackay,  Clarence  H.,  New  York. 

Madden,  Martin  B.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

Magee,  Christopher,  Pittsburgh,  Pa. 

Magoon,  Charles  E.,  Governor  General  of  Cuba. 

Mallon,  George  Barry,  New  York. 

Malone,  Dudley  Field,  Collector  of  Customs,  New  York. 

Manderson,  Charles  F.,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Manley,  Joseph,  Augusta,  Maine. 

Mann,  James  R.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

Mantle,  Lee,  Senator  from  Montana. 

Marshall,  Thomas  R.,  Vice-President  of  the  United  States. 

Martine,  James,  Senator  from  New  Jersey. 

Martinelu,  Archbishop  Apostolic  Delegate. 

Mason,  William  E.,  Senator  from  Illinois. 

Masujima,  Rokuichira,  Japanese  Embassy. 

Mellen,  Charles  S.,  N.  Y..  N.  H.  &  H.  R.  R. 


366  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

Melville,  George  W.,  Rtar  Admiral,  U.  S.  X. 

Mexdonxa,  Senhor  Salvador,  Brazilian  Minister. 

Mercer,  D.  H.,  Representatire  from  yebraska. 

Merriam,  William  R.,  Gorernor  of  Minne^ifa. 

yizxiA,  Gen.  Exriqce  A.,  Ainbassador  of  Mejcico  to  England. 

Meter,  George  vox  L.,  Secretary  of  the  Xary. 

MiLBURX,  JoHX  G.,  Buffalo,  X.  Y. 

MiLL.\RD,  Joseph  H.,  Senator  from  Xebraska. 

Miller,  Warxeir,  Senator  from  Xew  York. 

Miller,  Willlvm  H.,  Attorney  General. 

Mitch  EL,  John  Puhroy,  Mayor  of  Xeic  York. 

Mitchell  John  H.,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

MoxDELL,  FlLiXK  W.,  Representotire  from  Wyoming. 

Moody,  Wm.  H.,  Associate  Justice  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Moore,  J.  ILucptox,  Representotire  from  Pennsylrania. 

Moore.  Willis  L..  Chief  of  the  Weather  Bureau. 

MoRGAX,  J.  PiERPoxT,  Xcw  York. 

MoRGAX,  J.  PiERPOXT,  Jr.,  Xcw  York. 

MoR.iWETz,  Victor,  Xeic  York. 

MoRRELL,  Edw.uid,  Rcpresentatire  from  Pennsylrania. 

Morris-ox,  William  R.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

Morrow,  Willl\A£,  Xeic  York. 

MoRTOX,  J.  Sterlexg,  Secretary  of  Agriculture. 

Mortox,  Paux^  Secretary  of  the  Xary. 

MuRDOCK,  Victor,  Representative  from  Kansas. 

MuRPHT,  CH.VRLES  F.,  Xcw  York. 

MuRPHT,  FR.vxKT.rx,  Gorcmor  of  Xeic  Jersey. 

MmPHY,  X.  O.,  Gorernor  of  Arizona. 

Murray,  Arthur,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Xabuco,  Joaquim,  Brazilian  Ambassador. 

Xagel,  CH.VRLES,  Secretary  of  Commerce  and  Labor. 

Xelsox,  Kxlte,  Senator  from  Minnesota. 

Xew,  Harry  S.,  Indianapolis,  Ind. 

X'ewberry,  Trumax  H.,  Secretary  of  the  Xary. 

X*EWLAX"DS,  Fraxcis  G.,  Senator  from  Xerada. 

X*ewm.o.",  Oliver  P..  Commissioner  District  of  Columbia. 

X1BL.4.CK,  Albert  P.,  Captain,  U.  S.  X. 

Xisox,  George  S.,  Senator  from  Xerada. 

XoBLE,  Johx  W.,  Secretary  of  the  Interior. 

XoRTOX,  Ch-VRLes  D.,  Secretary  to  the  President. 

Xye,  Edgar  W.  (.Bill),  Asherille,  X.  C. 

Oake.5,  Thomas  F.,  President  Xorthern  Pacific  Railroad. 

Ochiltree,  Thomas  P.,  Represeniatire  from  Texas. 

OcHs,  George  W.,  Philadelphia. 

O'Ferrall,  Charles  T.,  Gorernor  of  Virginia. 

0'GoRM.vx,  James  A.,  Senator  from  Xeic  York. 

Ojeda,  Emilio  de,  Spanish  Minister. 

O'X'eil,  Joseph  H.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  367 


Olcott,  J.  Van  Vechten,  Representative  from  New  York. 
Oliver,  George  T.,  Senator  from  Pennsylvania. 
OsBORN,  Charles  S.,  Governor  of  Michigan. 
Otis,  Gen.  Harrison  Gray,  Los  Angeles,  California. 
Overman,  Lee  S.,  Senator  from  North  Carolina. 
Owen,  Robert  L.,  Senator  from  Oklahoma. 

Page,  Thomas  Nelson,  Ambassador  to  Italy. 

Page,  Walter  Hines,  Ambassador  to  Great  Britain. 

Palmer,  A.  Mitchell,  Representative  from  Pennsylvania. 

Palmer,  Frederick,  New  York. 

Palmer,  Thomas  W.,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

Parker,  Sir  Gilbert,  M.  P.,  England. 

Parker,  Col.  Samuel,  Hawaii. 

Parsons,  Herbert,  Representative  from  New  York. 

Partello,  Dwight  J.,  Berlin,  Germany. 

Pastor,  Senor  Don  Luis,  Spanish  Legation. 

Patterson,  Robert  W.,  Chicago. 

Patterson,  Thomas  M.,  Senator  from  Colorado. 

Patton,  Rev.  Francis  L.,  President,  Princeton  University. 

Pauncefote  of  Preston,  Lord  Jull\n,  British  Ambassador. 

Payne,  Henry  C,  Postmaster  General. 

Payne,  Sereno  E.,  Representative  from  New  York. 

Paynter,  T.  H.,  Senator  from  Kentucky. 

Peary,  Robert  E.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Pearson,  Richmond,  Representative  from  North  Carolina. 

Peckham,  Rufus  H.,  Associate  Justice  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Penrose,  Boies,  Senator  from  Pennsylvania. 

Perkins,  George  C,  Senator  from  California. 

Perkins,  George  W.,  New  York. 

Perkins,  S.  A.,   Tacoma,  Washington. 

Peters,  Andrew  J.,  Ass't  Sec'y  of  the  Treasury. 

Pettigrew,  Richard  F.,  Senator  from,  South  Dakota. 

Pettus,  Edmund,  Senator  from  Alabama. 

Pezet,  Federico  Alfonzo,  Peruvian  Minister. 

Phelan,  James  D.,  Senator  from.  California. 

Phelps,  William  Walter,  Minister  to  Germany. 

Phipps,  Henry,  Pittsburgh,  Pa. 

Pierce,  Gilbert  A.,  Senator  from  North  Dakota. 

Piles,  Samuel  H.,  Senator  from  Washington. 

Pinchot,  Gifford,  Pennsylvania. 

Pitney,  ALvhlon,  Associate  Justice  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Platt,  Orville  H.,  Senator  from  Connecticut. 

Plumb,  Preston  B.,  Senator  from  Kansas. 

PoMERENE,  Atlee,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Porter,  Gen.  Horace,  New  York. 

Potter,  Thomas,  Jr.,  United  States  Minister  to  Italy. 

Powers,  Samuel  L.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Prabandh,  Prince  Traidos,  Siamese  Minister. 

Preston,  James  H.,  Mayor  of  Baltimore. 


368  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 


Pbeusschen-Liebenstein,  Baron  F.  von,  Austro-Hungarian  Embassy. 
Proctor,  Redfield,  Senator  from  Vermont. 
Putnam,  Herbert,  Librarian  of  Congress. 
Pu  Tun  Tsee,  Prince,  China. 

Quadt-Wykradt-Isnt,  Count  A.  von,  German  Embassy. 
QuARLES,  John  V.,  Senator  from  Wisconsin. 
QuiNBY,  W.  E.,  Minister  to  the  Netherlands. 

Randolph,  Wallace  F.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Ransdell,  Joseph  E.,  Senator  from  Louisiana. 

Rappard,  Chevalier  W.  L.  F.  C.  van,  Netherlands  Minister. 

Rawlins,  Joseph  L.,  Senator  from  Utah. 

Redfield,  William  C,  Secretary  of  Commerce. 

Reed,  Thomas  B.,  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Representatives. 

Reichenau,  F.  von,  German  Embassy. 

Reick,  William  C,  New  York. 

Reid,  Whitelaw,  Ambassador  to  Great  Britain. 

Reynolds,  James  B.,  Secretary  Republican  National  Committee. 

RiANO  Y  Gayangos,  Sefior  Don  Juan,  Spanish  Ambassador. 

Richthofen,  Baron  Hartmann  von,  German  Embassy. 

Ridder,  Herman,  New  York. 

RiDGWAY,  Erman  J.,  New  York. 

Ritter,  Dr.  Paul,  Swiss  Minister. 

Roberts,  Ernest  W.,  Representative  from  Massachusetts. 

Rodenberg,  William  A.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

RoDRiGUES,  Jose  Carlos,  Rio  de  Janeiro,  Brazil. 

Rogers,  Henry  H.,  New  York. 

Roosevelt,  Franklin  D.,  Assistant  Secretary  of  the  Navy. 

Root,  Elihu,  Secretary  of  State. 

Rosen,  Baron  Roman  Romanovitch  von,  Russian  Ambassador. 

Rosewater,  Victor,  Omaha,  Nebraska. 

Sarin,  D.  M.,  Senator  from  Mirinesota. 

Sanders,  W.  F.,  Senator  from  Montana. 

Satolli,  Francisco,  Cardinal,  Apostolic  Delegate  to  America. 

Satterlee,  Rt.  Rev.  Henry  Y.,  Bishop  of  Washington. 

Satterlee,  Herbert  L.,  New  York. 

Saulsbury,  Willard,  Senator  from  Delaware. 

Bayers,  Joseph  D.,  Governor  of  Texas. 

Schwab,  Gustav  H.,  Neio  York. 

Scott,  Hugh  L.,  Major-General,  Chief  of  Staff,  U.  S.  A. 

Scott,  Nathan  B.,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 

Seitz,  Don  C,  New  York. 

Shaw,  Dr.  Albert,  New  York. 

Shaw,  Leslie  M.,  Secretary  of  the  Treasury. 

Shepherd,  Alexander,  Ex.  Gov.  District  of  Columbia. 

Sheridan,  Philip  H.,  General,  United  States  Army. 

Sherley,  Swager,  Representative  from  Kentucky. 

Sherman,  James  S.,  Vice-President  of  the  United  States. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  369 

Sherman,  John,  Senator  from  Ohio. 

Sherman,  Lawrence  Y.,  Senator  from  Illinois. 

Shonts,  Theodore  P.,  New  York. 

Sibley,  Joseph  C,  Representative  from  Pennsylvania. 

Sickles,  Daniel,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Silveira,  Balthazer  De,  Rear-Admiral,  Brazilian  Navy. 

Simon,  Joseph,  Senator  from  Oregon. 

SiMONDS,  Frank  H.,  New  York. 

SiNGERLT,  William  M.,  Philadelphia. 

Sleicher,  John  A.,  New  York. 

Smith,  Charles  Emory,  Postmaster  General. 

Smith,  Courtland,  New  York. 

Smith,  Delavan,  Indianapolis,  Ind. 

Smith,  Goldwin,  Toronto,  Canada. 

Smith,  Hoke,  Senator  from  Georgia. 

Smith,  James,  Jr.,  Senator  from  New  Jersey. 

Smith,  Marcus  A.,  Senator  from  Arizona. 

Smith,  Dr.  Mott,  Hawaiian  Minister. 

Smith,  R.  A.  C,  New  York. 

Smith,  Walter  I.,  United  States  District  Judge,  Iowa. 

Smith,  William  Alden,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

Smoot,  Reed,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

Smyth,  J.  Adger,  Mayor,  Charleston,  S.  C. 

Sniffin,  Culver  C,  Brigadier  General,   U.  S.  A. 

Spencer,  Samuel,  President  Southern  Railway. 

Sperry,  Charles  S.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Springer,  William  M.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

Spring-Rice,  Sir  Cecil  Arthur,  British  Ambassador. 

Spooner,  John  C,  Senator  from  Wisconsin. 

Squire,  Watson  C,  Senator  from  Washington. 

Squiers,  Herbert  G.,  Minister  to  Ctiba. 

Stanford,  Leland,  Senator  from  California. 

Sternberg,  Baron  Hermann  Speck  von,  German  Amhassador. 

Stevens,  Fred  C,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 

Stevens,  Frederick  C,  New  York. 

Stevens,  George  W.,  President  Chesapeake  &  Ohio  Railroad. 

Stevens,  John  F.,  New  York. 

Stevenson,  Adlai  E.,  Vice-President  of  the  United  States. 

Stewart,  W.  M.,  Senator  from  Nevada. 

Stimson,  Henry  L.,  Secretary  of  War. 

Stokes,  Edward  C,  Governor  of  New  Jersey. 

Stokes,  Frederick  A.,  New  York. 

Stone,  Melville  E.,  General  Manager  Associated  Press. 

Stone,  William  J.,  Senator  from  Missouri. 

Story,  Douglas,  London,  England. 

Straus,  Oscar  S.,  Secretary  of  Commerce  and  Labor. 

Strong,  Sir  Henry,  Chief  Justice  of  Canada. 

Stuart,  Edwin,  Governor  of  Pennsylvania. 

Stuart,  Henry  C,  Governor  of  Virginia. 

Stubbs,  W.  R.,  Governor  of  Kansas. 


370  GRIDIRON    NIGHTS 

SxjLZER,  William,  Governor  of  New  York. 
Sumner,  F.  V.,  Brigadier  General,  U.  S.  A. 
SwANSON,  Claude  A.,  Senator  from  Virginia. 

Taft,  Charles  P.,  Cincinnati. 

Taft,  Henry  W.,  New  York. 

Talmage,  Rev.  T.  DeWitt,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Tateno,  Gozo,  Japanese  Minister. 

Tawnet,  James  A.,  Representative  from  Minnesota. 

Taylor,  H.  C,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N. 

Teller,  H.  M.,  Senator  from  Colorado. 

Tener,  John  K.,  Governor  of  Pennsylvania. 

Terrell,  J.  M.,  Governor  of  Georgia. 

Thi^baut,  Eugene,  French  Embassy. 

Thielmann,  Baron  Max  von,  German  Ambassador. 

Thodorovich  Tadiwar  de,  Anstro-Hungarian  Embassy. 

Thomas,  Arthur  L.,  Governor  of  Utah. 

Thompson,  Frank,  President  Pennsylvania  Railroad. 

Thompson,  George,  St.  Paul,  Minn. 

Thurston,  John  M.,  Senator  from  Nebraska. 

Thurston,  Lorin  A.,  Envoy  from  the  Hawaiian  Republic. 

Tillman,  Benjamin  R.,  Senator  from  South  Carolina. 

ToMLiNSON,  John  W.,  Birmingham,  Ala. 

ToNG  Kaison,  Peking,  China. 

Towne,  Charles  A.,  Senator  from  Minnesota. 

TowNSEND,  Charles  E.,  Senator  from  Michigan. 

Tucker,  H.  St.  George,  Representative  from  Virginia. 

Tumulty,  Joseph  P.,  Secretary  to  the  President. 

Underwood,  Fred  D.,  Erie  Railroad. 

Underwood,  Oscar  W.,  Senator  from  Alabama. 

Valente,  Senhor  J.  G.  do  Am.\ral,  Brazilian  Minister. 

Vance,  Zebulon  D.,  Senator  from  North  Carolina. 

Vanderlip,  Frank  A.,  New  York. 

Van  Devanter,  Willis,  Associate  Justice  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

ViLLALOBAR,  Marquis  de,  Spanish  Minister. 

Villard,  Oswald  Garrison,  New  York. 

Vogel,  Dr.  Leo,  Smss  Minister. 

Wadsworth,  James  W.,  Representative  from  New  York. 

Wadsworth,  James  W.,  Jr.,  Senator  from  New  York. 

Walbridge,  Cyrus  P.,  St.  Louis,  Mo. 

Walcott,  Charles  D.,  Secretary,  Smithsonian  Institution. 

Walcott,  Edward  O.,  Senator  from  Colorado. 

Walker,  John  G.,  Rear-Admiral,  U.  S.  N: 

Wallace,  Hugh  C,  Tacoma,  Washington. 

Wallace,  John  Findlay,  New  York. 

Waller,  Littleton  W.  T.  Colonel,  U.  S.  M.  C. 

Walls  y  Merino,  Sefior  Don  Manuel,  Spanish  Legation. 

Walsh,  Thomas  F.,  Colorado. 


GUESTS    OF    THE    CLUB  371 


Warfield,  Edwin,  Governor  of  Maryland. 

Warman,  Cy.,  London,  Canada. 

Warner,  William,  Senator  from  Missouri. 

Warren,  Francis  E.,  Senator  from  Wyoming. 

Watson,  Clarence  W.,  Senator  from  West  Virginia. 

Watson,  James  E.,  Representative  from  Indiana. 

Watterson,  Henry,  Louisville,  Ky. 

Wedell,  Count  von,  German  Embassy. 

Weeks,  John  W.,  Senator  from  Massachusetts. 

Wellington,  George  L.,  Senator  from  Maryland. 

West,  Caleb,  Governor  of  Utah. 

Weston,  John  F.,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Wheeler,  Joseph,  Representative  from  Alabama. 

White,  Edward  D.,  Chief  Justice  U.  S.  Supreme  Court. 

Whitman,  Charles  S.,  Governor  of  New  York. 

WiCKERSHAM,  George  W.,  Attorney  General. 

Wiley,  Dr.  Harvey  W.,  Washington,  D.  C. 

Wiley,  Loins,  New  York. 

Willard,  Daniel,  President,  B.   &.  0.  Railroad. 

WiLLARD,  E.  S.,  London,  England. 

Williams,  John  Sharp,  Senator  from  Mississippi. 

Williams,  John  Skelton,  Comptroller  of  Currency. 

Williams,  James  Thomas,  Boston,  Mass. 

Willis,  Frank  B.,  Governor  of  Ohio. 

Wilson,  Huntington,  Assistant  Secretary  of  State. 

Wilson,  John  L.,  Senator  from  Washington. 

Wilson,  William  B.,  Secretary  of  Labor. 

Wilson,  William  W.,  Representative  from  Illinois. 

WiNSLOW,  Sidney  W.,  Boston,  Mass. 

Wood,  Leonard,  Major  General,  U.  S.  A. 

Worcester,  Dean  C,  Philippine  Commissioner. 

Wu  TiNGFANG,  Dr.,  Chinese  Minister. 

Yard,  Robert  Sterling,  New  York. 
Young,  John  Russell,  Librarian  of  Congress. 
Young,  Lafayette,  Senator  from  Iowa. 

Zeballos,  Estanislao  S.,  Argentine  Minister. 
Zeveley,  J.  W.,  Muskogee,  Oklahoma. 


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